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If you’ve been on the internet today then you’ve probably heard about the broo-ha-ha involving some angry parents, five year old kids, and a school bus driver. The following video is so Worcester it hurts:

This is why Worcester can’t have nice things.

First of all, I just wanna say that anyone who holds their iPhone vertically while taping something is a scourge on society. Please, for the love of God, HOLD YOUR PHONE HORIZONTALLY WHILE TAPING VIDEO!!! This video could’ve been a million times better if it could actually take up my whole computer screen. There was just so much fantastic Worcester chaos going on that I wanted to soak it all up.

Anyway, when I first saw this video I didn’t really know how to feel. I was leaning towards the parents’ side. I thought what we had was an insane bus driver on a power trip.

Boy, am I glad I took time to think this one over, because my initial instinct couldn’t possibly have been more wrong. This is 110% on the parents and anyone who thinks otherwise is a moron.

This video is extremely misleading. We kind of missed the most important part didn’t we? You know, the part that would explain why the driver wasn’t letting the kids off the bus. Turns out there was a pretty fucking good reason why (courtesy of the Telegram and Gazette):

A preliminary investigation reveals that the bus driver was attempting to allow the kindergarten students off of the bus first. Some parents became impatient and forced their way onto the bus and removed their children. During the incident, parents yelled profanities at the bus driver and made threats.

A 16-year-old female entered the bus and punched the bus driver in the face, the report states. She will be summoned to court for assault and battery.

According to Superintendent of Schools Melinda Boone, the driver of the bus was following school department policy that dictates that during the first few days of school, drivers must ensure that kindergarten students are released to the proper parent or guardian when they get off a school bus. As such, the driver was seeking to dismiss those students from the bus first, the superintendent said.

“Some of the adults were impatient and just wanted the students released,” Ms. Boone said. “Some attempted to board the bus to take the students, at which point the driver closed the door with the idea of stabilizing the situation.”

At that point, Ms. Boone said, the driver requested police assistance.

LOL. My question to anyone who blames the driver, is why the hell would the driver wanna hold these kids hostage? Do you think she wanted to sit there on a hot ass bus, with a bunch of crying kids, surrounded by a bunch of Rhodes Scholars with pitchforks? She must’ve felt like Davey Crocket in the Alamo.

I’m sure these obviously very rational people would be perfectly cool-headed if one of their kids got nabbed up by a meth head when the bus driver DIDN’T follow protocol. Because lower Vernon Hill is a REALLY FUCKING SAFE neighborhood. No crackheads or gang bangers down there, that’s for sure.

Wait, what’s that? You think they’d lose their God damn minds if something bad had happened to their kids as a result of the bus driver not doing her job? So let me get this straight. These people WANT schools to go to great lengths to protect their children. Then when they do that, they attack their kid’s bus and beat the shit out of the driver. Because that makes TONS of sense.

Ya see, these nudniks want rules that will protect their children. They just don’t wanna be inconvenienced for one second. As long as they get their way IMMEDIATELY, they’ll be on their best behavior. Clearly these people will be late for WORK if their kids don’t get off the bus immediately. Because they all DEFINITELY have jobs.

Remember last year when the EBT system went down for like three hours and everyone flipped out? This is kind of similar. Newsflash – you’re getting a free service that you don’t have to use. You’re more than welcome to pick your kids up in your 92 Sentra. When your kids ride the bus, you are both subject to the rules of the bus company and the school.

Sure they could’ve just been patient and calm in order to let the driver make sure the kids got home safely. But that’s not enough for these magnificent creatures. Why should they have to wait? Why should they have to follow rules and procedures? Fuck rules. When in doubt, flip the fuck out!! I want my way NOW!!! Following the procedure probably would’ve ended this whole thing before it began. But that’s not nearly as exciting as declaring Jihad on a school bus filled with five year olds.

Gotta love how these parents think they’re doing a good job parenting too. Because what kind of great parent doesn’t tell their five year old to disobey the adult in charge of them at the time and jump out of an emergency exit onto a busy street?

The video got kind of repetitive and I was almost getting bored with, especially when she starts playing with the dog…..until right around the 5:30 part. That’s when this shit turned into the Blair Witch Project. When the driver starts the bus and tries to get the fuck out of there, this quickly gets better than any reality TV show you will ever see. Fuck Jersey Shore – I wanna watch Angry Mothers From Vernon Hill. 

I also love how these parents of the year think the driver was gonna kidnap their kids or something? Ummm, please explain to me how a school bus is gonna make a clean getaway on Perry Ave. And then what was the driver’s plan after that? Bring them to her secret bus driver lair and make them learn how to read? High tail it to Canada? Maybe, just maybe she tried to leave because she was shitting her pants. Perhaps she realized she had other kids on the bus who needed to get off at another stop and didn’t wanna worry their parents too? Nah, fuck that. She was trying to kidnap them and turn them into child soldiers. She’s clearly the Joseph Kony of the bus driving racket.

And I hate to say it, but all of these poor kids are screwed. I’d like to adopt all of them and send them to the Turtleboy school of manners so we can begin to undo the damage that five years on earth with these savages has done to their poor little brains. Unless these kids pull a Good Will Hunting they’re gonna end up exactly like the adults around them. Because that’s what kids do. They model themselves after what they see. God help us all.

So what did the kids learn from this? Well, they learned a lot of new words. Like at 6:00 when the All-Star Mom screams, “Don’t leave with my fucking kid.” Or at 7:00 when the Dad in the double XL white t-shirt yells, “Get your mother fucking ass off the bus.” Or at 8:30 when the camera lady says to the driver, “I should beat your fucking ass.” Unfortunately for the kids academic future, none of these new words will appear on the MCAS.

And by the way, in case you couldn’t tell, the woman filming this is very dignified. Right around 8:50 she says, “Look what you did you stupid f….I don’t even wanna swear. There’s too many kids.” Because her kids have obviously been brought up in a cultured environment where they learn to respect authority, follow rules, and no one ever swears around them. Ever.

I’ll tell you what could’ve diffused this whole situation. Puppies. Did you see what happened at 2:30 when someone shows up out of nowhere with a puppy? All of a sudden the lady forgets that she’s a complete psychopath and starts petting the doggie. Ten more of those puppies and this ends very differently.

So who are these wonderful parents? Well the woman who shot the video is named Jessica Jiminez. Ironically she posted this video thinking everyone would support her. As you can see, she is very happy person with an exceptionally strong selfie game:

If that isn’t the face of a person whose home is filled with leather bound books, then I don’t know what is. Here are some of the brilliant things she’s had to say on the comments of her video:

Does anyone in this city know how to spell? She just made the chinese buffet rant seem like Dostoyovsky wrote it. I mean, how the hell do these people graduate from second grade? The bis? She wrote that TWICE!! Are these people at all vaguely familiar with the concept of a period, or maybe even a comma? I don’t wanna be a grammar Nazi, but I just don’t for the life of me understand how anyone who writes like this can survive on their own.

Then there was this gem:

Good Lord. Hopefully you our not a high school graduate Jessica Jimenez. I could go on and on with all the things she posted, but it will just give you a headache. Let’s look at what her genius friends and supporters on Facebook had to say about the video:

Well, April Melendez sounds like a great Mom!! Because everyone knows that the best parents are the ones who brag about how they hypothetically would’ve kicked the bus driver’s ass in front of their five year old child. Nothing traumatic about that at all!! If this isn’t the face of a Mom who is saving for her kids to go to college…

then I don’t know what is.

According to April’s Faebook she graduated from South High in 1995. Obviously her diploma is paying dividends.. Here’s the thing – if she graduate in 1995, that would make her about 37. And there is absolutely nothing about this face that says “37” or “high school diploma”:

I’ve never met April before but I will bet my horse ranch in Nantucket on one thing – she’s got a pack of Newports in her back pocket as we speak.

Jessica Jimenez’ video brought out more of her parent friends from the neighborhood gardening club:

Gedude Pierce is a professional badass. He will totally kick your ass if you try to harm his kid by making them stay on a school bus. You think a little stroke is gonna stop him from beating the shit out of a female bus driver? Think again. This right here is the image of a stone-faced killer

I hate to say it Gedude, but if I was a bus driver and I saw you waiting outside of the bus for little children got off, I would probably close the door too. No offense, but you look like the the dude from every Amber alert ever.

And Leona Martinez – what can you say about her? She seems…….nice….

Then the ultimate Patriot Billy Leger chimed in:

Yea you pansies!! Why didn’t any of you do your patriotic duty and beat the shit out of the bus driver with the door?? You call that parenting? None of you are even real patriots if you wouldn’t beat the shit out of a bus driver with a door in front of your three kids. Luckily for America, the second amendment allows rational human beings like Billy Leger to arm themselves to the teeth with an arsenal of weaponry:

Murica.

Then Missy Doyle made her entrance. In the Vernon Hill circle of friends, they refer to her as “the smart one.” She’s even figured out the complex rules involving periods and capitalization!!

Yea, these poor kids are gonna be traumatized and it’s all the bus driver’s fault. NONE OF THIS trauma is going to be a result of watching their parents yell vulgarities at their bus driver, break in the emergency exit, and then beat the shit out of said bus driver.

Missy Doyle is also VERY high profile:

She’s got PLENTY of news contacts. She’s a regular Katie Couric after all. She even met Kevin Shea one time. And clearly she has a firm grasp of the law too. Because anyone who watched that video realizes those kids were in grave danger before the parents stormed the bus and beat the shit out of the driver. If they call the police they will definitely charge the driver with child endangerment. Definitely.

Yea, those kids were literally about to die. Thank God the parents got there in the nick of time to smash all those bus windows which were clearly open the entire duration of the video. Hey Missy, just a thought – maybe if the parents had just followed procedure the kids would’ve been off the bus 15 minutes before that? Nah fuck that. The parents couldn’t have possibly acted any differently.

Missy Doyle was determined to get to the bottom of this though:

I don’t “no” either Jessica. Don’t worry though, Missy Doyle is on the case!! And remember, if you’re one of the people who think the parents were in the right, at least you’re in good company with these winners:

Yea, the bus driver clearly was due for an ass kicking. Kick her ass Sea Bass!! Because that’s how normal, civilized human beings handle disputes. Kids are definitely better off in the hands of parents like Derek who throw down first and ask questions later. If you don’t think this guy is fit to be a father

then you need to get your ass beat!! I wish I had a Dad who threatened to kick people’s ass on Facebook, never smiled for fear of not coming across as a bad ass, and dressed like a 15 year old emulating hip hop culture. Instead I was stuck with some lame guy who did dumb shit, like read to me and go to parent teacher conferences.

Oh yea, and did we mention that this guy probably shouldn’t go anywhere near school buses since he’s a level 3 sex offender?

Thank God people like him are around to keep bus driver’s in line!!

And Jenna Scott seems….nice. Sure she can’t spell and has a mouth like a trucker, but who has time to learn how to read and write when they’re perfecting their selfie game like a champ?

Keep doing you girlfriend!!

Last but not least is Jessica’s baby daddy Kris Leduc. Together he and Jessica are one of the happiest couples you will ever see:

As you can tell from the picture, Kris Leduc is a learned scholar. High school for him just wasn’t challenging enough so he went a different route:

Clearly it paid off, because his grasp of the English language is second to none:

I count six separate sentences in that post, including one that says “I’m always nice.” Which we already could tell because of pictures like this:

This upstanding individual is clearly fit to reproduce. Thank God he’s raising a new generation of children!! Just like a lot of you, Kris could only sit back and laugh at some of the comments about this whole situation:

Totally. And none of those stupid comments are coming from Kris or the really, really smart parents we’ve met so far in this blog.

You know who the big loser is in all of this? Teachers. God bless you people. I don’t think there’s a profession I respect more than teachers. You know why? Because you couldn’t pay me enough to be one. When these kids don’t pass the standardized test at the end of the year who gets blamed? The dignified parents from the Vernon Hill book club? Nope. Not their fault. It’s all the teacher’s fault. Sure they only have them for a relatively small fraction of their lives. Sure they are being raised by illiterate boobs who have raised them on a steady diet of Freshway Pizza and Wings over Worcester. But if the teachers can’t perform magic and get them to read on grade level (AKA read and write better than their parents), then it’s the teacher’s fault, and the teacher’s fault ALONE.

One last thing. These parents do not represent the population of Vernon Hill as a whole. Most people from Vernon Hill are good, hard-working people who are just trying to make ends meet. Many people in that video had nothing to do with the bus siege. Had someone attempted to stop this mob they probably would’ve gotten their ass beat too. It’s not the neighborhood necessarily that is bad – it’s these specific people. You don’t hear about the nice family of five who lives on the second floor of an apartment that teaches values to their children, who then go on to become productive members of society. Because they’re quiet and in the background. You see people like this. These bus raiders do not represent Worcester or Vernon Hill. They represent themselves, and they embarrass the rest of us.

However, one thing I know about living in Worcester is this. There will be plenty of more material for blogs like this as time goes on. Keep doing you Worcester. Keep doing you!!

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