Gravitationally Challenged Hambeast Says He’s Happy Auburn Cop Was Run Over By Car, Turns Out To Be Level 3 Sex Offender Who Tried To Be A Cop But Couldn’t Due To Criminal Record

Gravitationally Challenged Hambeast Says He’s Happy Auburn Cop Was Run Over By Car, Turns Out To Be Level 3 Sex Offender Who Tried To Be A Cop But Couldn’t Due To Criminal Record

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So another Auburn Police Officer was attacked by a delinquent who tried to kill them in order to save himself from being prosecuted for a crime that probably would’ve got him a slap on the wrist from Judge Janet “let em walk” Kenton-Walker.

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Cop got hit by a car on a high speed chase. How you survive that is beyond me. Thank God we live in a western, capitalistic country that incentivizes healthcare companies to improve what they can do for the greater good of everyone. In a lot of countries he’d probably be dead by now.

Anyway, we can all agree that Matthew Ostrander is a useless slugpump right? Oh wait, look what we found in the comment section of Fox 25 News’ Facebook page under this story….

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What a winner this guy is. You know you’re living in your mother’s basement when the first source you cite is “Cop Block.”

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We figured that John Moose was a troll page, fake account, created to rile people up. Turns out he’s all too real, and did a really shitty job of trying to keep his identity a secret:

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As you can see, he lists himself as the Director as Central MA Limousine, INC. This company is realand is registered out of the same town (Mendon) where John Moose claims to be from on Facebook:

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You’ll notice that the name of the owner – William Moosey – has a last name quite similar to John Moose:

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Wouldn’t be surprising if he gave his son (who obviously wasted a private education at Assumption College and can’t get a real job on his own) a do nothing hookup job as “director” of…..something.

The one review on Yelp before he posted this offensive statement about dead cops was from 2014, and shockingly it wasn’t good:

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That’s when we noticed that someone else knew exactly who “John Moose” was, and his real last name sure did sound familiar:

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John Moosey. A registered, Level 3 sex offender. He just so happens to live in Milford, which is one town over from Mendon – the same town where the Moosey owned Limousine company is located out of:

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Holy cow, it’s Gloppy from Candyland!!


So you’re telling me this rotund, cop-hating gravy dumpster can’t get laid on his own, and has to resort to diddling young children for sexual pleasure? Never saw that one coming!! What was his crime? Let’s find out:

The warrant was issued by the juvenile unit of the Manchester, N.H., Police Department’s investigative division. Manchester Police said the charges stem from an incident seven years ago involving the sexual assault of a child under the age of 13.

He was in Hopedale at the time of arrest. Another town right near Mendon. So it’s obviously him. According to the Shrewsbury Lantern John Moosey also registered as a sex offender in Shrewsbury after moving in with his grandparents:

John J Moosey registered today as required with the Shrewsbury Police Department, listing his address as his grandparents home at 5 Holman Heights Circle. Moosey was originally arrested back in June of 2006 when he was working as a security guard at the Sheraton Hotel in Newton, MA. According to authorities in that case, he was alleged to have assaulted a 13 year old boy in a room in the hotel.  He was convicted in 2007. Last week, Moosey was arrested in Hopedale at 8:20PM after police pulled his car over on Mendon Street.  He was held initially on $1Million cash bail on a warrant issued by the juvenile unit of the Manchester Police Department. The charges date back to an incident 7 years ago, involving sexual assault on a child under the age of 13.  He ultimately was released on $500,000 bail, at which point he relocated to Shrewsbury for what I’m sure we all hope will be a very brief stay.

So….how is this Carbzilla free if he diddled a child under the age of 13? And how does this tub of expired Nutella come up with the $500,000 for bail?

Oh, that’s right, we live in Massachusetts. Land of second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth chances. Don’t do it a 7th time though, or else you’re gonna get a stern talking to from one of our Deval Patrick appointed judges!!

But wait, there’s more. He’s actually been arrested a bunch of times recently too. Like that incident in 2014 when he violated an abuse prevention order:

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Apparently this was still not enough to lock up a registered Level 3 sex offender though, because in 2015 he was arrested again for assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, breaking and entering, threatening to commit a crime, assault with a dangerous weapon, and malicious destruction of property over $250:

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But I guess even that wasn’t enough to toss this laardvark in jail, because just a couple months ago he was arrested by the Milford Police and charged with assault with a dangerous weapon, disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace, and a civil rights violation.

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Ya know what would be even more amazing? If this cop hating, child diddling, career criminal turned out to be a loser who wanted to be a real cop and joined the Police Explorers, only to be denied a career in law enforcement because he was clearly too fat and a background check reveals that he sexually assaulted a child. Oh wait…..

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Wouldn’t ya know it? There he is again.


Anyway, he knew we were coming because people started tagging Turtleboy on the Fox 25 thread. So he did what lots of people do when they become Turtleboy famous – he deactivated his Facebook page. Unfortunately for him the Internet is forever, and Kevin Lynch isn’t the only person who knows how to take a screenshot.



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36 Comment(s)
  • MeowFace
    February 13, 2017 at 6:30 am

    I went to school with this psychopath. Always been a grade A moron. Somehow has an ago bigger than his waistline too…

    • Bradley Strohl
      February 13, 2017 at 8:57 am

      You must be talking about BobnMic. I went to school with that psychopath too. He was a grade A moron. Teacher used to make him sit in the front corner of the class wearing a dunce hat. He was a big time SJW too. He demanded a pink dunce hat because he was sexually confused and the school refused to give in to him so he had the ACLU file a lawsuit on his behalf. He also used to spend a lot of time in the boys bathroom licking the floor.

      • BobnMic
        February 14, 2017 at 12:29 am

        Obsess much Tredge? Boy oh boy I must really peed on your Cheerios huh? Poor bastard.

  • criel
    February 12, 2017 at 11:28 pm

    Sigh…it was only a matter of time until my town was featured on turtleboy

  • loser
    February 12, 2017 at 9:27 pm

    Loss prevention manager at Filene’s Basement? Fancy way of saying he was a security guard protecting irregular sweaters and junk. Paul Blart couldn’t protect anything that might involve running. Hope he enjoys jail!!

  • Dick Dover
    February 12, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    People are now bombing the yelp page. Hilarious.

  • Dick Dover
    February 12, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    Next thing we will hear is that diddling kids is a “disease” and how his “illness made him do it”
    Libs will take their voters any way they can get them I guess.
    Fucking sickos.

  • IDiedAtGlobby
    February 12, 2017 at 7:46 pm

    Pretty having an FB is against both FB rules & probation.

    • IDiedAtGlobby
      February 12, 2017 at 7:49 pm


      Ugh anyone else having trouble with this site???

    February 12, 2017 at 6:57 pm

    At least he’s been uncovered and many know now. He probably did a lot of perv stuff in the past too. Usually that’s the way, until they finally get busted.

  • Officer BobnMic
    February 12, 2017 at 5:58 pm

    Hands up!!! You’re under arrest… That’s what I would say if I ever run into this career criminal! I would force him down to the ground and hold his hands behind his back while I cuffed him! I would whisper dirty things into his ear, “FUCK me like a dirty little whore! I’m going to ride your dick until you cry!”

    Ugh… I’m all turned on over here. My nipples are showing through my uniform. I bought it from a company called Melissa & Doug. They have the best pretend play items you will ever come across.

    • BobnMic's Gerbil
      February 12, 2017 at 6:08 pm

      You should see his ribbed nightstick. He was real pissed at me because I thought the cheap bastard bought me a chew stick and I gnawed on the tip and made it ragged, but he seemed to like the extra roughness and we’re all good now. You think the asshole woulda finally bought some Hartz treats for me, but noooooooo.

      Tell me bob, what in the flying fuck of all globally known fucks do I have to do for a goddam Hartz treat?

    • BobnMic
      February 12, 2017 at 6:18 pm

      Stop it Fiesty, you’re turning me on with that talk about handcuffs and riding dicks. I just keep thinking about how nice it would be if you were to take a giant strap on, get a good running start, and then just impale me right in the ass with it.

      You brought this on yourself being so cute and then that video you had telling me about that suction cup dildo and me running backwards into it. I just can’t help these feelings Fiesty. We were meant to be.

      This song describes it perfectly.

      • FiestyLawyerLady
        February 12, 2017 at 8:13 pm

        Bob I said YOU own a suction cup dildo you use to fuck your own ass with. Just wanting to clarify the details.

        You sure do like anal play. I always said you were soft!!!!! What a fruit cake!

        • FiestyLawyerLady
          February 12, 2017 at 8:20 pm

          I did not say I have a video of me. I said you use a suction cup dildo to fuck yourself with like Kevin Lynch!!

          • BobnMic
            February 12, 2017 at 10:48 pm

            Wow obsess much Frosty? You just replied to yourself in here my God. lol. Plus you are arguing with me when I’m not even on here! Man I hate to be the one who brings out your insanity but you just make it so fucking easy and I feel terrible for that to happen. I told you stop stalking/trolling me and I will never mention you. Ever.

          • FiestyLawyerLady
            February 12, 2017 at 10:52 pm

            Bob… I would never obsess over an elderly man who lives with his mother in her basement.

            Are you sure you aren’t Kevin Lynch? You both have so many similarities!

          • FiestyLawyerLady
            February 12, 2017 at 10:54 pm

            Plus I did not see my comment the first time it’s why I replied to myself.

            Have any more stories to tell about how you’re a super hero saving lives? How many Verizon locations do you own by now, must be several. You’re so rich in your imagination, must be nice.

          • BobnMic
            February 12, 2017 at 11:04 pm

            P.S. – Frosty – Whatever happened to this live thingy majiggy you were so wet in the crotch to do? Did the staff at TBS come to their senses? I thought it would have been funny as shit hilarious. Obviously at your expense of course that goes without saying. But then again why pick on the weak. That would not be cool at all when you look at the big picture. It would be about as bad as Tredge buzzing around in his wheelchair on TB live, zip zip zip zip, gurgling, snorting coke and talking about his next fecal distribution while bashing Police Officers and the Military. Not a good look.

          • BobnMic
            February 12, 2017 at 11:25 pm

            Never said I own a Verizon location. That was your super duper Chris Cagney and Mary Beth Lacey heavy duty shit with matching up two avatars of a fucking Looney Tunes cartoon character. Then going balls to the wall thinking that you doxed me. For you to even reference anything about that is proof positive that you never apologized to that family for what you fucking did to them here on the internet.

            No way in hell.

            You threw this crazy ass horseshit out there and ran with it then he and his family found out about it. And he got pissed trust me and rightly so. You were then told by a credible source that you were wrong and knock off your bullshit. But you refused and still refuse to deal with it. Your subtle jabs proves this to be true. You have no respect for that credible source whatsoever or that family that you dragged through the mud. You are some kind of a unique asshole. One of a kind. Over the top.

          • FiestyLawyerLady
            February 12, 2017 at 11:25 pm

            Don’t worry when I go on live I will announce that you enjoy getting fucked in your ass. Hopefully Kevin Lynch will be listening and he can be your new boyfriend.

          • BobnMic
            February 12, 2017 at 11:30 pm

            Excellent response. Your maturity flourishes. Did you even get beyond the 1st grade?

          • BobnMic
            February 13, 2017 at 12:08 am

            Bottom line Frosty – You and Tredge picked the wrong guy to fuck with. You two Rocket Scientists should realize by now that I do not back down to assholes so why even waste your time? I’ve spent a career, more than half of my life, going after assholes just like you two and loved every minute of it. Allegedly of course. So you really think I’m going to quit now? Sorry – way too ahead of that game for you two punk asses and I’m way too good at what I do.

            What a duo. A cocaine dealing shithead and a pill popping drunk ass pretend Lawyer. How did we get so damn lucky in here?

            Enjoy your freedom to be an asshole that good men and women like me provided that to you fucknut. Allegedly of course.

          • BobnMic
            February 13, 2017 at 5:42 am

            You’ll be sorry, Pee Wee Her… Err, I meant Frosty and Tredge!

          • Turd Burglestein
            February 13, 2017 at 6:23 am

            Speaking of videos, here’s a look into the Turd Burglestein cocaine lair. Have fun going through this shit frame by frame looking for clues fucker. Make sure you zoom in on those pill bottle and get my name off them too. You can start mapping out my place and get your raid properly planned out. I’ll show you the living room with all my flat screen tv’s next week, or maybe I’ll show you the gourmet kitchen with commercial appliances where I cook up my crack rocks instead. Which one would you like next lil bobbie?

          • Turd Burglestein
            February 13, 2017 at 6:25 am

            Oh and you can download it if you want, but there’s really no need. I’ll leave this shit up and public until the end of time so you can obsess over it frame by frame because that’s what you do bobbie. You obsess over shit. Now start looking for clues you asstarded moron.

          • Turd Burglestein
            February 13, 2017 at 11:24 am

            What’s wrong little boobie? No witty comeback or creative threats you’d like to spout off with yet? I know you’ve been watching the video because the count is up to over 12 views now and I seriously doubt anybody else here gives a rats ass about my castle of cocaine, so you’ve been watching the shit out of it and also gave my posts a downvote. Also, my sources inside Turtleboy tell me that your well known IP address is showing that you’ve been lurking here all morning but are just too afraid to say anything I guess.


          • BobnMic
            February 13, 2017 at 3:32 pm

            So Tredge. I saw a video of a pussy in some shit apartment flop house with an outdated TV. How befitting….. lol. And you sound like an asshole too. Even more befitting….. lol. Nice front. Keep watching over your shoulder.

          • Turd Burglestein
            February 13, 2017 at 5:55 pm

            That’s because I am an asshole bobbie boy. I am an asshole that has an endless shit to take on your head. So did you find any clues to help you in your big undercover investigation into my cocaine empire?

          • Turd Burglestein
            February 13, 2017 at 5:58 pm

            So can you guess what was in those plastic cases in front of my safe? Or gee…I wonder what was in that long case in front of the dresser. Did you try putting any of my artwork into google image search to see if you can figure out which artists I’m dealing to?

            Come on bobbie…let’s have some fun.

          • BobnMic
            February 13, 2017 at 9:36 pm

            So hahaha ok Tredge – Last time I had to respond to a call in a shithole flophouse like that depicted in your so called video I ended up out sick for four days with the Norovirus. Allegedly of course. But let me guess, the maid was off that day. That’s what all filthy slobs say. It’s a good thing that video doesn’t come with odor because I’m sure there is cat shit and piss everywhere.

            So alright let me get this straight. You’re a coke dealer who owns small and long arm firearms and a gun safe. Wow – would’ve never guessed that one in a million years. But look here fucknut – live by the sword – die by the sword. That’s how it truly works in your world so it’s only a matter of time for you. I’ve only seen that a ton of times. Allegedly.

            And speaking of which – was that little weaner nerd video with your dipshit narrative voice supposed to intimidate me? Was that a threat? Really huh? Are you threatening to shoot me here on TurtleBoy Sports in the comments? Please do continue on. Idiots like you are your own worst enemy. Video saved FYI sucker.

  • ZephyrCat
    February 12, 2017 at 5:32 pm

    He reminds me of Fatboy who wants his mommy in Shawshank Redemption. You know, the tubby newbie who squeals like a little girl right before the sadistic prison guard caves in his skull for good! Hello dirtnap! Anyway, the inmates are gonna run a train on Moose’s dirthole. Oh you fat fucker, shouldn’t have mentioned Karma!

  • BobnMic
    February 12, 2017 at 5:04 pm

    Damn, guess I’ve been exposed.

  • Road Warrior
    February 12, 2017 at 3:45 pm

    They will have fun with him in jail

    • Turd Burglestein
      February 12, 2017 at 4:58 pm

      Both the guards and the inmates.

    • Lt Dan
      February 12, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      Jail ain’t what it used to be. He’ll just PC himself with the rest of the skinners.

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