Nudniks

Cheeseburger Chuck Becomes National Hero After Making Up And Posting Unreal Story About Kitten Being Glued To The Highway For Facebook Praise

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Here’s a virtue signaling Facebook post out of Oregon that has gone viral like no other Facebook post has before.

Currently this post sits at almost 1 million likes, 240,000 comments, and 165,000 shares. I’ve never seen a post this big. I also highly doubt any of this actually happened. Let’s review the story…..

So I’m driving down the road this morning and the cars in front of me are driving over a black thing in the road. It’s going between their tires so I’m guessing it’s a box. 

How do you see what cars in front of you are driving over if they’re in front of you?

It’s a kitten just sitting upright shaking like a leaf.

If a kitten was sitting upright in the road and went in between the tires of multiple cars, I’m pretty sure the kitten would be decapitated. Just sayin.

And some asshole had spread glue on its paws and stuck it to the road. I thought maybe it walked through glue somewhere but after looking at it, that was totally spread into her paws. She was wet and freezing and literally glued to the road. And NO ONE STOPPED😳 What the f$&k people???

Stop right there. He wants us to believe that a bunch of commuters saw a kitten that was literally GLUED to the road, and not a single person stopped until he came along. Sure thing.

I slammed on my brakes and stopped all the traffic and put my hazards on and got out and pealed her off the road. People were honking and all pissy….really??? It’s a kitten glued to the road!! So after a goo gone bath and some food and cream we have a new kitten. Luckiest kitten in the world!

Thank you for your service sir. Someone please get this man a Facebook medal.

He stopped traffic on this busy road to save a poor kitten that somehow was superglued to pavement. Everyone else in this story is human garbage, who either ran over the kitten, or honked at him for trying to save the kitten’s life. In a world full of such terrible people, it’s great to have one beacon of light shining down on us like Chuck Hawley.

Eat your heart out Maude!

This story is an obvious lie for so many reasons. Asides from the Disney-esque good vs. evil plot line, there’s also the question of how the kitten got there in the first place. The road sounds like a busy road. Yet some villain walked into the middle of it, put glue on the kitten’s paws, pressed the poor thing down on the pavement for however long it takes glue to dry, and left without being hit by a car or even seen.

Yup, that definitely happened.

Then when Cheeseburger Chuck showed up he “peeled” the kitten off the asphalt, which remarkably didn’t seriously injury the thing. All the kitten needed was a bath and some tussin and they were good to go.

Obviously this story is completely made up, but everyone is falling for it anyway because that’s the way the Internet works now. People like a good fairy tale. Here’s the thing that shocks me – there’s no GoFundMe yet. Usually when people lie like this they’re trying to cash in on it.

Not Cheeseburger Chuck though. He’s in it strictly for the Facebook praise.

Even his “Sticky the Kitty” page has over 25,000 followers now.

USA Today wrote about him and called him a “hero” several times.

“She’s already well-established with the dogs and everybody else,” said Chuck Hawley, the hero of this story. It was about 7 a.m. and he was traveling west just past Cordon Road NE. Ahead of him, he saw cars weaving to avoid something on the road, their tires just missing the object. It was still dark outside. He couldn’t tell if it might have been a box or a sack. And then, after a truck swerved past the object, he saw the silhouette of what he described as a “kitten emoji.”

This story keeps getting better and better. Now it was dark outside (at 7 AM) and he only saw the kitten because of the shadow it cast, which of course looked like an emoji.

Of course we know this guy is capable of lying because he gave a restaurant he never went to a five star review:

The Red Hen was the restaurant in Lexington, VA that wouldn’t serve Sarah Sanders and her family because she works for Trump. This guy has obviously never been there before, but he values discrimination so he gave them a five star review anyway.

At the end of the day he’s just a woke, attention seeking liar. But at least his lie doesn’t really hurt anyone, so I guess it’s harmless. It just goes to show how people love fairy tales that make them feel warm and fuzzy inside. Especially when there’s a villain gluing kittens to highways.

19 Comment(s)
  • Sticky Wicky
    October 26, 2018 at 7:57 pm

    “Sticky Kitty?” Lmfao!!! I bet he lathers his schlong with peanut butter and lets kitty go on the attack all the while moaning, “Oh sticky kitty, ohhhhh, feels soooo goood sticky kitty!”

  • Robalar from Mars
    October 26, 2018 at 1:50 pm

    50/50 odds he’s got stuffed animals and/or toddler bathing suits in his possession yet has no children of his own. The creepy level with this dude is at Defcon 4.

  • Mom-in-law
    October 26, 2018 at 2:04 am

    It IS still dark here in Oregon at 7am (sunrise tomorrow is at 7:39am). He DID take the kitten to the vet. He DID file a police report. A news crew DID go to the spot where it happened AND interviewed the vet that took care of the kitten. And he does care about social justice. Any of you DICKWADS would be lucky to know him.

    • Get Fucked Granny
      October 26, 2018 at 7:32 am

      He IS a fucking douchbag liar. He IS scamming people for donations for nothing to a go fund me and po box. He IS a piece of shit.

    • Scamming innocent people
      October 26, 2018 at 11:14 am

      What vet DID he take it to. What police department DID he report it to and which news crew DID go to the spot. Where are the pictures of the feet. How about a copy of the police report and vet bill.

  • Woody
    October 25, 2018 at 9:07 pm

    At least its not another fake hate crime.
    Those NEVER have happy endings. This one is fake newsappoolloza, but at least it ends with a cute kitten.

  • Emmanuellle
    October 25, 2018 at 6:54 pm

    I hate Chuck and people like him. Of course he’s a social justice warrior, surprise surprise!

  • Burn Alive
    October 25, 2018 at 4:46 pm

    This stool has a facebook page asking for donations (sticky the kitty) and has set up a po box for them and a gofundme.
    I have my own PO Box…woohoo!

    Sticky The Kitty
    345 Westfield Steet #225
    Silverton, OR 97381

    Note from mama: We want to thank everyone that has reached out to us wanting to help us with supplies and donations, but please don’t feel obligated to do so as we took this little heathen in knowing it would be ours to handle. There is a GoFundMe that was started by my dearest bestest friend to help cover some costs because we had used up all of our animal funds on Jojo’s cancer treatments and surgery. I want to make a personal promise that we will pay it forward…any donations that are made that exceed our needs will go to another animal in need. Again, thank you for caring…and as Bob Barker would say, please have your pets spayed or neutered…

    gf.me/u/m487k8

    Idiots will still give even though there are no vet bills for the fucking cat.

  • warpedhead
    warpedhead
    October 25, 2018 at 3:51 pm

    Storys like this make my dick hard…:)

  • Mike
    October 25, 2018 at 3:42 pm

    This story is total bullshit:
    1.  A kitten would not sit still long enough for glue to harden. I can’t even clip my kitten’s nails without her squirming;
    2.  If the glue was strong enough to keep the kitten in place on the road, how was the kitten not injured when he peeled it up?;
    3.  Why would he not take it to a vet to be checked out;
    4. If it was soaking wet, how did the glue harden?;
    5.  Are we to believe that he is the only one eagle eyed enough to identify a kitten in the road?;
    6.  Are we to believe he is the only one caring enough to rescue a kitten stuck to the asphalt?;
    7.  Who honks when a person stops and exits their car to remove something from a roadway?;
    8. I’m guessing he didn’t file a police report for animal cruelty;
    9. For somebody worried about the wellbeing of a kitten, why would you bath it in goo gone and give it cream?  Cartoon kittens eat cream, cream is bad for  real kittens. Quit looking to cartoons to teach you how to care for a kitten; and
    10.  Why would anybody believe this story as written, especially USA Today.  Fake news!

  • Guy Fieri
    October 25, 2018 at 3:00 pm

    If i hadn’t received all the praise I was going to put it on one of my cooking shows and make it play the drums while I JAM in the kitchen…..Keep on ROCK-IN in the kitchen………brrrrrrnnnnmmmmmm!!

  • Stop the lies
    October 25, 2018 at 2:25 pm

    Douchbag
    I have my own PO Box…woohoo!

    Sticky The Kitty
    345 Westfield Steet #225
    Silverton, OR 97381

    Note from mama: We want to thank everyone that has reached out to us wanting to help us with supplies and donations, but please don’t feel obligated to do so as we took this little heathen in knowing it would be ours to handle. There is a GoFundMe that was started by my dearest bestest friend to help cover some costs because we had used up all of our animal funds on Jojo’s cancer treatments and surgery. I want to make a personal promise that we will pay it forward…any donations that are made that exceed our needs will go to another animal in need. Again, thank you for caring…and as Bob Barker would say, please have your pets spayed or neutered.

  • Buck McTuffguy, CAPT, USN (Ret)
    October 25, 2018 at 1:13 pm

    You’re telling me the fuckin’ pussycat just stood there doing nothing in the middle of the road while the glue set?

    Bravo

    Sierra

  • Rosie O
    October 25, 2018 at 12:57 pm

    Ive tried to glue my giant beef curtains back with glue but they were too heavy and worn out. What’s the trick?

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      October 25, 2018 at 4:38 pm

      He’s got more chin rolls than you Rosie!

  • GobbyGoo
    October 25, 2018 at 12:13 pm

    Good Lord, he bathed it in Goo Gone? That stuff is flammable! It’s basically gasoline with a citrus smell. Poor kitty. 

    • ploop
      October 25, 2018 at 12:39 pm

      Just one part of the many unbelievable aspects of this horseshit story.

  • hank
    October 25, 2018 at 12:07 pm

    Please God let some news crew go out there with him and recreate his heroic deed. Just so it can be documented how unbelievable his lie is. The logistics alone are making my head hurt. Or maybe find someone who was ‘honking’ at him while he “saved’ the cat and have them tell their side. Bottom line, social media is for weak minded losers who can’t deal with the real world so they have to retreat to their make believe online life and play pretend with the other sad sacks about how awesome they are. This guy is a chode.

  • 2wEntEe
    October 25, 2018 at 11:58 am

    I don’t think this guy is totally full of shit but i think much of his story is embellished.

    I checked out his Facebook, doesn’t seem like a bad person. Most people who fabricate stories make themselves the victim.

    I think he probably found the kitten and had to “sell” it to his wife or something. Then it got shared so many times and now he has to stick to the story.

    Probably enjoying the attention to tho.

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