Connecticut Internet Lawyer Is Taking Down Turtleboy By Calling Our Advertisers For Scathing Video Expose He’s Publishing On Imaginary Website That Doesn’t Exist
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A few weeks back we got this imaginary Internet lawsuit in our inbox from a man named Matt Murpy at “Lucid Productions Co,” who was using the Facebook nom de plume “Jack Oneil”:
Sounds serious. VERY serious. He’s even got an imaginary company too!!!
Desk Girl and SSTG were manning the inbox and they had some fun with him:
LOL. We LOVE when they say “you don’t have my consent to print” after they’ve voluntarily gone out of their way to send us several hilarious long-winded messages threatening imaginary lawsuits and scathing exposes. It’s so cute. Never gets old. Just FYI if you ever say, “this is NOT for print” we’re almost definitely gonna print it. Just sayin.
Apparently this guy wants to lure us into his “studio” so he can conduct a Dateline type interview as part of his ongoing investigation, we just have to sign some waivers and present him with ID:
He also says that Turtleboy is insignificant because he has a rapper friend with 45,000 followers on Facebook. He just doesn’t know the name of his imaginary rapper friend.
According to Matt Murphy, him and his production crew team are the “lions in the tall grass, waiting to pounce,” as well as the “vultures and hyenas surrounding us, waiting for our slow death to come so they can pick the flesh from our bones.” And by that he means that he’s gonna call up our advertisers and harass them with his seemingly unlimited amount of leisure time.
The ladies manning the inbox page have apparently been going back and forth with this guy for weeks now. This is a day in the life of your average Turtleboy.
Evidently there is a team of them “pouring over every document” they can find, and they have a busy day of
calling harassing advertisers ahead of them:
And they really want us to go to their studio at New England Tech, we just have to sign some waivers and show ID:
Anyway, we get trolls like this all the time and we don’t blog about most of them. We’re only writing about this guy for one main reason – he bothered our advertisers. That’s where we draw the line. You can bother Desk Girl until the cows come home because she has no soul. But harassing advertisers who are doing nothing wrong and simply trying to get more business, is a declaration of war as far as we’re concerned. When you try to take food out of Turtleboy Jr’s mouth, the snapping turtle comes out to play.
Yesterday we know for a fact that he called the Gun Parlor, and they apparently told him to fuck off because they’re awesome. Is there any place in America that’s less likely to back down to a social justice warrior on a mission than the Gun Parlor? They’re not afraid of Maura Healey, so they’re definitely not gonna be pushed around by some chudberry on the Internet.
After that he called a few others, but he made a big mistake – he used his real phone number. Now, we are NOT saying that his phone number is 860-315-3930. And we are NOT telling you to call him over and over again. We would NEVER tell people to do that. Ever. So once again, the phone number you definitely should NOT call Matt Murphy at is 860-315-3930. And since you definitely will NOT be calling him, you won’t hear the answering machine for discordnews.com, which of course is a website that does not exist. But it will someday, and when it does, Turtleboy is going down!!
Matt Murphy is not on Facebook because according to what he told our advertisers, “Insta is where it’s at.” He told them that he just graduated from college with a BA in media production, but his father is in advertising. We couldn’t find him, until we realized that he also gave our advertiser’s his mother’s page. Because, why wouldn’t he mention his Mommy’s name while harassing small business owners? But we couldn’t find her Facebook either!! So we went on his burner account, “Jack Oneil” and saw that he had just four friends. FYI, if you make a burner account, you’re not supposed to friend request people. This is how you get doxxed.
So we went through his four friend’s lists until we found Mom’s Facebook page, because she came up on most of them when we searched for Murphy in their friends lists. And like any proud Momma, she likes to show off pictures of her successful son:
As South Shore Turtlegirl told me – this is exactly how I pictured him.
Turns out he’s actually 29 years old, so if he just graduated from college like he claims he did, then he was taking 1 class per semester. But it’s OK because instead of taking a full course load, he was busy studying up on Internet law and starting his own imaginary business.
And according to Mom, he does NOT like it when she takes his picture:
Mom!!! Stop it!!! You never let me do anything!!! Can you buy me a Dr. Pepper and some Skittles? The allowance you’re sending me isn’t enough!!
Anyway, clearly this guy right here is a threat. We had a good run while it lasted, but this brilliant investigative entrepreneur will be our ultimate downfall. We will keep you informed on this developing story. Stay tuned, and pray for Turtleboy.
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