Father Of Cohasset Meatstick Killed By Cops While Stabbing Tinder Date Is Blaming The Police, Calling Everyone Who Disagrees Fat Ugly Whores, And Blaming The Victim And Everyone In Hull

Follow and Subscribe to Turtleboy podcasts on SoundCloud or iTunes by clicking here

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:







Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


A crazy story out of Cohasset (of all places) got a little crazier today.

It all began when this juice donkey named Erich Stelzer took a girl he met on a Tinder date back to his house. Except instead of trying to get his porridge pumper wet he decided to stab her a bunch of times and die.

A man attacking his Tinder date outside a Cohasset home died as police intervened, a source told Boston 25 News. The Norfolk District Attorney’s office says it is investigating the incident, in which a man they identify as Erich Stelzer died as he was being taken into custody by police Thursday. A source told Boston 25 News Friday the 25-year-old man had met the 24-year-old woman on a dating app called Tinder and stabbed her before police intervened. Cohasset Police responded to a call for a “disturbance” on Church Street around 10 p.m. and found a woman with injuries, who was then taken to a local hospital, according to the DA’s office. The DA’s office said “in the process of taking the male party into custody, the male party passed away.”

“It’s something you never think is gonna happen in a quiet town like Cohasett,” a neighbor named Ian said.

A source says the man was Tasered while being taken into custody, and said the 25-year-old Stelzer was on top of the 24-year-old woman stabbing her when police arrived.

Looks like there won’t be a second date after all.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – thank God he’s white. It always makes it a lot easier when the dangerous criminal who was killed by the cops is white. There won’t be any protests, and Al Sharpton doesn’t have to cancel his golf game. Nothing to see here folks, just a dead white guy.

This chudstuffer looks like the guy at the gym who makes you contemplate going to Planet Fitness.

Dem pants.

That’s the guy right there who goes to the gym with a WWF belt on, and carries around a gallon of water and a notebook so he can record how many reps of tris he did so he can jerk off to it when he gets home.

In all seriousness, it sounds like this guy is mentally ill. There’s no other explanation really. He’s probably on all types of shit and it fucks with his brain and he snapped. Maybe. Or maybe he’s just a psychopath douchqueef. Doesn’t matter really. The cops came there and he was stabbing a chick repeatedly so they had a job to do and they did it – they saved her life. I would imagine the Cohasset Police don’t get a lot of action like this, so good for them for being mentally prepared.

Anyway, things got really interesting when this guy showed up.

That’s Dad. You may recognize him if you’re a fan of Nebraska track and field.

This bootleg Robert Redford’s name is Harry, and he’s been on a roll on the Facebook machine for the last 12 hours.

It started with this.

And then this.

Honestly, seeing the picture of his son when he was younger is pretty sad. I have a son, and my biggest fear is that he grows up to be an asshole. They’re so innocent when they’re young and you just wish they could stay that way forever because no one hates them yet. Then they grow up and stab chicks on Tinder dates and all of a sudden your little angel is Facebook villain of the day.

Being sad about his son is one thing, but blaming the cops is just plain stupid. And as you will see from Dad’s responses, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

When some people pointed out that he was making excuses by blaming the cops he did what any rational person did – called them fat.

Told them to fuck off, and called their family ugly.

Called them whores.

Challenged people to meet up with him for fisticuffs.

Told dickfaces to go back to Brazil.

Called people gay pricks.

Shit on the entire town of Hull.

And finally suggested that “may(be) that Bitch attacked him.”

Gee whiz, I wonder where his son got his anger issues from?

Junior had other supporters too.

Yes Claudia, there is a system. It’s called, “stop stabbing that chick and we won’t tase you.” Didn’t work out so well for him.

Claudia thinks that he did nothing wrong because men and women are equal.

Yea, except this guy’s a creatine cock goblin who was likely much bigger and stronger than her. Besides that they’re totally equal though.

Then there was Chris James.

That face you make when it’s your turn to be the bottom

“Shame on you for fucking with the father of a dead person.”

Just a reminder that it was Dad who got the ball rolling by blaming the cops before calling every woman a whore and telling a white guy to go back to Brazil.

Shockingly Chris James is NOT a fan of Turtleboy Sports. Except for our coverage of Maude the Fraud, which everyone with a brain agrees with because Maude is terrible.

The bottom line is I hope the girl who got stabbed is OK. She’s in my thoughts and prayers since she’s completely innocent. And any sympathy I had for the deceased immediately ended the second we met Dad.

66 Comment(s)
  • Greg
    January 8, 2019 at 8:47 pm

    “thank God he’s white. It always makes it a lot easier when the dangerous criminal who was killed by the cops is white. There won’t be any protests, and Al Sharpton doesn’t have to cancel his golf game.“

    You really are fucking disgusting. Black Lives Matter isn’t protesting/has not protested/would not protest a black man killed by cops while he was in the process of murdering a woman. By suggesting the only difference between this d-bag’s death and the death of Tamir Rice, for example, is skin color is inexcusable and speaks volumes about your views on race. You’re really no better than half the people you try to shame on your blog.

  • Sheriff Justice
    December 31, 2018 at 1:33 pm

    Play stupid games,
    Win stupid prizes.

    Grand prize, you get to pick from the top shelf Erich.

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    December 31, 2018 at 11:00 am

    Tazed 4 times.

    Lets be honest, is he was black he would have been shot 20 times.

    Dad should thank cops for giving him a fighting chance.

  • jamal khashoggi's severed rotting cock
    December 30, 2018 at 11:24 pm

    Most father’s I know would be grieving, not acting like a school wench on facebook.
    The dead fellow must have been smoking that bath salt shit, coupled with roid rage and off they go.
    I think I’ll call lizzie warren and suggest we ban knives and that she gets her nipples pierced, she’s a fucking cunt.

  • Tom Nelson
    December 30, 2018 at 6:15 pm

    Crazy I made it on turtleboy!! Def not for reasons I’m proud of but I do feel sorry for this father’s loss and I can only imagine what he truly was thinking at that moment .. he probably was not himself over such shocking news ,but him attacking everyone like that was just ridiculous especially cohasset police who try to spare his sons life which proves them better men than me I know that

    • Mo Ron
      December 31, 2018 at 12:08 pm

      “Crazy I made it on turtleboy!! Def not for reasons I’m proud of”

      Son, NOBODY makes it on TBS for reasons to be proud off.

  • Erich Stelzer aka crispy aka stiffy
    December 30, 2018 at 8:46 am

    It’s good that they have me in a fridge. Otherwise I would STINK.

  • Maura Healy's Strap on
    December 29, 2018 at 10:20 pm

    I saw pictures of this guy on the news. I had bigger biceps in my junior year of high school

  • Lola Bunny
    December 29, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    Wtf is with his comment “Let me bury my dead and then the show begins”? Guess he decided to start the show early? Or maybe “the show” is going to be him trying to sue the police for saving this poor girl’s life? She’s going to be traumatized for life, never mind whatever scars and physical ailments she has. This guy sounds like a psycho.

    • Psychotic Duo, OJ is Disgusted
      December 30, 2018 at 5:54 am

      Sounds like an open threat, he’s planning something, might be legal action or otherwise. Classic case where afterwards every asks why nothing was done sooner. Pick him up for a 72 hour evaluation to determine is he is a danger.

      His son tried to murder his date he just met with a knife… wtf. Looks like a serial killer with no patience.

  • z
    December 29, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    I’ll put two zigs in ya cheeks for life!

  • Truther
    December 29, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    He bit her entire cheek off and gouged out her eyes.

  • Rats Nest
    December 29, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    “I leeft things up and put them dowwwwn!”

  • Publius
    December 29, 2018 at 6:04 pm

    the warning signs were there. The father raised a monster and society is a better place. why didn’t the officer should the prick?

  • Trump 2020, Build the Wall, Take Back the USA
    December 29, 2018 at 5:54 pm


    This is the behavior we all have to deal with in public, at work, in schools, Colleges and it is caught on tape perfectly. Conservative Americans minding their own damn business physically assaulted and verbally assaulted and refused service by the violent insane Leftists in the US. There are many Conservative Whites, Spanish, Muslims, Blacks, Mormons, Asians and we need to take off the gloves and stand up like this man did. Maxine Waters, Obama, Clinton, Mueller, James Comey Low IQ followers are the problem and they will take everything including freedom if you let them. Hope the man with Trump sweatshirt sues but Conservatives have better things to do.

    December 29, 2018 at 5:11 pm

    Cops should have shot a couple of blacks too!

  • Ziggy
    December 29, 2018 at 3:55 pm

    LET THE WORMS EAT THE FUCKING LOOSER NOW. I wish the dad was dead too.

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    December 29, 2018 at 2:56 pm

    Typical uneducated, prejudiced dickhead. This fucking guy is like a T Rex. Big, but with a pea sized brain…. Fucking ballbag

  • Jefe
    December 29, 2018 at 2:25 pm

    The woman survived? I’ve read differing reports.

  • Jefe
    December 29, 2018 at 2:20 pm

    If that douche was considered a “bodybuilder” then I’m Arnold in his prime.

    • Hilary
      March 1, 2021 at 5:51 pm

      This is my baby sister… and YES she survived! .. but even 2 years after almost being murdered by that demon, she’s still nowhere near physically (lots of medical and plastic surgery) or mentally okay…. also, the POS father was never in his demon child’s life he didn’t want to be! He was only hoping to profit off his son butchering my sister

  • Women Haters
    December 29, 2018 at 1:40 pm

    Sources say father and son were super Dexters. Perhaps the cops should dig up the basement of asswipe Harrys house to find multiple female bodies.

    • bodybuilding and weirdness
      December 29, 2018 at 6:00 pm

      Body building is dominated by gay men, the magazines were sold almost exclusively to gay men and high school boys who wanted to be strong and didn’t know any better. Look into the long history of male homosexuals and their influences over bodybuilding culture. Nothing wrong with working out and getting strong but keep your eyes open for the dude that offers to shave your back, seriously that shit goes on, if you’re a fit man you attract more weirdos than you think. They just can’t come at you like the do to fit women because they know you might knock em out so they beat around the bush until they can beat around your bush, fucking faggots.

  • Screw This Guy
    December 29, 2018 at 12:40 pm

    Oh my god the complete and utter BULLSHIT of defending Erich. Plus the jack ass trying to talk about Austin Reeves from Hingham. Newsflash he shot himself after his dad called the cops to say he was being crazy and had a gun. The Hingham Police didn’t do shit to him he killed himself. Cohasset didn’t do anything wrong either. Fuck they used nonlethals on a crazy person and he died because of whatever cocktail of drugs he was on. Good job to CPD they protected that girl and she’s alive no thanks to Erich who got exactly what he deserved…. and that’s coming from someone that used to eat lunch with him in school. He’s garbage and deserved it.

    • Chris James
      December 29, 2018 at 12:59 pm

      Uh dude general consensus is that Hingham PD acted retarded with Reeves and contributed to the issue. They’re in deep shit for this already. It isn’t even arguable.

      And I wasn’t arguing that Cohasset PD acted wrongly, just that it makes total sense for the crushed father of a dead kid to question that shit.

      Glad the girl isn’t dead and glad the cops took care of it, but your summation of everything strikes me as pretty harsh and cold. Erich was an idiot, but he was never malevolent. He was clearly mentally ill and snapped, which makes it less cut and dry “he got we he deserved,” although I’m glad the situation got dealt with the way it did

      • The Vorlon.
        December 29, 2018 at 5:37 pm

        Oooohhhhhh Christopher James you sweet sweet man. Would you peg me? Can’t wait to take up residence in your moist mouth garage. Oooohhhhhh.

        Giggitty giggitty goo! Splat splat on your face. See you soon you big hairy tough man! Do you know Alex Reimer…personally?

        Giggitty splatter. I’m lgbtq1399583jsjsbrna#methree#anythinggoes83737:7:7:7:$:$:$:

      • So how exactly
        December 29, 2018 at 11:13 pm

        Christ James – So how exactly do you propose that the police should have intervened in the stabbing? Should they have asked him to hold on a sec while they checked his meds and called his counselor?

        • Chris James
          January 1, 2019 at 12:17 am

          No I think the police handled the situation extremely well. I just also think it isn’t that absurd for the father of the dead kid to be bent out of shape, racism aside. (Harry was always a fuckin piece of shit)

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    December 29, 2018 at 12:23 pm

    What normal person runs to Facebook hours after their child died?

  • Lightning bolt
    December 29, 2018 at 12:20 pm

    She lost an eye. The prick stabbed her in the eye. He got what he deserved.

  • Put the Weights Back on the Rack
    December 29, 2018 at 11:34 am

    Steroids,benzodiazepines and a taxer make for a bad result. Dad is an asshole and I bet this is Karma somehow.

  • Exit 69
    December 29, 2018 at 11:17 am

    Saw this Asswipe on the news. I figure he is gonna snap before new years and also end up in the hole with the fuckheads son. I hope they bury one on top of the other… 12 feet under head to toe. 69 into eternity.

  • Scott
    December 29, 2018 at 11:06 am

    “Shits on Hull”

    I love all of these little internecine town rivalries and prejudices in Mass. I don’t live there so I really had no idea it was this intense. Cohasset hates Hull, Hingham hates Weymouth, everyone seems to hate Brockton. And Brockton hates them right back. Someone needs to come up with a flowchart on this.

    • Emperor Palpatine
      January 1, 2019 at 7:02 pm

      Let the hate flow through you

  • z
    December 29, 2018 at 11:06 am

    I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a history like Jared Remy.

    The last thing this guy said was:
    “Remy, You Magnificent Bastard. I Read Your Book!”

    • Hellboy
      December 29, 2018 at 12:39 pm

      Hull is just Brockton with a water view.

  • Ma$e
    December 29, 2018 at 10:52 am

    If it turns out that his “victim” had a penis y’all gonna feel pretty stupid ain’t you?

  • Natasha
    December 29, 2018 at 10:41 am

    I’m confused. Did he die from the tasing? Is that a thing?

    • Dick Soranichi
      December 29, 2018 at 11:37 am

      It is when your heart was basically ready to stop at any moment from all the steroids. At least that’s what Lyle Alzado told me 

      • Unqualified Opinion
        December 29, 2018 at 12:05 pm

        My thoughts exactly. There was likely some kind of underlying condition. It might also help explain behavior that seems to have been out of character. 

  • Roger
    December 29, 2018 at 10:19 am

    I love when a shitty person does something awful and then people start to show you childhood pictures of them. Like that’s the person that did it…not the adult they grew up to be. He deserves what he got.  Don’t insult my intelligence with innocent pictures. The guy is a piece of shit and the world is now a better place.  

  • Nadia Yenraek
    Nadia Yenraek
    December 29, 2018 at 10:16 am

    “I have a son, and my biggest fear is that he grows up to be an asshole”

    I doubt any other outcome is likely, given he’s your son

  • Hans Gruber
    December 29, 2018 at 10:06 am

    I hope the woman fully recovers and this father knocks it off immediately with his internet tirades and quietly goes away. No parent ever wants to admit their child committed an evil act, but verbally threatening strangers online should be attracting the attention of local police, a clearly unstable mental state on display.

  • Yo Daddy
    December 29, 2018 at 9:11 am

    Hey Daddyo, look on the bright side. At least the cops didn’t blast your steroid ladled, woman stabber wuss of an offspring. The mortician will have an easier job on this cadaver.

  • bigdaddy
    Maura Healey
    December 29, 2018 at 8:43 am

    My office will be looking into the police actions here Oh wait he is a straight white guy ? Never mind

  • Birds of a feather
    December 29, 2018 at 8:36 am

    Was one of the dude’s defenders wearing an OJ T-shirt? Too funny!

    • Chris James
      December 29, 2018 at 10:47 am

      Fuck yeah I was wearing an OJ shirt that shit is pop art.

      But I really wasn’t defending Harry’s words, I was pointing out how absurd it is for hundreds of strangers to hold the father of a dead kid to a moral standard only a day after he lost his son. Just an absolute lynch mob on a superiority high. I prefer the way this website dealt with it.

      Still don’t know why my childhood friend did this. Hadn’t talked to him in years. Will probably never know. He wasn’t violent, but definitely always seemed to have a weak mind.

      • Birds of a feather
        December 29, 2018 at 11:10 am

        You genuinely seem to have a balanced outlook on the situation but I couldn’t resist the irony of the T-shirt. I’m sorry for your loss.

      • So how exactly
        December 29, 2018 at 11:20 pm

        “He wasn’t violent”

        Merriam-Webster definitions of “violent”

        1a(1) : marked by the use of usually harmful or destructive physical force …

        3a : emotionally agitated to the point of using harmful physical force

  • The Vorlon
    December 29, 2018 at 8:12 am

    Gigggity giggity goo! It’s too bad that roid rager won’t be around to peg me silly. I’ll let his dad, the ruddy faced captain of the GED track team, peg me eight ways to sundaze. Giggitty giggity goo splat splat splat. I’m the vorlon, the best commenter ever. Splat!

    • The Vorlon
      December 29, 2018 at 12:40 pm

      Why the downvotes? 🙁

      You don’t enjoy the art of pegging?

      • z
        December 29, 2018 at 2:55 pm

        It’s because humans can’t get in there to peg because of the encounter suit.


        The only Sci-Fi series that didn’t suck at the end. That genre usually has issues because the writers write themselves into a corner.

        • Louis Red deutch.
          December 29, 2018 at 7:44 pm

          Did you mention the ‘Z’? I’ll give ya the Z across both cheeks ya fuckin bum.

  • Fergus
    December 29, 2018 at 8:09 am

    Did he play the crying game?

  • Stunt Penis
    December 29, 2018 at 7:27 am

    Case of roid rage gone bad, t’is all.

    Clearly Meathead Jr. went on tinder for a hookup, they went back to his place, and when he disrobed and she saw how tiny his pecker was from all the ‘roids, she started laughing and said “heck i can’t get something that small past my lips even”, resulting in him flipping out.

    would be interesting to get a copy of the 911 call which precipitated the police response, though. i wonder who called… the woman?

    • Hilary
      February 7, 2019 at 11:22 pm

      Hey, you sound like a real piece of shit yourself!! I’m Maegan’s (the VICTIM), older sister. You’ve stated all completely FALSE statements and for what reason? Seems like you find what that evil fucking monster did to my baby sister funny or entertaining. Honestly I don’t really care either way, I suggest you keep your fucking comments to yourself from now on

  • Chet Manley
    December 29, 2018 at 7:05 am

    Wow, a meathead breeds another meathead. Guess it really shouldn’t surprise me (or anyone). Obviously dad is a motherfucking shithead so it is not a stretch to assume the son is as well. Well, son removed all doubt.
    Oh and if dad is reading this, be very fucking careful challenging people to fight; one day someone is gonna take you up on it and drive your fucking teeth down your throat right before choking you out. So fuck off, keyboard warrior.

  • Yo, Brough-ham
    December 29, 2018 at 6:45 am

    Munching protein shit, shooting steroids= Gains, Bruh.
    Seeking females on Tinder= On the hunt for some ‘tang, Bruh.
    Stabbing the fuck out of your date in a roid rage= She wasn’t givin it up for my tiny raisin roid dick, Bruh.
    Tased till your pump seizes= Ride the lightning, Bruh…eerrrkk!!! Thud.

    • z
      December 29, 2018 at 10:58 am

      The above post was sponsered by GEICO.
      Good job on weaving that commercial into the dad and kid.

  • Karma Bus
    December 29, 2018 at 6:15 am

    From what the news says, his own mother was AFRAID of him which was why she was absent from the residence the night this occurred. The very next day the family was to meet and have an intervention. It’s safe to assume she escaped the father many moons ago and it’s very clear as to why. This is sad all around. But you don’t get to get all fucked up and attack women for no reason other than you’re a piece of shit like yo daddy.

    I’m praying for the Mom, the woman who was attacked and for the father who will probably get beat up everywhere he goes now.

  • Gutter Muppet Honey
    December 29, 2018 at 6:14 am

    I was hoping to wake up to this article. Goddamn roid rage!

  • Chris James
    December 29, 2018 at 1:44 am

    I’m Chris James. A little selective with the choosing of that specific comment I made, but a thumbs up nonetheless. 6/10 coverage — would visit this site again.

  • Rocko Seltzerwater
    December 29, 2018 at 1:42 am

    Gay Boy, Go Fuck Your Self, Let Me Up, Go Back to Brazil, Whore, Fuck You, I’ll meet you anywhere.

    That should cover his entire vocabulary. The “let me up” quote at the end of an insult is funny makes it sound like he lost and is begging to be “let up”. If he hadn’t lost his son he would be fun to tweak but this guy has lost his mind it would be cruel to fuck with him.

    80 mg of Prozac daily, 1 mg of Valium twice daily, one medical marijuana cigarette 3x per day.

  • JimmyBooms
    December 29, 2018 at 1:04 am

    I ALLWAYS thought Tinder was for The Gays? Or is that Grinder? There is not Plenty of Fish in the sea.
    I’m willing to bet the Tasing combined with the 1/8 of cocaine in his system was too much for his teenie tiny heart.
    Father is a Mo Ron

    • Apps Know Your Real Name
      December 29, 2018 at 6:50 pm

      Watched a CSI or similar show that had a POUNCER APP. Assumed it was a real app for homos was probably based on Grinder, btw I thought it was chicks who did the grinding? When you need the stroking motion and they just grind in circles with sausage captive inside… Anyways if you get pulled over in the desert at night and only one person shows on your app within 50 miles that’s what happened on the show…. just say’n you might want to delete that shit.

    • Ghost of Jared Remy
      December 29, 2018 at 6:57 pm

      Only Jerry Remy is normal, same situation, athlete dad has less skilled son who resorts to veterinarian quality steroids at 10X the normal dose, inherited the intensity without the ability.

      The outcome is predictable, muscled up nut-job adult son goes nuts, dad isn’t so proud but in this case. Dad sounds just as fucked up in complete denial over his adult son stabbing and slashing a woman. Dude was a time bomb we’re all better off he’s off the streets, guarantee he was into meth or crack and had damaged his heart.

Comment on this Post


Nostalgic Facebook Commentators Are Really Pissed Off About Snow Days For Kids
Guy Who Tried Hiding In Tree To Flee Cops on I-290 Earns Moron of the Week Award
Auburn Fan Who Refused To Bet On Florida State Loses Chance To Win Free $25,000 Is Giant Moron