Mainstream Media Fails

Borderline Homeless Worcester Magazine Reporter Bill Shaner Is So Mad About The Upcoming Turtleboy Tell-All Book

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It’s no secret who owns the Turtleboy Sports business. Aidan Kearney is the registered owner with the Secretary of State’s office. He hires bloggers to publish content on the site, and we get paid based on our performance. It’s quite possibly the simplest business model to understand. But so many people think we’re not real. As if one person creates all this daily content while simultaneously running the business. He just creates a bunch of aliases with their own distinct voices and then publishes blogs using their names for the purpose of fooling everyone. This is how insane the people who don’t like Turtleboy are.

Anyway, Aidan’s writing a tell-all book about the nexus, origins, and evolution of Turtleboy. It’s going to explain everything, and will contain a lot of information that’s never been made public before. Word is it should be done in a few weeks. (And no, he’s not revealing names of bloggers)

Well, Bill Shaner over at Worcester Magazine,

and Salty Steve Quist,

a local unemployed boob whose wife recently left him and who runs the Worcester Politics 101 Facebook page, are NOT happy about this book. For those of you unfamiliar with Worcester Magazine, they are a free newspaper you can pick up at Dunkin Donuts that people read while waiting in line for their coffee. We outgrew them years ago, but we still win their award for “Best Local News Outlet” every year like clockwork. It’s great because they hate us so, so much. And Buttmunch Billy Shaner pretty much writes about us every single week in his “Worcesteria” column that four guys waiting in line at Bushel N’ Peck read. Here’s what him and Steve Quist think about the upcoming book:

“Inarguably the worst thing about Worcester.”

How mad is he? Wowzers!! No Bill, the worst thing about Worcester is your wardrobe:

You can derelict my balls.

Worcester loves Turtleboy. It’s our home. Everyone reads us, and 95% of the people can’t get enough of it because unlike your free magazine, we actually do a valuable public service. Meanwhile, you write about us because you know we matter (and you don’t) and that by merely mentioning Turtleboy it will drive traffic towards your free magazine.


Seems like he’s a fan. And he can’t stop reading it either. That’s how he found out about the book to begin with – we mentioned it in passing in an unrelated blog. And he will buy the book. Guaranteed.

We haven’t even mentioned Worcester Magazine in probably a year, because they’re relevant. But this was too hilarious to ignore. We own you Bill. We own you Steve. Never forget.


8 Comment(s)
  • WeAreFucked
    September 16, 2018 at 4:00 pm

    LOL. Here’s something. I read a few things. The WSJ, NYT, the Telegram on occasion, and… almost daily… Turtleboy.
    I’m from Holden. I think I’m pretty smart. I make decent living. I was born and raised in Worcester, moving to Holden for, among other reasons, a better school system for my children.

    I have never heard of Billy Shaner or Steve Quist. I haven’t picked up a copy of Worcester Magazine in at least 20 years. Why would I, or anyone else?

    TBS, the worst thing about Worcester? Why? Because this blog exposes the trash among us?
    Maybe if people would realize that the subjects of these blogs are the problem with society,
    someday we can come together as a group and do something about these ratchets. I’m not ever going to be a shitty person, because I don’t want to end up on TBS. Have you kept any of your readers on the straight-and-narrow, Woo Mag? TBS has saved this reader, and made him think twice before doing something stupid.

  • Tom
    September 16, 2018 at 4:50 am

    One thing Bill will never understand about “Buffalo” is that THE SLUT ABSOLUTELY DESERVED TO GET RAPED! PERIOD!!!!!

  • Sloppy
    September 15, 2018 at 9:20 pm

    Bill Shaner is just pissed because he thinks he has a real writing job, but nobody reads him (other than the lady at the welfare office who read his application for his EBT card and food stamps, which I’m sure he was more than eligible for given his employment situation).
    On the other hand, you have these bloggers who operate within a different compensation model and are exponentially more successful in gaining readership and in shaking things up with their writing than he will ever be. Bill Shaner’s biggest success moving an audience as a writer will probably be a 7-cents/word copywriting gig he gets writing about various brands of hairball control cat food for an online women’s magazine.
    You know, I guess I’d be angry and unhappy if I was Bill Shaner, too. To top it off, you KNOW the poor bastard hasn’t gotten laid or even a blowjob since at least 2007.

  • Walter "Leave the toilet seat up" Bird
    September 14, 2018 at 10:52 pm

    Hi. I am the big shot at Worcester Magazine and I need a hot chick with a pickup who puts out and will drive around and pick up the unread copies of my rag. You can find this newspaper in the rack with the Senior 50 and the Truck classifieds and Marketplace. We occupy the bottom shelf. Chicks only please. Big boobs a plus plus if you don’t mind a little ass grabbing and making coffee for me is a big plus.

  • SMH
    September 14, 2018 at 7:21 pm

    With the recent New York Times publication of an anonymous opinion-editorial letter, libtards have less foundation to complain about writers protecting their identities.

  • Liberalis is a Mental Illness
    September 14, 2018 at 6:11 pm

    He definitely plays the rusty trombone, only question is how many has he played. I’d guess 20 to 30 on a good night behind Hurricane Betties or the Pickle Park Greenway intended for wholesome recreation and now taken over by drug addled sodomites then there’s the debauchery in the cemetary nothing like getting reamed bent over a headstone.

  • Lou P
    Lou P
    September 14, 2018 at 3:19 pm

    Spot on. Worcester Magazine is irrelevant. TurtleboySports is where it’s at.

  • Y
    September 14, 2018 at 3:15 pm

    Bill Shaner looks like a broke Kevin Smith.

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