Turtleboy Investigates

Boston Cat Cafe “PURR” Is The Biggest Litter Box Fire You’ll Ever See – Part Three: No Meow Meow Purr For You And The Open House From Hell

What else could possibly go wrong? Oh just you wait! 


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Ah, so you’ve returned for Part Three of our dramatic telling of Diane Kelly and the litter box fire that is the PURR Cat Cafe. 

In case you’re joining us late, you’ve missed a whole bunch. You can catch up on the first and second parts of this thrilling shit show. As it stands, Part Four will be the finale, and will premier Saturday morning. It’s going down as the most expansive and insane blog series in the history of Turtleboy. 

Meow. Meow. PURR, Turtles. I’m your host, South Shore Turtlegirl, and I’m coming at you live after a two week-long bender of writing this freak show. The circles under my eyes are nearly as dark as my heart and I’m ready to rock and roll. Let’s go!

No Meow For You! 

Diane Kelly was having a tantrum. Nothing she did seemed to appease the social media wolves. She thought that by convincing her followers it was a cat talking, and not her, people would be happy meow meow. She had never met a cat who lied to people so why didn’t they believed her? -cough- I mean the cats. (Hairball.) 

All she wanted to do was force a bunch of rescue animals to live in stressful conditions, with the bare minimum necessities, and look cute so people would paid her money. What was the big fucking deal? She told those activist pricks she was going to have an open house. She showed them pictures of the pink back-alley abortion that was the upstairs! She didn’t have anything to prove to them! 

With her dreams crushed, and her money as gone as the box of Franzia by her side, she made one last ditch effort for the people of Boston to love her. 

She tried to gaslight them by saying Boston didn’t want a cat cafe. No meow meow purr for them. Yeah. That’ll show them! 

Not so much. Those pesky haters just ran yet another train on her and demanded photos of a safe and finished basement. 

Meow stomp! She had had it! 

Sometime after she told everyone PURR wasn’t opening, one of her cats, or a lackey named Chandler, must have talked her back in to doing the open house. For this appeared a few hours later…. 

So Diane (and not her cats) would be there to answer questions? Good to know. I’m sure hucking some animals in a busy, unfamiliar, environment is totally going to work great. 

Adventures In Shaming

What comes next was totally out of nowhere. If you remember from the beginning of PART TWO – Diane had called out her former manager Kathleen for having multiple sexual partners. This was in response to Kathleen asking Diane to remove her picture as she didn’t want to be associated with the cafe. Kathleen is openly polyamorous and has two boyfriends. (Again, if any dude or chick is in to that and so happens to do dishes or laundry, I’m opening my relationship up. Mr. Turtlegirl is an excellent lover and spoons like Betty Crocker. It has to be him though. I’m going to be too tired to bang for at least a few months after this blog is finished… so my fanboys and lady pond swim team need not apply. Well, unless you cook too. Then be prepared for me just laying there, yawning, as you go to town on my bits.) 

It seems Diane did some digging on Kathleen and found out she was in to Kitten Play. 

The concept was unfamiliar to me (as the cat cafe was) so I had to Google it. There just so happens to be a whole BDSM subculture of people who dress up and act like cats, are usually on the submissive spectrum, and have owners who collar them. Yes, it’s much more detailed than that but you’ll have to explore said kink yourself if you have questions.  I’m just hoping this wasn’t the only qualification Kathleen had when she said she was a Cat Behavior Expert. Dude, animal people sure know how to go that extra mile. 

Kathleen has since deleted the video. I’d ask her to explain it, for the sake of opening the conversation, but she blocked me when I reached out to her on Facebook. I really appreciated that she’d do interviews with every Boston paper, comment on Reddit and Facebook, but not help me try to navigate through this cluster fuck of drama for five minutes. Thanks dude. 

Anyways, enough of me throwing  shade… Diane decided, on the morning of her open house no less, it was a good idea to share the kink video Kathleen had posted to YouTube. I’m guessing in an effort to shame her. So much for that apology, eh? 

It was a huge hit.

Julie, I hate to tell you this, but while what Diane did was shitty, she didn’t need permission to share a video uploaded online. That’s not how the internet works. 

Lights, Camera. PURR.So instead of getting the cafe ready the open house (that would make or break Diane’s business) she went back to making herself look like a scathing idiot. 

Diane, surprised by the backlash from her latest post, decided to play stupid and fight with her customer base. Again, this was while she should have been getting ready for the open house which was imperative for PURR to succeed. 

When it came time to open the cafe for visitors Diane revealed her “finished” basement. She had gone to pet store, bought a few cat beds, scratch posts, with a handful of toys, and hurled them in the basement. 

She even built a fake ass staircase with the carry home boxes to fill some space. 

The open house, which was live-steamed on Facebook, was the equivalent of when a plane flushes their crapper and a frozen blue meteor of steaming frozen shit comes crashing down to earth and nearly hits a kid on a bike. 

I watched the whole thing before the page was taken down. Diane was twitchy and awkward. The chick she had helping her host seemed forced and fake. Diane skirted around the hot questions and the person behind the camera ignored anything of substance asked in the comments. The Wi-Fi conveniently cut off each time they went to the basement. 

Diane had brought her own cats and borrowed kittens from God only knows where. She taped up the cat door to the basement so they couldn’t escape the barrage of people. 

A number of those challenging her decided to go. One live-tweeted the rigid atmosphere and issues she saw and another is the reason you’re sitting here reading this. 

So much for rules! Customers were asked to not pick up the cats for their safety and no one enforced the rules.

In the beginning of this story I mentioned a girl named Michelle who had compiled all the screenshots you’ve been reading and uploaded them to Reddit. She was in attendance and pointed out a huge safety issue. 

The way the door operates doesn’t prevent the cats from escaping. 

Infinite Loop Of Shame 

This is going to give you whiplash. Right after the open house bombed – Diane posted yet another poorly drafted apology for slut-shaming Kathleen. Of course this was fruitless and insincere. It seemed like a bipolar reflex than anything else. 

Now, I don’t agree being polyamorous (or participating in subcategories of BDSM) falls under the LGTBQ community banner. I’m not sure why she included them in her half-hearted public grovel.  It just goes to show how little Diane understands and respects people. 

Between the incessant shaming, and the huge sum of money Diane owed her in wages, Kathleen has said she has retained a lawyer and filed a compliment with the Attorney General.

The same lack of respect and understanding for people is what gets Diane in to her next PR nightmare. Yes, another one. 
Until tomorrow… 

9 Comment(s)
  • I'd tear Kathleen's kitty up
    October 29, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    I wonder why Kathleen blocked you? She has nothing to be ashamed of. There was a lot of info here from her, it would have been great if she would have commented on it.

  • Savage Squaw Bitch
    October 27, 2017 at 6:43 pm

    “We both stood there in shock and disbelief, and promptly left to collect ourselves.”

    I think this whole cat cafe thing is a shit show started and fucked up beyond all recognition by that drunkard psycho lady, for sure. But this quote from that Michelle broad–the “compiler of the album” of whatever and who was recounting her experience at the open house event–Really is the type of overly exaggerated bullshit I absolutely cannot stand from the collective mindset. Right now, it is popular to hate on this horrible business, sure, and Michelle did what most assholes who like to stoke the flames do: She chose to be way more sickened and “appalled” by every little thing she saw. I really can’t believe the idiocy of this Diane broad, but Michelle has proven herself to be very punchable, too.

    And, of course, the cat behaviorist has to be a pentagram-wearing, cat-fuck fetishist. Disgusting. I hope she doesn’t rape kittens for her sick pleasure.

  • JoeMomma
    October 27, 2017 at 12:47 pm

    I think I will open a doggie diner and eat these cats for dinner….
    Woof woof…

    • Joe Mama White Trash
      March 19, 2018 at 10:43 pm

      You’re a retard you fag

  • SSTG Fanboy
    October 27, 2017 at 10:55 am

    This expose has made my entire work week better. Thank you, SSTG!

  • Local real local
    October 27, 2017 at 10:25 am

    In all my years I have not read anything so crazy, which is quite a feat considering this site.

    Lord these people need a reality tv show not an open house. The real fucking lunatics of Boston. Holy shit, I honestly don’t know who to root for: Diane, the scummy worker or the cats?

  • paddy O'
    October 27, 2017 at 9:26 am

    I dont know Boston Building code by heart but I would believe that the reason the two door system doesn’t work as its supposed to in regards to protecting cats from escaping is fire code requirements.
    to make the system work a push/crash bar would need to be installed on the interior of the door to assure people were not trapped inside in the case of an emergency/fire.

    I would guess this lady knows that but to save $$$$ has a fake “buzz me in” at the front counter that doesn’t do anything other than buzz because she cannot lock the door access and only control it by buzzer or she wouldn’t meet building occupancy / fire code.

  • Whitney
    October 27, 2017 at 8:10 am

    There is an acronym that describes this woman’s behavior. It’s DARVO. It stands for deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. It’s a classic technique for borderline personality/narcissist.

    There is no help for her. There is no chance she will ever see the error of her ways. The best anyone can do is just stay as far away as possible

  • Wtf
    October 27, 2017 at 7:47 am

    I am positive that none of those scared , well trained kittens definitely wouldn’t piss anywhere other than a litter box. And where that litter box may be? Who knows. But those furr babies are probably smarter than those attempting this shit , so they will probably think the whole fucking place is a litter box. Especially since their escape route ,
    And likely litter boxes
    Have so kindly been FUCKING BLOCKED.
    What car behaviorist said to do that. Maybe it’s a new training technique. Just scare the shit out of them until they escape out the front door that doesn’t work. GREaT Plan!!!!

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