I would have thought by now that guys would know not to send unsolicited, sexually explicit messages to unsuspecting women. I guess not.
Let’s talk about today’s Creepy Casanova, Brendon Laflamme of North Scituate, RI.
Brendon is 25, works for a fencing company, and has a pretty typical Facebook page for a mid-20s, Rhode Island born male. He has a variety of selfies including the bathroom mirror selfie (complete with sunglasses indoors):
The shirtless selfie (with tribal arm tattoo):
And the (stained) white t-shirt selfie:
He also likes to show off his handiwork and show the world how he’s doing with a picture of his truck.
That’s right, big guy, nobody is holding you or your 15 year old Ford Ranger back.
All of this seems pretty normal, right? Well we’re here to talk about what Brendon does in private.
So. Many. Questions.
Seriously, has this ever ACTUALLY worked? I mean, in the history of the internet and text messaging, has any guy ever gotten a positive result from unsolicited sexting or dick pics? Is this a new phenomenon or did we just start hearing about it more in the information age? Were the first men scribbling penis cave drawings in the females’ caves? More importantly, if by some miracle you sent a message like this and the woman responded that she was willing, what kind of foul STDs would be in store for you?
The best part about this is the irony.
Don Juan Dick Stain here isn’t looking for any trashy girls. He wants class up the ass. Which is totally what you’ll get by sending messages like the ones above or posting stuff like this:
At least one of his friends knows what’s up.
He’s done with the sexy low Iifes. It’s nothing but top quality women from now on and he’ll settle for nothing less.
No one is wondering, LaFemme. We all know exactly why you’re single.
Nah, man, there are worse things. Like sending gross messages to random women because you’re bored and lonely. I wonder if Ventura Fence would be cool knowing that this is how you represent them, seeing that their company name is all over your profile.
It would be a damn shame if they somehow found out about this blog post, huh? Of course, I am telling all our readers absolutely not to contact his company and inform them about how their employee conducts himself. That would be wrong.
To all the guys out there, this approach absolutely, positively, never, ever, ever, ever, ever, and I mean never ever, works with the ladies. More likely than not she’s just gonna put you on blast to all her friends or post your messages on social media. And if you’re really unlucky, you might just end up Turtleboy famous, like our big buddy Brendon.