All-Star Criminals

When Food Stamp Friday Goes Wrong: Dude Stabbed By Crackheads After Illegally Purchasing EBT Card

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Turtleriders know we love outing dirtbags who sell their food stamps. We enjoy it so much that we now celebrate Food Stamp Friday by serving up shame sammiches to people who trade taxpayer funded EBT benefits for cold hard cash (you know, in lieu of pawning their mom’s TV or whatever.) However,


particular instance of Food Stamp Friday took a turn for the worse when a guy ended up getting stabbed by his paranoid, crackhead buddies after they found out he bought some broads EBT card.

Nope, not fake news. This is just normal Friday night behavior for Haverhill trash.

So this guy (I’m gonna call him “Joe”), his wife and their 4 kids went to a Bradford apartment at Forest Acres Drive to visit Demetrius Tragiou and Lisa Levoie. Why on earth you would bring your precious gaggle of crotch minions around these two people is beyond me:

Apparently “Joe” decided to take a quick trip over the bridge to Haverhill to buy an EBT card off some chick named “Jasmine” while his bae and kiddos hung back with these two creepoids. After he scores his stamps he calls Demetrius and tells him about it which, according to Joe, made Demetrius wig the fuck out. I’m not sure why he got so bent out of shape about it. It’s not like he’s gainfully employed or pays taxes to help fund assistance programs. I think his outward rage most likely stemmed from the fact that his facial hair resembles black mold growing off a potato but I could be wrong.

When “Joe” gets back he’s met outside by Demetrius and his loyal sidekicks Donald Plourde:

And David Plourde:

What a fantastic collection of failed DNA these two bro-chodes have going on..

Anyway, the four of them drove to David’s rat-den apartment on Webster Street where the brothers smoked some crack and started beating the snot out of “Joe” for allegedly “setting them up” (whatever that means.) Then Demetrius stabbed “Joe” a whole bunch of times before Donald drove him to Holy Family hospital. What a nice guy.

In  the meantime, “Joe’s” wife and 4 kids were still at Lisa and Demetrius’s apartment.

It’s like that scene from Forrest Gump where he tells Jenny “You’ll always be my girl” but with face tattoos and attempted murder and whatnot. This story doesn’t make any sense but until I find out otherwise I’m gonna say it all happened because, crack rocks.

Ok let’s break these chumps down.

Donald Plourde:

Donald has 3 kids, has been arrested for stealing 14 man-hole covers back in 2010 (also not fake news), drives around blitzed out of his tree at 10 a.m.  and has been raided by the police for using and selling heroin and receiving stolen property. Oh, and his kids were there during the raid. Dad status 100%.

David Plourde:

Dave isn’t nearly as well versed in the art of being a shitbag as his brother. He also has young children and is “self employed” AKA he survives by being a grungy, bottom feeding burnout who’s upper lip probably smells like old cabbage and American Spirits. He’s been arrested for possession of heroin & defacing property (oooooh what a badass.)

Lisa Levoie:

Lisa’s face is what I imagine Andre The Giant’s big toe looked like before he kicked the bucket. Honestly I think her biggest crime (besides that messy kidnapping and conspiracy business) is being a walking colostomy bag who willingly bumps uglies with Demetrius. Those two throwing down in the sack must be like two drooling, diabetic bulldogs fighting over a rump roast. Spoiler alert! She has young kids too.

Then there’s Demetrius. This guy makes the Plourde brothers look like Burt & Ernie.

See that face? That’s the face of a dude who will stab you for shits and giggles. Demetrius is  a proud member of the Latin Kings and if Google search results for arrests are trophies you might as well slap some Olympic gold medals on him.

Seriously though. Look at this guy:


All 4 of these trash beasts are currently being held without bail until a dangerousness hearing next Wednesday which is HILARIOUS. Do we really need a court date to consider whether or not these people are dangerous?

Hold on, let me think… Attempted murder? Dangerous. Kidnapping? Dangerous. Assault and battery? Yup, still dangerous.

Does this look like a dude who should be allowed bail?

I’m hoping he doesn’t get out because I’m pretty sure if he read this article he wouldn’t be too happy about it. The last thing I need is an adult man dressed like a Playtex tampon kicking my door in.

Hopefully he finds the person responsible for making this Myspace page first:

There you have it. All of the butthurt people who give us crap about outing food stamp fraud should really be thanking us. We’re doing you a service by warning you that purchasing food stamps is 1) Illegal. 2) Grounds for public humiliation and 3) May actually get you killed by crackheads and scary dudes with face tats.

You’re welcome.




47 Comment(s)
  • John
    January 5, 2018 at 10:04 am

    This is the reason I work so damn hard. I never want to even live close to scumbags. Houses and rent is more expensive in upperscale towns. But so what, well worth it.

  • Annoymous
    October 4, 2017 at 12:25 am

    First and for most turtle boy you need to sometimes sit back and think what you say may not be a big joke in the end I will leave my name out of this but will tell you that I am the victim the newspaper where you got the info didn’t tell the story right I didn’t buy food stamps off anyone I had a friend who was giving me some to help me get started out due to just moving back up to the state second my wife and me have been together for ten years all relationships have there trials and trbulations but my wife is amazing she is a great mom and a amazing wife who I love dearly can’t really talk much about the case but we are not drug addicts and live a normal life it was a messed up situation and I am now fighting to live everyday I have a blood clot on my lung and problems with my other lung that got punctured from the knife I have alot of medical issues going on and have been in and out of the hospital since I got stabbed people can say what they want but hear facts first in the end I only ask God to keep me alive and to heal me and for those who did this I ask God to go into there heart’s and mind and to make them better people and to change there lives I wish no harm to them but hope that God will make them better people so they never do this again …..

  • Nope
    September 27, 2017 at 10:02 am

    Lisa lavoie looks like Glenn Danzig

  • Jay
    September 23, 2017 at 8:27 am

    Listen turtleboy or whoever wrote this shit an for all the people talkin shit go fuck your self if you dont know the real story the person who wrote this obviously is a fuckin child an has nothin else better to do but rag on people yes they were arrested but thats it its over who gives a fuck

    • Haverhill Landlord
      September 23, 2017 at 5:22 pm

      Just as my lawn doesn’t cut itself, the victim in this crime didn’t stab himself.
      Demetrius, Lisa and the Plourde brothers are all nothing but garbage wrapped in human skin, poorly socialized barbarians who deserve nothing more than a quick bullet in the back of the neck.
      I’d love to continue our witty repartee, but your defense of these scumbags confirms that you’re nothing more than an ignorant dong, doubtless one of the hordes of tattooed, welfare collecting, drug dealing wanna be whiggers who infest the city of Haverhill; you’re immune to logic and reasoning, and therefore not worth my time. The mind boggles at the thought that you’ve somehow managed to use a computer (and yes, your Obama-phone is a computer).
      Instead of defending dirtbags, try reading a book, you filthy animal.

    • Nope
      September 27, 2017 at 10:09 am

      Jay, some people are just trash. Stabbing and kidnapping people while on drugs indicates that this isn’t just a misunderstanding. I don’t care what the deceased did to your friend. There’s no excuse for murder and kidnapping. ESPECIALLY with innocent kids involved. Try honesty, it will change your shit life.

  • Sloppy
    September 22, 2017 at 7:54 pm

    “Lisa’s face is what I imagine Andre The Giant’s big toe looked like before he kicked the bucket.”

    Holy fucking shit that was amazing.

  • Haverhill Landlord
    September 22, 2017 at 5:11 pm

    These four are well known around the fine city of Haverhill as being world-class scum bags and all-around no-goodniks. And yes, Haverhill IS a fine city, provided you remove a large percentage of the population and put them into labor camps, or send them to Methuen, or cast them adrift on the Merrimack and let them cause problems for someone else downstream…or just incinerate them at the trash-to-energy plant over in Ward Hill.

    I guess that last one would work the best; we just send out an alert on Facebook (no printed flyers because illiteracy) stating that the Covanta plant is giving away all sorts of free shit, the scumbags line up, we toss’em into the furnace, and all that alcohol-soaked fat can power my Christmas tree lights. Sounds like a solid plan, and my property values would probably increase substantially.

    But back to these four walking shit heads…

    “Justice being served” in this case would entail digging a deep hole, dropping their inert, room-temperature bodies into said hole, and then filling the hole in and sprinkling salt on top of their impromptu grave.

    And then we dig another hole for their friends…

  • #wtfwasthat???
    September 22, 2017 at 1:59 pm

    Holy fuck me runnin! Wtf is that beast?!? Is that a man?? Looking like a transgender while your a woman is really a thing I guess, hot damn. All three of them dudes look like their nuts stink, that’s why they share the Amazon manly woman thing, I bet she smells awesome too. She must take it in the ass or can slob a good knob, ain’t no way even one of these trash bags would go near that with their pork sausage unless she did, especially Latin kings gang member. I think I just saw pigs flying outside my house too, a crackhead beat a welfare scammer, it must be cold in hell today, that’s a whole new level of low!

  • Turd Burglestein
    September 22, 2017 at 1:27 pm

    To this very day I regret the tramp stamp I got back in the 80’s. They just look gay on a guy (not that there’s something wrong with that).

  • Isn't that a MAN???
    September 22, 2017 at 1:26 pm

    That picture of “Lisa” in handcuffs: Are you sure that’s not a man? Give that, “whatever”, a fuckin’ DNA test!

    How ’bout that picture of Demetrius (from the Somerville PD)! Is that an autopsy photo? It should be!

  • Hughbo Mont
    September 22, 2017 at 12:44 pm

    More tattoos from the “I’m here to apply for the job” collection.

    • Sonny's Mom
      September 22, 2017 at 12:55 pm

      What is it about neck tattoos and knee-length satin jock shorts, anyway?

      • Mirror Mirror
        September 22, 2017 at 6:47 pm

        Compensating for a little dick or using it as a beard for their homosexual tendencies.

        Like the pussies from DONE.

  • Sonny's Mom
    September 22, 2017 at 12:38 pm

    In the court of public opinion… no dangerousness hearing needed. But under our system of justice, even violent crack-smoking scumbag rachets get due process.

  • Carla G
    September 22, 2017 at 9:34 am

    I no Demeetry an Lisa an they are good people who would give you the shirt off there back to help a frend you need to stfu an keep there name out of your mouth cuz you dont no nuthin they waz probly helpin these peeple get some food for them kidz an baby sittin for free when these peeple prolly stealed from them so stfu if you dont no what you talk about.

    • John Galt
      September 22, 2017 at 10:21 am

      Well said Carla. You’ll make a great character witness at their hearing. I especially like the lonely little period at the end of your tirade.

    • livesinlowell
      September 22, 2017 at 10:34 am

      I will translate:

      “I know Demetrius and Lisa. They are good people who would give the shirt off their back to help a friend. You need to shut the fuck up and keep their name out of your mouth because you don’t know anything. They were probably helping these people get some food for them kids, baby sitting for free, when these people probably stole from them so shut the fuck up if you know what you are talking about.”

      Go back to school Carla.

      • livesinlowell
        September 22, 2017 at 10:36 am

        last sentence *don’t know what you are talking about.”

        • Linda
          September 24, 2017 at 9:54 am

          those kids not them kids, otherwise you get an A.

      • bigdaddy
        September 22, 2017 at 12:40 pm

        Thanks lowell for translating that from ghetto to English for the rest of us

    • Its life
      September 22, 2017 at 11:32 am

      Really??? Good People?? Woman i really hope u dont have children! U sound like a looser your self. Clearly the crack pipe is clouding your judgement!

      • Its life
        September 22, 2017 at 11:33 am

        Carla G. Get off the crack pipe

        • Its life
          September 22, 2017 at 11:43 am

          I know all these dirty bags! Thats exactly what they are! Demetrius is the bigest p.o.s ever to walk the face of the earth and if he dont die from the crack pipe the streets will catch up to his dirty deeds. Unfortunately he has gotten away with alot of stuff hes done because he turns over info on other members of his gang for exchange for freedom! But they dont believe there own leader would do such a thing! And his dog face girlfriend is a p.o.s mother and has riding out with him for a few years now, he keeps her on a leash by feeding her drugs and having her sleep with his friends while he watches! Talk about roast,oh turtle boy i know so much i can sit here and roast this dirtbag fake gangsta bottom feeder all day! Thank u turtle boy u just made my day!

          • Cookie
            September 22, 2017 at 2:47 pm

            @ ITS LIFE
            You obviously were associated with their acts if you know so much. They probably did something to you thats why youre talking shit lmao but yeah keep those 4 in the doghouse.

    • Sonny's Mom
      September 22, 2017 at 12:50 pm

      You forgot the Universal Sarcasm Alert Symbol. Other readers can’t help it if this one went completely over their heads!

      • Sonny's Mom
        September 22, 2017 at 1:06 pm

        (Carla G., that was for you)

      • Kendall
        December 30, 2019 at 11:00 pm

        I am curious to what more you know ? I have a good friend of mine who is now dating this man she does not live in MASS.
        she from another state, I don’t think she knows what kind of man she is.
        I fear for her safety if all this is true.
        I just happen to google him and found this page. Something never seemed right about him.

    • Who needs englush klass
      September 22, 2017 at 1:54 pm

      Even with spell check, this is the level of literacy the average American citizen is capable of producing these days. Our finer moments as a society have truly passed us by.

    • Lawtown Killah
      September 22, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      Here’s Carla G to lead the free my boi campaign. You gonna start a go fund me for bail?!!

      Put the pipe down.. and lay off the rocks!!

    • wabbitt
      September 22, 2017 at 4:52 pm

      I really hope this is satire…

    • Wilbur
      September 23, 2017 at 10:36 pm

      Please, go back to 3rd grade.

    • September 25, 2017 at 12:52 am


      • Nope
        September 27, 2017 at 10:13 am

        Good people surround themselves with good people. If she wants to prove she’s good then she’ll get far far away and dissociate from this scum asap.

    • Nope
      September 27, 2017 at 10:22 am

      Lemme tell ya sumfin’! Carla g you hoodrat. Good people surround themselves with good people. Good people don’t put kids in dangerous situations. Good people don’t rob, hurt, or kill people, no matter how dire the situation. Try honesty. Get a job. Be exceptional at it and move up. Reject the assisted life. There’s no reason for able bodied and able minded people to live this way. There’s no greater satisfaction than enjoying the fruits of honest work.

  • Poo
    September 22, 2017 at 9:34 am

    It’s a sad day when a welfare defrauder can’t trust a crackhead. For shame.

  • DickMaster'sSon
    September 22, 2017 at 8:31 am

    Well I for one think its a good idea that he is covered in tats, that way on the inside the other inmates can work on literacy and getting their GEDs while they spit-roast him.

  • Sue
    September 22, 2017 at 8:31 am

    Wow so much can be said about this and not to make light of a person getting stabbed, but this couple is the true definition of “bumping uglies” idk which is worst him looking like a coloring book colored by a sick year old, or the giant warts on this woman’s eyes!!!

    • Sue
      September 22, 2017 at 8:35 am

      Wow so much can be said about this and not to make light of a person getting stabbed, but this couple is the true definition of “bumping uglies” idk which is worst him looking like a coloring book colored by a six year old, or the giant warts on this woman’s eyes!!!

  • Demetri
    September 22, 2017 at 7:52 am

    Stay the duck out of it you
    Ducking retard

    • Whytney
      September 23, 2017 at 2:10 pm


  • Dick Hertz from Holden
    September 22, 2017 at 7:12 am

    OMG looks like they fell out of the loser tree and hit every branch on the way down

  • whatevuh
    September 22, 2017 at 7:09 am

    Can’t get a job, blames Trump. Seriously, I have seen better looking stuff in the dumpster

  • bigdaddy
    September 22, 2017 at 6:58 am

    Webster Street What appropriate name I bet there is also a Ware Ave and Fall River DR neaby

    • Crack McCracken
      September 22, 2017 at 7:26 am

      That’s a dude.

      • Bfunk
        September 22, 2017 at 1:49 pm

        He looks really approachable, would definitely have no qualms asking this guy for directions.

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