Arizona Cardinals’ Jonathan Dwyer Arrested For Beating The Shit Out Of His Wife, Because, Why Not?

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Arizona Cardinals running back Jonathan Dwyer is suspected of assaulting his wife in TWO separate incidents … and is accused of breaking bones … cops tell TMZ Sports. According to police, the 25-year-old allegedly roughed up his wife at their home in Phoenix on July 21st and again on July 22nd. Shortly after the incidents, cops say, Dwyer’s wife left the state with their child. Cops list 2 victims — a 27-year-old female (his wife) and their 18-month-old child. A report was made with cops on September 11, 2014 … and cops have been investigating ever since. After investigators found probable cause, they arrested Dwyer  on Sept. 17th for domestic violence in Tempe. 


Just another day in the NFL. My question is, how long until fantasy football starts making domestic violence arrests a fantasy category? At this rate the NFL won’t even be around anymore and the SEC will be the only the league where people are still paid to play football.

I don’t know much about Jonathan Dwyer, but I do know this – he picked a pretty piss poor time to beat the shit out of his wife and child. I mean, seriously, can these guys possibly be bigger dumbasses? Hey, I have an idea – let’s wait until Greg Hardy, Adrian Peterson, Ray McDonald and Ray Rice make national headlines for beating the shit out of their families. THEN I’ll beat the shit out of my family too. Because apparently this is some sort of right of passage in the league. I mean for Christ’s sake – this guy is a fucking THIRD STRING nobody. And even HE is joining in on the action.

But seriously, why does this happen so much in the NFL and not other leagues? And don’t give me that jive about them being crazy because they play such a violent game. If that’s the case then how come hockey players aren’t doing this on the regular? Those guys are the craziest mofos in all of sports by far. Literally willing to die on the ice just to prove a point. Plus they’re Canadian. Canadians are a frightening breed of people. But ya don’t see the NHL having to suspend all their best players every other day for beating the shit out of their wives and kids.


So yea, Dwyer has to be the stupidest son of a bitch alive. In all seriousness, what the fuck is wrong with you if your initial instinct when being angered by your wife is to punch her in face? Like, does that feel good? Because even watching a dude on dude fight, and hearing the pop from a knuckle sandwich to the grill can make a grown man cringe. But a woman? I’m not trying to be all high and mighty, but what does it even feel like to contemplate punching the woman you love in the face?

When will the NFL finally listen to my plan? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If you have a problem with your wife or girlfriend, just give her the “Turtleboy Chop.” Her words can’t hurt you anymore after that and you don’t end up getting arrested. It’s a win win for everyone.


Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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4 Comment(s)
  • Marilyn Anderson
    September 18, 2014 at 11:46 pm

    what is the turtleboy Chop?

  • Finnish goalie
    September 18, 2014 at 8:32 am

    Life time ban? I imagine they have to be given the right to re-apply if they aren’t locked up for a long enough time, no? Time served, etc etc.

  • Wabbitt
    September 17, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    I’m personally waiting for the racists to say that the players are beating their wives because domestic violence is part of black culture. You all know it’s coming. I give Rush Limbaugh a week

  • Margee Pesikov
    September 17, 2014 at 9:57 pm

    Why can’t I meet an NFL player? I LOVE being beaten up.

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