Follow us on Twitter and on Facebook

Check out more hot takes from Dubsism

Details aside, the fact that Darren Wilson will not be prosecuted for shooting Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri made my night a million times more entertaining. I haven’t seen a good riot like this in a long time. I mean, we had riots at UMass, but at no point did you ever feel like you were about to get hit by a brick. Ive been watching CNN for the last couple of hours and I can’t see myself turning it off any time soon. This has been the most entertaining night of television since they hunted down Jafar and Timon in Watertown three days after the Boston Marathon bombing.

Here’s my thoughts while while watching this

• First of all, they had reached a verdict earlier in the day. When the sun was up. And for whatever reason they chose to wait until 8:00 PM to announce it. What genius planned that one? Because you can’t announce a decision that will DEFINITELY lead to a riot during the day, you have to wait until night. Everyone knows that people NEVER riot at night.
• This guy falling on his face while looting the store that Mike Brown robbed and assaulted the store owner was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while:

• Mike Brown’s dad made an interesting choice for an outfit today. Check out the shirt he had made “in honor” of his son:

• Look, I’m not gonna tell anyone else how to mourn the loss of a loved one, but for the love of God, can we please stop making t-shirts? Is there a worse possible way you can grieve? And if you do insist on going the t-shirt route, whatever you do make sure you double check your spelling, and don’t put a picture of your deceased son making a gun out of his fingers. Poor choice daddy.
• Why were there random cop cars left abandoned all over Ferguson for people to light on fire? It was like an invitation. Did the cops not see this one coming? I mean, everyone and their mother knew there was gonna be a riot in Ferguson tonight. Leaving an abandoned cop car on some stray street adjacent to an abandoned parking lot seems like a setup to me. If I was a looter I don’t get anywhere near that thing. If it seems too good to believe, it probably is. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

• Don Lemon and the rest of the CNN crew wanna be Walter Cronkite so badly. Like, these idiots kept running directly into tear gas and then coughing and flipping out for dramatic effect. Hey morons, you ran directly into a riot. I don’t feel bad for you that you’re choking on tear gas.
• Apparently some lady had a “heart attack” during the riot and some of the “protesters” were angry that police would shoot tear gas at a “peaceful protester” that just had a “heart attack”:

• Hey genius, here’s a thought – if you’re a middle aged woman with a bad heart, don’t show up to the inevitable Ferguson riots. Seriously, get the hell out of my face with that weak sauce. You want my sympathy? Stay home and watch it on TV like I did. If your ass got tear gassed while you had a heart attack on your couch I’d have your back. But you want me to feel bad this lady? Get out of my face.
• Anyone who brought their kid to downtown Ferguson tonight should forever lose their parenting privileges. Raising kids should be a something that can be taken away from you at any time if you’re a complete fuck up. And if you took your 8 year old for a slum sociable in downtown Ferguson tonight, then you are a complete fuck up. Taking your kid away from you for eternity is the best thing that could ever happen to your kid. Like this little boy who was just chillin while a mob looted the liquor store that Mike Brown robbed before Darren Wilson shot him. This youngen came soooo close to going in the store and grabbing a couple 40’s for the road. First he kind of scoped out the scene…

Then he contemplated making his move and going into the store

Then he realized he was an 8 year old and there were a bunch of masked men with guns and bats in there and he made a really wise choice to turn around and run home.

Don’t worry bud, you’ll be able to riot in a couple years when you’re 12. And remember, if this kid doesn’t do well on his standardized state test at the end of the year because he didn’t sleep and went to the Ferguson riots, it’s the TEACHER’s fault!!

• I had no strong opinion on what happened that night in Feruguson as this story deveolped, and I still feel that way today. I wasn’t there, and you weren’t there. What you have are some conflicting eye witness accounts, and quite frankly, after seeing what I’ve witnessed tonight, I don’t trust the eye witness account of ANYONE who lives in Ferguson, Missouri.
• This is not Trayvon Martin part 2. Trayvon Martin didn’t rob a convenience store. Trayvon Martin was killed by an overzealous fuck boi mall cop on a power trip. George Zimmerman had no training whatsoever with firearms and was trigger happy. Darren Wilson is a trained professional that went through a police academy. He confronted a gigantic, 18 year old man who just robbed a convenience store. He was doing his job. George Zimmerman wasn’t. The two situations aren’t even close to being comparable.

• I don’t know any police officers in Ferguson. Maybe the complaints of citizens about racism are legitimate. Maybe they’re not. I have no clue because I’ve never lived there. I wish more people would follow this advice. Instead all I see over Twitter are “progressive” white people who are trying to show off their solidarity with the black community by pretending to be experts on something they know absolutely nothing about. These people are the worst.
• The “Fuck CNN” guy WON the 2014 Ferguson riots:

• Last but not least, there was only one man who could’ve prevented all of this from happening. His name is Al Dente, the only politician in Turtleboy Sports history to ever receive our official endorsement for office when he tragically lost his bid for governor of Rhode Island in November. Here’s what he had to say…

You wanna loot? Take that shit to Canida!!! God bless you Al Dente.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

Follow us on Twitter and on Facebook

Check out more hot takes from Dubsism