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It figures that the FIRST week after we publish our Turtleboy Sports 2014 Naughty List Christmas Special some guy shows up and proves that he is the naughtiest person who has ever existed. His name is Ben Edelman and he is a professor at Harvard Business School. Last week he went out to a Chinese restaurant in Brookline owned and managed by the family of Ran Duan. Apparently he was charged $53.35 worth of food, and when he got home and looked at their menu online he discovered that the correct price should have been $49.35. Because lots of normal people come home after picking up takeout and double check the prices with the out-of-date website, hoping to catch them in a trap and make a couple bucks off of it.

So obviously he said, “fuck it” and went about with his day right? Oh wait, you mean he used his lawyerly experience to find some obscure law and lead a relentless campaign to extort the restaurant of $12? Ladies and gentlemen, this guy is the naughtiest person you will ever see.

Here’s the email back and forth her had with the restaurant:

Here’s my thoughts on this:

• An elitist dooshnozzle college professor from Harvard? I NEVER would’ve seen that one coming.
• How the hell did this asshole survive as a business school professor? Because correct me if I’m wrong, but how the hell does wasting hours and hours of your life pursuing a frivolous lawsuit that may or may not end up with you getting $12 seem like an efficient use of your time or a wise investment? Oh yea, and he charges $800 an hour to be the self described “sheriff of the internet“. But hey, sometimes you just have to show the world that you have a bigger schmenzer than the Chinese guy who served you delicious food.

• You will never, ever see an asshole this big again. The guy who spent all that time responding to him was by far the calmest and most amazing person I’ve ever heard of. The fact that he repeatedly apologized to this dooshnozzle and THANKED him for contacting the authorities makes him almost too good to believe. And how did this dickweed reciprocate? By finding some bullshit law that allows him to extort $12 from a guy who makes 1/10th of his salary.
• What kind of pansy ass Chinese food order was this? Sauteed prawns with roasted chilli and peanut? You know how I can tell this guy is an asshole? Because he ordered Sauteed prawns instead of crab raccoon and General Tsaos chicken. It’s like, hello? That guy saved China from the Japanese. The least you can do is eat his chicken. It’s delicious. But seriously though, this doosnozzle’s order just wreaked of pretentious Harvard professor.

• Ran Duan’s responses were fantastic. “I apologize for the confusing.” “Thank you for understand, this situation.” I mean just reading what this guy wrote made me fall in love with him. You can tell that he’s just a hard working, first generation guy trying to make it in America. Meanwhile the other guy is a learned WASPY scholar. It’s not a fair fight. The professor damn well knows this. And what does he do? Starts using words and phrases like, “to wit” and “malfeasance.” As if the other guy has ANY fucking clue what that means. We’re all REALLY impressed fuck boi.
• I would pay good money to money to see the reaction of the person he dialed up to “rectify” this situation.

Ben Edelman, you have been a naughty, naughty boy.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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