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It wouldn’t be a New England Patriots win if there wasn’t some nudnik sore loser out there complaining about it. After the Patriots beat the crap-happy Houston Texans 34-31 yesterday, some genius on the Texans named Antonio Smith thought it would be wise to give a giant rant about how the Patriots won because they cheated. Here’s what he said:

“I’m very suspicious. I just think it will be a big coincidence if that just happened by chance. I don’t know for sure, but I just know it was something that we practiced this week. I can’t tell you an example because it’s G15 classified. It’s a defensive thing that we might continue to use.

“When you watch film of the team do something a certain way all the time no matter what team they play—it’s been 12 games played and they always did it—and then all of a sudden it’s changed? It was pretty clever and pretty suspicious.

“You can tell they changed their scheme in the second half. It just seems miraculous to me how they changed some things on offense that keyed on what we put in this week to stop what they were doing. They did things they never did all year before. It was a specific thing that was important to what we were going to do today, as to how we were going to call the defense. We’d not ever did it before, and they never changed like that before. It just let me know that something wasn’t right.

“Tom Brady and Bill Belichick are among the best at their craft because they put so much into their craft. But you have to be a descendant of ‘Tonestradamus’ to know what we put in this week and to be able to then go change that fast. I got the only crystal ball in existence. I don’t know what it is. Either teams are spying on us or something’s going on.”

Huh? This guy isn’t serious right? I mean, it’s just gotta be spying, right? How else can you explain a 2-10 team with terrible coaching looking predictable and outwitted?

So let me get this straight – the 8-3 Patriots’ game plan all along was to spy on the 2-9 Texans, then disregard the advantage they got from spying and get the crap kicked out of them in the first half, then make a frantic second half comeback that required two Steven Gostkowski field goals from 53 yards to barely beat the worst team in the NFL, who they had no business being within two touchdowns of?

Thats what Antonio’s going with here?

I’m still waiting to see if Arian Foster throws a cream pie in Bill Belichick’s face and tells him he just got punk’d!!

So Smith is very suspicious because the Texans practiced all week and still couldn’t stop Tom Brady? Someone promote this guy to gumshoe because he obviously cracked the case. After all, any 2-9 football (who’s lost their last 9 games) can just come onto the field with arguably the greatest quarterback in NFL history and just stop him with a week’s worth of practice. It’s just that simple. And if they don’t stop Brady, well then obviously he cheated. Because Tom Brady is simply incapable of beating a 2-9 football team.

And I don’t know exactly what the G15 classified thing is, but if they continue to use it, then I would hope that their intention in doing so would be to tank the season to get the #1 overall draft pick. Newsflash dude: the play is G15 classified because it sucks. It’s so embarrassingly ineffective that even Wade Phillips wants no attachment to it.

Antonio just has me laughing the whole time though. A lot of people have accused the Patriots of cheating before, but this is by far the most hilarious accusation. At least the spygate people are working with some actual material. This guy’s whole argument is that they watched tape of the Patriots all year, made some adjustments to stop them, and then Brady made some counter adjustments to get by their G15 classified defense. Somehow this makes Antonio Smith suspicious. Halftime adjustments? What the hell are those?

“You can tell they changed their scheme in the second half.” 

I know right? Freaking weird. Probably should’ve just kept doing what they were doing since the Pats were losing 17-7. I love how Smith says that it was “miraculous” that the Patriots changed their offense once they figured out what the Texans were giving them on defense. He’s got a good point though. This is truly miraculous. Ranks up there with the best of em’ – Jesus rising from the dead, Moses parting the Red Sea, the Virgin Mary conceiving a child, and now Tom Brady figuring out how to beat the worst team in football. All of those are miracles. All of them.

To be fair though, he plays for the Texans so he’s probably never heard of a half time adjustment. And obviously Antonio Smith would be a lawyer or a doctor if he wasn’t playing on a losing NFL team, as can be seen with his mastery of the english language. “We’d not ever did it before,” is possibly one of the greatest phrases uttered in the history of the world.

Oh yea, and Tonestradamus, I know you’re trying to reference Rush Hour with the G15 comment. But, you guys messed that one up to. The term was G14 classified. Kind of like the number of losses the Texans are going to end the year with.

So what do you think? Did Belichick cheat? Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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