Asshole Somerville Mayor Joe Curtaphony Is Fining Poor People $300 For Not Buying And Wearing Masks In Public Because This Was Never About Flattening The Curve 


Tyrannical Somerville Mayor Joe Curtaphony is up to his old tricks.

So the government forced businesses to shut down, took away people’s ability to make a living, stripped them of their freedoms without their consent, continued to tax them anyway, never provided them with masks, and now they’re forcing citizens to pay $300 for the crime of not wearing a mask in public?

This is the same city that wants to open safe zones for junkies to inject heroin. Ya got that? The city sanctions places for addicts to ingest an addictive drug that will slowly kill you, but they draw the line on healthy people breathing in public.

It’s the same Mayor who wanted the charges dropped against protesters who blockaded a I-93 five years ago, preventing ambulances from getting to the hospital. He’s willing to forgive that imminent threat to public health, but isn’t willing to forgive healthy people who wanna go for a job while still being able to breathe fresh air.

If you still think this is about public safety and not a bunch of power hungry tyrants seeing how much they can get away with, then you are a moron.

Keep in mind, this guy is a “liberal,” in a city where a lot of people are struggling to get by. A city where there are no shortage of kids who qualify for free and reduced lunch. A city run by a mayor who is against voter ID laws because poor people can’t afford to pay for an ID. He’s now going to force poor people to give him $300 after taking their jobs away from them over a virus.

Very progressive.

Maybe instead of making citizens pay fines for being free Curtaphony could reimburse the city with the costs they paid to his attorney to file a lawsuit against Kirk Minihane because he was too stupid to realize that Kirk is not Kevin Cullen. Ya know, the lawsuit that was dismissed for being a complete waste of time.

But of course they do shit like this because they are elected by people like this who will thank them for it:

Meka works at Mass General Hospital. Again, I respect these people but it’s not up to healthcare workers to dictate policy. It’s their job to treat the sick, not to prevent sickness in the first place.

And if you think I’m ever running with a mask on, you can kiss my ass. The virus doesn’t spread outdoors, and even if you do get it you’re almost definitely not gonna die. I hope Somerville Police make it a point NOT to ticket a single person for this. It’s one thing if the supermarket, which is also indoors and far more likely to spread in, forces you to do it. They’re a privately owned business. But when the government not only mandates it, but punishes you for not complying, you have tyranny.

See that? It’s drunk on power. He’s doing it because he can. My question is, where is the ACLU on this? Our civil liberties are being taken from us by people have viewed the constitution as a barrier between them and complete power for years. And all it took was a virus for people to just pretend that it no longer exists.

I was on board with lockdown shit early on because it was only supposed to be 2-3 weeks to flatten the curve. In case you haven’t noticed by now, there is no end date. No matter how much things improve, and how much we learn about the virus not spreading outdoors, the more restrictions we still end up getting.

“Now’s not the time to ease up.”

Does that sound like someone who’s done taking your freedoms yet? Does a guy who sues Kirk Minihane because he was dumb enough to get catfished seem like the kind of guy who should be in charge of health related decisions?



Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:

Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


85 Comment(s)
  • Joe is in the closet
    May 1, 2020 at 3:01 am

    When they were running this story, every channel made sure to mention “the most densely populated city in New England”… ‘cuz there’s 20 illegals, + their kids, living in 2 bedroom apartments.
    Everybody has called it Scumerville for as long as I can remember.

  • Cheese hog
    April 30, 2020 at 12:58 pm

    The slumerville mayor and the Malden mayor are both homosexuals

  • Ray Patriarca
    Ray Patriarca
    April 29, 2020 at 9:01 am

    What a cunt !

  • Cheddah
    April 29, 2020 at 8:54 am

    Joe Curtatone sucks at life but at least he has good movie taste. Fast Times at Ridgemont High is a classic..

  • Rob Banks
    April 29, 2020 at 2:46 am

    Everyone out wearing a mask? Sounds like a great time to rob the Somerville Credit Union. Tell them Joe sent you.

    • Boo Hoo
      Hunky McJunkie
      April 29, 2020 at 3:01 am

      But he did send me, and said crime is okay since I’m his cousin. Also said I could come to town to shoot up my drugs. He said I can expect a round of applause for being heroic, doing it the “safe” way.

  • Boo Hoo
    April 29, 2020 at 12:04 am

    I have asthma. I can wear a mask and suffocate walking through the grocery store, or breathe decently and *possibly* breathe in that dirty ‘Rona virus. I’ll take my chances. Why is this low level mafia member the epitome of virtue signaling? Oh right, Massachusetts. Forgot. Also, let them have their injection sites. If that means the junkies will go there, that’s great, since I don’t live there.

  • Silencio Dogood
    April 28, 2020 at 11:17 pm

    the fear sown far and wide, i saw a mummified human afraid of passing someone in a store and knew then that Stage One was complete. with 4,000 fewer people dead than those claimed by the 2017-18 flu, this exercise has taught the powers that be how far they can push a cowed and sheepish people, or agendas like a universal wage. Covid is real, but so are the egos of the political bosses.

  • Clarke W is a slave
    April 28, 2020 at 9:39 pm

    Hope an illegal wearing a mask beats his head with a pipe and takes his orange glasses.

  • Do the Reich Thing
    April 28, 2020 at 9:30 pm

    I witnessed 4 people walking a dog. NONE had masks on, even the dog didn’t have a mask on! I bet they even hid a teenage girl in their attic and she’s not wearing a mask!

  • Guinea Geisha
    April 28, 2020 at 9:26 pm

    Maybe these maskholes will reevaluate their own oral hygiene habits. So there’s that.

    Pro tip: Don’t have tuna for lunch if you’re wearing a mask.

  • My name is Joe Stalin Cuntface
    April 28, 2020 at 9:05 pm

    In the old country my family were simply known as the Cunts.

  • Mia Curtatone has scabies and a retard baby
    April 28, 2020 at 7:47 pm

    I heard his neice Mia’s baby came out retarded and her man left her, and she was resorting to giving $50 blojes outside of the Encore casino. Times must be tough for her now that it’s closed down.

    • pornhub content creator
      April 28, 2020 at 8:38 pm

      Id pay 50 to rent the pussy

      • Slore Puncher
        April 28, 2020 at 9:50 pm

        I’d pay $5 to kick her in the teeth

    • little geek bitch on his computer still living with his mommy
      April 29, 2020 at 12:46 pm

      lets see u say that to her face or to any of her familys face u wouldnt have the balls

  • Pornhub Community Standards Team
    April 28, 2020 at 7:35 pm

    Curtatone is a fag cuck.

  • Dr. Fauci
    April 28, 2020 at 6:35 pm

    You should get in contact with William Tauro or the somerville weekly news for all the illegal Joe ‘steroid’ Curtatone and his puppet alderman have done to ruin a great city

    • Only in the ville
      April 28, 2020 at 7:20 pm

      True story. I know the feds are watching him real close. Just waiting for the day they raid him. They just raided the Dpw yard and took a few of his henchmen down. Hopefully they get them to

  • Worcester Kid
    April 28, 2020 at 6:28 pm

    Fuck Slummerville. And all the illegals Homo JOE protects . He cares more about the illegals than Citizens and Veterans . Dude is power trip Gay parade happy . I’m going there with no mask just to say fuck you Joe ! Same with communist Cambridge !

  • JoeMomma
    April 28, 2020 at 4:41 pm

    Which MGL mandates the wearing of masks outside?

    Since we’re all created equal I guess I get to make up some laws too.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    April 28, 2020 at 4:40 pm

    Dude should be fined for stealing his preteen daughter’s orange wayfarer knockoffs

  • D' Amelio- Curtatone
    April 28, 2020 at 3:57 pm

    Do you really know how corrupt this bastard is? You can get a job on the DPW provided you leave him an envelope with 10 grand… The first time he ran, I helped him. He promised me a DPW job. Turns out he wanted the ” offering” to get the job… He’s a dick

  • whatevuh
    April 28, 2020 at 3:44 pm

    Jesus H you have Kirk Minihane on the brain. Please go find him, suck his dick, and get it over with.

  • Charles in Charge
    April 28, 2020 at 3:42 pm

    Look, I know you all will revolt if I say….12 more weeks of businesses shutdown, home schooling and staying at home.

    Instead, I’m going to give you a perpetual extension of 2 more weeks.

    Does anyone remember the answer at Spag’s when something was out of stock? We’ll get more in 2 weeks!

    Ask me again around 15MAY

  • Turtz McGurtz
    April 28, 2020 at 3:30 pm

    I miss Mia.

    • Joe
      April 28, 2020 at 8:42 pm

      Her pussy still smells and she is busy raising another low IQ Curtatone.

  • Stewart Nod
    April 28, 2020 at 3:12 pm

    I guess we’re just going to pretend that F**kboi Fauci told us all for 3 weeks to NOT wear/buy masks. Now this dipstick is fining us for the opposite.
    Clearly, none of these idiots know what the sh*t they’re talking about, but yet they won’t. stop. talking.

  • Judge dread
    April 28, 2020 at 3:05 pm

    I will not wear a mask and if I’m fined that’s a violation of us law and the constitution- right to freedom of movement. I have the right to walk around my block with out being subject to government orders that limit my mobility. Cars and bicycles, that’s a different thing but in a walking city like Somerville it’s unconstitutional and illegal. Go ahead fine me I’ll use it as evidence when I sue he mayors ass.

  • Freedom isn't free
    April 28, 2020 at 2:41 pm

    Dear Turtleboy,

    In this blog you state “I was on board with lockdown shit early on because it was only supposed to be 2-3 weeks to flatten the curve”. You willingly gave up your constitutional rights for 2-3 weeks and called anyone who was against it a “crazy libertarian”. And now you’re surprised that not only will they not give you your rights back but they want to take more of them away???? SORRY, but you chose to give up a little bit of liberty for a little bit of safety. And for that reason (in the words of Ben Franklin), “you deserve neither”.

    Be careful what you wish for. But tell me again about how I’m a crazy libertarian. I still enjoy the blog though.

    • Boo Hoo
      It's Beau Baby
      April 29, 2020 at 3:07 am

      Stop being so silly, you silly goose. Don’t you know that no one is ever right, nothing works out, and we’re all fucked? But anyway, yeah, I too find it ironic that he was all about flattening the curve, and now thinks we’re better off super-charging the pandemic. It’s just a Boomer Remover anyway, eh?

      • The Truth
        April 29, 2020 at 11:53 am

        “Don’t you know that no one is ever right, nothing works out, and we’re all fucked?”

        comment of the year

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    April 28, 2020 at 2:16 pm

    I would hope most cops wouldn’t go as far as actually issuing a ticket. The ones who do, along with mayor baby dick, should be treated like SS officers at Nuremberg once this is all over.

    • Tormented Spic
      April 28, 2020 at 2:36 pm

      El tiene razón

      • Honky Tormentor
        April 28, 2020 at 5:30 pm

        Yea he does

  • Rusty Trombone Curtatone
    April 28, 2020 at 1:20 pm

    Any man wearing orange sunglasses in a suit is a homosexual deviant.

    • Joe Dunn
      April 28, 2020 at 1:54 pm

      I want him so bad and he is over 18

    • Eric Wunschel
      April 28, 2020 at 2:14 pm

      That’s the outfit he wears to his weekly lemon party

      • Don Lemon
        April 28, 2020 at 3:43 pm

        It turns me on.

  • Carlos
    April 28, 2020 at 1:17 pm

    I not wear mask. I stop by police, I no pay fine. I go to jail. I kill Leroy in jail. I get out of jail cuz of de covid-19. I back on the street.

    • DudeRanchStripClub
      April 28, 2020 at 3:13 pm

      Hey, try being consistent. In one sentence you can’t pronounce “the” correctly (“de”) but the VERY NEXT FUCKING SENTENCE you have a grip on the language and get out “the” with little to no issue. Your comment was like watching “The Room”.

      Love you, have a day.

      • Carlos
        April 28, 2020 at 4:13 pm


        • DudeRanchStripClub
          April 29, 2020 at 7:55 am

          All I wanted was to make you laugh. You’re the real MVP.

  • Clarke w
    April 28, 2020 at 12:59 pm

    I am forever grateful for Mayor’s like Joseph Curtatone that have the integrity and courage too make tough tough decisions that unfortunately some people that support ignorant Republican presidents that tell the country to ingest Clorox!!!! Thank you Mayor Curtatone!!!! And continue to lead your city with honor and dignity!! Remember one thing if ever doubt pickup the phone and call my mayor he will always have the right answer!!!! Marty Walsh!!!!! Mayor Marty!!!

    • johnny pissoff
      April 28, 2020 at 1:36 pm

      Hi Moron,
      I’ve taken the time to correct most of your abysmal spelling and grammar. Before calling others ignorant you should return to the 6th grade and learn to use English as it was intended. You fucking liberal asswipe

      I am forever grateful for mayors like Joseph Curtatone that have the integrity and courage to make tough tough decisions that unfortunately some people that support ignorant Republican presidents that tell the country to ingest Clorox!!!! Thank you Mayor Curtatone!!!! And continue to lead your city with honor and dignity!! Remember one thing if you’re ever in doubt pick up the phone and call my mayor he will always have the right answer!!!! Marty Walsh!!!!! Mayor Marty!!!

      • CLARKE
        April 28, 2020 at 5:24 pm

        Anyway all you retards if you don’t like the Mayor Curtatone”s solution or the pretty young lady Hannah”s advice from yesterdays blog go load a syringe with Clorox like Trump told everyone to do oh by the way he did say it just Google Anderson Cooper he will confirm it. But regardless stop being assholes even Mayor Marty said it if your in Boston ” put your mask on and you better not throw them on the ground ” your either part of the solution or your part of the problem!!!!! Stop making things worse like the president has since the minute he stole the election in 2016. OMG stop making Marty”s job more difficult!!!!!!!

        • Wheezy McPleghmtock
          April 28, 2020 at 9:10 pm

          I’m coming for you with a wicked fucking cough.

    • Eric Wunschel
      April 28, 2020 at 1:58 pm

      Did you hear what Trump said or just repeating the shit you are told by the news because its easier. Funny, a head full of fertilizer yet nothing worthwhile grows there

    • Maureen McCarthy
      April 28, 2020 at 2:36 pm

      Would you kindly cite the source where anyone told people to ingest Clorox. You are spreading fake news.

      • Liberals Suck
        April 28, 2020 at 8:22 pm

        Micky, unfortunately you are wasting your time dealing with a brainwashed jackass like Clarke. He doesn’t have the mental capacity to undertake your request to find the source, he wouldn’t know where to start. No matter, he wouldn’t find it anyways, because it never happened. As Deplorable stated very accurately, he can only regurgitate what the MSM tells him. He’s as mindless as Joe Biden. The “stole the election” comment from these liberal morons always makes me chuckle. Seems to me there was an investigation about that, and what was the result? Oh, that’s right, NOT guilty! Of course it did cost the fine taxpayers of this great nation millions of dollars. I twill never end.

    • DudeRanchStripClub
      April 28, 2020 at 3:14 pm

      I hope what ever grammatical seizure you had while writing this ended up killing you.

  • Hmm
    April 28, 2020 at 12:37 pm

    This still seems extreme but the title is misleading. You don’t have to buy a mask to cover your mouth and nose in public. Use a scarf or a bandana. It won’t help you personally but it’s courteous.

  • capone181
    Lee Ho
    April 28, 2020 at 12:33 pm

    I hope the mad shitter from Natick drops a big one on Somerville City Hall front steps, and the mayor steps in it.

    • capone181
      Lee Ho
      April 28, 2020 at 12:35 pm

      She must be wearing her mask when she does it though.

      • Lee Ho
        May 1, 2020 at 3:07 am

        If she was wearing a mask in the first place she might have gotten away with it. We would still have the mysterious shitter to get us through these trying times. Now, more than ever!

  • Big fan
    April 28, 2020 at 12:32 pm

    I’m opposed to mandating masks outdoors because the virus transmits less efficiently there and I’m generally not close to strangers when outside. I’m not an asshole or a hardo though, so when jogging I give other pedestrians wide berth. Not so much worried about myself but I am taking into account others’ concerns and personal space. It’s not hard and it’s the polite thing to do.

    Masks absolutely should be mandated indoors. It’s not only about the wearer’s safety but the safety of the people around the person in the mask. Everything we know about how the virus spreads supports this. This was obvious two months ago when the CDC said they worked for healthcare workers. And everything we know about viral load exposure and the increased dangers to people like grocery store workers, who have been getting sick and dying, supports this.

    Turtleboy is literally the dumbest person who thinks he’s really smart. Isn’t he the guy usually saying “libertarians are cancer,” and now he’s acting like a histrionic pussy because he might have to wear a piece of fabric over his nose during a pandemic. Truly have never seen such a gulf between self-confidence and reality. A dumb, dumb fuck and an absolute bitch.

  • WeRFucked
    April 28, 2020 at 12:23 pm

    Does anyone realize we are all going to die from this? Overweight nurses won’t be able to help us. The doctors are committing suicide because they know there is nothing they can do. People think being told to wear a mask is someone on a power trip. The Chinese win this one. Well played Bruce Lee. Well played.

    • AngryIriah9
      April 28, 2020 at 8:09 pm

      Get a grip you wimpy fuck.

    • Fly Whatevuh
      April 28, 2020 at 8:46 pm

      Go make the world a better place and jump off the top floor of your building.

  • Boston Irish
    Dapper O’Neil
    April 28, 2020 at 12:23 pm

    What a fuckin disgrace, mental midget

  • Kent Brockman
    April 28, 2020 at 12:14 pm

    I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords!

    • Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
      Kent Brockman
      May 2, 2020 at 4:55 am

      Well, this reporter was, possibly a little hasty earlier. We’d like to reaffirm his allegiance to this country and its human President. It may not be perfect, but it’s still the best system of government we have.

      For now.

  • He did the mask
    April 28, 2020 at 12:02 pm

    He did the monster mask. It was a graveyard smash.

  • Philip Landry
    Al Gore's climate crisis hotline
    April 28, 2020 at 11:50 am

    This guy is really causing global warming. He is a good Democrat for sure. I say no masks and Herd immunity for all willing ! Keep the vulnerable isolated, let the rest of us have our inalienable rights back…they have been stolen illegally and fraudulently.

  • Smedley Butler
    April 28, 2020 at 11:38 am

    If you don’t think this is a dress rehearsal, you’re not paying attention.

    • Bucky
      April 28, 2020 at 3:01 pm

      At first I thought the release was waaay too early to interfere with elections- maybe a Chinese broken arrow of sorts. But now it’s becoming clear. I’m betting that restrictions will ease up about two months out from voting time. CV-19 wave two surge forces complete shutdown along with mail in voting and subsequent voter fraud. This is all they got. No way that Creepy Joe can beat Trump.

      *adjusts tin foil hat*

      • Jean Gaultier
        April 28, 2020 at 4:58 pm

        The mail-in voting push is the key. All the lefties are pushing for it, as if it’s a hardcore requirement for moving forward. Mail-in voting would be exponentially more corrupt than the system we have in place today, and invariably it would lead to a left-leaning statist government.

  • Chris Cuomo
    April 28, 2020 at 11:35 am

    I like Joe’s style and yeah fuck the peasants because we do what we want

  • SMH
    MS-13 Bandannas
    April 28, 2020 at 11:34 am

    MS-13 bandannas in public is what narcissistic Joe wanted all along. We can only hope to see his mug covered or cops ticketing his to set a public example, not that he would pay up.

    April 28, 2020 at 11:33 am

    Do I need a mask for my pussy because the stench is so bad people will faint

  • John Q Public
    April 28, 2020 at 11:19 am

    ‘The virus doesn’t spread outdoors”. May I suggest a simple Google search before you try (and fail) to show your the smartest guy on the internet.

    “Researchers in Belgium and the Netherlands created simulations that show even if you’re exercising outside, you could be exposed to the novel coronavirus through what’s called a slipstream”.

    “The droplets that are exhaled by somebody – even if the person coughs or sneezes, but just exhaling is enough,” said Bert Blocken, a civil engineering professor at Eindhoven University in the Netherlands.

    Not that I disagree that mayor Cuntytone is an asshole, but put a ,little effort into your midmorning ramblings.

    • Eric Wunschel
      breath deeply
      April 28, 2020 at 11:35 am

      I am adhering to the original WHO tweet in late January stating that there is no human transmission of the Wuhan sheronavirus. They wouldn’t just repeat what they were told, would they?

      • hartf811
        Hart Ford
        April 28, 2020 at 11:40 am

        W.H.O is financed by corrupt idiots and run by Third World monkeys.

        • Eric Wunschel
          breath deeply
          April 28, 2020 at 12:09 pm

          Third world monkeys would still do a better job than the CCP

      • D.B. Cooper
        April 28, 2020 at 12:21 pm

        Look at this fucktard getting medical advice from a “civil
        Engineering professor”

        Google Sweden while your over in that part of the world.


      • Boston Irish
        Daniel Carver
        April 28, 2020 at 12:25 pm

        FREDO curatone

    • Big fan
      April 28, 2020 at 12:17 pm

      Lots of liars in the world but the meanest of them all was whoever told Uncle Turtleboy that he had anything more than an average intellect.

  • Not a Fan
    April 28, 2020 at 11:18 am

    From the city who openly flouts immigration law and thumbs its nose at ICE presence.
    Somerville is a cesspool. And hizzoner is drunk with power.

    • hartf811
      Hernan Cortés
      April 28, 2020 at 11:37 am

      This guys ratchet family call him Governor. Where is his knocked up junkie niece? She must have dropped squab by now. I’m looking for her back on the street so that I can put my dry foot in her snatch and make her love me.

  • Eric Wunschel
    not wearing a mask right now
    April 28, 2020 at 11:17 am

    Vote for garbage = end up with garbage. Good luck Somerville but not really you get what you deserve

  • Ratchetsaurous Rex
    April 28, 2020 at 11:13 am

    So when someone sees his douche bag self out in public, not wearing a mask…. Will he get fined too? Betcha he won’t. This guy is worse than a fucking Karen.

    • Eric Wunschel
      April 28, 2020 at 11:38 am

      I Googled “male Karen” and “Ian” and “Kyle” came up. Anyone got anything better?

  • Nikko Jenkins
    April 28, 2020 at 11:11 am

    Will gang members and drug dealers be fined?

  • don
    April 28, 2020 at 11:09 am

    wait. dems say we cant have voter-id because the black folk cant afford to get an ID, but they are fining people because they cant afford a mask or just can not find one and thats ok? doesn’t pass the smell test.

  • SJW strike again.....
    April 28, 2020 at 11:06 am

    Once a cunt,always a cunt

Comment on this Post


Nostalgic Facebook Commentators Are Really Pissed Off About Snow Days For Kids
Guy Who Tried Hiding In Tree To Flee Cops on I-290 Earns Moron of the Week Award
Auburn Fan Who Refused To Bet On Florida State Loses Chance To Win Free $25,000 Is Giant Moron