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Holy crow, have I seen some shit today! It’s never boring around here, certainly not when some dude from Gardner decided to hop in between train cars and gets stuck. Thankfully for him, a sweet soul wearing a cross shirt and rockin’ the moms jeans appeared to save his stupid ass:

So word is that there’s a big issue with trains blocking this particular street, but there’s an alternate route around them that doesn’t mean jumping through the cars and damn near getting yourself killed. I don’t know much about Gardner or its trains, so I’m just gonna stick to the play-by-play:

I’m going to start where shit begins to go wrong for this guy. First, he tried to skip between the cars, but I believe he underestimated the power of Diego’s re-up. That, or he’s drunk as fuck. Does it matter? No. Clearly this is a guy that, even when sober, makes stupid decisions and this very well may have been one of them.

Aaaand broken tail bone, dead ahead:

Frankly, in all my years of watching dumb people doing dumb shit, I’ve never quite seen anyone just collapse like a sack of crap in such a way. It’s pretty amazing how he just becomes a pavement pancake. It’s like he banged gravity’s girl and now it’s time for revenge:

Luckily for him, Jesus sent a friend to help out:

“The power of Christ compels you…to get the fuck up and outta the street, ya mental midget!”

May not be a flattering angle, but that’s mom jeans for ya.

I have to say, I’m really impressed with this woman’s strength. Get a load of that backpack that’s gotta weigh a good 60 pounds, plus the dead weight of a fully grown manchild who’s completely oblivious to what’s happening! This chick is friggin’ awersome!

Check this out, this is where she gets the idea that if she can get over to the other side, she may be able to help more. This broad just spider monkeys her way up and over this guy like it ain’t no thang:

WHAT

THE

FAAAACK!?

Fucking Spider Woman over here is doing the closest thing to parkour that you can get in Gardner: launching yourself over a fucked up dumbass to help him not get run over by a train. This is brilliant.

I think at this point she realizes that he’s actually stuck or some shit and devises a plan to free him in just about zero time. I have no idea who she is, but I think I love her:

BOOM Sweet Baby Jesus done went and freed this man from his mortal bindings! Well, this woman actually freed him, but close enough!

Ah, I think I see the culprit! Is that a Bud Light can that just fell from him like he’s some sort of beer battered pinata? Me thinks that’s a tall can!

I don’t know when that train was going to get moving again, but it really could have been at any moment. This woman just saved this guy’s life when she absolutely didn’t have to and that’s really cool. Kudos to you, Mom Jeans Lady!

Now, as far as the guy goes…he’s a fucking lucky idiot. Don’t know what the hell his deal is and I really don’t care. What fucking maroon decided this is a great way to skip the train? Giant ass backpack, loose enough pants to get caught in the damn train that could easily roll over you without notice. It’s not like the conductor is going to know or see you.

I’m not about to advocate for this kind of behavior, but if you’re going to do shit like this, at least wear tight clothes and don’t have heavy shit on you. This friggin’ manimal is so lucky this chick was there to rescue him and I’m sure he doesn’t even know it.

Well, hats off to you, Mom Jeans Angel Lady! You risked your life to save a dumbass. Congrats and (presumably) welcome to Gardner, MA. The capital of nudniks getting caught in trains and almost ending up pavement paste!

If anyone knows her, buy her a drink…I’m sure she needs it!