Turtleboy’s Facebook page is suspended until Saturday. Remember to like the Free Turtleboy Facebook page, which we use to post blogs when the Turtleboy Sports Facebook account is suspended. If we ever get shut down for good, this will become the new Turtleboy Sports main Facebook page.
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible: Wormtown Brewery, Union Tavern, Scavone Plumbing, Bennie’s Cafe, Craftech Restoration, JJM Insurance, Smokestack Urban Barbecue, Attorney Michael Erlich, H-S Trading Firearms, Smitty’s Tavern, Julio’s Liquors, HomeWarrantyReports.com, The Gun Parlor Range, 3B Auto, Attorney Anthony Salerno, O’Connor Insurance 24-7, Monster Movers, Firesafe Chimney Services, The Law Office Of Joseph J. Carigila, Skyhook Tree And Sons
Want to have your business advert seen 1.2 million times per month? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer. Want to make money real fast? We will pay you cash if you bring us advertisers.
A few days back Carlo “Old Balls” Baldino wrote an insane article, in which he tells black men to murder police officers, prosecutors, and anyone white who is not named Old Balls. It’s cool though, because he married a black woman. The Telegram and Gazette took the article down because they realized the elderly man they use for page views had gone too far. Luckily it’s still available here.
Anyway, we assumed the Telegram would put Old Balls in a cage or change his password or something, but then we remembered the Telegram is nothing more than a page view click baiting whore of a newspaper. And we hate even giving Old Balls attention, but sometimes he just makes it too easy. Like yesterday when he wrote a real gem of an article about our advertiser’s at Turtleboy Sports. Let’s check it out…
Turtleboy seems to have a wee problem. He only has a dozen and a half advertisers. You would think a blog that has been viewed 10 million times would be turning away advertisers. Instead, this plea is written at the beginning of every post:
‘We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them, this would not be possible.’ Further down the page it says ‘WE WILL PAY YOU CASH IF YOU BRING US ADVERTISERS.’ Over a million views a month and it has to pay commissions for advertising leads?
LOL. Poor Old Balls. He’s been sucking off the public tit his whole life so he doesn’t understand how a business works. Ya see Old Balls, in the real world people like to make money. So if a turtle rider out there can bring us new business, we win, the turtle rider gets a commission, and the business gets tons of new business. This has happened a couple times and it’s worked out well. As usual, everyone wins except for you. You always lose.
And sure, we could go out there and get 50 advertisers if we wanted to, but that wouldn’t make very much sense now would it? Ya see Old Balls, every new advertiser dilutes the amount of impressions that the other advertisers will get. I understand that it is difficult for you to grasp this extremely simple concept because you wrote this blog while watching Bonanza reruns. But the rest of us read what you just wrote and laughed at loud. At you. Because everyone always laughs at you.
Who knows what the truth is? If someone can tell us why there’s such a shortage of advertisers for a blog that gets viewed by multimillions, in the immortal words of Frasier Crane, ‘I’m listening.’
LOL. Poor Old Balls. The man has Turtle on the brain. Literally sits at home and yells at the computer. “There’s no way the Turtle can ever get 1.2 million page views in a month. It’s not possible!! He’s just a repulsive repcon reptilian!!!”
Oops. Yea, we started putting the 1.2 million thing at the top of every blog starting in October. September is still the highest month we’ve ever had, but in the three months since then we’ve leveled out with roughly 1 million per month. Not that it really matters because all we’re gonna do is increase as time goes on. By this time next year it’ll most likely be between 2-3 million every month at the rate we’re going. That’s the beauty of Turtleboy Sports. No one ever leaves (although they often claim they will) but more and more people sign up to ride the Turtle every day.
Here’s where it gets hilarious. The advertisers, without mentioning names, consist of: a liquor store, a lawyer, a tree service, a tavern, a gun seller, another lawyer, a chimney sweep, still another lawyer, a barbecue place, an insurance agency, a mover, another insurance agency, a damage restoration company, a bar (café), a plumber, another gun seller, another bar (brewery), and another tavern that suggests it has Tom Brady as a customer—one wonders if Tom knows about this.
Someone call a doctor, we own this man’s brain.
What these advertisers don’t fully realize is that there are hundreds of people around Worcester and Worcester County who absolutely refuse to patronize any business that advertises on the Turtleboy site. They’re adamant about it, and they influence their friends and family members.
HAHAHHAHHAHA!!! Hundreds!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! FYI the only people who have actually sent emails about boycotts have been Dana “Turtleboy Sporks” Remian, that little turdlinger Cole Robert, and Old Ball’s trophy diversity wife Joyce McKnickles. Here’s the email she copy and pasted and sent to all our advertisers months ago:
“I am very disappointed and disturbed that your company would support the racist and sexist vitriol of Turtle Boy sports by advertising on his site. Many in the area are strongly considering a boycott of your business as well as waging a public campaign to bring attention to your company’s relationship with this racist and sexist individual.”
But then again, who in their right mind would take anyone seriously when they purposely call for 83 year old car crash victims in an ambulance to be denied medical care because she’s protesting on the highway:
What these advertisers DO realize, is that the only people “boycotting” them are Old Balls and his trophy diversity wife. And they were never gonna get a tree cut down by Skyhook, or hire Craftech Restoration if their home gets flooded, or buy life insurance from JJM (imagine how much life insurance for Old Balls would cost!!) So when they get these emails they either delete them or move on with their loves, or forward them to us and we have a good laugh.
As everyone knows, by advertising with Turtleboy Sports you’re joining something special. People will go to you out of spite, BECAUSE of these hilarious boycotts. We are the only media outlet who can make the claim that people will patronize your business just for the sake of revenge. And it’s all thanks to Old Balls and his fantastic friends.
Of course Turtleboy denies it and insists that stories relating to these boycotts are made up, and he’ll find people who say they do business with establishments because of his blog. But he’s just kidding himself. For every patron a business gains, it also loses the same amount. In gambling that’s called a ‘wash,’ i.e., breaking even, and breaking even for an advertiser means flushing ad dollars down the toilet.
Definitely Old Balls, definitely. Sure, he has no proof to back up any of these mathematical claims, and obviously we all know this isn’t true, but that doesn’t matter because Old Balls is allergic to facts and the truth.
Here’s the thing Old Balls – the Turtleboy advertisers are too good to stay away from. As a matter of fact, here is known Turtleboy lover Robert Blackwell-Gibbs having himself a brewski down at Smitty’s Tavern:
Looks like for every patron a business gains because of an ad on TBS, they also get another patron from the hippies. Even when we lose we still win.
The big question? How is Turtleboy making a living off this blog? Who’s paying his health insurance? Who’s supporting Mrs. Turtleboy and Turtleboy Jr.?
Turtle. On. The. Brain. Sure, this Turtleboy could explain who is paying my health insurance, but I prefer it when I know that Carlo is thinking about who pays our health insurance 24/7.
He says he’s going to put Worcester Magazine and the Telegram & Gazette out of business. How does he do this with 18 advertisers? I’m listening.
Several of our advertisers are Telegram, WoMag, and Pulse Magazine converts. They realized they were wasting their money paying for Spanky’s health insurance and they’d actually be seen on TBS. Stupid facts!!!
Because my heart is pure and I lead a good Christian life I will repeat the advice I gave a few months ago: Turtleboy should use his political connections and get a job on the Worcester Fire Department.
As much as I respect firefighters, I’d rather expose scumbags for a living than run into burning buildings. Seems to be working out OK too. In January of 2014 we had 4,000 Facebook followers and were averaging 300,000 views per month. Now we have 22,000 and over 1 million views per month. Oh yea, we’re also on western, central, and eastern MA radio stations, including the top rated morning show in New England. But please, tell me more about why it’s not in our best interest to keep this going. Because Old Balls would know a lot about running a business, since he was fired at North High School for showing kill whitey propaganda in class.
It’s over, and he’s irrelevant.
Says the man who can’t stop blogging about Turtleboy.
He should get a real job and write it (after taking a few English composition courses) as an avocation—if he knows what ‘avocation’ means (insert smiley face here).
An avocation is a hobby. That’s what Old Balls’ blog is. A hobby. Because no one wants to read it. But please, tell me more about why we should turn Turtleboy from a legitimate business into a hobby. Because that makes all the sense in the world.
TB asserts that I’m obsessed with him and that I write about him in every blog. That’s more hyperbole/congenital lying. My last NINE blogs are available on the T&G blog site. He’s not mentioned in one of them.
No, your last nine blogs are not available online, because your last blog was taken down because you told black people to kill cops. Luckily no one reads your blog.
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.