Fat Philandering Husbands Thinking They Can Get Laid For $19 Is The Problem Here, Not Ashley Madison Hack

During the history of earth, how much money do you think has been spent by horny married men seeking some form of extra-marital sexual gratification? Trillions? Quadrillions? Enough to feed and house every homeless child on earth? More? Well, the world keeps turning and these delusional men still think that the stripper really liked them, or the hot young college girls still find them attractive, or their female colleague was giving them the “eye”.




In recent news, the infamous Ashley Madison website was hacked and now as the identities of the philandering husbands come rumbling through the landscape like a tornado.  Scores of people are blaming the hackers for ruining thousands of families’ lives.  Many quasi-celebrities have also been outed including renowned bible-thumping, child-molesting incestuous freak Josh Duggar. In fact, so far there have been at least two suicides linked to the release of the Ashley Madison information.


© Nicolas Khayat/ABACA. 40535-7. New York City-NY-USA, 08/12/2002. Actor Hugh Grant pictured as he arrives at the Broadway theatre to attend the opening of Baz Luhrmann's production of Puccini's La Boheme.


But guess what? It’s not the hacker’s fault, and it’s not even’s fault.  The blame lies in these naïve, often out-of-shape, balding older men that think they can sign up on a website for $19 and get laid. Did they really think this was real?!?! Do they think there are thousands of like-minded attractive middle-aged women out there just dying to risk losing their families, jobs, and children by publicly putting their picture and information on a website designed to help you cheat, all so they can get fucked by a fat, old, balding stranger?? C’mon man!



Breaking news for all the cheating husbands, if a hot married girl wants to get laid, she doesn’t have to do much more than stand there and smile. She is not gonna pay money and publicly shame herself on a notorious cheating website.

Since the hack, Ashley Madison has publicly admitted that most of their female profiles were fake (obviously), and the site was essentially designed to lure married men in to think they have a chance at an extramarital affair with a beautiful girl. Essentially exactly what a stripper does.

As usual the finger-pointing has gone around to everyone except the true culprits.  Most of these married dudes should either seek therapy, get a divorce, or never should’ve gotten married in the first place. Heck, even visiting a hooker might not be as bad as putting your picture and info on a website for the whole world to see, and now facing the disgraceful consequences.


4 Comment(s)
  • oneopinion
    September 2, 2015 at 6:00 pm

    I love this story. It’s hilarious. Like married women who want to cheat need a website… There were something like 12,000 real female profiles vs thirty six million male profiles. How did any dude possibly think this was real?

  • Adam
    August 26, 2015 at 7:56 am

    This blog written by TurtleWife.

  • August 26, 2015 at 12:42 am

    Sick bill, likes little kids, Jeffrey Epstein case, we might have a pedophile 1st lady, USA #1.

    • Wabbitt
      August 26, 2015 at 1:31 am

      What in the actual fuck are you babbling about?

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