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Apparently yesterday there was a rowdy-down at a strip club called “The Riviera” on Southbridge Street. Three people were stabbed and two of these slug rakes were reportedly gang members. Oh yea, and I don’t give a shit about any of them and neither should you. According to the Telegram here is what happened:
“A 19-year-old man who police said is a gang member was being treated for a swollen eye, abrasions and a cut on his head after he was hit by a bottle while standing in the club’s doorway. Police said he provided little information and was in good condition Thursday.
The third man, 21 years old, who is also a gang member, was stabbed in the back and driven to University Campus, police said. The man said he was stabbed inside the club during a fight and was sprayed in the face with Mace by a bouncer, the release said. He said he didn’t realize he’d been stabbed until he’d been escorted out of the club and into a vehicle. The driver took him to the hospital, police said.
The stabbing victim was unable to provide police with any information about the suspect, and police said he was to be released from the hospital Thursday.”
First of all, what the hell is “The Riviera?” Back in my day that was the Crystal Palace. I guess I’m not up to date on Worcester’s finest establishments of burlesque. Probably because I have no desire whatsoever to step foot in those establishments. Not because Mrs. Turtleboy reads this blog, but because that place and Sweaty Betty’s recruit from the neighborhood. Sorry, but I’m not paying $10 for a watered down rum and coke to watch some 2011 South graduate from Canterbury Street parade her stretch marks in front of me. I grew up watching Married With Children. I used to think strip clubs were magical places where you went with Bob Rooney to get away from your wife and have the time of your life. I was way, way, way off.
Secondly let these a-holes keep it real and stick to the code of “no stitching.” It’s obviously taken them pretty far in life since they’re spending their New Years Eve at a titty bar on Southbridge Street. The cops have done their job and it sounds like this case is closed to me. You guys all wanna throw bottles at each other, stab one another and tell the police you didn’t see nothing? Cool. Please, do us all a favor and wipe each other out so the cops can stop wasting their limited resources on you.
These nudniks obviously know who stabbed them and are plotting their revenge as we speak. Excellent. You know who didn’t stab them? A normal person. Normal people don’t get in knife fights while watching the GED express take their clothes off for dollar bills. So as long as no regular, normal, law-abiding people get hurt in all this nonsense, I could really care less. The cops gave them one chance to tell them who did it so they could be brought to justice. These geniuses, who somehow didn’t realize that they had been STABBED, decided they could handle it themselves. Sounds good to me.
Look, my favorite show of all time is The Wire. That’s why we ranked it in our Top 5 Shows of All Time. Do yourself a favor and watch all 60 episodes. You’ll thank me later. Anyway, my favorite season was season three. The show takes place in gang and drug riddled Baltimore. One of the Majors, who was planning on retiring, was sick of watching good, decent people have their quality of life ruined by these hood rats. So he took the worst part of the city where no normal person would ever choose to live, and he called it “Amsterdam” because they could do all their drug business down there. They just could never, ever leave that area. And of course the rest of the city got a million times better while everyone in Amsterdam started dying and killing themselves.
This is exactly what every major city should do. Gang members have decided that they don’t need the police and certainly would never cooperate with them. Cool. Let’s give them all a designated area where there are no police. Buy and sell drugs all you want. Someone wronged you? Give em street justice. No kids though, strict 18+ policy. But the most important rule is that once they’ve committed to that area they are never, ever to leave. You have officially renounced your American citizenship.
What part of Worcester would be best for our Amsterdam? There’s so many choices. It would have to be a dead end street that normal people don’t ever have a reason to travel to. I wanna hear your suggestions turtle riders. Leave em in the comments.
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