This is Juan Montalban and his wife Alexis from Ware.
They recently got hitched after firing a couple fuck trophies out of her baby bazooka. But it appears that Juan chick wasn’t enough for him, because he got called out by a local teenager for blowing her up on Snapface and asking for noodz.
Is this true? Well, here’s a picture that should clear that up.
The hat. As soon as you fee the flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat you know that they’re probably guilty of a lot worse then whatever they’re currently being accused of.
As you can see the OP attempted to contact the Mrs, but hasn’t heard back. Can’t say I blame her. Who would wanna give up all of this?
He’s got a job at Six Flags and pubestache that can tickle your hoo-hoo like it’s never been tickled before. In Ware, he’s a catch. You don’t give that up just because he messaged a girl and asked to see her gerber severs. Best just to ignore and pretend it didn’t happen. Plus, look how good they’re living.
If you’re anything but a college freshman and you have Christmas lights in your room then I’d tell you to give up on life, but I think we can both agree that you already have.
The post turned into a whole #MeToo thing, as girl after girl came forward with stories about Juan offering to make them some banana cream pie.
I’m sure it’s all a big coincidence though.
Then women started contacting us with receipts.
Messaging 14 year old girls and asking to be friends when you’re 19 is totally normal. As is this….
Women have to stop being so afraid to destroy guy’s feelings. If you see a chud like this say “Hey,” three times in a row over a period of a week, without you returning any of the messages, just understand that taking hints isn’t his thing. You have to burn guys like this. Just destroy them. They’re so pathetic that they believe that deep down inside we really wanna let them bury the broomstick in tuna town, we just haven’t gotten around to messaging them back. The only thing they understand is painful rejection. Don’t be afraid to hurt their feelings because they sure as shit don’t give a flying fuck about yours.
Nevertheless, despite all of these women coming forward with pretty similar stories, and the fact that she doesn’t trust him to the point where she’ll message a woman and tell them she doesn’t want him having his phone number, she’s still in denial.
Yea, he has almost 10 Facebook pages because his ex girlfriends all changed his passwords. It has nothing to do with the fact that he’s trying stick his cervix scraper in anything between the ages of 14-17 on social media. Bitch you got a shared Facebook page.
“Are new Facebook has nothing to do with trust issue either.”
Literally the ONLY reason anyone has ever had a shared Facebook page is because someone cheated and the other person decided to give them a second chance with certain conditions. Sounds like the foundation of a healthy marriage right there.
One woman even told her and she responded.
A lot of women would be concerned after hearing stories like this. But when you’re a ginger from Ware with two crotch fruits in tow, a door knocker hanging from your left nostril, and your job is working for a pyramid scheme, I guess you gotta put up with some bullshit to keep a guy around.
After 24 hours of women coming forward with their stories of him sexually harassing them Juan pulled a Tiger Woods and said he needed therapy.
Oh boo fucking hoo. I might not have given a shit if the girls you were messaging weren’t 14. You don’t need therapy because that doesn’t fix shit. You just need to hit rock bottom, which is why I’m here. Welcome to Turtleboy. Hope hitting rock bottom like this makes you a better person, but I won’t hold my breath.
Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: