Mainstream Media Fails

Granny McMarathon Shares Obviously Fake Story About Pantsless Man Chasing Her Through Woods In Winchendon, Says The Cops Told Her He Was Just Taking A Wizz


This is Rachel Messina from Templeton.

The other day she posted on Facebook about a traumatic incident she was involved in at Lake Dennison in Winchentucky.

Just to review:

  • She’s a long distance runner who can’t complete a long distance run
  • She saw a guy taking a leak in the woods and assumed he was there to kidnap her, or something
  • He asks her a perfectly reasonable question about how far away a boat ramp is which prompts her to run for her life
  • Despite being 6’3″, and she being a woman who runs 10 minute mile pace, he was unable to catch her

Sure thing Jan.

This led to a logistical question – why didn’t the guy pick his pants up if he was running after you?

She could hear his pace in the distance. Sadly the pantsless man just didn’t have the speed nor the stamina to keep up with Granny McMarathon.

She also said she would’ve shot the guy if she had her gat.

She also says she called the police BEFORE getting back to the boat dock, but the cop who responded told her he couldn’t give her a ride despite the pantsless man who was running after her.

Only a complete moron would take this unverified anecdote as fact, but luckily that’s why the mainstream media exists, and both the Turtlegram and the Gardner News (both owned by Gatehouse Media) published one of the most hilariously written stories in the history of fake news:

Rachael Messina isn’t a victim, and that is because she made a decision to run. Messina told her chilling story on social media Saturday evening, March 28, after catching her breath and gathering her thoughts following a harrowing encounter at Lake Dennison.

I mean….seriously? Some chick posts a story on Facebook therefore it happened? But please, tell me more about how Turtleboy is the fake news publication.

This is the reporter, Doneen Durling.

Seriously. This is who we are supposed to get our news from. Her entire long ass article is nothing more than her repeating all the obvious lies this woman is telling. Nowhere in the article did she ask the police why a cop told this woman there was no threat and made her walk 1.5 miles away from a pantsless man running after her.

This was my favorite part though:

Messina said she will never go to Lake Dennison by herself. She said she has trouble finding running partners because many do not keep her fast pace. One woman that was supposed to run with her that day had an injury, and Messina said that even two runners might have a problem with someone as large as the unknown man.

“I wouldn’t feel comfortable unless there were three of us, and I don’t know anybody that runs like me,” she said.

Bitch, you run ten minute mile pace. Anything slower than that is suburban mom speed walking. Granny McMarathon really thinks she’s Uta Pippig, and of course Doneen doesn’t bother questioning her about that. Better to create fear and panic. You get more clicks that way.

But wait, the “victim” also saw the man at his truck.

The impression the man left was strong in her mind. She could define his face clearly, saying there was not a single hair to grab on his head. He was tall and thin, between 6 feet and 6-feet-3 inches tall with a red complexion, almost like he had stayed under a sunlamp too long. She believes his eyes were blue and had a relatively thin nose. His face was long and he had no facial hair. He was wearing a loose red sweatshirt, blue jeans and light-colored work boots, untied or loosely tied, with the tongue of the boot hanging out.

The man stepped out of a dark color, black or maybe blue, newer, clean pickup truck.

“I couldn’t quite tell the color. It was parked near a tree with branches,” she said.

She fears what will happen if the man is not caught.

“It is going to end up badly for some person. I hope it doesn’t. I really hope it doesn’t. I want to get him before he gets somebody else,” Messina said.

She has gone through the sex offender registry but does not recognize his face there. She has been in contact with members of the police department and intends to maintain a connection until the alleged perpetrator is found.

But wait – I thought you saw him 1.5 miles away from the the cars deep in the woods? And I’m even more impressed that he was able to run after you with his pants down AND with untied boots on.

The media is supposed to be a trusted entity to deliver the truth. When people lie on Facebook it’s one thing. But when the media tells us to trust them while simultaneously printing bullshit like this to stoke fear and panic in a community, then you can finally understand why it’s appropriate to call them the enemy of the people.


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62 Comment(s)
  • Dr Wu
    Dr. Wu
    April 3, 2020 at 2:16 pm

    This was obviously a failed hit that Trump contracted for ugly women wearing pussy hats.

  • Would Not!
    April 3, 2020 at 7:25 am


  • For every thing, there is a purpose
    April 3, 2020 at 2:00 am

    With this one, we can easily understand the main purpose of Doggy Style.
    Although, even with the perspective that position provides for the partner, it probably looks like she’s 69ing with someone sporting a graying afro.

    This one may prove very difficult to fap to.

  • truth
    April 2, 2020 at 5:32 pm

  • Johnny Boychuk
    April 2, 2020 at 1:36 pm

    Torey, is that you?

  • don
    April 2, 2020 at 10:47 am

    from the looks of her there is no man that would come close to that. im thinking she strays away from all men and if one did come within half mile of her, she would scream rape. she has that man-hater look.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Old Tom Morris
    April 2, 2020 at 10:37 am

    The carpet definitely matches the drapes.

  • Fat Girl Titties
    April 2, 2020 at 8:30 am

    Unc, you gotta give a vomit disclosure/trigger warning. That first pic is wild. What’s with the jail pose in the second pic? The ugliness is powerful here.

  • Dr. Phil
    April 2, 2020 at 8:09 am

    She’s so ugly I feel sorry for her. She’s crying out for attention. The poor old ugly thing.

  • Edward “Pee Wee” Morris
    April 2, 2020 at 5:03 am

    This has got to be the biggest beaver shoot in the history of Florida!

  • Ray Patriarca
    Maxine Waters is a dried up, miserable old cunt
    April 2, 2020 at 1:23 am

    I can guarantee that his cock WAS NOT hard after looking at that fugly twat.

  • Silencio Dogood
    April 2, 2020 at 12:10 am

    Like an American International picture, she was sole searching on the run, in flight and fright (but no fight) as she fled a 6’3″ Indrid Cold, pants around his ankles and knob bouncing up and down, to keep the beat behind her. Another scary tale of wild urination gone terribly wrong, and lure of the boat ramp overtaking a man’s common sense to pull up his confused trousers and launch his tugboat.

  • Urban Legend
    April 1, 2020 at 9:35 pm

    Where are all the killer clowns that were running rampant a while back? Did they turn into pantsless men?

  • Barf Vader
    April 1, 2020 at 9:28 pm

    The inbreeding is strong with this one

  • One douche to another
    April 1, 2020 at 8:53 pm

    Why didn’t she Wait. She could have gotten laid for once in her life. What a lying CUNT

  • TB censors comments to protect the happy merchants
    April 1, 2020 at 7:28 pm

    This dude looks like a j£wish transformer.

  • My Eyes Hurt Now
    April 1, 2020 at 7:17 pm

    I actually know the guy she’s talking about. He’s a plastic surgeon and saw dollar signs written all over her face, so he chased her to give her his business card.

  • Dark shadows
    April 1, 2020 at 4:55 pm

    The money she must save on Halloween costumes

    • Guinea Geisha
      April 2, 2020 at 1:32 am

      We are not afraid of being alone in the dark. We are afraid of not being alone in the dark. Everytime I use a semicolon; it’s a shot in the dark.

  • BugBux For Me Soon
    April 1, 2020 at 4:52 pm

    Describe him: He had one eye, a bright red face, and he was wearing a turtleneck.

  • Gropey Baker
    April 1, 2020 at 4:19 pm

    Yo dad I had a little problem in the Deliverance part of the state.

  • Marty Feldman
    April 1, 2020 at 3:45 pm

    She looks good to me

  • randiguy2006
    April 1, 2020 at 3:02 pm

    Why isnt the mainstream media reporting this?

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    April 1, 2020 at 2:54 pm

    I think he was running AWAY from her with his pants down

  • Cheddah
    April 1, 2020 at 2:32 pm


    • Jenn
      April 2, 2020 at 3:09 am

      Omg that comment made mr LMAO not a shocker if that where the case she looks like a bag of smashed assholes with all the good ones taken out. LMAO

  • Beulah Balbricker
    April 1, 2020 at 2:32 pm

    Can you describe his penis to me?

    • Stinky the Finger
      April 1, 2020 at 3:52 pm

      It had a mole on it. It was Tommy Turner.

    • Carlotta Von Funkenhouzen
      April 1, 2020 at 7:02 pm

      LOL. I just watched that movie recently!

  • Dees nutz
    April 1, 2020 at 2:04 pm

    was he gay cause she looks like a man!

  • Rosie Ruiz
    April 1, 2020 at 1:58 pm

    I believe you, you should have just taken the T

    • Uta Pippig
      April 1, 2020 at 3:44 pm

      I wouldve crapped down my leg…

      • Natick Outdoor Store
        April 1, 2020 at 11:09 pm

        Can we quote you on that

  • DudeRanchStripClub
    April 1, 2020 at 1:53 pm

    I know this broad has mirrors in her house, she knows what she looks like. She should at least know if someones going to jail for rape they’re going top shelf.

  • Looking for love in all the wrong places
    April 1, 2020 at 1:27 pm

    Sounds like she and the guy were in the woods hoping for a hookup but neither liked what they saw when they got close enough to seal the deal. The cops must see this all the time, but it’s easier than making arrests in the ‘hood.

  • Elegant Elliot Offen
    April 1, 2020 at 1:13 pm

    That head shake made a nest of Robins homeless.

  • Crispy C
    April 1, 2020 at 1:08 pm

    She looks like an old tranny. No one is kidnapping this fucker. Literally in the same breath she says she was 2 miles away from her car, then 3… and she initially stopped because she had a tight muscle but then when this guy showed up it was an “injury”.

    This lady must not know any runners if she can’t find someone to keep at 10 min pace with her. I don’t even believe that is her pace.

    • Crispy C
      April 1, 2020 at 1:19 pm

      Lol this lady ran a father-daughter 5K and was several minutes slower than her 61 year old father. And here she is acting like she is a fucking Kenyan.

      10:30 to 10:40 is about what she can run for 5K or greater. That is power-walking pace for some.

  • Im Such A Great Runner
    April 1, 2020 at 1:01 pm

    Let me tell you how great my run was seconds after i was almost Raped and killed by a giant pantless man.

  • Chris Capelle
    April 1, 2020 at 12:51 pm

    Geddy Lee needs to form another band

  • I love tennis
    April 1, 2020 at 12:41 pm

    What the fuck is that Renee Richards?

  • george costanza
    The angry taint
    April 1, 2020 at 12:14 pm

    I was just wanted her to look at a spot on my shaft to see if she thought it might be melanoma. Jeez, I never chased her. Also how many teeth are in that mouth?

  • Idgaf
    April 1, 2020 at 12:13 pm

    Btw she is 45 years old she always looks like trailer trash since she was a kid . They lived in a tiny looking dirty junk box trailer by Hardy Pond in Waltham !

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Alex Reimer
    April 1, 2020 at 12:12 pm

    Pantsless man chasing you in the forest! Some girls get all the luck! Ooooooh!

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    April 1, 2020 at 12:08 pm

    Rachael, is the pantsless man still at large? Was his phallus engorged? Is Lake Dennison a long drive from Cambridge?

  • Ifdc
    April 1, 2020 at 12:04 pm

    I went to school and lived near her in Waltham, Ma omg her whole family is a wack job . Her Husband left her for her sister lol

    • Spankbank
      April 1, 2020 at 12:30 pm

      Got a pic of the sister?

      • Spocks Testicle
        April 1, 2020 at 1:10 pm

        Agreed.Quite logical Captain.

      • Idgaf
        April 1, 2020 at 1:13 pm

        I actually do have a pic of her sister. Much better looking that RAchael

  • capone181
    Louie Pong
    April 1, 2020 at 12:03 pm

    Hair color is scarce in Winchendon MA.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    April 1, 2020 at 12:01 pm

    I concur with Debbie-Gouveia-Marshall, Brenda Johnson-Bracken and Kathy Mahr-Hall. That was indeed scary.

  • Muff-Man
    April 1, 2020 at 12:00 pm

    Her bush must be out of this world

    • Gargantuan Thicket Of Madness
      April 1, 2020 at 12:54 pm

      Craigs moms bush…….

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    April 1, 2020 at 11:57 am

    Bitch looks like Mr. Bean.

  • capone181
    Lee Ho
    April 1, 2020 at 11:52 am

    she should run on May St. in Worcester, always quiet and peaceful there.

    Also plenty of guns and ammo in case of any problems.

  • Frank Rizzo
    April 1, 2020 at 11:52 am

    wow thats one fugly biotch

  • Jack Straw from Wichita
    Jack Straw from Wichita
    April 1, 2020 at 11:51 am

    Turtleboy: “Yeah, that never happened.”

    Rachael: “You bet it didn’t.”

  • Sasquatch
    April 1, 2020 at 11:50 am

    Damn Granny, way to blow my cover.

  • Austin Powers
    April 1, 2020 at 11:47 am

    That ain’t no woman! It’s a man, man!

    • Hoodrat Biology Major
      April 1, 2020 at 4:21 pm

      We need that monkey from Dorchester to say dats a man no dats a woman no dats a man no dats a woman

  • WeRFucked
    April 1, 2020 at 11:42 am

    Is approaching a woman with your pants down to ask directions inappropriate?
    Asking for a friend of course.

  • How She Does Her Hair in the Morning
    April 1, 2020 at 11:33 am

    Sticking her tongue in an electrical socket.

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