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I’ve asked it before and I’ll ask it again. Does the Boston Globe publish any schmuck off the street with something on their mind? The John Henry propaganda machine is the one that brought us Gish Jen telling us that we failed the Tsarnaevs, and some other genius no one has ever heard of crapping on the ice bucket challenge. Today they stepped it up a notch and went full-fledged instigator.

Apparently they let some stooge named Corey Gottlieb write an op-ed about how bad the Patriots screwed up for not signing Michael Sam. It’s truly one of the most hilarious things you will ever read. At times I have a hard time believing that he’s not just messing with everyone to be the ultimate troll. But this was published by the Boston freaking Globe!!! My girl Hillary Sargent is the editor there and she actually let this through.

First of all, who the hell is Corey Gottlieb? Dude doesn’t even have a Twitter. According to his LinkedIn profile he’s getting his MBA from Harvard and graduated from Amherst College in 2007. Stop the fight!! Do you realize what the statistical odds of being a pompous asshat are when that’s your resume? If there’s one thing I know about schools in Amherst it’s that they will try their darndest to convince you that as a white dude you are a scourge on society. If you don’t leave there feeling guilty about your “privilege” then they failed you. But apparently now we can add “heterosexual” to the groups of privileged that everything handed to them in life.

Because if this isn’t the face of white, male, straight privilege

then I don’t know what is.

Let’s take a look at what this genius had to say. His brilliant thoughts are in bold italics:

I am not a gay man. I haven’t walked a day in Michael Sam’s shoes. I couldn’t tell you what it feels like to be him—to be the most hyperbolic version of different. What I am, instead, is a straight white man who grew up outside of Boston and bounced from one pocket of privilege to another – from Brookline to Cambridge to the South End, each a trendier version of the same homogenous landscape. In turn, I’ve spent the majority of my life in locker rooms where dudes count their conquests in bathroom-stall Sharpie and say ‘faggot’ every time they feel awkward.

Michael Sam could have changed that.

OK, where do I start? He’s lived in Brookline and Cambridge and he’s white. Cambridge is the lovely city that has given us such visionaries as Granny Warren, Skip Gates, Gish Jen, and the Tsarnaev clan. You know who lives in places like Cambridge and Brookline? Rich liberals who supposedly love poor people and minorities, so much so that they move far away from them.

And my general rule of thumb when determining whether or not someone has nothing to say is to look at their choice of words. “Hyperbolic” and “homogenous landscape” aren’t words that normal people use. They’re what people whose main goal is to sound smarter than you choose to use. Because if they can convince you that they’re smarter than you are, then they can convince themselves that the insane things they are saying are in fact true.

And this guy has never, ever once been in a locker room where guys tallied their sexual conquests on the bathroom stall with a sharpie. That never actually happened.

As for the people who supposedly say “faggot” EVERY time they feel awkward, I’m sure there’s nothing “hyperbolic” about that. I don’t doubt some kids said that in the locker room when he was in high school. Because when I was in high school people said it all the time too. Newsflash – some words become less acceptable over time. “Faggot” is one of them. Ten years ago people called each other faggots until the cows came home. That doesn’t happen in locker rooms anymore.

This isn’t to say that I haven’t also seen progress. From the perspective of tangible change and increased tolerance, my generation is historic. That my high school graduation coincided almost to the day with the passing of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts was neither symbolically insignificant nor ignored by kids my age. This is not the Boston of busing past.

At least, not on the surface. There is a gap, though, between the intensely liberal values that have become synonymous with Massachusetts and the culture that is most pervasive among this state’s young men.

You know how I can tell this guy is a Deadspin reading hipster doofus? He mentioned the Boston busing crisis. I generally find that anyone who does that is an asshole. As if the fact that a bunch of dirt poor white trash from Southie threw rocks at a bus in 1974 is some sort of definitive proof that Boston is a racist city. Guess whose ingenious idea busing was by the way? People like Corey Gottlieb who lived in Newton and wanted to do a fun social experiment with the poor people in Boston. None of their kids got bused. What a coincidence.

Anyway, how the hell can this idiot get away with what he just said? This has to be a joke right? Because the phrase “the culture that is most pervasive among this state’s young men” is pretty freaking defamatory. Does this idiot have ANY sort of data to prove that the majority of high school boys are homophobic, intolerant meatheads? No? Well I guess that’s OK. After all, stereotyping is people is wrong…..unless you’re stereotyping white guys.

I got news for you Corey – kids are different now. They’re cool with other gay kids. They’re growing up in an age where it is no longer socially acceptable to be homophobic. And they’re fine with it. I advise you to rent 21 Jump Street. That movie is 100% accurate about what high schools are like now. Being a meathead is no longer in. Being a tolerant guy with skinny jeans who recycles is what’s hot now.

In a city whose lifeblood is sports, the first gay male professional athlete could have been as powerful as the mayor.

And then we’d get over it, and that is what would’ve made a difference. The normalcy. Not the first Michael Sam tackle or the first Michael Sam penalty, but the fifteenth time Vince Wilfork bear-hugged Michael Sam and none of us noticed. 

Does this nudnik watch sports? Does he understand how football works? Because I fail to see how a hypothetical practice squad player on the Patriots could possibly be more powerful than Marty Walsh. Does he understand that even if the Patriots took a chance on Michael Sam he wouldn’t actually dress for the games? Does he understand that if a bunch of players go hurt and he miraculously got the call up, the only possible way he’d set foot on the field is on kickoffs? Does he understand that under no circumstances could a rookie 7th round draft pick ever share the field with one of the best defensive tackles in football? Does he know who Chandler Jones is? Does he know the Patriots pay a 3-4 defense, which creates ONE LESS possible job for Michael Sam? But yea, other than that he’d be the most influential political figure in Massachusetts.

The divide between us-in-locker-rooms and us-on-paper might have been bridged incomparably had the Patriots swooped in and signed Michael Sam after he was cut by the St. Louis Rams this past weekend, and before the Cowboys had a chance to scoop him up Wednesday.

Hey Corey, and I’m not sure if you got the memo but the Cowboys are one of the biggest jokes in the NFL. Seriously, they are a Darius Heyward-Bey draft pick away from becoming the Raiders. They make the playoffs twice a decade and when they do their joke of a quarterback soils himself. Then their delusional owner builds a new stadium and talks about trading a first round draft pick for Johnny Manziel. So please, for the love of God, stop acting like the Cowboys are smarter than everyone else and just got the steal of the century.

Like it or not, the current role models for Boston’s young men are either as alpha-dog as they come (read: GQ posterboy, husband to world’s most celebrated supermodel), as salt-of-the-earth as they come (read: Red Sox captain who redefined the term ‘dirt dog’) or as aloof and emotionally disinterested as they come (read: Rajon Rondo). They seem like good enough men, and we could do far worse than to have our sons emulate them. But they do not inspire change.

Ummmm….Tom Brady is as “alpha-dog as the come?” Are we talking about the same guy?

Like, has Corey Gottlieb ever watched a sporting event in his entire life? Because if you think that Tom Brady is any sort of “alpha-male” then I have a horse ranch down in Nantucket that I’d love to sell you.

Anyway, this idiot says that alpha-males like Brady don’t “inspire change.” And how exactly would Michael Sam inspire change from the practice squad? In Corey Gottlieb’s mind there are a bunch of meathead jocks in the locker room calling each other “fags”. But if these kids see Michael Sam giving the second team offense a good look at what the Dolphins defense is gonna show them on Sunday, then magically these kids will all of a sudden realize the error of their ways? Yea, that’s what will happen. Right.

What Boston needs is less Sam’s bravery than his mortality.

No, what Boston needs is another fucking Super Bowl!! How the hell have we won five championships in the last 10 years, and not ONE of them was the Patriots? Bill Belichick is the greatest coach because he’s a ruthless, cold-blooded killer who only cares about winning. If Michael Sam could help us win he’d have been here a long time ago. But he can’t. So anyone who values his presence on the team more than another championship ring can get the fuck out of her and move to Jacksonville where no one gives a shit about sports.

What Boston needs is less Sam’s bravery than his mortality. Not a name, not a celebrity, just a person. A man who laughs and gets hurt and makes mistakes and gets fired up – a man who happens to be gay, but whose gayness is a waning element of how we, as men, identify him. 

Newsflash Corey Gottlieb – there is a really, really good chance this has already happened. Up until like three years ago athletes would have never dreamed about coming out of the closet. You think Michael Sam is the first gay player to play in the NFL? You think that out of the thousands of men who have worn Patriots jerseys, not a single one of them was a closeted homosexual? Because if you believe that then you can give me that down payment on the horse ranch now.

We need immersion by force.

LOL. WHAT??? Immersion of gay athletes “by force?” How about when an gay athlete is good enough to make the Patriots roster then he makes the roster? Nah fuck that. Because the Patriots don’t give a shit about putting the best team possible on the field. They care about breaking down social barriers by putting 7th round draft picks onto their limited roster just to prove a point. THAT is the Patriot way!!

BY FAR the most insane thing he wrote was this gem:

We are past the point of conversations or even education. Stop by the mandatory preseason diversity seminar at a high school football team’s summer session in Brookline or Dedham or Walpole or Everett and I guarantee you’ll see a bunch of kids cracking jokes as a coach rolls his eyes.

This was the part where I wondered how the hell this guy actually got this article published. Because up until this point he was using broad generalizations to stereotype white, heterosexual, male football players. This time though he specifically called out COACHES AND CHILDREN from four different cities.

First of all, does this guy understand what teenagers are like? No teenager wants to sit through a seminar ON ANYTHING!!! I wasn’t there for these “seminars” but I have no doubt they were cracking jokes. Because they’re teenagers who aren’t mature enough to sit through and appreciate a diversity seminar ON ANYTHING!!

More importantly, was he there for these “diversity” seminars? Does he know for sure that this is what happened? No? I guess it just fits nicely into his narrative. I believe he would call this “hyperbolic.” But apparently Boston.com has no problem whatsoever publishing an article that calls out four hard working adults who have dedicated their lives and careers towards helping children learn the values of teamwork, sportsmanship, and hard work. Let’s meet these four coaches:

Dedham High School is led by third year coach David Flynn.

In 2012 DHS football players were suspended BY COACH FLYNN after a hazing incident in the locker room:

“We talk to our kids every day about how you treat others,” Flynn said. “The principal (McCarthy) talked to the team about character and moving forward and it’s more about who you are and what you do, how you treat others and how you follow rules and regulations of athletics.”

The coach added that he was heartbroken, saying he never thought the team members accused would ever be involved in anything like hazing.

Yea, that sure sounds like a coach who “rolls his eyes” during a mandatory diversity training about accepting gay people. 

Everett High School is coached by John Dibiaso – arguably the greatest high school coach in Massachusetts history for arguably the most legendary football program in the state.

In his 22 years at Everett he’s helped hundreds of kids get into college and taught kids values that they will carry with them the rest of their lives. But Corey Gottlieb apparently knows him better than that. He’s really just a homophobic meathead contributing to society’s intolerance.

Walpole High School is coached by Barry Greener.

Greener coached and taught in Walpole for 35 years. After a brief retirement he was rehired as head coach of WHS in 2009 after coach and former New England Patriot Danny Villa was accused of raping a 15 year old student. Coach Greener, who is heavily active in his church and community was widely viewed as the right man to take over the program which had been disgraced:

Long time NFL quarterback Todd Collins played for him at Walpole:
Apparently according to Corey Gottlieb though, Greener is an intolerant, gay-hating meathead who rolls his eyes at the thought of “diversity.” Luckily Coach Greener won’t read him because he has no idea how to use the internet:

“See, I’m a non-computer guy. You send me an e-mail. I send back a reply with one finger, no capitals. No punctuation. Facebook, I couldn’t even define it for you. Twitter, I don’t even know what that is. I can’t even text in my phone.’’

Brilliant.

And did I mention that Walpole High School has a large and active LGBT and gay-straight alliance clubs? They even have a Facebook page!! Oh yea, and their student newspaper is called “The Rebellion” and was used to organize several other demonstrations in support of gay students. Guess Corey Gottlieb missed that part.

The last coach that Corey Gottlieb publicly tarnished the reputation of is Brookline High School coach Keith Thomas, who is going into his second year as head coach.

Since Gottlieb is from Brookline, I’m sure he can relate to the town’s reputation of intolerance. Wait, what? This is BROOKLINE we’re talking about here right? In 2007 Brookline HS had a “day of silence” to support gay students. Some yahoo parents from “Mass Resistance” staged a “day of defiance” by protesting the “homosexual agenda” outside of the high school.

Since Brookline is apparently home to a bunch of homophobic jock football players, one can assume that these parents were welcomed with open arms right? Oh wait, you mean the students called them “morons,” “idiots,” threw food at them, and told the parents they were gonna sodomize them? Yea, it sure sounds like kids at Brookline gay people!!

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