Editor’s Note: Does anyone know if it’s illegal to live stream your television on YouTube during the Super Bowl? I’m going to a big party tomorrow and I’d like turtle riders to be there with me for the live play by play. I’d basically just be pointing my camera at the TV. Let me know by sending an email (firstname.lastname@example.org), sending a FB message to TBNews, or commenting on this blog.
Tonight during the Live show we’re gonna be doing a thing on Super Bowl prop bets, because the only thing better than watching the Patriots win Super Bowls is gambling while drinking Keystone Light and eating brisket from Smokestack Barbecue. I always do a million bets, but the one this year I find most interesting is this one:
The following players who could possibly score first have a jersey number below 26.5: Robert Woods, Jared Goff, Brandon Cooks, Julian Edelman, Tom Brady, Phil Dorsett, Chris Hogan, Sony Michel
The following players who could possibly score first have a jersey number above 26.5: Todd Gurley, CJ Anderson, Gerald Everett, Josh Reynolds, Tyler Higbee, James White, Rex Burkhead, James Develin, Cordarelle Patterson, Gronk
Over is a slight favorite of -140, and the under is even money. As you can see, I took the under and I feel like it’s highway robbery. Edelman or Michel is probably gonna score first because the Patriots are gonna score first. But even if the Rams score first it’s gonna be a fluke pass to Cooks or Woods. They’re not gonna drive it down the field and punch it in with Gurley or Anderson. Gronk doesn’t catch touchdowns anymore, James White is receptions guy, and Patterson is a kick returner. The only one who slightly scares me is Burkhead.
Also like these.
Under 1.5 is the favorite. Everyone thinks they’re gonna show McVay in college a million times because he played against Edelman. They’ll show it once and that’s it. All the morons will take the over which drive up the money for the under.
Trump tweeted 18 times on Thursday, but only 4 times yesterday. He’s also a blue blooded American who respects the sanctity of Super Bowl Sunday. I can’t see him tweeting more than once or twice, unless Nancy Pelosi queefs in the Oval Office.
MVP thank you:
Odds are the Super Bowl MVP is gonna be white. Not James White, an actual white guy. Probably a quarterback. Studies have shown that black players are much more likely to thank God, and white players are much more likely to thank their teammates because white people are all going to Hell anyway.
I lose this bet every single year no matter what, so you should probably bet the over. Generally soul singers tend to carry out the song, but I have faith that this is the year I finally win this bet.
Brady and Goff are huge favorites for MVP. But that idiot from the Rams #23, who shouldn’t be in this game because he murdered the Saints receiver before the ball got there, wisely decided to say that Tom Brady isn’t as good as he once was. And when you insult Brady, the person who gets the angriest is Edelman, because he worships the ground TB12 walks on. Edelman is going to go off in this game. Mark my word.
Highest scoring quarter.
Second and 4th quarters are always higher scoring because the clock slows down and there’s a rush to score. Second quarter is a heavy favorite and for good reason. But it’s still plus money, so you gotta take it.
2 point conversion:
All I can think of is the Falcons Super Bowl. When a team gets down, which the Rams will be, you have to go for 2.
The favorite is false start, because everyone assumes the fat guys will have the jitters. But I have a feeling some idiot cornerback will hold a receiver within the first five minutes.
Exact margin of victory.
Official score prediction: Patriots 34-21.
God loves us more.
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