East Boston’s Columbus Day Parade Was Out Of Control Looking More Like Half Price Drink Night At Sweaty Betty’s But Y’all Are Mad At The Wrong People

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Oh my stars and garters, y’all. I don’t know how everyone reading this feels about Columbus Day, and I don’t care. All I know is that I get extra family time with my kids on a Monday when all the good TV is on. BONUS. Well, East Boston had their annual Columbus Day parade and the group East Boston Open Discussion was openly discussing the shit out of whatever this is:


What the hell did I just watch? Was that porn? It seems like the beginning of terrible porn. I’m gonna go ahead and say that’s not too family friendly. I think “parade” and I tend to think “Something I can torture my kids with”. This kinda kills that since I have teens now. Could you imagine releasing a 15-year-old boy into this? Somebody WILL get pregnant.

This seems to have all been started because a Caribbean dance troupe ended up dancing in the last few minutes of the parade. But before you get your panties in a bunch, turns out that they were invited…for the 4th year in a row:


David was into it. I see you, David.

You go girl.

Ok, you two need to fucking stop.

There was worse shit at the parade, though. I present to you, nightmare fuel:


Shit got so out of control in the group that the mods had to make this statement:

Look, I don’t know about you guys but when I see carnival dancers, I get into the spirit of it. I involuntarily start twerking, much to the chagrin of Mr. Manch. That poor bastard. He tries so hard to get me to stop, but just ends up becoming a victim. A twerkattack victim.

That being said, they knew this shit would happen. I have no clue why there were Caribbean dancers at the parade for Colobus Day, but whatever. They were there and fun was had. If you went the past three years then you probably had an idea of how shit went down. Even if this was your first time, I can’t imagine that it wasn’t fun. I mean, c’mon!

They also had stuff like this:

And more stuff like this:


That’s some great, wholesome, family shit right there…with a weird juxtaposition next to shit like this:


In my opinion, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with scantily clad, sparkly dancing ladies. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with putting some boom-boom pow into an otherwise pretty boring event. Although I can see how some parents may not want their littles to see all that at such a young age.

The issue happened to be when spectators, who can be identified as those not wearing costumes or feather things,  took things into their own hands and started grinding on each other like it was half price drink night at Sweaty Betty’s. That’s a problem. That’s not something I ever want to see with my kids standing right next to me. Surprise boners for my son and my daughter thinking that twerking is dancing just makes for a nightmare. A very public nightmare.

I think that’s why the Caribbean dancers were reserved for the end of the parade. The event organizers probably though that all the kids would’ve dispersed by then, because children are weak and get bored and want to go home after 30 minutes. So do I.

I don’t think they should get rid of the dancers for next year, like I said before, they bring some actual fun to an event where you stand on a sidewalk and watch other people walk. Wooo. Party time. And as a lovely lady, Renee, said to Stick In Her Ass Traci, it was only the last few minutes that everything got wild…you know, the time that kids have usually bailed on this shit anyway:

Mic drop.

And for the record, it really seemed like it was the spectators who  were acting like they were being featured on PornHub. Might have been spurred by the dancers because people have no self-awareness of what’s cool to do in public, but that’s not the dancer’s fault. The dancers were there to do their cultural dance that the folks of the Caribbean do. That’s awesome. These assholes who were watching were bumping uglies on the street. Don’t do that.

Ultimately, it’s your responsibility to research anything that you’re going to bring your kids to. If you know there will be shit you might not want your kids to witness, then don’t go. There’s a million parades on holidays that have parades. Pick one with that won’t have stripping. If you went to this parade the 3 previous years and knew they were going to be there but went anyway, you can’t complain. There’s all sorts of site to find out where you can find out what a parade will entail, and some even have a schedule so you can dip out on things you don’t want the kids to see.

Both sides need to calm the fuck down. It’s East Boston, I doubt this was the worst thing to ever happen here.



19 Comment(s)
  • 2 Tall Deval
    October 11, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    It was nice to see the natives had a spot in the parade also. Don’t forget to vote.

  • Yo what happen when da welfare run out? Is dat possible? Yo! I axed yous a question
    October 10, 2018 at 6:25 pm

    Ahhh the Dreamers in action. The future CEO’s, entrepreneurs, programmers, doctors, engineers, teachers, architects. According the Bath House Barry Soetoro and Democrats.

    Import lawless 3rd world illiterates and you import all their 3rd world behavior. If the USA were a country of 1.5 billion like India or China we could probably absorb them and force them to change. As a politically correct nation who are afraid to speak the truth about 3rd world animals, we can’t absorb them. They are changing our country into the shit holes they fled.

    • Anon.
      October 11, 2018 at 3:38 pm

      “Import lawless 3rd world illiterates and you import all their 3rd world behavior. If the USA were a country of 1.5 billion like India or China we could probably absorb them and force them to change. As a politically correct nation who are afraid to speak the truth about 3rd world animals, we can’t absorb them. They are changing our country into the shit holes they fled.”

      You’ve got that right!

  • Fo Sho
    Not wid my dick
    October 9, 2018 at 11:03 pm

    There was a time in Eastie that when walking down the street all you could smell was the last Santarpio’s Pizza fresh out of the oven……. Nowadays that aroma has surely been replaced by the stale head cheese and queef stench of the unwashed.

  • Ms Swan
    October 9, 2018 at 5:23 pm

    ohhh was that didi smelgado with the dingleberrys hanging off her mammoth mammory glands

  • Joe Curtz
    October 9, 2018 at 3:28 pm

    What a fucking shit hole. Its indigenous peoples day, not Columbus Day, those racists

  • Eeb a deeb a dooba
    October 9, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    Another well written and edited story. Pulitzer here we come.

  • Art R.
    October 9, 2018 at 12:20 pm

    Pavement Apes…. another day

  • marilu
    October 9, 2018 at 11:47 am

    That fb chick said “that’s not culture”
    Actually, carnival dancers from the Caribbean are wayy more culture than fckin Columbus Day! Granted this looked like a bootleg version of real Carnival, it’s still a representation of West Indian culture. And they get crazy when it’s party time. That’s just how it is, very sexual culture. Boston is a melting pot, so you’re going to see all diff cultures which is actually awesome.

    • Dr. Phartz
      October 9, 2018 at 11:54 am

      Not all héroes wear capes.

      Some are big and fat and wear sparkly pasties.

    • quarantine eastie
      October 10, 2018 at 6:30 pm

      I wish they could all be thrown into a huge melting pot or lava volcano, that would be worth seeing more of.

  • LocalYokel
    October 9, 2018 at 11:40 am

    Carlo Gambino invented Columbus Day in his nationwide effort that the FBI were prejudiced against Italian-Americans in their prosecution of the Mafia. Gambino spent the last 8 years of life in a vegetative state due to injuries sustained at a Columbus day rally.

  • Chris Columbus
    October 9, 2018 at 9:46 am

    Basta! I guessa summa da fuckas gotta way afta all. Excusa, excusa. Madonne!

  • Frank Rizzo
    October 9, 2018 at 9:24 am


  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Mike Barnicle
    October 9, 2018 at 9:22 am

    Even though I live in lily- white Lincoln Ma, I celebrate diversity.

  • Rochambeau
    October 9, 2018 at 9:00 am

    What happened to pinning dollar bills on the Madonna statue as it passed? I understand that it was an honor to be chosen from your family to pin some cash on it.

    • Jim
      October 9, 2018 at 12:33 pm

      Now you get to stick them in the dancers’ thongs

  • Stunt Penis
    October 9, 2018 at 8:32 am

    you ain’t seen nuttin. yet Wait till the dems gain control of all 3 branches of government and finish importing the rest of the 3rd world shitholes out there into america. this will seem tame by comparison.

    • Judge dread
      October 9, 2018 at 2:50 pm

      If you import the 3rd world you get 3rd world problems. Liberals do not understand this concept. Just sayin…

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