So we wrote sometime last week about how bullshit it was that the BAA wasn’t allowing bandits to run in the Boston Marathon this year. Basically bandits are a HUGE part of the Marathon tradition. The qualifying standards are so high that regular people from around here simply can’t qualify unless they quit their jobs and become full time runners. The only option is to raise money for a charity, but it has to be a pre-approved BAA charity, such as the Red Cross.
The problem with the charity route is twofold: 1) Only 39 cents of every dollar you raise for the Red Cross actually goes to charity. The rest goes to pay their CEO his million dollar salary. 2) You have to commit to raising $4,000 – $5,000. If you can’t raise that, you pay the difference. That’s a giant risk to take for a regular working class schmuck.
So without the bandit option the race becomes an exclusionary exhibition filled with carpetbaggers and really slow people raising money for “charity.” This year they were diligent in Hopkinton to check out every runner’s bib before they got on the course. No bib, no run. It seemed like they had found a way to end this great tradition. The marathon pastime was disrupted because of two asshats from Chechnya who somehow convinced the planners that 140 pound runners in short shorts were a security threat. The terrorists had won.
Or so I thought.
Turns out there are some sheisty and crafty individuals out there. Apparently the thing to do for bandits this year was to just buy your own bib number. Ya see a lot of people have been posting their bib numbers on Instagram and other social media outlets. All bandits had to do was just use one of those numbers. Since they didn’t have chips they wouldn’t disrupt the timing and everyone would live happily ever after.
No big deal right?
Well apparently this is the scandal of the freaking century. Evidently you can buy marathon bibs on Craigslist and EBay. Four people apparently did this and were outed by possibly one of the worst “journalists” of all time, some nudnik named Jon Gugala. Yes, Gugala.
Well apparently Mr. Gugala was inspired to publicly shame and encourage a witch hunt against these four individuals after reading a story in Runnersworld about a woman named Kara Bonneau from Durham, NC. She posted her bib on Instagram, and evidently someone out there printed multiple copies of that number and sold them on Craigslist to these four “criminals.” Bonneau only found out about this crime of the century after looking for her pictures online after the race and finding these four vagrants:
Notice they’re all wearing Bonneau’s #14285. Here’s why she was so upset:
“I was really upset because of all races, people work so hard to get into Boston,” Bonneau said. “I have friends who qualified but didn’t qualify by enough time so they still weren’t able to register for the race because it was full.”
Newsflash Kara, these four people worked just as hard as you did to get into Boston too. They didn’t take away anything from you or your friends by running. They didn’t have chips so they didn’t screw up the timers. They got their 50 cent plastic medals, just like everyone else did. They ran the 26.2 miles, just like everyone else did. They could have done the exact same thing on the sidewalk and it would have made absolutely no difference. The fact that you’re whining about this to Runnersworld has exposed you as a whiny, narcissistic marathoner who runs for the praise of her peers.
She wasn’t done:
“They took medals away from people that paid to be there,” Bonneau said. “It’s just not right.”
Hey idiot – they didn’t take medals away from anyone. There wasn’t a single person that crossed the finish line that didn’t get a medal. Obviously they make thousands of extras because they cost 50 cents and it’s the least they can do to guarantee you a medal after running 26.2 miles and coughing up the $200 entry fee.
And this genius also decided to share their pictures on Facebook and get a lynch mob together to find these four:
For the record I do realize the irony that TurtleBoy Sports outed Margee Pesikov, the girl who made the “Ten Things I Hate About Worcester” video. But there’s a huge difference here. Margee wanted to make herself a public figure because she posted a hateful video on youtube. These people ran 26.2 miles, and did so without any fame. They didn’t even get their names in the official records. They hurt absolutely no one and didn’t deserve this at all.
Based on the commenters you would think that they killed a littler of puppies along the way:
Yea, last year 3 people were killed at the Marathon, but THIS is the real outrage and disgrace. Priorities people. Priorities.
Newsflash: all four of these people beat you after starting behind you. They deserved to be there. You’re a carpetbagger from North Carolina. This race belongs to them, not to you Dixie raiders like you. Oh yea and guess what? They pay city and state taxes which went to the police, fire and other public services available that day. So they paid for the marathon simply by living here. Out of towners like you should probably pay more than Massachusetts residents.
She’s evidently very proud of what she’s done too:
But I’m willing to forgive her because she’s a whining carpetbagger from North Carolina who felt like she had more of a right to run the streets of Boston than these four people who live in Boston do. How do I know they live in Boston? Because the asshat known as Jon Gugala started a witch hun on his Deadspin blog:
So four runners decided they’d find alternative means of entry, claiming finishing medals that weren’t rightly theirs.
Why? Because they are probably bastards.
As for Bonneau, she’s shared the bastards’ photos through Facebook. They’ve gone viral, and Big River Running owner Matt Helbig, in St. Louis, Mo., says he’s circulated the picture of the woman wearing his store’s singlet to his employees and through their social media. “I can’t wait to give her a call and have some words with her,” he said.
If you have any information about these four runners, email email@example.com.
Ya see that? That’s what Deadspin calls “journalism.” That’s because the idiots who run that website are a bunch of pompous dooshnozzles who think they are God’s gift to the internet. Asking for people to email tips? I mean, do you think you’re the fucking FBI Jon Gugala? Yea, let’s just write an article that encourages vigilantism and labels four strangers you know nothing about “bastards.” Because that’s respectable journalism.
Also apparently a “bastard” according to this: Bobbi Gibb, Katherine Switzer, Sara Mae Berman, and any woman who ran the race pre 1971.
You know what else is respectable? Trying to get their former coach to feed him their names so he can publish them and send a lynch mob after them. After his vigilance society found out that the two men pictured were on Boston College’s track and country team this past season, he contacted BC’s Cross Country coach and Worcester native Timothy Ritchie. He failed to tell Tim that he was writing an article for Deadspin and that he was on the record, because that’s what you do when you’re not a real journalist:
Ritchie, who coached both athletes formerly, but not currently since they’ve turned to a life of crime, was aware of the situation. In sum, he says the two men were trying to raise money for a friend’s charity, “a good one, at that,” but by the time they would apply for set-aside fundraising bibs through the Boston Athletic Association, the deadline had passed.
Ritchie refused to give names, saying, “I don’t want to do anything that’s going to do anything to these two kids.”
With the BAA’s deadline past, that was the end of two men’s legal means. What they did next remains shrouded in mystery, but probably involves Instagram. “I have no idea,” Ritchie says. “I’m not in daily contact with them.”
Ritchie, himself one of the best half marathoners in the U.S., says he doesn’t know how many other runners were on the underground fundraising team, or if there were other runners with other counterfeit bibs.
“I know those two,” he says. “They’re awesome kids.”
Well, Jon Gugala has since started his own lynch mob against his source:
So let me get this straight. Dooshnozzle reporter calls up a coach to ask about kids he has no affiliation with any longer. The coach simply says that he, 1) knows them, 2) doesn’t speak to them anymore, and 3) think they’re nice kid to raise money for charity like this.
Well someone around here has to do some actual research, so we did some of our own investigating. We were unable to get a hold of Ritchie, but we were able to contact others associated with BC running. We didn’t ask for the kids’ names because quite frankly it doesn’t matter what their names are, and the people or person we did speak to chose to remain anonymous (for obvious reasons). We had two questions: 1) What they were raising money for, and 2) Why they didn’t just sign up since they could obviously achieve the qualifying time.
Well it turns out the thousands of dollars they raised were for a charity that wasn’t approved by the BAA. Ya see they only do business with scam agencies like the Red Cross, who pay their CEO’s exorbitant salaries and hardly give any money to actual charity. So these kids wanted to raise money for one of their former BC teammates’ whose whose two year old cousin died from a rare form of cancer. Since there isn’t much research into this form of cancer they wanted to raise money for R&D for it. Savages!!!
They didn’t sign up because they were not aware of this disease until a couple months ago – long after the deadline had passed for signing up for the race. So there ya go Jon – I cracked the case while riding a magical turtle in downtown Worcester. Wasn’t that hard either and it didn’t require a lynch mob.
But keep in mind, we are dealing with a real low life here. Gugala used to be a freelancer for several sites including Runnersworld.com. But at the 2012 marathon he repeatedly tweeted out things that even WE at Turtleboysports would consider sexist. All three sites he contributed towards ended their affiliation with him immediately since he was a giant embarrassment and a loose canon. But Deadspin will take anyone that can get you to click on their blogs by writing defamatory headlines, so he was right up their alley.
Oh yea, and did we mention that Deadspin wrote another column last November in which one of their bloggers told her personal story of banditting the New York City Marathon?
Or how about the fact that Deadspin is constantly writing articles encouraging people to smoke weed, including one entitled, “It’s never too late to start smoking weed.” Not that I’m judging anyone who smokes weed, but how can you honestly pretend to be outraged about people who are “breaking the law” by banditting a marathon, and on the other hand urge people to violate laws they personally disagree with?
Oh yea, and did I mention that Deadspin literally BOUGHT a Hall of Fame vote last year? They offered voter Dan LeBatard money to have their readers choose his ten Hall of Fame votes for MLB this year. I actually respected them for doing that too because I like it when stupid rules are broken. But apparently Deadspin is very selective in their outrage.
Or how about the fact that Jon Gugala completely missed the story about Dennis Crowley, who ran as a registered runner alongside his bandit wife? They ran last year together, but since she didn’t finish because of the bombings so she didn’t have a qualifying time for this year, and banditting was her only option. The husband and wife raised over $5,000 for charity, but some idiot named Kathy Brown snitched on them because…..well I don’t know why she did because it obviously didn’t effect her or prevent her from running. I guess she just felt like being a dooshnozzle.
Check out what other idiots are saying:
It’s not BLOODY stealing or fraud if the registered runners got to run AND got a medal too. It would be stealing if she was denied these things because of the bandits.
The only people who got sheisted here were the BAA because they didn’t get an entry fee from these four scofflaws. Of course none of this matters since the race had already reached capacity. So even if they offered them a million dollars to run, the BAA couldn’t accept it. And newsflash to the outraged: the BAA could have EASILY had a confirmation system at the start and the finish to weed out fake bibs. But they didn’t. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Gotta love how mad these people are getting about the “stealing” here. If people sneak into a movie that no one is at, it’s not stealing. Even in that situation you could make a case that the movie theater needs ticket sales to pay employees and run the theater. As we said before, paying was not an option for these people. This is the EXACT SAME THING as standing outside of a sold out football game at Auburn High School. There is literally no victim here.
Those people paid for those services whether or not these four people showed up though. They didn’t increase the cost of services, nor did they make the services less available to anyone else. What is it that these people stole from others? If someone steals my car I have no car. You can’t steal a marathon!!!!
Yes, that’s right, it’s not cheating – “Cheating is the getting of reward for ability by dishonest means or finding an easy way out of an unpleasant situation.”
They received no reward besides the 50 cent medal that they will shortly lose. My question is, what kind of grown ass man or woman gives two shits about a plastic medal? I mean, what will it do besides collect dust? Are you gonna put it in your trophy case? Even the fat bastard who got lost and finished in 8 hours got one, so it literally means nothing except that you finished the race. If you know you finished the race, why do you need a medal to confirm that?
And all these idiots are missing perhaps the biggest point – these 4 bandits RAN 26.2 MILES!!! They didn’t cut the course. They ran the same thing that idiots like Kara Bonneau ran. Unlike Kara though they didn’t do it so they could put their pictures all over Instagram. It was literally the most unselfish thing a person can do.
Oh yea, did I mention she was a Duke fan?
So I guess it’s not her fault. If you go to a school where your basketball coach is a narcissistic jagoff whose players never do anything wrong, you’re bound to be exclusionary by nature.
Check out this stooge’s rationale:
Hey moron – if I claimed to have been on the 71 Colts (how old are you by the way?) it could easily be disproven. There were 50-something guys on that team. And if I did start telling people that for whatever reason no one would believe me, because it’s not true. It certainly wouldn’t reduce anyone else’s accomplishments. These people took nothing away from anyone else by doing this.
The bottom line is this – any Tom, Dick, or Dzokhar could have pulled off this stunt. They didn’t benefit from it at all. They didn’t make the race any less safe since they didn’t carry a giant fucking atomic bomb with them for 26.2 miles. They didn’t take away anyone’s medals, no one got hurt, and their were no victims. All this was on the part of Jon Gugala was an attempt to further divide the “running community” from the rest of society. People like him and Kara think they’re God’s gift to fitness and should be put on stage for all of us to cheer them on. Well guess what? People don’t line the Marathon route to root for a bunch of carpetbaggers from North Carolina. They do it to support their friends, family, and other locals who are trying to prove that they can do something amazing for little or no reward. If it weren’t for the fact that a bunch of 20 somethings from BC could jump into this race we would begin to question why we go so out of our way to accommodate this race.
Punk ass kids running 26.2 miles.
Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.