Becky And The Boomer Patrol Cause Panic With Hoax About Her Lying Niece Nearly Getting Sex Trafficked In Smithfield When Someone Ziptied A Shopping Cart To Door


The Smithfield, RI chapter of the Pumpkin Spice Mafia kicked it up a notch this week with their latest viral lie.

Of course her name is Becky. Because, of course it is.

She’s stuck on the bottom rung of the Herbalife pyramid scheme.

Which tells us everything we need to know about her overall level of gullibility.

And according to Becky her niece Rachel Gervasio and her boyfriend Jason Torrey were nearly sex trafficked at the Smithfield Target because someone ziptied a shopping cart to her door and there was a truck nearby.

So OBVIOUSLY the only logical conclusion a person can reach is that this was sex trafficking. This is the kind of street smarts a high school degree gets you in Rhode Island.

This completely asinine, ridiculous, unbelievable story was of course immediately shared by the Pumpkin Spice Mafia in large amounts, and they were TERRIFIED!!

Thots and shares!

“I’ve seen people say this before. I guess its to get you to go to the other side of the car where they park and throw you into a vehicle.”

And that ladies and gentlemen is why women couldn’t vote until 1920. Sorry, not sorry, because it’s half true. To be THAT stupid that your entire thought process comes from something “I’ve seen people say before,” should disqualify you from choosing who the President is.

As someone pointed out, this is an old trick that people do to other people who park like assholes.

So her niece probably parked like an asshole too and got the shopping cart treatment.

But Becky wasn’t trying to hear that, and she certainly wasn’t gonna take her post down, even though her niece had already done so by this point.

“Prank or no prank, it’s happening.”

No. No it’s not. There is no epidemic of white women being kidnapped in Target parking lots by men who tie shopping carts to your car. In the vary rare occasion where a kidnapping does happen the kidnapper attempts to be inconspicuous. I couldn’t think of something that could draw more attention to a kidnapping than tying a shopping cart to a car door. They also wouldn’t do it to a woman who was with her boyfriend. Obviously. And if it did happen, it would be extremely easy to solve since there are cameras everywhere and the cops could trace the license plate in five seconds.

But her idiot niece shared it, therefore she did the right thing by blindly stoking fear in the public, and tying up police resources to deal with the plethora of phone calls that no doubt came with it.

I swear to God, some of these people really, really wanna be sex trafficked just so they can post about it on Facebook. I don’t think they’d like how it would end up. did a story on this two months ago, explaining how unbelievably fake news these posts are.

Human trafficking experts and police are all in agreement – you are an idiot if you share a post like this.

“It’s essentially like an urban legend or a scare-lore. The whole idea of the intent is just to scare people,” Lt. Brian Oleksyk told WILX, adding that sex traffickers use drastically different tactics.

“Most of the time for traffickers they are using a computer online or it’s somebody they already know from a previous relationship or a peer to peer. Very rare is it for them to prey on a stranger,” Oleksyk said, according to the outlet.

Celia Williamson, director of the Human Trafficking and Social Justice Institute at the University of Toledo in Ohio, echoed Oleksyk’s statement, calling the claims “ridiculous,” the Toledo Blade reported.

“It’s not about stranger danger, it’s more about people befriending you and over time they get you into situations where you can be trafficked,” Williamson told the outlet. “If you manipulate a kid into thinking that you’re her boyfriend, then they will participate in their own victimization, then I can traffic you for months or years.”

A few months ago some other nudnik’s post was shared almost 10,000 times before Politifact and Facebook warned people that it was fake news.

But of course the Smithfield Police were distracted from doing real police work because Becky and Boomer Patrol caused mass panic in town, prompting the Smithfield Police to politely remind these people how stupid they are.

Oh look, it happened to someone else too. Almost like a prank.

But Becky and the Boomers still were convinced and basically called the police liars.

Yea, let’s blame the police there Natasha. It’s been “PROVEN” to be a sex trafficking scheme, even though it’s actually been proven to be the exact opposite. Your choice of t-shirt tells me everything I need to know about you.

Nuff said.

“I heard this is absolutely not true.”

Loretta, it doesn’t matter what you heard from Maude and Ethel at the bridge game. Those crazy old bats all have dementia anyway.

The bottom line is, if you’ve ever shared a story like this you should be embarrassed, because I’m embarrassed for you. It’s one thing if some attention starved 20 year old makes up a lie like this. It’s a completely different thing when her grown adult aunt sees it and spreads misinformation, instead of being an actual grown up, speaking with her niece, and explaining to her that she’s gonna end up on Turtleboy.


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41 Comment(s)
  • When caucuses become circuses
    February 17, 2020 at 4:05 am

    Coupla things
    1 ) This ‘sex trafficking’ thing is the same as the evangelical ‘personal savior’ schtick, or your secret knowledge of the grassy knoll – putting the pretender at the center of a vast and important thing. A form of grandiosity.

    2 ) “To be THAT stupid that your entire thought process comes from something “I’ve seen people say before,” should disqualify you from choosing who the President is” Actually, you can become president this way… e.g., “I heard they were dancing in the streets.”

  • don
    February 12, 2020 at 3:06 pm

    why is it always the fat stinky nasty ones that think anyone wants them?

  • Worst Ad for Herbalife Ever
    February 12, 2020 at 11:09 am

    Buncha doughy broads showing off their big fat asses…

  • l.whittle24
    February 11, 2020 at 8:58 pm

    She’s parked like a jerk – sex trafficking would not have been my first suspicion

  • WarWack
    February 11, 2020 at 3:08 pm

    Obviously the Doctor used the forceps a bit harshly. Her nickname is “dent-head”

  • DudeRanchStripClub
    February 11, 2020 at 1:07 pm

    That dude has the lips that I put on every one of my fantasy women.

  • Kermit the Frog
    February 11, 2020 at 11:38 am

    Every day I visit this site I feel better about being single.

    • Miss Piggy
      February 11, 2020 at 12:10 pm

      Single????? Hmmfph. Kermie!! You insensitive toad. No more pork for you.

  • 80s Stash
    February 11, 2020 at 9:35 am

    Deborah Burlingame anyone?

  • True Reality Speaks
    Don't Blame Boomers For Your Own Stupidity
    February 11, 2020 at 6:35 am

    Interesting title. The youngest boomers will be 56 this year. Other than the last woman to comment in the story (who said it’s a fake) – every other person promoting this hoax is a Millennial or in the Aunt’s case, Gen X.

  • Who Flung Cum
    February 11, 2020 at 3:33 am

    Something about her look smells like a dead trout. Eew

  • Silencio Dogood
    February 11, 2020 at 1:36 am

    i’d like to zip tie Natasha to a Saint Andrew’s Cross, but beyond that, there is no sex involved in shopping cart bondage, just 19th century female hysteria, rearing it’s neurotic head in the 21st century.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    February 11, 2020 at 12:22 am

    I will never step foot in the Smithfield Crossings again! Thank you Rebecca , so brave! Be careful out there ladies!

  • Spic Tormentor
    February 10, 2020 at 9:56 pm

    I particularly enjoyed banging potato faced skanks like Becky when I was in college. I would pump and dump em and them and then go through their freezer and steal all their omaha steaks and other delicious treats.

    • Curious Jorge
      February 11, 2020 at 3:11 pm

      Is Spic Tormentor actually Rib Eye Rhonda??? Stealing steaks???

  • Giulia
    February 10, 2020 at 9:38 pm

    Zip tie some mittens on these dumb bitches so they can no longer share moronic ideas of being sex trafficked. Uncle T hit it on the head… they wish.

    February 10, 2020 at 9:20 pm

    Even Turtleboy is gay now (congrats btw). Where did all the single straight men go in this town?

    • Friar Jack
      February 10, 2020 at 10:01 pm

      They’re repenting for their sins at the monastery in Spencer. God those monks make good beer.

    • Doose Bigalow
      February 10, 2020 at 10:56 pm

      You’re retarded

        February 11, 2020 at 8:51 am


        • Silencio Dogood
          February 12, 2020 at 1:19 am

          you’re> you are
          your> your comment

  • Corinth Arkadin
    February 10, 2020 at 9:02 pm

    Hey, that’s a good idea. I have a to get a bunch of zip ties now.

    Normally I just jam a bunch of hot gooey dogshit under the door handle with a stick.

  • You’re mom?
    February 10, 2020 at 8:50 pm

    Why are people so dumb. I have lost all faith in humanity. We need to eradicate these retards or start to regulate the internet to be for people who can pass a basic intelligence test.

  • Seed bag
    February 10, 2020 at 8:39 pm

    Becky yes.. niece no

  • Lookheshere
    February 10, 2020 at 8:12 pm

    Loser stay at home overcompensating mother selling Herbalife.

  • John Clayton
    February 10, 2020 at 8:07 pm

    Human trafficking is such a loose term. I was just reading about this dude who worked at QCC (google John Clayton, northborough) who was arrested on multiple human trafficking charges when he was really just taking advantage of junkies that were banging him with consent. Taking advantage of dumb junkies is funny and will always be funny.

  • only straight guy in Northampton
    February 10, 2020 at 7:16 pm

    The reason we sex traffickers use U-Haul trucks is that land cows like Rachael don’t fit into our Nissan Cubes…… we need at least a 3/4 ton truck to “mooo”ve her Herbalife, grass fed lard ass more than 5 ft.. And for the LOVE OF GOD, we can’t traffic fat chicks..who the hell wants to bang that?, the cost of a 50lb bag of flour to roll that lard ass in to hit that tuna boat, yeast infections wet spot is cost prohibitive.. Hey! Were trafficking these broads to make money, not lose cash.. U’hauls and zip ties are expensive enough without throwing in flour, never mind unleavened flour for the Jew girls from Brookline..

      February 11, 2020 at 9:52 am

      To Straight:
      That’s a waste of flour, Dude. The better way is to finger thru the rolls of fat ’til you smell shit, then back up one roll! Bingo!
      Brought to you as a public service.

      • only straight guy in Northampton
        February 11, 2020 at 8:22 pm

        Internet subscription to read TurtleBoy – 85.00 per month
        Bag of Flour for that Fat Fuck – 10.00 Dollars
        Can of Wet Wipes at Wal Mart after Old schools Advice – 3.29
        Laughing my ass off at Old Schools reply – PRICELESS

  • Bill Clinton
    February 10, 2020 at 7:04 pm

    I’d like to zip tie Becky to a bed for a few hours of would.

  • ChipChipperson
    February 10, 2020 at 7:01 pm

    Ok but what else did Rebecca share that day? Maybe some hilarious memes about millennials, or an emotional quote about the sacrifice of cops and soldiers?

  • Captain Trips
    Build the Wall
    February 10, 2020 at 5:57 pm

    Hey ‘Melo’

    Go back to the island and keep the ‘essay’s’ happy.

  • Captain Trips
    Herbalife Herbie
    February 10, 2020 at 5:54 pm

    Use that Herbalife and lose 80 pounds and I’ll give you non-trafficked sex that will make you forget all about flannel shirt red beard booze boy.

  • Gross
    February 10, 2020 at 5:37 pm

    Who would want to sex-traffic that fat bitch? Have some basic common sense, Aunt Retard.

  • Nice!
    February 10, 2020 at 5:32 pm

    What is it about social media that makes retarded people keep doubling-down over and over again when they get showed up to be gullible bullshit artists?

    • DJT
      February 10, 2020 at 5:51 pm

      Pocahontas, I believe this question was aimed at you…

      • Pocahontas
        February 10, 2020 at 9:40 pm

        I’m an Indian.

  • Ron Jeremy
    February 10, 2020 at 5:29 pm

    I’d zip tie her facefirst over a chair, Maybe I could fuck some sense into her.

  • Judge dread
    February 10, 2020 at 5:18 pm

    These women should do karv Maga training for a few months at least if they are so scared. Plus her parking job makes me think she was drunk or on to many pills. You park like that, your lucky you just got a zip tie and not a slashed tire or paint scratch or ninja rocks to Windows treatment.

  • Joshua James
    February 10, 2020 at 4:37 pm

    They met in a Target parking lot, she walked to his car where they remained for about an hour before going right back to her car. Guaranteed someone saw them banging in the car and wanted to fuck with her. Get a room next time

    • Kermit the Junkbag
      February 10, 2020 at 5:49 pm

      Or they were shooting up

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