• A Butthurt Asked Us On Turtleboy Live If We’d Blast Turtleboy Jr If He Acted Ratchet In A Failed Attempt At “Gotcha,” She Did Not Expect The Answer We Gave

    A Butthurt Asked Us On Turtleboy Live If We’d Blast Turtleboy Jr If He Acted Ratchet In A Failed Attempt At “Gotcha,” She Did Not Expect The Answer We Gave

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    The Turtleboy Live Show was another smashing success last night. We had over 6,500 turtle riders tune in live. Over 1,000 comments, and we were interacting and taking all your questions on the live feed and in the comments section. Obviously the biggest talk of discussion from the last few days has been the Alexis Aslanian fight video, and all the aftermath that has come as a result of it. We broke down the fight punch by punch to show you that this was no ordinary fight. It was a brutal and gutless assault. It was a crime, and she should be arrested for it. Then we started fielding questions from turtle riders and just talked about one topic after another for an hour or so. Everyone had a great time. Everyone.

    If you missed it here it is.

    Personally, I think the best part happened around 47:15, when this lady chimed in with a “gotcha” question:

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    So what this lady was obviously trying to do was make us feel bad for blowing up Alexis Aslanian’s spot by trying to force us to put ourselves in her parent’s shoes. More than likely she is friends with Mom, who also decided to blame Turtleboy on social media a couple days ago.

    Our answer was simple – if any of the Turtleboy’s Turtleboy Jr’s, or Turtle Princesses ever did anything like that, we would absolutely put them on blast. More than anything, we would expect that others would put us on blast as well. Because when your 19 your kid act like that in public, it is a reflection on the job you did parenting. Sorry, not sorry. It’s the truth. Just ask Gupta.

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    Once Jessica realized that her bombshell of a question actually blew up in her face, she went back to the old reliable jive of the butthurts – “why are you anonymous”?

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    Shut up Jessica.

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    We’re anonymous because it’s more fun that way. Anonymity allows the writer to delve and explore topics that they normally wouldn’t delve into if they wrote using their real name. It allows Turtleboy to be free. Without anonymity, Watergate would just be an apartment complex in Washington. It also gives other potential writers to join us. These are people who have jobs and families and don’t want their names out there. But if they’re allowed to pen under the name Turtleboy, they obviously are more free to tell the truth, which obviously a lot of people are uncomfortable with.

    Loved this idea:

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    That needs to become a thing in these fight videos. Junior hoodrats should be yelling “Turtleboy” before and after every cheesehog donnybrook caught on film.

    Anyway, we’ll be back again on Turtleboy Live for an episode featuring world famous Turtleboy commenter Brett Killoran. That’s right, we’ll be broadcasting live from the beautiful town of Orange. Should be epic. See ya on Friday.


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    1. Paul Larson

      Warren G. Harding (conservative Republican) was a key figure in the Teapot Dome scandal. Before the Watergate scandal (the driving force behind taking down Republican Richard Nixon), Teapot Dome was regarded as the “greatest and most sensational scandal in the history of American politics”. The scandal damaged the public reputation of the Harding administration, which was already severely diminished by its controversial handling of the Great Railroad Strike of 1922 and the President’s veto of the Bonus Bill in 1922. Secretary of the Interior Albert Bacon Fall had leased Navy petroleum reserves at Teapot Dome in Wyoming and two other locations in California to private oil companies at low rates without competitive bidding. In 1922 and 1923, the leases became the subject of a sensational investigation by Senator Thomas J. Walsh. Fall was later convicted of accepting bribes from the oil companies and became the first Cabinet member to go to prison. Showing that the corrupt Republican party has long been in the pockets of big oil.

      Paul Larson

      1. BobnMic


        1. BobnMic's Gerbil

          Don’t forget the Hartz treats. Nobody ever remembers to bring Hartz treats. I’m tired of never getting any Hartz treats for all the work I do and joy I bring to you guys.


      2. Paul Larson

        I did not write the above post. By the way, the Lincoln Republican Party freed the slaves while the Democratic Party carried out all the lynchings in the South, and the Democratic Party formed the KKK to support the Democratic Party, and had 500,000 members in the Klan, according to Bedford Forrest, the first national leader of the Klan and a life-long Democrat and Confederate war-criminal. And that is why the Democrats refused to move against lynching. If a black man voted Democrat, he was okay with the Klan (like Rep. John Lewis). If he voted Republican, he was lynched by the Klan (aka Democrats).

        Paul Larson

    2. Paul Larson

      One more thing…………Firsties Mutha Fuckas!

      Paul Larson

      1. Paul Larson

        I didn’t write that…

        Some coward is using my name to perpetuate Socialist propaganda. My guess is it is the real BobnMic. He’s been quite the petulant child lately from what I’ve seen.

        I hate Woodrow Wilson.

        I hate clouds.

        The Real Paul Larson

        1. Woodrow Wilson

          Right back at you buddy.

        2. Cumulonimbus

          Yeah… Fuck off Larson.

          1. Paul Larson

            Same to you.

            Paul Larson

        3. BobnMic's Gerbil

          I hate BobnMic too. Would you like to adopt me? I’me the best gerbil a guy could ever want. All I need is a habitrail, a cardboard tube to chew on, and some Hartz treats to show me how much you love me.

    3. FiestyLawyerLady

      I’m so excited… Brett has a way with words it warms my cold soul… I say this all the time when I read his magnificent comments on FB.

      Also, I love Gupta!!!!!!!! 😉

    4. Buck Futts

      Jessica Lynne Spero, so now the question is, If I take out my wang, will you suck it?

    5. Dong ding

      Turtleboy sips shit out of his own ass with a straw made out of Michael Gaffney’s pubes

    6. Llc


      Enough said.

    7. Publius

      Anonymity and discourse and truth go hand in hand. And goes back to the begining of time. Please read the Federalist sometime. If Alexa was not such a braggard and acted like a ratchet even after knowing it was going international this might have passed.

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