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So Alabama got upset last night in the Sugar Bowl by Oklahoma 45-31. Even though it doesn’t really matter who won since it’s a bowl game, which has absolutely no implications on anything and doesn’t matter at all, it’s highly recommended that you don’t tell Alabama fans that. Watch what happens when a bunch of bros from Oklahoma instigate the wrong Bama fan…

When Cougars attack. For a second there I thought she turned into Troy Polamalu. At least someone from Alabama was hitting last night. If you thought this was bad I can only imagine the havoc she reeked when they lost to Auburn.

Ya see, in most places that’s called assault and battery. In Alabama they call it foreplay. That was easily the best kick Alabama’s had all season. Hell, even Izzy Alcantera would be impressed with that….

Listen, I get that some people are upset because the lady wasn’t immediately arrested like a man probably would have been. At the same time though, she hit a kid who was wearing a polo shirt tucked into salmon colored pants. Science has proven that if you wear a polo shirt tucked into salmon colored pants you will eventually get kicked in the face. It’s not her fault. It’s science.

I haven’t seen a blonde work a metal poll like that around a bunch of drunken frat boys since…..nevermind. I guess the big question I have coming out of this is, what’s up with the Sugar Bowl security? Are those movie ushers, blackjack dealers, or Century 21 agents? The first guy on the scene has to be at least 90. If there’s an usher Hall of Fame he’s in it. They probably have been urging him to retire for years but it’s all he’s got left in life. Don’t wanna repeat of the Shawshank Redemption. 

I think the main reason those kids didn’t hit her back is because they knew they had it coming. I’ve never been to Alabama, but if history has taught me anything it’s that violence is always the answer for “agitators” in Alabama. They seem worse than Bills fans. Those kids knew they were poking the bear. They knew that it would likely end like that. But in the end they both realized they were all from Alabama and Oklahoma so they just agreed to call Obama a socialist and call it a day.

Bottom line is this – I’d gladly trade any 20 Boston Red Sox nudnik “fans” who sing Sweet Caroline at Fenway for one of her. There’s this stereotype that women aren’t really fans of the sport. That may be the case at Fenway, but not in Alabama. She didn’t go to the God damn Sugar Bowl to take a bunch of pictures and put them on Instagram with her girlfriends. She came to watch the Tide Roll all over the Sooners. When that didn’t happen she had to do the next best thing – channel her inner Pacman Jones and just make it rain on fools. Wait until she finds out that it doesn’t really matter who won the game because it’s literally irrelevant.

Keep doing your thing Bama. Keep doing your thing.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

P.S. I could make a joke about the “Crimson Tide” here, but that would be too low brow for TurtleBoySports. So here’s some Alabama sad faces instead.

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