Turtleboy Investigates

Auditing Trojan Ratchet Bristol Blarney Part 2 – Abortion Parody Videos, Forcing Crotch Fruits To Call Her A Retard, Shitting On Bad Moms


Prior to blogging for Turtleboy, Bristol Blarney was a walking blog herself. But what most people don’t realize is that she dabbled in YouTube fame with some weird videos about late term abortion, and having her daughter call her a retard while allegedly trying to “get back” her other two crotch fruits that were taken by the DCF fairy. Since Kate is now in the business of judging and auditing shitty parents, it’s only appropriate that someone audits her. Click here to read part 2 of this series on TB Daily News.



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60 Comment(s)
  • Mr. Peter
    March 20, 2020 at 10:45 am

    Kate’s mom took it up the keister but still got pregnant anyway. No wonder Kate’s a stinky azzhole

  • DudeRanchStripClub
    March 19, 2020 at 9:30 am

    Advil is the cocaine of the pill world? What the fuck. Please post the context to that joke, goddammit.

  • I’m from the 617
    March 19, 2020 at 1:35 am

    While we are on the self judgement tour. TB can you lay-off the cocaine on Thursday mornings before the Callahan podcast. It’s to the point you’re unlistenable. You sound like an 11 yo HDAD Ritalin patient

    • 508 is where I'm from
      March 20, 2020 at 10:49 am

      617 You seem to know an awful lot about cocaine, relax Bristol Meth, no one’s taking your stash

  • Miss Piggy
    March 18, 2020 at 1:13 pm

    What part of this this mini-series focuses on Bristol’s continuous public nudity? And where can we find this online?

    Asking for a friend.

  • Orion
    March 18, 2020 at 11:00 am

    Teebs, you know you’re my boy, but how the fuck where you not aware of how much ratchetry this bitch was up to before you hired her? Also, it’s a riot that she blames “looking skanky” for her being a single mom of three with no ‘paternal support’, whatever the fuck that is. No, bitch. Blame your shitty personality and choices, and terrible choices in splooge donors. Fuck’s sake.

  • jamal khashoggi's severed cock
    March 18, 2020 at 10:36 am

    I once knew a fair looking lass
    who liked my cock in her ass
    now her tits are all squishy
    and her pussy smells fishy
    no doubt she a product of Mass
    nawr i ffwrdd â chi fuck
    Hello Dick

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      March 19, 2020 at 6:19 am

      Tremendous work!!! A+


  • Turtz McGurtz
    March 18, 2020 at 10:27 am

    what kind of life is this?

  • M. Cunningham
    March 18, 2020 at 8:39 am

    I’ve loved the content on TB for a long time. That said, I have zero interest in any of these Bristol feud articles. Disappointing that these are the majority of the recent posts.

  • Spic Tormentor
    March 18, 2020 at 8:10 am

    Her gine must be ravaged

  • MAGA
    March 18, 2020 at 8:06 am

    She hates Trump so now every time you blog about her I picture her on her knees gobbling his giant cock. Then he forces her to piss all over him. I LOVE OUR PRESIDENT!

  • Tits or GTFO
    March 18, 2020 at 7:08 am

    Enough with this petty Bachelorette drama. Nobody gives a fuck. Show us this chick’s kittens or move the fuck on.

  • Honestly TB get real
    March 18, 2020 at 7:05 am

    I support TB but not all his opinions or crazy self destructive behavior. TB should pause and take an honest inventory of all the negative situations he gets himself into through his own decisions.

    When TB admitted he didn’t properly look into Bristol’s past that told the entire story. She seemed fun, edgy and can look attractive. TB made Bristol his side kick and took the bait hook, line and sinker. TB your future is filled with more Bristols, law suits, court appearances and misery because of you, it’s not anybody else’s doing. TB gets himself into one difficulty after another and makes every situation worse with his immaturity and rage.

    TB obsesses on ratchets and ratchet behavior for a reason, he’s one step removed from being a full-on ratchet himself. Wouldn’t be surprised if TB starts hawking TB brand toilet paper on facebook.

  • T.R.
    March 18, 2020 at 4:32 am

    This time she gets secured to a sawhorse.
    Double session in the balloon knot.
    Upload to Pornhub this time.

  • Ibita
    March 18, 2020 at 1:06 am

    What’s funny if that if anything she’s someone with the right to criticize people. Clearly she didn’t hide what happened, giving up your children so they can have a better life is selfless. Having had family deal with DCF i can assure you splitting siblings up and forcing the younger to be adopted IS NOT UNCOMMON. Meanwhile you’re desperate and grasping, gossiping about a former employee you barely paid.
    How do you not feel pathetic?
    I’ve seen you mock things she’s previously written that you hailed at the time. You’re just as much as a pathetic hypocrite as she’s is, if not more so because you’re talking about a subject you clearly (and thankfully for you) have no actual knowledge about.

    • Liar, liar..work truck on fire.
      March 18, 2020 at 1:41 am


      The average law abiding citizen will never have to deal with DCF, let alone be “forced” to split up and adopt out their own children.

      If you consider DCF Fairy snatchings, “NOT UNCOMMON”, you’ve failed at life.

  • The Angry Walrus
    March 17, 2020 at 11:42 pm

    Go Fist Yourself, Kate

  • What a crying little bitch shut up no one cares
    March 17, 2020 at 10:31 pm

    Bitch admitted to being a liberal in a blog a few weeks after she started i already didnt like her but That did it for me never read an article after that I even warned turtle gimp way back then not to trust her he didnt listen he thinks he knows everything If turtle gimp here was not the flip flopping fake conservative he is he would have gotten rid of her right then and there

  • Broken Trojan Wrapper Ratchet
    March 17, 2020 at 9:34 pm

    Those youtube videos are creepy as hell.

    What kind of derelict trash goblin makes videos joking about late term coat hanger abortions when they have open cases with DCF? Someone who would rather get likes on the internet instead of custody of their children back, that’s who.

    Also – curious to know if those poor pharmacists and store employees knew they were being filmed for her sick entertainment. Kinda seems like something a scummy “auditor” would do.

  • Kate's Mom Should've Swallowed
    March 17, 2020 at 8:57 pm

    Drug use, child neglect, alcohol abuse, and probably herpes, great accomplishments Katie. Well done. Keep patting yourself on the back, ya Swamp Donkey

  • WoWzEr
    March 17, 2020 at 8:54 pm

    Oh boy.. i can see the Discord feed now..
    “I have an actionable case against him now”

  • Raney
    March 17, 2020 at 8:40 pm

    I’d let her put the tip of her tongue up my asshole

  • whatevuh
    March 17, 2020 at 8:38 pm

    If anyone actually reads 32 pages of this fucking garbage, you really need a hobby

    • Bish Please
      March 17, 2020 at 9:43 pm

      Bitch, shut up. Go back up Kate’s ass with her dirty ass clothes.

  • Mr. Wood
    March 17, 2020 at 7:33 pm

    Time to move on. You are obsessed. Let it go and give us some good stuff.

  • Click bait X2
    March 17, 2020 at 6:58 pm

    Bro why do I have to give you add rev through this site and get directed to another site. Why can’t you just post the real site? Oh that’s right cuz u are a con

  • Salty Swamp
    March 17, 2020 at 6:47 pm

    Why not change the name of your blog to Bristol girl daily.???? Seems that you have some salt in your swampwater.

  • Old newzzzzzz
    March 17, 2020 at 6:43 pm

    Turtle says he’s not talking about it anymore. Proceeds to drag it out until I Unsub. Speaking of that your mods deleted my Youtube comments so not any point in sticking around.

    • Bish Please
      March 17, 2020 at 9:50 pm

      with that attitude you never supported Turtleboy. quit acting like a TB supporter. This cunty did him dirty AF. If you have a problem with it then leave.

  • Liberals Suck. GO TRUMP GO
    March 17, 2020 at 6:41 pm

    While the Dems were trying to Impeach Trump…. President Trump was already having High Level Meetings with the CDC and was monitoring the Outbreak in China.

    While a Senate Trial was going on against Trump….. a working group had already determined that more assets and agencies needed to be part of it and the Panel of Experts were brought to the Whitehouse….. the Dems said it was “Too White and Male!”

    While President Trump stopped flights from China and evacuated American Personnel… the Dems said the “Ban is Racist!”

    While President Trump had been taking Positive Containment Efforts for almost a Month and a half….. the Dems Screamed “Too Little Too Late!”

    While President Trump asked for Emergency Funding for Corona Containment Efforts….. Nancy Pelosi and the Dems were preparing a Grab Bag of Pork Barrel Spending for their favorite Leftist Causes!

  • Snooze Fest
    March 17, 2020 at 6:40 pm

    Told all my co-workers to check this site out and in group text they told me they don’t know this chick and are all set. Thanks for talking about irrelevant ex workers and not real matters. What happened to you dude……..seems you’re straight slipping …

    • Plough
      March 17, 2020 at 7:26 pm

      Hey coworkers! Check out how cool I am because of a website. Anyone want to be my friend? Please?

      You fucking loser

  • capone181
    Lee Ho
    March 17, 2020 at 6:32 pm

    My guess is Kate’s blogging about others is her coping method concerning her own miserable life.

    • Donald Trump is the Lord God
      March 18, 2020 at 8:02 am

      Kate or TB?

  • Locked in mortal combat
    March 17, 2020 at 6:26 pm

    On a lighter note, anyone got Corona yet? This very well might be the most ratchet story ever written. She could be a case study in abnormal psychology, or at the very least, a really good Springer episode. I hate to say it, but this is the entertainment my quarantined ass needed today. Let us know when you’re done wiping the floor with her. Thanks. P.S. Kate has a channel? I need to witness this myself. Is it still up?

    • The Corona was a good car
      March 17, 2020 at 8:29 pm

      I don’t understand your question. Toyota stopped making the Corona some years ago. There’s a lengthy article about it on Eric Peters’ auto website. If Toyota still made that car they’d be making a fortune today with all the talk about it.

      • Sir Wilfred Death
        March 17, 2020 at 9:22 pm

        My first car was a 1971 Toyota Corona. I bought it in 1979 for $200. In all these years, it was the best car I’ve ever had. If given the choice between a night with Maude or Heidi or getting that car back, I’d take my Toyota.

        Social Media is Cancer

        • Harry Chapin
          March 17, 2020 at 11:46 pm

          I learned about love in the back of a dodge.

          • Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
            Al Bundy
            March 21, 2020 at 12:24 am

            I don’t have any pieces of crap, I just have the Dodge.

  • Steve O Young
    March 17, 2020 at 6:05 pm

    keep in mind this psycho is a pathological liar. Nobody ever abused her she trained her kids to say that.
    What she does like doing is having black guys over while her boyfriend is at work and fucking the coons in the living room in front of her kids making them watch her pussy and ass get pounded.
    Total whore!

  • Woohoo
    March 17, 2020 at 6:00 pm

    Gee sitting home all day is such fun. If you like Russian roulette.

  • Turdchomper
    March 17, 2020 at 5:35 pm

    I made it through about 6 minutes of the asshole report last night. It’s embarrassing. A bunch of children trying to talk shit and act tough..

    • The late night take show hosts don't need to worry
      March 17, 2020 at 6:00 pm

      I lasted about five minutes. Very weird. Her semi-confessional monologue. The strange guy with the shades. Apparently these webcasts earn dollars, or maybe pennies, from someone — YouTube? Watchable for the same reason I might look at a video of a bad car crash. But it seems like a gateway to something else more sinister, once they get impatient for more cash — hard core video porn, dark web hard drug sales, or something similar. Like watching future heroin addicts trying pills for the first time — you know what’s going to happen later.

      • *talk show
        March 17, 2020 at 6:02 pm

        *talk show

  • Ray Patriarca
    Rob Reiner, another big-mouthed liberal Yid!
    March 17, 2020 at 5:32 pm

    Lesson #1 for guy’s:
    Always look for the “crazy eyes”.
    Never hire one with them.
    And for God’s sake, never, ever fuck one !
    If you do, you’ll rue your decision for a lifetime.

  • The Salty Stoic
    March 17, 2020 at 5:25 pm

    I love these stories. Whenever I read one, I’m so goddamn happy that my life is nothing like the lives depicted here.

  • Daniel Sullivan
    Sprinkle Pig
    March 17, 2020 at 5:13 pm

    It’s also great coming here and seeing all the pathetic Bristol crew scum bags writing in the comment section. It feels good knowing that I’m on the right side because there’s no way I can be in the wrong when the other side has the likes of Kate Peter Who is so insane she burns her own companies truck in the hopes of having her former employer arrested while trying to steal his company, then you have bitch tits who likes to rape women with his pathetic 2 inch cock or mass holes wife who couldn’t be any more of white trash if she tried along with her fat scumbag chin strap of a husband. I mean seriously imagine being associated with the “Bristol crew” what a bunch of fucking losers.

  • Elephant in the room
    March 17, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    All of Bristol-Kate’s complaints beg a huge question: why didn’t she use birth control? Why didn’t her husband/boyfriends?

  • Daniel Sullivan
    Sprinkle Pig
    March 17, 2020 at 5:08 pm

    I love it! I can’t get enough she is the ultimate piece of garbage and has some serious mental health issues that need to be addressed. So at least she has an excuse for her behavior what about that loser Mitch what’s his excuse is either too stupid to realize what he’s attached himself to or he doesn’t care either way I think you should be doing some looking into that kids past piece of shit. I love it. And can’t get enough she is the ultimate piece of garbage and has some serious mental health issues that need to be addressed. So at least she has an excuse for her behavior what about that loser Mitch what’s his excuse he’s either too stupid to realize what he’s attached himself to or he doesn’t care either way I think you should be doing some looking into that kids past piece of shit

  • randiguy2006
    March 17, 2020 at 5:04 pm

    So glad you let this all go.

    Think abut all the illegally parked people getting off scott free while you write this drivel.

  • Sir Wilfred Death
    March 17, 2020 at 4:55 pm

    Move the heck on Uncle. You are going to lose it all if you don’t stop this right now.

    You say you don’t read the comments but people who have made a lot of insightful posts are telling you the same thing. This amounts to a lot of life experience. People with wisdom who care about you as a human being. Stop. Right. Now.

    Social Media is Cancer

    • Bish Please
      March 17, 2020 at 9:47 pm

      Why would he lose it all if he don’t move on?

      • Sir Wilfred Death
        March 18, 2020 at 5:56 am

        Fickle and bored readers leave and never come back.

        He slips up and finds himself in legal jeopardy.

        Site quality goes down.

        His mental and physical health is affected leading to disaster.

        Social Media is Cancer

        • Bish Please
          March 18, 2020 at 10:48 am

          you can always skip the posts. you obviously don’t support TB if you wanna leave over him being angry at her and exposing her.

  • Annoyed Rider
    March 17, 2020 at 4:52 pm

    You didnt do a background check when you hired her. Why the fuck start now? Move on..

  • Crank
    March 17, 2020 at 4:52 pm

    Tons of red flags all around her. The major one was when she was writing about the straight pride parade. Something about it was completely off base and that’s when I realized what a delusional cunt she is. Stopped reading anything she wrote after that. Hopefully she ends up face down in the gutter with some needles in her arms

  • turtlehasbitchtits
    March 17, 2020 at 4:47 pm

    You spent the entire day locked in the basement obsessing again. I wonder when Mrs Turtle will have had enough. Some day you’ll come up for air and she’ll be gone.
    Look at yourself in the mirror. You can see the hate shrivel up your already ugly little face.
    You’re a POS.

    • Good survival strategy
      March 17, 2020 at 5:08 pm

      He’s doing the right thing. We are supposed to be self-isolating, because of the coronavirus. And he’s getting some work done. If you’re not hiding out in your basement, you should probably at least get your temperature taken. Get with the program.

    • pete buttplug
      March 18, 2020 at 10:09 am

      you’re an angry reprobate and a meany

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