Turtleboy Investigates

Andover Superintendent Shelley Berman Lied About 4th Place Big 10 Finish, Turns Out He Was A Fencer Who Won A “Freshman Certificate” And Rode The Bench

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Yesterday we published page 1 of 6 from a letter that Andover Superintendent Shelley Brown wrote to his subordinates (Principal Phil Conrad and AHS Athletic Director Don Doucette), explaining to them just how awful his son’s hockey coach Chris Kuchar is:

We will be publishing the rest later today. But one of the best parts about how he starts this completely inappropriate letter (where he is using his influence as the boss to get favorable results for his son) is when he tries to establish credibility as a hockey expert by bringing up his 4th place finish in an unnamed sport while attending the University of Wisconsin:

As a background, I have a good deal of experience with athletic coaching. I was a high school and college varsity athlete, placing 4th in the Big Ten in college – I played for the University of Wisconsin.

So we did a little research to find out if this claim was true, and what sport he allegedly played that has given him an expertise on hockey.

Turns out the answer is……

Fencing!! And no, the vertically challenged poindexter in the middle is not the mascot. It’s Shelley himself:

He was just a shell of himself back then though.

I’ll see myself out.

Either way, is there anything less impressive than being one of the best fencers around? What percent of the country fences? It’s like how Rhonda Rousey is overrated because hardly any women participate in MMA fighting. It’s not hard to be one of the best around in a sport that no one plays.

But it turns out he might’ve embellished his fencing accomplishments too……

First we found the fencing team’s program from Shelley’s freshman year:

You’ll notice that Shelley isn’t even in the team picture. That’s because he wasn’t on the varsity team. He got a “freshman certificate”:

Apparently everyone gets a trophy used to be called, “everyone gets a freshman certificate.”

Obviously not everyone is at the top of their game as a freshman unless they’re playing for John Calipari. So it doesn’t mean he was one of the worst at a sport that no one plays. He had time to get better.

But fourth in the Big Ten? Yea, most people who get that far in any sport at least can make the varsity squad as a freshman. Just sayin.

So then we checked out Wisconsin’s team program from his senior year to see if he had lived up to the person he was describing in his letter. Indeed progress had been made as he was now officially a member of the team and was allowed to pose in the team picture:

But where does it say he finished fourth in the Big Ten? Let’s check Wisconsin’s schedule…..

They lost to Purdue!!!

But seriously, the only Big 10 teams they played were Minnesota, Ohio State, MSU, Illinois, and Purdue. That means Iowa, Michigan, Northwestern, and Indiana did not have fencing teams. Because fencing is a random sport that hardly anyone participates in.

One would think that the guy who finished fourth in the Big Ten would at least be the best fencer on his team, since is team was only good enough to finish in third. Try to find his name highlighted in the Big 10 or NCAA championship results:

His younger teammate Tom Giamo was the overall winner. And it was actually sophomore teammate Harry Chiu who finished fourth in the Big 10 that year, not Shelley Berman, who wasn’t even significant enough to have his name mentioned. Hey Harry Chiu, where you at? Shelley Berman is stealing your valor!! You earned that fourth place finish and now this fraud is using it to get his kid more playing time on the hockey team! If you’re alive please contact us. We will bring back Turtleboy Live if we can get you on the show.

Oh well, at least he got a varsity letter out of it:

As a senior. But he WAS the co-captain. The vocal leader who never played but wouldn’t shut up on the sidelines and basically acted as the team’s de facto cheerleader. So they threw him a bone and made him captain with the understanding that this was en lieu of playing time.

Shelley my friend, we are just warming up. You know and I know the skeletons in your closet that we haven’t written about yet. Just do the honorable thing and resign so we don’t have to keep exposing you like this. It’s not worth it. Just ask all the people in the Turtleboy graveyard…..

Which includes two former superintendents who got up and quit once they realized we were never going to stop. Because there’s a plot for you too.

20 Comment(s)
  • February 1, 2018 at 7:48 am

    What a piss-ant!!!

  • Shelly Starr
    January 31, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    Is fencing the same as sword swallowing?

  • Cringe Factor 10 out of 10
    January 31, 2018 at 6:04 pm

    Now the other superintendents might pick on Shelley at recess, did he bring his lightning bolts? Clearly little Sheldon needs a time-out and some safe-space.

    If he hadn’t made himself out to be something like the starting nose-tackle it would have been amusing but not pathetic and dishonest as it has become.

  • This is too rich, great job TB
    January 31, 2018 at 5:35 pm

    Sheldon Berman…. “Athlete” “I played for the University of Wisconsin” wtf….. you played fencing? You were a fencing athlete?

    Mr. Sheldon Berman, your misrepresentations are beyond the pale!!

    I want to make fun of his name but it is already so bad there is no need, it’s perfect.

    I Jonathan Forbes Kerry should know. Nixon ordered me into Cambodia on secret boat missions on Christmas 1968, never mind Nixon didn’t take office until January 20th 1969.

    “I remember Christmas of 1968 sitting on a gunboat in Cambodia. I remember what it was like to be shot at by Vietnamese and Khmer Rouge and Cambodians, and have the president of the United States telling the American people that I was not there; the troops were not in Cambodia. I have that memory which is seared — seared — in me.” the Liar John F’ing Kerry.

    Love it turtleboy! Good story, started off small and you dug and more and more kept coming out.

    So many liars and phonies in positions of authority, fry their asses. #MeToo for dealing with lying shitheads like the serial Sexual Predator Al Franken who’s bread and butter was “Women’s” issues.

  • Chip Striker
    January 31, 2018 at 4:40 pm

    Funniest part of this story is how he mentions he was a varsity athlete that finished 4th in the Big Ten but fails to mention what sport. This is because he knows if he says it’s “fencing” the people reading the letter will break out in laughter.

  • Archie
    January 31, 2018 at 3:03 pm

    No response from Kevin “Hugh Jass” Lynch?

    What’s wrong Lynchy?  Cannot comment on Sports because you were too fat and stupid and unliked in Southie to play?  Hey look, you’re still fat and stupid and you’re still hated in Southie. 

    Sure the neighborhood has changed but you still cannot come back here you fat piece of shit. 

    Go watch the Simpson’s and try to come up with another clever TB handle you fucking simpleton. 

    • citypoint
      January 31, 2018 at 6:44 pm

      Kevin’s from Dot.
      We have more than our share of shitbirds in Southie.
      Don’t need that murderous sack of shit on the roster.

  • Chip Striker
    January 31, 2018 at 2:23 pm

    Also, lesson to be learned here is, if your going to drag someone’s name through the mud, or attempt to do so, make sure there is no dirt on yourself first. Nice job and degrees do not make one untouchable.

    Nice job Turtleboy!!

  • Chip Striker
    January 31, 2018 at 2:11 pm

    Makes one wonder what else has he lied about.

    Andover School Board should do the right thing and put him on administrative leave pending an investigation.

  • citypoint
    Stan the man
    January 31, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    Fencing is a Big 10 sport?

  • Brian
    January 31, 2018 at 12:26 pm

    I see no difference between him and Sheldon Cooper.

    • KimberlyS
      January 31, 2018 at 3:22 pm

      I’m pretty sure that Sheldon Cooper is smarter.

  • Screw PC
    January 31, 2018 at 11:38 am

    Shelly just broke the fag meter. Pack it up and go to France before Richard Simmons kicks your ass.

  • Rich
    January 31, 2018 at 11:23 am

    This is great. Keep it up!

  • Brutal!
    January 31, 2018 at 11:16 am

    God I hope I’m never featured on TBS, you guys are relentless! But I love how you stick up for the teachers, coaches, police and others that are subjected to modern society’s b.s. microscope. Keep up the great work!

  • Dave Duclos
    January 31, 2018 at 10:58 am

    Great job as usual TB. You are the only journalist left in the Boston area. The tv news trucks from all the local networks staking out the high school and rink are gone now that this is exposed as fiction, no more front page of the Globe and Herald either. In the old days the media would stay on the story for a while at least to try to get to the bottom of it, nowadays a good innocent coach gets destroyed in a planned / coordinated attack by vindictive a’holes like Shelly but the real truth is never sought out or reported by local media. They report the fictional / splashy “coach starved the kids and wouldn’t let them drink water” then all are done with the story.

    Stay on this, Berman and others have a ton of skeletons.

  • John Wypyszinski
    January 31, 2018 at 10:49 am

    I bet the bench isn’t the only thing Sheldon liked riding in college… although he doesn’t look like the type to give a reach around so maybe he just liked to be a catcher instead of a pitcher. Might explain why his kid looks like the FedEx guy, too.

  • Ralph
    January 31, 2018 at 10:25 am

    Nice expose` TB !

  • John Barker
    January 31, 2018 at 10:04 am

    I’m sure Amazing Grace doesn’t get played when a burial happens in the TBS Graveyard…I vote for Highway to Hell…

    • TortugaNino
      January 31, 2018 at 4:04 pm

      I vote for “Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye” !!!

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