What else could possibly go wrong? Oh just you wait!
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Ah, so you’ve returned for Part Three of our dramatic telling of Diane Kelly and the litter box fire that is the PURR Cat Cafe.
In case you’re joining us late, you’ve missed a whole bunch. You can catch up on the first and second parts of this thrilling shit show. As it stands, Part Four will be the finale, and will premier Saturday morning. It’s going down as the most expansive and insane blog series in the history of Turtleboy.
CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE
CLICK HERE FOR PART TWO.
Meow. Meow. PURR, Turtles. I’m your host, South Shore Turtlegirl, and I’m coming at you live after a two week-long bender of writing this freak show. The circles under my eyes are nearly as dark as my heart and I’m ready to rock and roll. Let’s go!
No Meow For You!
Diane Kelly was having a tantrum. Nothing she did seemed to appease the social media wolves. She thought that by convincing her followers it was a cat talking, and not her, people would be happy meow meow. She had never met a cat who lied to people so why didn’t they believed her? -cough- I mean the cats. (Hairball.)
All she wanted to do was force a bunch of rescue animals to live in stressful conditions, with the bare minimum necessities, and look cute so people would paid her money. What was the big fucking deal? She told those activist pricks she was going to have an open house. She showed them pictures of the pink back-alley abortion that was the upstairs! She didn’t have anything to prove to them!
With her dreams crushed, and her money as gone as the box of Franzia by her side, she made one last ditch effort for the people of Boston to love her.
She tried to gaslight them by saying Boston didn’t want a cat cafe. No meow meow purr for them. Yeah. That’ll show them!
Not so much. Those pesky haters just ran yet another train on her and demanded photos of a safe and finished basement.
Meow stomp! She had had it!
Sometime after she told everyone PURR wasn’t opening, one of her cats, or a lackey named Chandler, must have talked her back in to doing the open house. For this appeared a few hours later….
So Diane (and not her cats) would be there to answer questions? Good to know. I’m sure hucking some animals in a busy, unfamiliar, environment is totally going to work great.
Adventures In Shaming
What comes next was totally out of nowhere. If you remember from the beginning of PART TWO – Diane had called out her former manager Kathleen for having multiple sexual partners. This was in response to Kathleen asking Diane to remove her picture as she didn’t want to be associated with the cafe. Kathleen is openly polyamorous and has two boyfriends. (Again, if any dude or chick is in to that and so happens to do dishes or laundry, I’m opening my relationship up. Mr. Turtlegirl is an excellent lover and spoons like Betty Crocker. It has to be him though. I’m going to be too tired to bang for at least a few months after this blog is finished… so my fanboys and lady pond swim team need not apply. Well, unless you cook too. Then be prepared for me just laying there, yawning, as you go to town on my bits.)
It seems Diane did some digging on Kathleen and found out she was in to Kitten Play.
The concept was unfamiliar to me (as the cat cafe was) so I had to Google it. There just so happens to be a whole BDSM subculture of people who dress up and act like cats, are usually on the submissive spectrum, and have owners who collar them. Yes, it’s much more detailed than that but you’ll have to explore said kink yourself if you have questions. I’m just hoping this wasn’t the only qualification Kathleen had when she said she was a Cat Behavior Expert. Dude, animal people sure know how to go that extra mile.
Kathleen has since deleted the video. I’d ask her to explain it, for the sake of opening the conversation, but she blocked me when I reached out to her on Facebook. I really appreciated that she’d do interviews with every Boston paper, comment on Reddit and Facebook, but not help me try to navigate through this cluster fuck of drama for five minutes. Thanks dude.
Anyways, enough of me throwing shade… Diane decided, on the morning of her open house no less, it was a good idea to share the kink video Kathleen had posted to YouTube. I’m guessing in an effort to shame her. So much for that apology, eh?
It was a huge hit.
Lights, Camera. PURR.So instead of getting the cafe ready the open house (that would make or break Diane’s business) she went back to making herself look like a scathing idiot.
Diane, surprised by the backlash from her latest post, decided to play stupid and fight with her customer base. Again, this was while she should have been getting ready for the open house which was imperative for PURR to succeed.
When it came time to open the cafe for visitors Diane revealed her “finished” basement. She had gone to pet store, bought a few cat beds, scratch posts, with a handful of toys, and hurled them in the basement.
The open house, which was live-steamed on Facebook, was the equivalent of when a plane flushes their crapper and a frozen blue meteor of steaming frozen shit comes crashing down to earth and nearly hits a kid on a bike.
I watched the whole thing before the page was taken down. Diane was twitchy and awkward. The chick she had helping her host seemed forced and fake. Diane skirted around the hot questions and the person behind the camera ignored anything of substance asked in the comments. The Wi-Fi conveniently cut off each time they went to the basement.
Diane had brought her own cats and borrowed kittens from God only knows where. She taped up the cat door to the basement so they couldn’t escape the barrage of people.
A number of those challenging her decided to go. One live-tweeted the rigid atmosphere and issues she saw and another is the reason you’re sitting here reading this.
In the beginning of this story I mentioned a girl named Michelle who had compiled all the screenshots you’ve been reading and uploaded them to Reddit. She was in attendance and pointed out a huge safety issue.
This is going to give you whiplash. Right after the open house bombed – Diane posted yet another poorly drafted apology for slut-shaming Kathleen. Of course this was fruitless and insincere. It seemed like a bipolar reflex than anything else.
Now, I don’t agree being polyamorous (or participating in subcategories of BDSM) falls under the LGTBQ community banner. I’m not sure why she included them in her half-hearted public grovel. It just goes to show how little Diane understands and respects people.
Between the incessant shaming, and the huge sum of money Diane owed her in wages, Kathleen has said she has retained a lawyer and filed a compliment with the Attorney General.
The same lack of respect and understanding for people is what gets Diane in to her next PR nightmare. Yes, another one.