Turtleboy Investigates

Audio Transcript Of Bristol Blarney Lecturing A Judge And Getting Roasted By Attorney Michael Maloney During Failed Attempt At Harassment Order Is So Satisfying


Bristol Blarney claimed that I lied about her massive defeat against me in Attleboro District Court and vowed to pull the transcripts to prove that the judge told her I committed a crime. She never produced the audio but we went ahead and got it for her anyway. Turns out she lied again. Listen for yourself or click here to read the Top 15 moments from the tape on TB Daily News.



Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:

Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


72 Comment(s)
  • far side of the breached cheerio
    March 25, 2020 at 12:18 am

    She needs her turds churned. Then and now.
    I’ll be glad when this is all history.

    March 24, 2020 at 8:07 pm



    • you silly twat
      March 25, 2020 at 12:25 am

      If you’re going to go full capslock, maybe turn on the spellcheck too?
      Go back to jacking off while sucking on a vienna sausage like a jolly rancher, you illiterate, pedo fuckwit.

      • aaronpweiss
        March 25, 2020 at 6:13 am

        Bam. Said what I was about to say. I mean the spelling of civil was real bad. Jesus

  • Bitchasaurus Rex
    March 23, 2020 at 9:47 pm

    Trash Vage Peter needs to keep her slimy legs shut and use her mouth for the only use it has… Preventing more dfc poon polyps. She needs to shut her lying skankaroni azz up. Her mother should’ve swallowed her.

  • Knee deep in ratchets
    March 23, 2020 at 7:05 am

    Ratchet behavior is so interesting.
    Normal people are embarrassed to go to court but for Ratchets it’s something they brag about and love to post about on social media.
    Now here is an example of another level of ratchetness where you have two ratchets fighting about who behaved the most ratchet in court on a particular day.
    A true ratchet always claims they “don’t want no drama” but in reality every thing they do like write shit about other ratchets on Facebook is to create more drama for themselves.
    These two ratchets are the best because they are the type of ratchet that are so fucking ratchet they don’t even see it.

    • Turtz McGurtz
      March 23, 2020 at 10:20 am

      ↑ FACTS ↑

      March 23, 2020 at 5:20 pm

      I don’t know what the fuck happened to this site but with this whole coronavirus shit I’ve been very busy trying to protect myself and my children and I figured today I would try to get my mind off the stress and read me some good old turtle boy but this shit is getting annoying no one cares about that fat bitch and no one cares about some fat fuck with a cartoon on his shirt that you are you are obsessed with each other Jesus Christ This site is going to shit quick

  • Turtleboy is Jerry Springer.
    March 22, 2020 at 10:54 pm

    Man my enthusiasm for this blog went away when I realized that this blog is just the blog equivalent of the jerry springer show.
    By the ratchets for the ratchets. Jerry himself may not be a ratchet but fucking everyone one else in the room is.

    • aaronpweiss
      March 25, 2020 at 6:14 am

      Boom. Roasted. NOT!

  • mearanerin
    Boiled Rabbit
    March 22, 2020 at 8:19 pm

    Single White TB

    • Unger
      March 23, 2020 at 9:29 am

      Who’s fucking everyone in the room? What the hell are you talking about?

    • Adub
      March 25, 2020 at 6:14 am

      Yet you are here commenting

  • Get over it clown
    March 22, 2020 at 7:38 pm

    Someone is obsessed…

  • randiguy2006
    March 22, 2020 at 5:57 pm

    You both deserve each other

  • Probably Not
    March 22, 2020 at 8:26 am

    Would it make any difference if Unc was the one with saggy tits and a hook nose and Kate was the one wearing kids clothes with little cartoon turtles on them?
    Nah probably not this whole thing would still be a ratchet waste of time and tax payer money.
    Ratchets will be Ratcheting.

  • Bob Villa
    March 22, 2020 at 8:03 am

    I bet she gets a lot of tit lint under those hangers. She sounds like a typical narcissistic liar. And she’s ugly. And fat. Fuck her with a lolly column.

    • pete buttplug
      March 22, 2020 at 9:58 am

      it’s Lally column you peckerwood
      A disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance.
      Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors.
      Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others’ feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement.
      The disorder needs to be diagnosed by a professional. Treatment involves talk therapy.

      • Lindsay Graham
        March 23, 2020 at 5:18 am

        Damn it Pete, do you have to bring Trump into every conversation?

    • Norm Abram
      March 22, 2020 at 10:35 am

      I wouldn’t go near her wood chipper

  • Eddie
    March 22, 2020 at 6:56 am

    Open letter to Anne. Anne, I’m sorry but this isn’t working out. It isnt you,its me and I think its better if we just move on. I will remember the good times and I hope that you do too.
    Take care

  • Hey Turtlecock how bout instead of just sitting there blogging about rednecks nobody cares about, how bout you get off your lazy fat ass and raise some money for people who’ve been put out of work by corona virus. You fat fuck.
    March 22, 2020 at 6:47 am

    We get it. This white trash lady loves being nude in public, is gay, drinks heavily and hosts orgies in her backyard. You’re obsessed with her cuz she told you the truth — that you can’t fuck. Let it go and get some viagra and put down the pork rinds you type 2 diabetic loser

    • aaronpweiss
      March 25, 2020 at 6:16 am

      He’s not fat though. He even goes to ghetto $5 planet fitness. Duh

  • Tony tiger
    March 22, 2020 at 1:38 am

    I heard she sucked off a couple of lawn jockeys in high school

    • Bristol = Obese, Liberal Foot Stamp Whale
      March 22, 2020 at 5:35 am

      Bristol’s dream Friday night? A couple of porch monkeys snd entire sheet cake.

  • Dr Ed
    March 22, 2020 at 1:35 am

    An update on my recovery
    I’m still craving the wild turkey but the massive amount of benzodiazepines I’m taking helps
    And Julian E’s mother visited me and brought me a pie and then licked my balls and asshole
    She’s a peach

    Pray for me

    • uncle Jerry
      March 22, 2020 at 10:12 am

      hi Truman

  • Tom Blackburn
    March 22, 2020 at 1:31 am

    There’s no such thing as an audio transcript, TB. Transcripts are, by their very definition, written. It’s an audio recording.

    Also, Bristol is the fattest, most worthless dumpsterslut I have ever seen in my life.

  • Blight
    March 22, 2020 at 1:29 am


    Respectfully you’re a sad asshole

    • DudeRanchStripClub
      March 23, 2020 at 9:35 am

      The tell of a really good comment is a near even split of likes to dislikes. Good work.

  • Sol Rubestein
    March 22, 2020 at 12:40 am

    That first picture… oy vey! But I would still spooge my sheckles all over her hook nose

  • I hate hook noses
    March 21, 2020 at 11:26 pm

    Her j£w nose is disgusting.

  • Chick digs my Kielbasa
    March 21, 2020 at 10:25 pm

    The mainstream media has zero journalistic integrity . I enjoy TB sports because they are one of the last vestiges of free speech . I don’t always agree with him , nor particularly like him , but I do respect him standing up to the liberals who want to dictate what gets published. Turtle man ain’t afraid of nothing ,

  • Truman
    March 21, 2020 at 9:41 pm

    TB is a fucking didler
    And should not be trusted

    • julian E
      March 21, 2020 at 11:01 pm

      Tom Brady did no such thing. I hears your uncle Jerry went balls deep into your ass.
      What say you know jizzrag?

      • Truman
        March 22, 2020 at 1:31 am

        Obviously you’re functionally illiterate
        The only one getting fucked up the ass is your mother for 10 bucks a pop in the parking lot of Encore

        • Peter Cottontail
          March 22, 2020 at 9:55 am

          You knew someday the truth about your uncle Jerry would come out, it is the basis of your homosexual cravings for black cock in your mouth.
          Meet me @ 120 gaslight drive in Weymouth and I’ll punish you bitchboy

  • Raney
    March 21, 2020 at 9:38 pm

    I’d like to eat her out and suck those big titties

    • Greta titless
      March 21, 2020 at 11:03 pm

      That’s kind of weird

  • Lifetime called, your script sucks
    March 21, 2020 at 9:01 pm

    First she tells her “friends” in Discord that the truck burning was directly related to the threatening post, “I won’t stop until everything you love is BURNED to the ground.”

    Then she says, “on Monday morning I walked into an influx of emails demanding I be FIRED.”

    Kinda sounds like the same person wrote both of those statements.

  • GG
    March 21, 2020 at 8:13 pm

    Pathetic! I can’t believe anyone is dumb enough to follow her! You can tell she thinks she is smarter than everyone even the judge! The whole recording I’m like stfu! She is grasping at straws! And has yet to explain ANYTHING! I could respect her admitting she messed up but all the half truths and lies! Come on private discord my ass! EVERYONE had access and still does! I hope it all blows up in her face she needs a awakening. Definitely narcissistic! If she really gave a crap about her kids she would stop lying and own her shit!

  • vinny da ginny
    March 21, 2020 at 6:52 pm

    she does have a decent set of cans though

    • fuckface O'Reily
      March 21, 2020 at 11:06 pm

      not really, they’re all hangy with pimples from sweat on them.she a warpig

      • vinny da ginny
        March 22, 2020 at 3:56 am

        hey fuckface, you say that like its a bad thing?

  • one eye jack
    March 21, 2020 at 6:48 pm

    she’s a cunt, you’re a dope

  • whatevuh
    March 21, 2020 at 6:37 pm

    OMG how fucking long is this going to go on? STOP ALREADY !!

    • Mr.Bubba
      March 21, 2020 at 7:01 pm


  • I Hate Kate
    March 21, 2020 at 6:01 pm

    Hey Kate,
    No one would have ever know. about this had you not brought it to the public . Knock it the F off already.

  • TB grooming co.
    March 21, 2020 at 5:08 pm

    TB and the Jew face deserve each other, TB chose her but he always has bad judgement. Never listen to a diddler like TB.

  • Eat shit attleboro
    March 21, 2020 at 5:05 pm

    I’ve been in the Attleboro kangaroo court on more than one occasion,it’s a fucking joke for any kind of real justice.bunch of inbred,connected shitbirds,from the guy in a dress banging the gavel to the court jesters

  • Douche bag
    March 21, 2020 at 4:26 pm

    Wut a fucking CUNT

  • Trash Vag Kate
    March 21, 2020 at 4:18 pm

    Uggggg! Good lawyer tho Uncle- Trash Vag Kate seems exactly like I thought she would be. Watch out for those ratchet people that think they are better than everyone else. Good luck in life, Trash Vag.

  • Fred Knessl
    March 21, 2020 at 4:00 pm

    Boy, it was just like Kate and Mrs. Masshole said. She whooped your sorry ass all around the block!! Made you run away quivering and crying to mommy, she did. That Lawyer of yours TOTALLY FUCKED you over Unkle! He was throwing your ass under the bus and you are just too goddamn DUMB to know it!
    But seriously folks. This transcript does not even resemble Mrs. Masshole’s description of the goings on. Which one do I believe? Hmmm, tough one. This could have been boring as hell, but was not.
    And I really like the approach Mr. Maloney took, it feels almost as if he’s been in a courtroom before. Well, so has Kate, but she’s always on the other side of the Bar. His grasp of the Pissing contest was spot on and he knew just what to do, what to say and how to say it. With the tiniest bit of Prep to boot!
    God I hope this dries up and blows away soon, as I am getting tired of the Bristol this, Bristol that, Mrs. Masshole the other thing ad infinitum!

    • 100% kike
      March 21, 2020 at 5:35 pm


    • Daniel Sullivan
      Sprinkle Pig
      March 21, 2020 at 7:16 pm

      You claim you’re so tired of this yet here you are writing a long reply about something “you’re so tired of”. Which means you’ve read all the articles and listened to the entire video of the court transcript. I don’t if I was tired of something I wouldn’t be here commenting on it. You damn well know you love this and can’t get enough. However feel free to head to the “Masshole Report”. They are turning out some serious journalism. Like a white trash bag explaining how to wash hands and why it’s important and a no one explains why he think Brady left. Lol. Serious takes! Lmao. Long story short fuck you you liar.

  • mrme
    March 21, 2020 at 3:52 pm

    You both act like children. A complete waste of the courts time. I want my 30 mins of wasting my life back.

  • Sam
    March 21, 2020 at 3:15 pm

    To All who don’t want to hear about Kate anymore.,
    Skip these blogs and go to the next. How would you like it if a vindictive bish like Kate did this to you?

  • Daniel Sullivan
    Sprinkle Pig
    March 21, 2020 at 3:12 pm

    I love how no matter how many times she claims to bare her soul and tell all she still lies. She is incapable of telling the truth. She absolutely has a personality disorder and clearly is a pathological liar. Just listening to her speak in court you can tell she’s manic and needs to be on medication and in therapy. I’d say this is sad but truthfully hearing about her life the only thing that is sad is how she treated her children. I honestly believe she made the right choice in “given up” her youngest two kids. However to pretend she did it because she loved them so much and couldn’t take them away from their foster parents is another lie. This lie is to herself though. She only did because she saw them as a burden and by doing it she could make herself out as a victim but more importantly as a “hero” to people like Trashley and Masshole wife. Quite possibly the two only people more disgusting than Kate. Lmao! I’m just kidding Kate is number 1 by far. Ratchet madness is a lock! Lol

  • Anna
    March 21, 2020 at 3:07 pm

    god her voice is annoying AF.
    Kate thinks she is smarter than everyone else.
    Kate thinks she can keep poking the turtle and be a victim.
    Hey Kate, go to take a shower,

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      March 21, 2020 at 3:37 pm

      She has that ‘I smell like cabbage’, West Virginia trailer park look to her

    • Eddie
      March 21, 2020 at 4:41 pm

      Hi Anna, whats up? Do you know Anne?

  • Anne
    March 21, 2020 at 3:06 pm

    Do you think she’ll ever realize she fucked with the wrong person, or is she incapable of that? There’s nothing worse than a liar, except a bad liar. Jesus she’s insufferable. Hopefully, this will help you nail the coffin shut.

    • Eddie
      March 21, 2020 at 4:40 pm

      Hi Anne, did you see my other comments to you? How you doing today? Whats up?

      • Anne
        March 21, 2020 at 4:44 pm

        Hey Eddie:)
        Yes I saw and responded. I’m doing well today! Watching Girls on HBO and Supernatural is next up. How are you?

        • Eddie
          March 21, 2020 at 6:54 pm

          Hi Anne , I’m good thanks! I haven’t watched that show Girls. I like Supernatural though. That has a lot of seasons. 15 or more? Im on season 3 or 4 last time I watched. Well, enjoy the shows. 🙂

          • Eddie
            March 21, 2020 at 11:12 pm

            hey Anne, one last thing, do you swallow or spit?

          • Eddie
            March 22, 2020 at 6:53 am

            Hi Anne, that wasn’t me that typed that! I would never be that rude.

    • I See Dumb People
      I see dumb people
      March 21, 2020 at 4:49 pm

      She’s a true narcissist. She will never truly believe she did anything wrong, or that she did something wrong to another human. She will always be a victim and a hero in her own mind the status only changing when the need for it is there. She will never truly change because she is incapable of taking any real accountability for anything and everything and anything bad that happens to her as a direct result of her own doing will always be someone else’s fault. Its a sad sad way to go through life but to her it is the only way to go through life. She is scum

  • Jeff J
    March 21, 2020 at 3:05 pm

    So Masshole’s wife IS that fucking dumb. Her video reaction to what went on in that courtroom is priceless. She must be deaf AND dumb.

  • Judge Matthes
    March 21, 2020 at 2:49 pm

    You’re clearly deranged.

  • Mike Muppet
    March 21, 2020 at 2:26 pm

    Shes a trashbag.

    • Confused
      March 22, 2020 at 7:39 pm

      But when she was a “Turtle Rider” she was okay?

Comment on this Post


Who Are Worcester’s Top 5 DUI (OUI) Attorney’s?
Best Show Of All Time: True Detective, House Of Cards, The Wire, Sopranos, Or Breaking Bad?
I Figured Out What Happens To Tony Soprano In Final Scene But It Still Sucks; Here Are The Top 10 Funniest Scenes In Sopranos History