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I always thought that it couldn’t get any worse than Elizabeth Warren, but Rhode Island Senator Sheldon Whitehouse gave her a run for her money this week at the Kavanaugh hearings. I never heard of this guy until now, but he just may be the biggest toolbag I have ever seen.

SW: “What does the word Ralf mean?”

BK: “Vomiting.”

SW: “The vomitting you reference when you say ralfing is coming from the consumption of alcohol?”

BK: “I like beer Senator, do you like beer? What do you like to drink?”

The moral outrage these tools pretended to have over high school kids getting drunk was the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen. Who can EVER take these people seriously again? You’re offended by drinking and partying in college? Have you ever heard of the Kennedy’s before? Or any politician not named Mike Pence? They can’t be serious.

But of course they’re not being serious. And they’re not offended by drinking. They’re just pretending to be because they disagree with the Judge’s politics and don’t want him on the court.

This was my favorite part:

SW: “It says here ‘boofed or boofed, how do you pronounce that?'”

BK: “That refers to flatulence we were 16. We want to talk about flatulence at age 16 on a yearbook page, I’m game.”

SW: “Devil’s Triangle?”

BK: “It’s a drinking game.”

SW: “How’s it played?”

BK: “It’s a quarters game.”

SW: “There are 7 F’s in front of the fourth of July, what does that mean?”

BK: “My friend squee had a wind up to the F word and it became an inside joke.”

We’re grilling a guy to see if he should be on the Supreme Court, and this nudnik is up here talking about farting and drinking games. Seriously, what did he expect Kavanaugh to say here? Yea, Devil’s Triangle is our codeword for gang rape. I thought we got one over on you all, but Sheldon Squarepants was just too smart for us.

Then he went back to his moral outrage over a 18 year old who who likes to drink beer:

SW: “Reference to a Georgetown-Louisville game you went to, you say, ‘who won that game anyway?’ should we draw any conclusions that a loss of recollection associated with alcohol was the reason you couldn’t remember who won the game?”

Just think of how insane and pathetic this is. We’re deciding whether or not to put this man on the Supreme Court, and the guy rocking the same haircut my mother made me get in 5th grade is asking him if inside jokes in his yearbook are references to drinking…..ALCOHOL!!! Not alcohol!! We cannot have Supreme Court justices who enjoyed their youth. EVER!!

For the record, “who won that game” could mean a billion things. My guess would’ve been that one of his friends was a Louisville fan, he was a Georgetown fan, GTown won the game, and he was teasing him. Either that or gang rape.

I almost just wish Kavanaugh said, “Yes Senator, it was a reference to us being plastered. Because that’s what we did when we were 18. We got shitfaced and stayed up ALLLLL night!! Usually this was how we mentally prepared ourselves for the gang rape.”

What we he do then? We’re gonna keep someone off the Supreme Court because they got drunk in high school? What he was insinuating here clearly was that Kavanaugh routinely got so blackout drunk that he occasionally gang raped a bunch of girls. But of course that immediately ended as soon as he graduated from Yale. Because that’s a thing rapists do. They stop raping once the raping phase of their life comes to an end.

Sheldon Squarepants did NOT believe his lies, and came prepared today with a picture of Kavanaugh’s calendar which he has evidently cracked the code of:

“I don’t believe boof is flatulence, I don’t believe the Devil’s Triangle is a drinking game.”

You thought you could get one by Mr. Hairpart?? Not so fast Kavanaugh!! If there’s one thing Sheldon Squarepants knows, it’s flatulence.

He also figured out that Kavanaugh referenced several people on July 1 (via code) who all deny being at the party that Christine Blasey-Ford says they were at. But why isn’t Christine’s name on it? Sheldon figured that one out too….

“If you had just sexually assaulted a girl, would you add her name to a calendar? I doubt it.”

BUSTED!!! He intentionally kept the victim’s name off the calendar in case his calendar was ever used in a court of law. If he had put “Christine” on there too then everyone would’ve known they were together. But he wasn’t counting on Sheldon Squarepants to do some digging of his own.

Here’s the thing though – for a guy who seems to be so morally outraged by 19 year olds getting wasted, he must’ve forgot to tell his son Alexander that this was no way to live life:

Alexander Whitehouse of Newport, the 19-year-old son of U.S. Senator Sheldon Whitehouse, was arrested early this morning on charges of driving under the influence (DUI).  His passenger, 18-year-old Robert Bauer of Portsmouth, was also arrested for alleged possession of marijuana. Police said around 1:25 a.m., a witness called the to report a car that was operating in an erratic manner at the intersection of Green End Avenue and Aquidneck Avenue in Middletown. The witness said the passenger was holding a beer bottle and both individuals in the car appeared to be intoxicated. The car allegedly drove into the 7-Eleven on Aquidneck Avenue at a high rate of speed and two men stumbled out of the car, said police.

When police arrived, Whitehouse reached into the front passenger’s side door, took out a beer bottle and emptied its contents onto the ground, said police. Whitehouse reportedly told police he had been at a party in Portsmouth and was on his way home to Newport, but stopped to get gas. He allegedly told police he had three beers and four shots of gin at a friend’s house within the past two hours.

Stop right there. Shots of gin? Who the hell takes one shot of gin, never mind four shots of gin? I love gin. I love it with orange juice. Makes me feel urban. But I don’t like on it’s own. It’s not whiskey, or even vodka. It’s not meant to be consumed in shots. That’s not a thing. Unless of course you’re a raging alcoholic. And as Senator Whitehouse has clearly shown in his line of questioning, 19 year old prep school white boys with drinking problems are always gang rapists. Always.

So….are we to assume that Alexander Whitehouse is in fact a drunken gang rapist? I don’t know. I tend to believe in innocent until proven guilty. But I believe the cops though, and they said he was wasted. We won’t know if he’s really a rapist until we stop everything and have a thorough FBI investigation. In the meantime Alexander should be barred from attaining employment and should be vilified as a rapist in front of millions of people. That’s the Sheldon Squarepants way.

Alexander MIGHT be a serial killer too…..

Police reportedly found marijuana, a glass pipe, a brass pipe, beer bottles, an empty vodka bottle, a silver flask that contained gin, a full bottle of gin and a large knife in a sheath in the car.

A large knife in a sheath? OJ killed his ex-wife with a knife. How do we know that Alexander Whitehouse isn’t a serial killer? A knife on a person seems almost as suspect as code words like “boofed.”

What an absolute tool this guy is. Where does he rank in terms of worst senators in America? Here’s my Top 5 best and worst United States Senators:

Worst

5. Creepy Blumenthal

4. Cory Booker

3. Sheldon Whitehouse

2. Kirsten Gillibrand

1. Elizabeth Warren

Best.

5. Ted Cruz

4. Joe Manchin (if he votes the right way on Kavanaugh he could move up or down)

3. Rand Paul

2. Lindsey Graham

1. Ben Sasse