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  • Husky Welfare Walrus Begs For Food Stamps While Bragging About Gambling Winnings, Hoarding Jordans, And Dreaming About Snagging Himself An Ugly Sugar Mama

    If there’s anyone who could benefit from the refreshing gluten-free, non-GMO, antioxidant-packed, green tea-mango, hold the whipped cream, Pure Juz smoothie, it’s this husky fartbox.

    But, naaah, he’s too busy trolling for food stamps. Watch closely as we see the wild welfare walrus unsuccessfully negotiate for $500 in stamps.


    Meet Paul Fowler, who apparently likes casinos. Does Mohegan take stamps? Asking for a friend.

    Maybe next time you’re sniffing out some stamps on the Facebook machine, first envision what your stinky mug would look like in a Turtleboy blog and don’t do it. At the very least, don’t brag about your massive collection of Jordans, gambling winnings, fleet of vehicles, or brand new TV.

    But Pauly the Walrus is apparently a good friend to have because he’ll let you know where the best lobster deals are. 

    He’s also weirdly interested in throwing his man currency in the Chicopee lottery winner’s meat wallet.

    I just puked in my mouth. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she doesn’t want him in her box – inbox or otherwise.

    And in another totally not creepy turn of events, listen up all butt-ugly sugar mamas, this sugar baby has lowered his standards and wants to jump head first into that sandy cock holster- as long as you’re sliding dollars into his Iron Man underoos.

    Honest talk! FR FR 100! 100!


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    1. chrissy

      at first i fumed and got envious of all his casino winnings..

      then it dawned on me he is probably the next Steve Stephens (Facebook killer after he lost everything at the casino, “gimme my fries now I’m on the run” McDonalds drivethru walrus)

    2. Kevin Lynch

      I have 6 cents in my bank account but I’m available

    3. chrissy

      didn’t mean to sound racist, I just don’t know anyone other than they two that go to casinos

    4. They call me Ponch

      This has to be an isolated FS abuse story

    5. whatevuh

      Used car salesman? Lowest form of life on the planet. I know a cute little sewer guppy that might be looking for a date, she just got out . . . .

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