Fall River Creepster Is Going To Murder Everyone Right After He Sends A Dick Pic Real Quick

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I’d like to introduce you to one Fall River’s finest assholes Dan Astle. He’s a real cornicopia of fucking crazy.

Deranged Dan came to my attention when a concerned member of Threw Up In Fall River spotted the psycho’s antics and realized that considering he’s a complete danger to society, that it’s probably best that people get familiar with his face because the next time you see it, he may be wearing yours as a mask ,Texas Chainsaw Massacre style.

Dan’s most predominant hobbies include working on his Creep Jeep, being a felon who builds his own guns, stalking random chicks and sending dick pics to anyone who he seems worthy of his slobknob. And completely fucking insane death threats, seriously check these out.

There’s a lot of talk about Mr. Astle being into underaged girls, 15 years old to be exact. Now, not a whole lot of that talk as been substantiated but there’s been so much of it that it can’t really be ignored. For instance, these screenshots seem to paint a really fucking twisted picture of grossness.

That’s really difficult to ignore. As difficult to ignore as the stories some ladies have shared about encounters with him. Like that one time when he met up with a woman who was selling a phone and asked her if he wanted to see his naked mole rat and when she declined he just sent her a picture anyway afterwards. And then tried to lure her into his Creep Jeep to take her to a place so isolated that “government officials” couldn’t find it. Because that’s totally normal and doesn’t raise any red flags or anything:

And then there’s this statement that the police released verifying that he’s actually physically stalked someone…

I want to set something straight before anyone has any bullshit to say. No, I’m not ripping on a mentally ill person who doesn’t know any better. I’m ripping apart a complete and utter douchebag poopsmooch who preys on women and just happens to have a mental illness. Everyone is, to some degree, mentally ill and somehow manage to still be good people who do the right thing. Personally, I’m affected by complex PTSD, major depressive disorder and a panic disorder. Not the self diagnosed Millennial versions, but like the real shit. And again, somehow I wake up every day and decide not to be a fucking asshole. Mental illness is no excuse to be a slugrake, he knows what he’s doing is wrong. Mental illness doesn’t escuse this:

Spy murder you won’t find on the news.

Stop it, Dan. Stop sending unsolicited dick pics, stop messaging underaged girls, stop being a felon who admits to owning guns and stop with the ridiculous death threats. Take your ball and go home, no one wants to play with you. People put up with you because your nutter butter bullshit is amusing to some. You can’t make a single move without someone taking note. You’re creepy and everyone has eyes on you. Stop it.

Also, aliens don’t want to see your shmeckle either so I wouldn’t count on trusting your eyes.

Have another tale of fucked up creepoids? Email me at!

10 Comment(s)
  • Real_Finn
    May 15, 2018 at 10:01 am

    Mental illness is definitely not stigmatized like it used to be. Unfortunately, it still causes (functioning) sufferers to get raised eyebrows, passed over for jobs and “it’s all in your head” bullshit to deal with on a daily basis (sometimes causing them not to disclose or seek additional help). This is *NOT* this shitbag’s problem.

    What sums it up as the best is when the author astutely points out that he/she, “[is] affected by complex PTSD, major depressive disorder and a panic disorder. Not the self diagnosed Millennial versions, but like the real shit. And again, somehow I wake up every day and decide not to be a fucking asshole.”. Yup. This.

    No one is going to coddle you, make sure you take your meds, and excuse your criminal behavior with, “Oh, he is mentally ill..blah blah blah” if they truly care for your well-being. Survival of the fittest doesn’t mean you’re not suffering from a physical or mental barrier. It means you stride to be successfully be a strong SURVIVOR despite living with some pretty shitty afflictions.

    The indulgent side of me realllllllly hopes he contacts Deskgirl Abi. That would bring me great joy. MOTHER-OF-GOD reach out to Abi – she’ll help you out.

    • Manchester Turtlette
      May 15, 2018 at 10:14 am

      Awe, Finn, one of my absolute favorite commenters! I rarely like to discuss any of the mental illness that I experience for the exact reasons you stated, but felt it absolutely necessary to in this case.

      Excuses do more harm than good as does playing the victim card, even in the case of mental illness. Accountability is key in wellness and clearly this guy is not well. I can’t imagine why…

      Never stop being you, Finn.

  • K
    May 14, 2018 at 12:30 am

    Just because you are mentally ill does not give you the right to be a pedophile. This man is evidently a menace to society and he’s going to wind up raping or killing or maybe both to a young girl or maybe not even young. He needs to be taken off the streets. This is why I truly feel horrible for the good people that live in Fall River. They have to be surrounded by people like this. Little children are not safe to be outside by themselves. Very very scary.

  • MF Contruction 31
    May 13, 2018 at 4:33 am

    Hopefully the boss keeps an eye on this whacko while on the job site!!!!

  • Kevi
    May 12, 2018 at 8:39 pm

    So where are all of the dick pics?

  • T-Ryder 4 lyfe
    May 12, 2018 at 3:50 pm

    Yay one of my comments made it. This dude is a total creep. I wouldn’t be surprised if his parents are dead in the basement on some Norman Bates shit. They know he’s a creep & had him sent away to get help. It did not work he still digs underage girls. Someone is going to catch him sooner or later. Hopefully it’s sooner. 

    • Manchester Turtlette
      May 12, 2018 at 3:57 pm

      You know I gotchu! And you’re right, this slugrake is scary as hell! His Momma needs to take his phone away.

      • F U
        May 15, 2018 at 1:34 pm

        Too many f@&king ads on Turtleboy. More and more each day. Makes it impossible to read and eats up my data. Stop.

        • Manchester Turtlette
          May 15, 2018 at 5:17 pm

          I know, I find it annoying too! However, reading Turtleboy Sports is free but advertising and contributers aren’t. Uncle Turtleboy has said a million times that he doesn’t want to charge readers and I’m sure you don’t want to pay. Minor inconvenience if you really like the blog, right? I can tell you this, it’s easier to read on a tablet or laptop though.

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