Follow and Subscribe to Turtleboy podcasts on SoundCloud or iTunes by clicking here. 

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship.

The New Hampshire chapter of “My ex-girlfriend cheated on me with a cop, so fuck 12 society” is all up in arms about this video from Manchester this weekend.

Quick recap of what went down.

• Shithead #1 is on the ground actively resisting arrest, while another queefhag Jane Doe is lying next to him in cuffs. If he submits then he will be unharmed, but instead he chooses what’s behind door #2 and resists, leading to his ass getting tased for our amusement.

• Shithead #2 in the Al Borland outfit aggressively approaches the officers who are doing their job and trying to apprehend someone who is under arrest, but is actively resisting

• Shithead #2, who recently graduated form Internet law school, yells “That’s illegal, you guys are going to jail for this” and other things that are not grounded in any sort of facts.
• Shithead #2 is too close, and getting in the way of a lawful arrest, so a police officer tells him, “Take a walk or you’re going too,” to which he wisely responds by saying, “Fuck you.”

• Shithead #2 is then arrested, and of course he resists, because in the live free or die state you have the option of deciding whether or not you believe an arrest against you is lawful, and don’t have to wait for it to be figured out in an actual court of law.

• Shithead #2 is taken down after getting tased, while Shithead #1 is finally hogtied, and while getting dragged away by the police asks, “Can I get my shoe?” to which he quickly finds out the answer to that question is the same answer he gets when a prospective employer asks if he ever completed his GED – No.

• Then out of nowhere Shithead #3 appears, asking really good questions like, “what did he even do?” But the blood thirsty cops apparently don’t like a flam brimmed slugrake breathing down their necks while they’re trying to do their job around a bunch of drunks in a hostile environment, so they tell Shithead #3 to back away.

• Shithead #3 interpreted this command as “back away 12 inches, and then step forward with my left foot in an aggressive manner, while continuing to ask ‘what did he even do?’ and trying to pretend like I’m cooperating.”

• Shithead #3 also decides that once you’re placed under arrest you have the option to decide whether or not you accept this, and thus he refuses to submit and chooses to sign up to be tased instead. As you can see he refuses to put his left arm behind his back.

So they try to pull his arm as he resists.

This video has gotten over a quarter of a million views in less than 24 hours, and it brings out two kinds of people –

1. Internet Lawyers
2. The Fuck The Po-Lease Prize Patrol

Internet trainee lawyer Molly is a law student who viewed this video and determined that Shithead #3 dindu nuffin.

“Maybe it took the kid a second to back up when the officer told him to, but that does not give the officers the right to arrest the kid, throw him to the ground, have four officers kicking and punching him in the back, and then tase him.”

Let me correct that for you Molly:

“Maybe he didn’t really back up when the cop told him to and continued to interfere with a lawful arrest, and actually that does give the officers the right to arrest him, which involves throwing him on the ground and tasing him, which only happened because he made the choice to resist arrest, rather than place his hands behind his back.”

The Fuck 12 hoodboogers were out in full force too…..

A picture says a thousand words for Nicholas Rourke. In this case it just screams, “That face you make when you find out your Stepdad Bill drank the last of the Mountain Dew.”

Then there was this skinny jeaned swamp maggot.

His name is Tyler Andrews, but on Facebook he goes by Rick Grimes, and here’s what he had to say about the video.

If you’ve ever referred to cops as pigs, you’ve definitely cried yourself to sleep mid-stroke after finding out that your girlfriend cheated on you with a cop. That’s just science.

Then he kicked it up a notch and started urging people to literally shoot cops in order to “ensure your safety.”

And here he is shooting a gun, while actively talking about how he wants to shoot multiple cops on Facebook.

If he has a LTC it should probably be stripped from him.

“Never let anyone make you feel unsafe.”

A great way to feel safe is to do what cops tell you to do. Just a thought.

Evidently the revolution against 5-0 is about to commence, and this failed Dr. Dre extra is the leader of the rebels:

So it looks like the revolution probably isn’t going to blossom, but at least he’ll have his budding emo music career to fall back on, where he goes full Taylor Swift and whines about all the dudes who have dumped him over the years.

Since we made him famous by sharing his post on Clarence Woods Emerson’s Facebook page he removed it, probably because he realized what a bad idea it was. Now he’s pulling the “You’re gonna make me commit suicide and it will be your fault, not mine, because suicide isn’t a choice” card.

You won’t.

Anyway, the lesson here for Manchester’s finest is simple – don’t break the law, but if you do, make sure to submit to arrest, and if you feel the arrest is not lawful then you let your lawyer make that argument for you in court. Whatever you do, DO NOT post a viral video, expecting sympathy, and tell the world how we should kill cops on behalf of three shitheads from ManchVegas. You won’t get the charges dropped, but you will end up on Turtleboy.