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Yesterday we published page 1 of 6 from a letter that Andover Superintendent Shelley Brown wrote to his subordinates (Principal Phil Conrad and AHS Athletic Director Don Doucette), explaining to them just how awful his son’s hockey coach Chris Kuchar is:
We will be publishing the rest later today. But one of the best parts about how he starts this completely inappropriate letter (where he is using his influence as the boss to get favorable results for his son) is when he tries to establish credibility as a hockey expert by bringing up his 4th place finish in an unnamed sport while attending the University of Wisconsin:
As a background, I have a good deal of experience with athletic coaching. I was a high school and college varsity athlete, placing 4th in the Big Ten in college – I played for the University of Wisconsin.
So we did a little research to find out if this claim was true, and what sport he allegedly played that has given him an expertise on hockey.
Turns out the answer is……
Fencing!! And no, the vertically challenged poindexter in the middle is not the mascot. It’s Shelley himself:
He was just a shell of himself back then though.
I’ll see myself out.
Either way, is there anything less impressive than being one of the best fencers around? What percent of the country fences? It’s like how Rhonda Rousey is overrated because hardly any women participate in MMA fighting. It’s not hard to be one of the best around in a sport that no one plays.
But it turns out he might’ve embellished his fencing accomplishments too……
First we found the fencing team’s program from Shelley’s freshman year:
You’ll notice that Shelley isn’t even in the team picture. That’s because he wasn’t on the varsity team. He got a “freshman certificate”:
Apparently everyone gets a trophy used to be called, “everyone gets a freshman certificate.”
Obviously not everyone is at the top of their game as a freshman unless they’re playing for John Calipari. So it doesn’t mean he was one of the worst at a sport that no one plays. He had time to get better.
But fourth in the Big Ten? Yea, most people who get that far in any sport at least can make the varsity squad as a freshman. Just sayin.
So then we checked out Wisconsin’s team program from his senior year to see if he had lived up to the person he was describing in his letter. Indeed progress had been made as he was now officially a member of the team and was allowed to pose in the team picture:
But where does it say he finished fourth in the Big Ten? Let’s check Wisconsin’s schedule…..
They lost to Purdue!!!
But seriously, the only Big 10 teams they played were Minnesota, Ohio State, MSU, Illinois, and Purdue. That means Iowa, Michigan, Northwestern, and Indiana did not have fencing teams. Because fencing is a random sport that hardly anyone participates in.
One would think that the guy who finished fourth in the Big Ten would at least be the best fencer on his team, since is team was only good enough to finish in third. Try to find his name highlighted in the Big 10 or NCAA championship results:
His younger teammate Tom Giamo was the overall winner. And it was actually sophomore teammate Harry Chiu who finished fourth in the Big 10 that year, not Shelley Berman, who wasn’t even significant enough to have his name mentioned. Hey Harry Chiu, where you at? Shelley Berman is stealing your valor!! You earned that fourth place finish and now this fraud is using it to get his kid more playing time on the hockey team! If you’re alive please contact us. We will bring back Turtleboy Live if we can get you on the show.
Oh well, at least he got a varsity letter out of it:
As a senior. But he WAS the co-captain. The vocal leader who never played but wouldn’t shut up on the sidelines and basically acted as the team’s de facto cheerleader. So they threw him a bone and made him captain with the understanding that this was en lieu of playing time.
Shelley my friend, we are just warming up. You know and I know the skeletons in your closet that we haven’t written about yet. Just do the honorable thing and resign so we don’t have to keep exposing you like this. It’s not worth it. Just ask all the people in the Turtleboy graveyard…..
Which includes two former superintendents who got up and quit once they realized we were never going to stop. Because there’s a plot for you too.