Follow and Subscribe to Turtleboy podcasts on SoundCloud or iTunes by clicking here. 

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

We’ve been getting so many story ideas for douchebags who park in handicapped spots that we might have to make it like a weekly segment. I had no idea how problematic this was, because every time I go to a restaurant or a big plaza there’s 25 empty handicapped spots just sitting there. Sure, it would be wicked convenient to park there, but a) it’s completely wrong to do that if you’re not handicapped, and b) I’d be even more afraid of the social stigma that would come along from being the able bodied dickbag parking in a handicapped spot.

Here’s this week’s winner at Pemberton Farms in Cambridge.

I for one am shocked it’s not a Prius.

Pemberton Farms is an organic food mart that sells locally grown fruit and craft beer. In other words, it would go out of business in five seconds if they put it in Lowell, Worcester, or Springfield because they don’t sell Cheetos or Bud Heavy. Don’t get me wrong, the food actually looks really good there and I got hungry just looking at their Facebook page. But this is the kind of place that only exists in social justice warrior conclaves like Cambridge, Amherst, and Northampton. You don’t see a lot of Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s in the hood do you?

Places like this attract the NIMBY, granola eating, 55+ woke wypipo crowd. Not a lot of Trump voters in the house. These are the type of people who would get mad at you if you committed a microaggression or used the wrong pronoun while addressing someone from the BLT-123 community. But parking in handicapped spots when you’re clearly not handicapped is permissable. Oh, and just like the parking job in Providence two weeks ago, this nudnik elected to park on the striped lines which no one is supposed to park on so that a ramp can be deployed from a handicapped van parked adjacent to it.

Alright DMV and toy truck turtle riders, time to do what you do best – give us a name. License plate 3BL843.