Dzokhar Tsarnaev’s Lawyers Want His Trial Moved To Washington DC Because Morons There Think He Didn’t Blow Up Boston Marathon

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The legal team for Dzhokhar Tsarnaev conducted a poll and found almost 60 percent surveyed in Boston believe the accused marathon bomber is “definitely guilty” — reason, they argue, to move the trial to Washington, D.C.

The poll also shows 37 percent of those polled in Boston say he should get the death penalty. It’s all part of a filing today in U.S. District Court by Tsarnaev’s legal team that is pushing to have the case moved out of Massachusetts.

The poll — paid for by taxpayers as part of the suspected bomber’s defense — cites D.C. as the least bias, with 37 percent of those polled saying he’s “definitely guilty.”

Manhattan was next with 48 percent responding Tsarnaev was “definitely guilty.” 

In Springfield, Mass., nearly 52 percent said Tsarnaev was “definitely guilty.”

The poll also goes on to show that at least 50 percent of those polled in Boston had either participated or knew someone who ran the Boston Marathon.


“The community impact here is even greater than that present in McVeigh, given that the bombings occurred at the Boston Marathon on the day thousands of Bostonians and others from the region gathered to celebrate the runners, the Red Sox, and Patriots Day, the indelible fear that friends and family could have been killed or injured, the trauma experienced by those in the region for four more days while the police sought the perpetrators, and the hundreds of thousands of Boston area residents who sheltered in place during the climactic final day of the search,” the motion said.


There you have it folks – further proof that America is by far the best place in the world to commit murder and/or start a Jihad. Hey I got an idea, let’s move the fucking trial to Baghdad. I heard only 2% of the people there think he’s guilty.

So let me get this straight – because this asshat terrorized an entire region, and because he ruined a peaceful day that everyone loved, we can’t try him in Boston? Criminals take note – if you wanna be tried by a jury of morons who think you’re not guilty, just make sure you kill people at a major event.

Seriously though, if I were to guess what percentage of people in Boston think Terrorist Jafar is guilty, I assume it would be at least 98.5%. But 40% think he’s not guilty in Boston? WTF? Who ARE these people? I haven’t found a single comment ANYWHERE on the internet about this story who agrees that they are not guilty. Not one. Are theses people even real? Were these people in a God damn coma from April 15-19, 2013? I mean, Gish fucking Jen even thinks they’re guilty. At least she blames society for what they did, but make no mistakes about it – she knows they did it.

Part of me thinks that the 40% of morons morons who participated in this survey and said that they DON’T think he’s necessarily guilty, are really just a bunch of sheist-bags who are trying to get on the jury so they can vote for execution.


Look, they obviously did it. Everyone knows that. I thought his soulless, court-appointed defense attorney’s came to terms with the fact that the mountain of evidence they’re up against was insurmountable. I figured their only hope was to just pin the entire scheme on terrorist/speedbump Timon. I mean, he wrote a fucking confession on the boat. They have him on film dropping a backpack next to an eight year old boy that exploded seconds later. They have video surveillance of him at the gas station on the night of the famous chase. They have a witness who was literally forced at gunpoint to drive them all around the greater Boston area that night.

And since when is this grounds to move a trial? Dude, the fact that you could find a single person who doesn’t think he’s already guilty in Boston is nothing less than a miracle. You hit the jackpot and found plenty of gullible dingleberries who actually haven’t formed an opinion about this yet. You won.

And of course they wanna bring this trial to Washington DC. Notice they didn’t poll people in Tulsa, Oklahoma. They polled people in what is BY FAR the highly concentrated cesspool of liberals in America. It’s filled with people who think that American foreign policy is mostly to blame for terrorism. It’s filled with people who favor a tax-payer funded circus of a trial because the kid is foreign. Newsflash – 100% of these people thought Timothy McVeigh blew up the federal building in Oklahoma City. But it’s a lot easier to blame an anti-government fanatic right-winger than it is to blame an anti-government immigrant who benefitted from all of the tax payer funded perks of living in America.

I’m curious what the people who think he’s not guilty are thinking. Probably something like this:

“This COULD be a giant misunderstanding. I’m sure there’s a good reason that he was researching how to make bombs on his computer, writing confessions, and running away from and killing cops. And so they have photographic evidence of him leaving a backpack with a bomb in it right at the finish line, and then they have him several seconds later running away without the backpack. But what does that really PROVE anyway? I’d like to hear his side of the story. “


Look counsel, you’re gonna get famous whether or not you win or lose. So why they fuck are you trying so hard? Collect your check, do something outrageous, come up with a catchphrase like, “If the white hat doesn’t fit, you must acquit,” and then sign your book deal. You’ll lose the case but you’ll be rich. You win. America wins.

If they’re gonna move the trial then they need to do it arbitrarily. You don’t get to pick and choose where justice will be served by surveying the people there. You wanna move it? Fine. Put Washington D.C. in the same hat as Texas and Mississippi. If his defense wants to take their chances on that then be my guest. I have a feeling the 60% number grows a lot more once you start polling people in places where chain gangs still fix potholes and most people think that the firing squad needs to make a comeback.

Here’s the last reason this is dumb – he’s essentially being rewarded for committing a crime that caught headlines. If he had just murdered three random people in Roxbury people wouldn’t know who the fuck he is. But because he blew up the Boston Marathon and got an entire country to really behind Boston he gets rewarded? Yea, that makes a fuck ton of sense.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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1 Vote



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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.




2 Comment(s)
  • RememberHim?
    June 19, 2014 at 6:55 pm

    Two words: Derek Hopkins

  • Joey G
    June 19, 2014 at 6:48 pm

    If he killed three people in Roxbury no one would care… but he killed and maimed white people at the Boston Marathon. This means that the FBI, ATF, MSP, BPD, and all of the other alphabet soup law enforcement has to go absolutely nuts to appease all of the Nancy Grace watchers.

    Also keep in mind that you didn’t list the other choices given to the people in this “random survey.” I will assume it was something like, Definitely Guilty, Probably Guilty, Unsure, Probably Not Guilty, Definitely Not Guilty. I’m sure the numbers between the two guilties are much higher than that 60% figure.

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