Nudniks

Blue Balled Bagel Bitch Is A Horrible Person Who Deserves To Cry Himself To Sleep Masturbating To The Sears Catalogue Every Night Until He Dies

 

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Everyone and their mother has been talking about Chris Morgan, AKA Bagel Guy, after he was seen in a bagel shop flipping out  because some employee there allegedly laughed at him for being 5 feet tall.

https://twitter.com/oliviabradley88/status/1148958211531268099

 

 

Savage. What kind of animal films like this vertically?

More from the New York Post:

“A Long Island bagel shop customer was caught on camera lashing out at other patrons in a bizarre tirade about women rejecting him because of his short stature.

“Why is it OK for women to say, ‘Oh you’re 5 feet’ on dating sites — you should be dead. That’s OK?” the unidentified Bagel Boss customer roared in a video shared to Twitter on Wednesday.”

Translation – I deserve pussy simply for having a pulse. How dare women have a type! They should be required to felate this guy out of pity because he gets rightfully rejected on dating sites for not being tall enough to go on a date to Six Flags.

It was so satisfying to see the dude from Happy Gilmore step in and be the hero we all needed.

And you can count on him….meeting your bitch ass in the parking lot.

Bootleg Tony Mazz has been doing shit like this for years too. From Heavy.com:

“Morgan Has YouTube Videos Showing Him in Confrontations at a 7-Eleven, a Library, a Bar & With a Neighbor & He Calls a Woman a ‘Ghetto Hoodrat’ in Another Video”

Who gets in a fight at the library? A guy who’s been desperate for years to become Internet famous, because at least then he’d have a shot at pity poon. And that’s exactly what he’s ended up getting out of this according to him:

“My phone is blowing up like the president,” Morgan told The Post. “I haven’t even got to my friends.” And Morgan says the rant seen ’round the world has suddenly changed his luck with the ladies. “I got girls hitting on me I don’t even know,” he said.

He’s not even crazy. He’s just a piece of shit who’s been doing this on purpose for years because he wanted this to happen.

Oh, and he’s calling himself MLK too.

“Morgan, a Divorced Cleaning Company Owner, Says He Is Glad the Bagel Boss Video Went Viral & Calls Himself the Modern Day Martin Luther King.

“I’m sick of getting constantly lied to and used on dates. And then they dump me. They tell me I’m too short,” he told the Daily Mail. “They don’t have a job, or a job as good as mine. They don’t have a car. They are more overweight… and they are judging ME?”

Here’s an idea – maybe the fact that you’re a walking embarrassment who can’t get his life together might be a bigger factor for your failure at the poon parade. This is what he does to women who don’t worship his Long Island lizard.

 “So you don’t want to go back to my place? You don’t want to hang out? You don’t want to fool around? You know I spent $750,000?”

No one in the history of mankind has ever wanted to go back to your place. That’s why you sit there every night, eat TV dinners, jerk off to Match.com, and cry yourself to sleep.

“$750,000 I said I was gonna spend on her and she doesn’t even wanna let me fool around with her. Really??”

Yea, it’s almost as if she doesn’t like being treated like a hooker, and highly doubts that someone who drives around in a piece of shit like this….

Can afford to pay her more than $7.50. This guy definitely has taken chicks out to dates at Dairy Queen, asked them to split the bill, and then can’t figure out why they don’t wanna overlook his physical failings and get to know him more.

A lot of people are blaming this on little man syndrome.

“After his divorce in 2007, Morgan seemed to hold onto a disdain towards women and men who are larger than him.

“I’m just not tolerating this anymore,” Morgan declared. “Some of those girls found it funny. That’s why I have resentment towards women. I find them all to be stupid, gold-digging liars.”

The 5’0″ Morgan calls himself a prophet and the modern day Martin Luther King.

“I have a mission. The girls hate me, they don’t like me, that’s fine,” he added. “I’m not stopping and the world is going to hear me. I want equality for everybody.””

But lots of dudes are small and don’t act like this. This is the result of someone this small living in the hellhole known as Long Island. It’s almost impossible to come from Long Island and not be a flaming bag of queefs.

Then there’s this video of him harassing two Pakistani guys running a mini mart, allegedly because they asked him how tall he was.

“Pakistan? Really? You know how much money our country gives you? F*cking third-world toilet countries,” Morgan said. “If it wasn’t for our country, you wouldn’t be working here.”

Bitch, shut the fuck up. You give nothing because you’re a failure who probably pays next to nothing in taxes. You also live in Long Island, so you’ve forever given up the right to call any other place a third world toilet.

The bottom line is that amusing as Chris Morgan was to watch, let’s not forget that he’s a terrible person who thinks that he’s owed pussy, and that anyone who doesn’t give it to him is doing so because he’s short. In reality he’s uglier on the inside than he is on the outside, and he’s mad at the world because he’s such a massive failure. Hey Chris, I found the perfect girl for you.

 

She’ll be out in a few months, definitely give her a call. Heard she gives great head, and advice.

 

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58 Comment(s)
  • Advice for the Angry Wee Man
    July 17, 2019 at 12:01 am

    Next time you get the urge to go of half cocked with that short fuse of yours, stop short of telling someone to come on down to your level.
    Just Oompa Loompa Doompity don’t.

  • The Common Man
    July 16, 2019 at 3:47 pm

    The Common Man is the Common height so I don’t have these issues. There’s no question that ever inch you loose under 5’11 Hass dramatic effect on dating potential. A man whose 5′ tall is screwed in life. 5′ is short for a girl, I’d be pissed too if I were this guy.

  • marilu
    July 15, 2019 at 1:09 pm

    Now that’s what you call “little man syndrome” alive & well! That dude that tackled him looked like he was attacking a child lol. Women would but up with your height a lot better if you weren’t a piece of shit with literally nothing but rudeness to offer.

  • Publius
    July 14, 2019 at 11:20 pm

    He should call AOC.

  • How Do You Like Your Bacon?
    July 13, 2019 at 6:13 pm

    Oy vey! We better get him to Temple stat!

  • Wwy
    July 13, 2019 at 5:14 pm

    He’s a Jew enough said.

  • LOB
    July 13, 2019 at 1:42 pm

    What we need here is a retroactive birth control pill! Open your mouth and swallow it you loser!

  • John Blutarsky
    July 13, 2019 at 1:02 pm

    That sawed-off motherfucker needs a serious attitude adjustment.

  • Y
    July 13, 2019 at 11:13 am

  • Dick Trickle
    July 13, 2019 at 10:30 am

    I would pay to hear what the ex wife has to say about him. I am sure she is fucked in the head too.

  • Hemmy Park Reject
    July 12, 2019 at 11:25 pm

    Marky Mark sure has a temper.
    Is this a publicity stunt for his next action movie.

  • tototoo
    July 12, 2019 at 10:00 pm

    follow the yellow brick road, you fucking faggot

  • Little Hugh Mungus
    July 12, 2019 at 9:20 pm

    I’m 5’6″ and never had a problem meeting women. I guess its that extra six inches I’m packing…

  • Metro
    July 12, 2019 at 8:02 pm

    750,000??? Meet the next Mr Failure Swift.

  • Gash Basher
    July 12, 2019 at 7:38 pm

    If I ever ran into that choader loader I would just put him on top of a refrigerator and let him fend for himself

    • Captain Trips
      July 13, 2019 at 6:14 pm

      That was a good one!

  • Linda
    July 12, 2019 at 7:34 pm

    Holy shite, that’s Frank Rizzo from the Jerky Boys. You better be careful or he’ll rap you upside your skull with a broom handle.

  • Dick Heads
    July 12, 2019 at 6:39 pm

    Honestly if you don’t see the similarities of this guy marching around videoing himself at the Library with UTB videoing himself marching around looking to confront that Clive guy you are mentally numb. It’s the same guy!

    • Y
      July 12, 2019 at 7:22 pm

      Trolls are out in full force today.
      Silent majority always wins.
      #MAGA #Trump2020 #KAG

  • Hyabusa
    July 12, 2019 at 4:49 pm

    I like the midget better than turtle rider so far..

  • Derp
    July 12, 2019 at 4:36 pm

    Turtle Driver is one sad, pathetic loser who’s mad that oompa loompa wouldn’t give the time of day.

  • Randy Newman is Underrated
    July 12, 2019 at 4:35 pm

    Y , May I suggest that lovely ballad by Randy Newman. “Shirt People “. It seems appropriate for this fine resident of NYC

    • Randall Newman Esq
      July 12, 2019 at 4:37 pm

      Short
      Sorry fucking autocorrect

    • Y
      July 12, 2019 at 7:21 pm

  • WeRFucked
    July 12, 2019 at 3:44 pm

    There is someone out there for everyone, even you… you evil, sad, little man.

    Look up “Squirmy and Grubs” on YouTube. How in da fuq did he get her?

    • Y
      July 12, 2019 at 7:19 pm

  • Dick Dastardly
    July 12, 2019 at 3:33 pm

    Twice in my younger days I had a angry little guy like this try to start shit with me for no particular reason and I’m really not that much bigger than average.
    I just said “why don’t you pick on somebody your own size?”.

  • Whacky Jackie
    July 12, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    Sounds like Richard Dreyfus in The Goodbye Girl

    • Dick Scratcher
      July 13, 2019 at 5:55 am

      I am making a horseth asseth out on myselfeth.

    • Big Wick
      July 13, 2019 at 11:26 am

      He LOOKS like Richard Dreyfuss, especially in that pink-shirt pic!

  • Hello?
    July 12, 2019 at 2:56 pm

    WTF, bagel guy, things in Nashville.

    Are we out of Central Mass rachets?

    I can get this content anywhere.

    • That’s because...
      July 12, 2019 at 3:07 pm

      … the ship is sinking.

  • Careful.
    July 12, 2019 at 2:54 pm

    Incels with a Napoleon Complex account for 88% of TB’s readership.

    • johny12inch
      July 12, 2019 at 8:12 pm

      I must be one of the 12% because I have a large cock and teen women love it

      • Uh-Huh
        July 15, 2019 at 11:32 am

        r/ihavesex

  • Scott
    July 12, 2019 at 2:48 pm

    Long Island beats the hell out of Worst-ester and Webduh. And it’s not cool for any Pajeet street shitter to mock any paying customer’s height.

  • Buddy
    July 12, 2019 at 2:44 pm

    THAT’S NOT SANTA!!!!!

  • Betty Ford
    July 12, 2019 at 2:40 pm

    “This is the result of someone this small living in the hellhole known as Long Island. It’s almost impossible to come from Long Island and not be a flaming bag of queefs.”

    Nailed it and stuck the landing TurtleDriver. Nice.

  • Authentic
    July 12, 2019 at 2:34 pm

    Long Island had this short guy named Chris,
    He was looking for someone to kiss.

    But the ladies said “no,”
    When he asked them to blow;

    Which ultimately led to all this.

  • juror seven esq.
    July 12, 2019 at 2:10 pm

    This guy use to be six foot six but he had 18 inches taken out of his shine bones because he wanted to be Danny DeVito. Then he found out that Danny is only four feet 10 inches tall. Do the math.

  • Short Guy Who Gets Some
    July 12, 2019 at 2:02 pm

    As a short man (5’6″) I dislike the notion that all guys under six feet have some kind of Napoleon complex. Most of us work with what we have and don’t hate the world.

    I have no doubt that I would have gotten more tang in the course of my life if I had been a tall Fabio type. I’m not. So I work with what I have and I’m grateful for having received more than my share.

    Advice to Bagel Guy:
    Rule #1: You are not owed tail
    Rule #2: Being a creepy asshole keeps you from getting tail

    We’re not all like this loser.

    • Dr. Ruth
      July 14, 2019 at 1:33 am

      It’s a scientific fact that short men only have raging short man syndrome if they have a tiny dick, too. Short guys with a penis average size or more do not get the angry “short man” complex. It’s actually little dick syndrome. But they accept and even promote short man syndrome because it’s better to admit to what everyone can see than admit they also have a minuscule dick.

  • Zolak
    July 12, 2019 at 2:00 pm

    Your going to make this guy famous.

  • z
    July 12, 2019 at 1:56 pm

    You’ve to to have money if you are short.

    Do any image search.

    Look up Penny Lancaster + Rod Stewart.

    Bernie Ecclestone and wife. Dick S. may know who this guy is. Bernie is Doctor Evil. He just came out
    and said Putin should be the dictator of Europe. Guy is 88 and hasn’t slowed down for a moment.
    I think he’s expecting to live to 200 and will be shocked when he dies.

    Bob Kraft and girlfriend.

    • z
      July 12, 2019 at 2:31 pm

      What the fuck am I saying.
      Use Social media.
      Wear you pants around your ankles.
      Go the bank and get 100 20s. Make a fan out them.
      Get a Bulls hat.
      Get a bottle of Henny.
      Hand gun if you can get one.
      Smoke a blunt.
      Have your photo taken.
      Get some tats.
      Post it. z

      You know, he a damn site better looking than Carlos Asencio. Carlos didn’t have any issues picking up blondes. No problem killing them either.

  • z
    July 12, 2019 at 1:48 pm

    He’s a ten in Ft. Wayne.

  • Dick Heads
    July 12, 2019 at 1:45 pm

    A lot of people on another site are posting that this guy is Uncle Turtleboy.

  • Amazon Match . Com
    July 12, 2019 at 1:38 pm

    He’s just looking in the wrong places. The dude needs to hang out in the Amazon for a few months. Hook up with some Pygmy or rainforest girl, those bitches are all three feet tall.

    • Short Arsed Cunt
      July 12, 2019 at 1:52 pm

      He overreacted a bit, but every video is hilarious. I think he could make a ton of money on Youtube, if he just got it together. I am vertically challenged, and I have been called a short-arsed cunt. But you go to Germany and the women there love short guys. Lots of them want to put you in diapers, hold you rock you, let you suck on there tits all day and wank you to sleep. This twat does not know what side his bread is buttered on.

    • Short Arsed Cunt
      July 12, 2019 at 2:04 pm

      I love the way he tells the guy to step outside and he only comes up to the guy’s stomach. LOL

  • Judge dread
    July 12, 2019 at 1:25 pm

    His name is stretch and he lives out of a car 16 year old kids or dcf types drive in.

  • Jess
    July 12, 2019 at 1:18 pm

    That guys is a gross little pig.

  • Joe Pesci's Brother Chris
    July 12, 2019 at 1:16 pm

    “Am I here to fucking amuse you? How am I fucking funny. What the fuck is so funny about me. Do I amuse you?”

  • Yeah, not yea
    July 12, 2019 at 1:12 pm

    My first girlfriend was a midget. I was nuts over her.

    • Y
      July 12, 2019 at 1:29 pm

      Love the double entendre.

  • Nic
    July 12, 2019 at 1:11 pm

    PS – he lives in his van in a parking lot. #baller

    • TheCureForHope
      July 13, 2019 at 2:19 pm

      What happened to the $750,000 he was gonna give his date?

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