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So Saturday night we were at the Mass Fury season opener at Worcester State. Like we said in our writeup, we were hoping for a bigger crowd. Nevertheless it was a great game, the good guys won, and everyone enjoyed themselves. Well, everyone that is except a busy body neighbor who claims it kept her up all hours of the night. We’ve been forwarded this email that a former Worcester State professor wrote to City Councilor Gary Rosen about her dreadful experience during the game:

Let’s analyze the text of her email. Her words are in italics and our rational thoughts follow in bold lettering.

Dear Gary–

Upon arriving home this evening a few minutes before 9 p.m., I once again was unable to enjoy the peace and privacy of my home because of amplified noise from the WSU fields nearly a mile away. I am not talking about innocuous shouts and cheers of fans, but rather a sole, male voice, announcing, what I assume, were plays and scores. (I couldn’t understand the content of the speech. ) Not for the first time, I called WSU campus security. Officer Wagner assured me that he would convey my distress.

Like we said, we had people at the game. Here’s a video of a a pretty exciting punt return that got the crowd to react. You tell me if you think Ann Marie Shea PhD has a point. 

#WestSideProblems. Oh the humanity. I mean, you could hear him talking!!! Talking!!! Obviously he should’ve been whispering instead into the microphone. After all, the game ended at 9:30 on a Saturday night. Who stays up that late???!!!

And in the announcer’s defense, I think the noise she heard was coming from the most adorable cheerleaders you’ve ever seen:

About ten minutes later, the noise having actually INCREASED since my first call, I again called and was greeted by Officer Wagner, who assured me that he had delivered my message, and had been told by the party using the field that the amplification level was at its minimal, something I find hard to believe. (Distrusting not Officer Wagner, but the facility user who claimed to be operating at minimal level.)

So let me get this straight. She called Worcester State at 9 PM to complain about the noise level, and ten minutes later they were still making noise? Didn’t they get the message that a west side busy body had made a phone call? Don’t they realize that everything has to stop because one person with too much time on their hands complained about something? What kind of city are we living in? 

When I told Officer Wagner that my only resort was to call WPD, he told me that there is no sound limitations in Worcester before midnight. Is this true?I did call WPD, and the call was answered by a female, who although very sympathetic, was not able to provide any relief, nor information on noise ordinances.

Picture being the dispatcher who took that call down on Summer Street. Worcester’s in the middle of an unprecedented gang war, and it’s Saturday night in the middle of July. They’re probably so busy they don’t know what to do with themselves. Then they get the call from Ann Marie over on Chandler Street that a football team with a permit to use Worcester State’s field is being too loud. That must’ve given everyone a good chuckle.  

If they did send a cop over to WSU, what exactly were they gonna do? Tell the 300 people there to keep it down so Ann Marie can get some sleep before another busy day of complaining about everything? 

What is a resident of Worcester to do when assaulted by amplified noise carried nearly a mile from its source to one’s residence?

HAHAHAHHAHAHA. Assaulted!!! Fantastic!! This is what constitutes assault on the West Side. Loud noises at a football game. For the record, this right here was basically the loudest it got all night after Will Earley scored the first of his three touchdowns:

What does this lady do on the 4th of July? Try living on Perry Ave for a night in July. You can’t tell the difference between the gunfire and the fireworks. For what it’s worth we looked up her address (which she listed on the email but we cut out), and she lives less than a quarter mile from the field. But yea, same thing as a mile. 

This has been discussed very politely at community meetings on campus. I have no complaints about poor Officer Wagner, who was very polite and patient in listening to my problem. But what good do these polite interchanges serve, when the users of WSU facilities show no concern for basic civilities? Is there a way to force the campus to exact a certain level of behavior from visitors and to enforce penalties for abuse?

Abuse!!! Man, life sure is gangsta over the west side. I don’t know how anyone makes it out alive. I mean, here she is trying to enjoy her Saturday night tea in silence, when out of nowhere these SAVAGES over at Worcester State start talking into a microphone at a football game. Have you no civility? Have you no sense of decency? 

LOL. It’s just so funny because the crowd was literally as tame as you get. The loudest person at the game was this Ed Too-Tall Jones look-a-like on the Seminoles who was in serious need of a “shut the fuck up switch.”  

The irony is that, having served the Worcester State campus for almost forty years, I enjoy(?) the status of professor emerita, a situation that I assumed recognized my right to enjoy the privacy of my retirement.

Thank you for your attention.

Ann Marie Shea, Ph.D. 

Anyone who signs their name “Ph.D” is a gigantic dooshnozzle nine times out of then. That’s a proven scientific fact. The only way you can possibly be a bigger dooshnozzle is if you precede that by pointing out that you attained the status of professor emerita. As if anyone in Worcester gives a fuck, or even knows what that means. 

This is just another out of touch person who has lived in the fantasy world known as Academia for way, way too long. And as a result, they think the rest of the world has to conform to their hilarious version of reality. 

She also represents everything that stands in the way of progress in Worcester. Stuff like the Mass Fury is what makes Worcester cool, particularly the west side. Sometimes you’re going to be slightly inconvenienced by really cool stuff. For instance there might be a road race one day that temporarily causes a traffic delay. Or there might be a food truck festival, or StART on the Street art festival, that uses a public road for a few hours. 

But stuff like this is what brings a community together.We saw families there last night and kids running around and having a good time. It’s a great community event, and they hold the games on Saturday nights from 7-9:30 because no one in their right mind would complain about a little noise from 7-9:30 on a Saturday night. 

Unlike Ann Marie PhD, not everyone else wants to live in silence and shut themselves out from the rest of the world. Not everyone else thinks that a football game is “uncivilized,” “abusive,” or “assault.” If she’s looking for silence on a Saturday night, that’s why God created North Brookfield. 

The bottom line is, the quicker you realize the world does not revolve around you, the better. Obviously Ann Marie PhD here never got the message. 

P.S. If you really wanna stick it to Ann Marie PhD, get your ass down to the Fury’s next home game on Saturday July 25 at 7 PM. Oh, and bring your cow bells and vuvuzelas. 

Double P.S. She’s a huge Joe Petty supporter. 

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