This might be the most ridiculous GoFundMe I’ve ever seen, and the sad part is the kid who made it obviously sees nothing wrong with it.
“Finding my true self.”
This isn’t a parody. This is a real thing, and he sees nothing wrong with it. It’s genuine attempt to obtain money from people by an able bodied adult male who doesn’t feel like getting a job. He’s privileged enough to attend Union College, but instead of doing that he wants to pull a Beto/Andy Bernard and “find himself” by sailing around New England and up to Canada. Ya know, because he “lost himself” in college. Whatever that means.
The most remarkable part is that these people have no self-awareness to how this comes across to normal people. They’ve grown up in a world where no one has ever told them no. Life has been so, so, so, so easy, that his biggest obstacle that has to be overcome is “losing himself” in Schenectady. Although he did save France from ISIS with just a guitar and a Facebook filter a few years back, so I suppose he does deserve a vacation.
He does have a plan on how to find himself though. Evidently the real Ryan has fled to Canada like so many celebrities promised they’d do in 2016. In order to bring Ryan back Ryan has to “experience new culture.” In Canada. Because Canadians are 2 steps behind Amazonians on the evolutionary scale. They have no technology in Canada, no roads, no medicine, no electricity, nothing. You just jump on a sailboat and wade a bit until you land in Nova Scotia before offering yourself up to the Natives to be their indentured servant until you “find yourself.” Perfectly normal.
Oh, and he’s starting in a few weeks in case you were wondering. Does it matter that the $2,700 boat he plans on purchasing will sink like a stone if he tries to navigate it through northern Atlantic waters by himself? Does he have a passport, or was he planning on pulling a Columbus and figuring it out when he got there? Does it matter that Hollis isn’t anywhere near the ocean? Does he have any idea how to sale? Does he care that the water is going to be freezing cold in a couple weeks when this journey begins? Who cares? Stop asking questions. Can’t you see he’s a lost spirit trying to find himself?
Of course the worst part about this are the adults who are not only donating to this, but encouraging him.
And therein lies the problem. We have a generation of kids asking for handouts not because they are inherently more entitled than previous generations, but because they were raised by stupid adults who are too afraid to tell these kids NO because it will hurt their feelz. There is no “quest” here. It’s just a bored teenager, who doesn’t realize how good he has it, doing something impulsive and dumb. This is where adults should jump in and give him actual guidance.
Of course the one guy who did try to do that was immediately shot down for being too mean. 
“Totally unnecessary.”
Shut up Ann.
Hey Ryan, I’m gonna give you a piece of advice that no other adult will, but only because I care about you. Quit being a vaj, major in something useful, and go for a long hike in the woods while on mushrooms if you wanna find yourself. Boom. Problem solved. Until then, go Farquhar yourself.
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56 Comment(s)
I agree with the others who say we should let him go so this nice kid can fucking drown! You want to find yourself? Try at the bottom of the ocean you whiny douchbag
Everyone is saying don’t do it, the boat won’t last, etc.
Why not take the Darwinian approach and let nature weed the (mentally) weak out of the species?
I say let him go but get some serious life insurance on him first. Make sure to invest in some type of homing device so they recover the body fairly quickly and the payoff isn’t unnecessarily delayed.
Single handedly built 22 compact homes for families and kids. My hero. Seems very modest too, you know doing the good deed and never telling anyone about it.
Oh wait….
Truly altruistic
I’m a selfish kid
And I’ve lost my id
I’m Climbing up top sails
I’ve lost my id!
I’m shipping up to Canada, whoa oh oh
I’m shipping up to Canada, whoa oh oh
I’m shipping up to Canada, whoa oh oh
I’m shipping off to find my ego & id
I’m a selfish kid
And I’ve lost my id
I’m Climbing up top sails
I’ve lost my id!
I’m shipping up to Canada, whoa oh oh
I’m shipping up to Canada, whoa oh oh
I’m shipping up to Canada, whoa oh oh
I’m shipping off to find my ego & id
Don’t quit your day job. Robert Hunter you are not.
I never knew anyone recorded it before Dropkicks but apparently it was also not your hippie faggot idol: “I’m Shipping Up to Boston” is a song with lyrics written by the folk singer Woody Guthrie”
So, while the lyrics still suck, you cock sucking, tye dye wearing, hackeysack playing sackless moron, you’ll realize I didn’t have much to play with for the lyrics so that the little idiot’s attempt “to find himself” would be relevant to the song.
Now go shoot up you hippie POS
Please consider supporting local “journalism” by donating to the Turtle fund is waaaaaaaaay more better.
More better?
Too bad GoFundMe wasn’t around when your father could have used a condom. Fuck you!!!
Seems to like a truck full of fucked up morons who couldn’t make it as a rapper in high school are suddenly doling out advice by the bucket fulls while crying in their tv dinners enjoying a case or three of beer every night and bitching about the reason they cant have a relationship because feelings are hard and that’s not manly. Perhaps if turtle dick (which bases loosely on what I have seen on this blog and his followers tiny penis syndrome) were to spend some time, I don’t know, maybe trying to better themselves instead of trying to put everyone down because their daddies didn’t love them enough and deep down understand they fucked up on their one ride called life and are now stuck in endless jobs and frequent stops at the Elks or local VA lodge to hit on that one 50yo cum dump hooker with smokers cough and three teeth to see if they were the lucky keno winners. The ones who think that trash is a triumph and “do her like a man” while bitching about how everyone else has it better then cries when its done and wants to cuddle. But you know in a manly way. The world might be better. But ya know what go on with your pathetic lives cause god forbid you turn the mirror and take a look at your pathetic lives instead of ripping others apart. Thats too hard! And certainly not grown up or manly at all. Bunch of pathetic racist whiney little bitches. Might be some truth to the KKK alive and well. Take a look at your comment sections! Im out bitches!
Hey Jack, GFY.
Hey Jack,
One more time, in English.
Are you that same dum dum from earlier who claimed to have saved 22 lives? Lol
I hope Ryan is wise enough to realize that his best friends are sometimes the people who tell him what he doesn’t want to hear. His story reminds me of “into the wild” , which ends with a young man dying in an abandoned bus in Alaska.
(great soundtrack)
You better pray to the gods of skinny punks this wind doesn’t pick up, cuz if it does im going to come over there and shove an oar up your ass!!
More than a few times on this site, it has been stated that not all kids should go to college. I also reccomend the Coast Guard, or Navy.
He would never make it!
waaah college is hard, waaah i can’t find myself, waaah i can’t find a job. I was recently up in portland and watched this awesome bartender cover the bar and half the tables. She told me they can’t find anyone to fill the empty server spots and there were help wanted signs all over the place. I guess everyone is out “finding themselves”.Fuck this kid i hope he sinks and spends the next 6 weeks becoming great white shit.
The only sailing experience this kid has, is in his bathtub with his toy boat.
Top on the list. The book Complete Idiots guide for sailing. I am tempted just to give him the money. This is definitely a show I would love to see.
O yes, one more word of advice. Find a vessel with a keel skipper. That and get your self a survival suit and a handheld that has gps & a beacon built in. Thank me later ya landlubber.
Good luck, Gilligan, and may the U.S. Government charge you every cent it costs of taxpayer money when the Coast Guard has to rescue your ass 70 miles off the coast of Nantucket.
For those long boring days at see I hopes him have something to read.
Maybe the Turtleboy book now on sail at the Amazon!
Maggie the Cat, I know you’re married and all, buttt, I love you!
I’ve been on the water my whole life. Fuck this kid not being able to buy a day sailor. He couldnt buy a new dingy for that price lmao. Good luck trying to find a near coastal vessel for that price as well. Kids better off buying a few dock floats and soaking cardboard in polyurethane to build his ship lmao. I have a sunfish and he couldn’t even afford that for what hes asking. Also, how is this genius going to navigate and sail this vessel of disaster. You cant just jump into a sailboat and sail off into the sunset if you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing lmao. Lol kid if you have never sailed before especially near coastal to off shore, then you’re really fucked. Have fun with that. Better buy your self a few charts & a sextant first. Lmfao this is some funny fucking shit. Also a lil word of advice, the Atlantic coast is just a bit rocky. Stay away from the shoals kid, they sometimes just jump out right under your draft lmfao.
Good comments, JJ, except that it’s difficult to get through the relevant gems with the superfluous and annoying LOL’s and LMFAO’s. All due respect, it sounds like you’re subconsciously picking up the superfluous and annoying interjections of the TBS ratchets’ Facebook posts. (Just a cheerful suggestion.)
I was thinking the same thing. Whatever kind of boat you can buy for $2700 won’t get you safely across the Tuckaway lake, much less sail up to Canada on the ocean.
What a cheezy way to try and make some money for nothing.
Here’s my get rich easy scam in two steps.
1. Start a blog page FULL of popups
2. Offer the same page popup free if you just give me $10 a month!
Yay
I’ll totally proof read before y’all post these blogs. And for FREE. I will sign waivers and everything. Hit ya girl up! Like, dead serious here. Let’s sale away!
i’m shaking my head right now
Maybe join the Coast Guard.
Ok, first, he has no sailing experience? Second, his parents are gonna let him walk away from school to sail to Canada even though he has no clue? WTF? These people have a gas leak or something in the house! And as somebody else here said, 2700 bucks Isn’t going to get much of a sailboat, at least not one that will deal with the Atlantic waters in spring. What a chode this kid is.
Whoa, there doggies! Seems to me a lot of misplaced vitriol in these posts. What we have here is a failure to communicate. Many of these presumed “errors” are the not the result of stupidity, but the result of trusting verbal meanings to speak-and-spell technology. Let’s get back to the heart of the matter….. This kid needs help. Either he needs help to live, or he needs help to die. I prefer the latter because that way we won’t hear from him again. His family can use the leftover money for his memorial service. There…problem solved, no loose ends, all nice and tidy You’re welcome.
$2700 won’t even get this fool a decent daysailer. And those are only meant for out in the bay or harbor, not out in the open ocean. The first large wave that comes along, buh bye. This kid is a fucking idiot.
From someone who sails quite a bit, I can tell you this . . . there’s only one way this journey will end, capsized, frozen, floating fish food
P.S. make sure the cell phone is fully charged before you leave, kid LOL
Oh, he wiil. How else could he livestream on Facebook? And the selfies, yo!
You guys need an editor. The least you can do is reread what you write before you publish. Grammar is atrocious.
P. S. : sail, not sale.
“Totally unnecessary.” LOL some fucking teacher she is.
She herself has had two successful gofundme’s for charities involving suicide and mental health, you would think that someone who actually uses GFM for good would not enable a former student’s request for a handout without putting in any work.
I gotta agree with Enraged C. I love you guys to death, and want to see you succeed….but, please do a better job with your spelling and grammar.
Have someone, anyone, proof-read your work before publishing.
Your contributors are usually 100% spot-on on with content. But the glaring spelling errors and grammatical failures really do diminish your overall fine work.
Keep up the good work !
What could possibly go wrong?
That’s scary as shit. Not only the sinking boat but now sharks waiting to eat you.
Kids from Hollis are dumb as shit. Too much money in Hollis, kids there are overly privileged, under worked, and on too many drugs. This kid can go fuck himself.
What a stupid motherfarquhar.
I have far less education and experience than anyone who writes for this site but I promise you I would never submit articles with such glaring errors. You fuckers will never be taken seriously while you let shit like SALE ffs S A L E get into an article about sailing??? I swear to God and baby Jesus you guys have the right message but fuck me running when every and I mean EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ARTICLE ON THIS SITE I READ IS FUCKED UP SIDEWAYS… Not looking for high art just the bare minimum of effort you would find at any High School newspaper. You don’t think the T&G and Worcester Mag don’t notice the failure here? Shit like this allows smug liberal fucktards at the T&G think they are better than you. Talk all the shit you want about Clive but I challenge you to find a single article of his as poorly written as this crap… Please fucking proofread your work because every single article I have read on this site is rife with grammatical errors and misspelled words. I listen to all the podcasts and y’all aint dumb so what is your fucking problem? Lazy? Apathetic? This shit is not acceptable. Improve or die slowly in a fire. I love you guys but cumon..
I’d normally snarkily say, “Tell us how you REALLY feel,” but you did take the thought right out of my head. I normally let it (eye-) roll off, but myself am close to breaking point. It almost looks like many of the blogs are hastily written an posted from a smart-phone, without self-review, and with poor-quality screen shots. A laptop or desktop would give much better results. And to Turtle Writers, a lot of us have offered to proofread. I myself would be willing to do so, free of charge!
^^^^ Did he really say that??? Does he know what facetious means?? Lmfao!! I’m frigging dying!! It’s him isn’t it?? It has to be!! Does he really believe you think Canana is in the dark ages?? I can’t with people!!
Turtle boy I Ben a fan from day one. This article sucked 1 st off you sound ignorant when it comes to Canada! I guess you never been! They are more up to date than we are and have better medicine then we do!! So that was false information. 2 Nd he isn’t begging for a hand out. He shared his thoughts and his journey he wants to start. He didn’t make up a sob story.. 5 years ago I did a go fund me account for a similar situation. I was 39 then . I ended up Saving 22 children’s lives from being homeless. With the donations I was able to travel n give children living on the streets literally on the streets a home. No everyone is scamming he surely isn’t. Also stupid you don’t need to be near an ocean to want to travel. . Btw did you know majority of the earth is made of water. Or did u forget ? Do you know people travel in winter too??? Oh yea you know nothing about sailing
You saved 22 kids? Bullshit.
Now, off you fuck.
You sound like a compulsive lying fucking idiot. Or you are totally fucking wasted right now. In either case you should stay off the fucking computer dummy.
Saved 22 kids? Is that what they’re calling molestation now, you perv in the rape van. You might want to change the name on the fake ice cream truck you cruise the playgrounds in, Uncle Prevy’s Frozen Banana is a dead giveaway. Jagoff.
Fucken stupid fuck . I gathered money traveling and help built homeless shelters in Chicago. Built 22 compact homes for families/ kids . So stfu . Let me guess your belly over flaps you dick!
chicago? hahahahaha what? setting up fridge and stove boxes? i once saved a bus full of hemophiliac babies that was hit by a plate glass truck. btw the 23rd family in line that got nothing asked me to tell you to eat bag of homeless dicks.
I am dead. Just dead.
BWAHAHAHAHA
Guess again, Dickiedo. I heard your mom’s fupa’s even bigger than yours. Which is pretty bad because those 22 kids you molested with your fake ice cream truck all said you were so fat you couldn’t wear pants but your gut stuck out more than your dickie do. Jagoff.
Maybe he’s out to slay the dragon and find his princess/prince .