Remember Jon Gugala? The idiot who wrote the article for Deadspin about the Boston Marathon bandits and inadvertently turned a mob on them that threatened their lives for the crime of running 26.2 miles WITHOUT pre-qualifying?? Well, he published another article to Deadspin which might be even worse. It actually started off pretty intriguing. But then it ended the only way a Jon Gugala article could end…..
“Yeah, can you tell me where the track is?”
“The what?” the receptionist asks.
“Yeah,” I say. “The running track you guys have at the school.”
Because American Senior High School, in Hialeah, Florida, must have a track. How could they not? Their boys 4×400 meter relay team is the fastest in the country after this weekend’s Golden South Classic in Orlando, running an amazing 3 minutes, 12.12 seconds. They would have been in contention for a prep world-best had they run at this year’s High School Boys’ 4×400 Championship of America, beating all but one Jamaican team.
“We don’t have . . . Wait, hold on,” the woman says.
There is a rapid exchange in Spanish—located four miles northwest of Miami, American’s student body is over 60 percent Hispanic, one admin worker will tell me—and then I’m placed on hold.
Another woman answers: “Yes, how can I help you? Who were you waiting for?”
“I just wanted to know where the track is,” I say.
I am placed on hold again.
“No, we don’t have a track,” the woman says when she comes back on a few minutes later. “We have a track team, but not a track.”
“But you must have a track, right? Because you have the fastest boys 4×400 relay in the U.S.”
“My daughter was in track last year, and there was no track,” she says. “We used to go to Dade Christian”—a 1.2-mile trek away, or around a four-minute run if they used a fifth boy. “They have a track.”
“Is that where the team practices?”
“They practice at different tracks,” she says. “This is a new year, though, so I don’t know. Let me transfer you the boys locker room.”
I thank her and I’m immediately routed into voicemail. I carefully explain to the machine that there must be a track. It doesn’t make sense, that a relay team could be a state champion and nation-leader, and yet not have the most basic facilities. I tell all this to the machine, and I repeat my phone number twice for a return call.
All I’m looking for are directions to the track.
This guy is really fucking talented huh? I was actually reading this story and saying to myself, “This guy’s not that bad.” I assumed he was planning on talking about it, or maybe analyzing how school athletic programs are underfunded in general. You know, something that required a little bit more than talking to a Cuban secretary on the phone.
Instead I spent 90 seconds of my life reading this shit and I’ll never get that time back. He called up the school. He asked if they had a track. They got confused. Then they told him there was no track. Then he asked where the track was again. Fucking awesome story Jon Gugala. Aren’t there some bandits out there you should be exposing to the public? I heard some guy ran a 5K in Worcester last weekend and never pre-registered. Get on that shit bro!!