Turtleboy Investigates

Jilted Braintree UNO’s Pooncake Employee Makes Viral Facebook Post About Being Beaten By Cook’s Baby Momma, Cockroaches In Food But Can’t Name Names, Takes Down Post When We Ask Her About It

Jilted Braintree UNO’s Pooncake Employee Makes Viral Facebook Post About Being Beaten By Cook’s Baby Momma, Cockroaches In Food But Can’t Name Names, Takes Down Post When We Ask Her About It

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Earlier today a billion people tagged us in this post:

Oh for fuck’s sake. It’s called enter-tab people! It makes paragraphs. You can literally write the same thing without giving me a popsicle migraine headache.

Anyway, the post is wicked long so here’s the tl;dr:

  • Chick is working at UNO’s Pizzeria in South Shore Mall in Braintree.
  • Cook is an asshole who takes forever to make food and has a tendency of spreading his seed around like wildfire.
  • One of cook’s baby momma’s picks him up outside of work every night, she makes him angry when he comes into work, and he takes it out on the staff.
  • One night she was getting into her car and baby momma came up to her, accused her of talking to “her man,” assaulted her to the point where her face was all black and blue, and got back into the vehicle and left.
  • She went back inside and her manager was too lazy to call the cops for her, so a coworker did instead.
  • While the cops questioned her the cook comes barging in and has to be restrained.
  • She was rushed to the ER in Weymouth and asked to do a lineup in the ER to identify the person who assaulted her, but she could not be 100% sure the picture she was shown was her assailant so the cops closed the investigation right then and there.
  • The victim was upset with the police response and she called this “disguising.”
  • The next day her GM had her working with the cook. She didn’t like this so she met with him but nothing was resolved.
  • Since they refused to fire him (because he’s so valuable and irreplaceable as a cook at a chain restaurant) the GM (her manager was now on a plane to somewhere) decided that their working hours would be split up so as to not cross paths.
  • Her hours were reduced from 30-45 a week to 14, and the more lucrative weekends were taken away.
  • As a result of this alleged mistreatment she is quitting and spilling the beans on her way out.
  • She claims UNO’s is infested with cockroaches, one of which was baked into a customer’s pizza skins. The customer somehow did not make a big deal out of it and Kristen took a picture in order to save it to the archives, just in case she wanted to have a good exit speech down the road sometime.

Here’s the pics she shared:

The post was shared hundreds of times within two hours, but all of this was posted without any context. We have no idea if that cockroach is from UNO’s in Braintree. We have no idea if she took the picture. And most importantly we have no idea who the cook was. So we messaged her to get more information…..

A couple of hours later and no response. Next thing you know the post was completely down….

And we probably won’t be hearing from her until we publish this blog.

So yea, gun to my head she’s obviously making this whole thing up for the following reasons:

  • She’s soooo pissed off about the cook, but she can’t say his name. I know when I make tell all Facebook posts I always make sure to protect the people I hate the most. Definitely.
  • She was beaten like the Norwood Spunktrumpet and yet she doesn’t want to say the name of the baby momma who did this to her. A name which she could easily find out by just asking around, since she comes to her work every single day to drop off the baby daddy.
  • The cops gave her a lineup…..in the ER! YYYYYEEEAAAAAAAA!!!!!
  • Once she failed to identify ONE PICTURE, the only time in the history of lineups that only one picture was offered, the cops closed the investigation right then and there. Just an hour or so after the assault. It’s not like a vicious beating was a serious crime or anything.
  • Despite being beaten to a pulp she was treated as the perpetrator by management while the baby daddy, who had to be held back by the cops, was rewarded with better working hours.
  • There is absolutely no way in hell a customer found a cockroach in their pizza skins and didn’t raise bloody hell.
  • The post is no longer there, and was taken down shortly after we messaged her and people started tagging Turtleboy. You only do that when you’re full of shit.
  • Pizzeria UNO’s is delicious. I refuse to allow myself to think that it’s infested with cockroaches.
  • Her entire story was one paragraph – the strongest evidence of them all.

So yea, Facebook court is officially adjourned. We find the plaintiff guilty of gross ratchetness and filing a false Facebook report. Case closed.

19 Comment(s)
  • Exterminator Bill
    January 5, 2018 at 7:50 pm

    I am an exterminator and I will confirm unit’s has roaches, little known fact in the pest community. Not all unos but just about every restaurant by the mall has it’s issues. Pretty common for restaurants in general. Sorry TB, not saying she’s not lieing about all of it but I would not be surprised if she found roaches in her food in that place

  • vicxh
    January 4, 2018 at 2:22 pm

    Would like a slice of that pie.

  • Whyyyyyy
    January 3, 2018 at 10:10 pm

    Sstg didn’t even try… why have the blogs been such disappointments lately? Tb is getting depressing to read…. but it’s like a car crash, can’t help to watch ugh

  • Shadey
    January 3, 2018 at 6:59 pm

    Aaaah the murderer himself speaks…..go back into your fucking hole.

  • Vladimir PutInAss
    January 3, 2018 at 10:35 am

    Fuk u Kevin Lynch. TBS is the Best!

  • Danza
    January 3, 2018 at 10:12 am

    100% would.

  • Kevin Lynch’s Sister-In-Law
    January 3, 2018 at 7:54 am

    I’m Kevin Lynch’s Sister In Law. I’m also known as “Alicia The Head Doctor”. You can read my blog on Backpage.com/Worcester. Hope to see you soon.

  • Bill Up Dolly
    January 3, 2018 at 1:19 am

    She should talk to a lawyer about being placed into a hostile work environment. Any experiecned maanger would HAVE NEVER put her in a line shift with this cook, if he was indeed, as angry as she claims. If the cops had to push him away from the office, if that is true, then he is a fucking nut loser. Something isnt right here. I get it, yous want to blast her for being a sky is falling chick. But come on, if those piscutres are sreal, this girl took some serious pounding. All the people we roast in articles that lash out with violence, but somehow this mad cook is ok to be fostering this shyt. Ever think, what the fuck he said to his “baby momma” that would make this skag bag jump this seemingly tiny chick? And we are also good with a single (sound slike she singles, maybe not, but it doesnt matter I guess), full time working mom, going to school, LOSING a major portion of her weekly caro? All so some freak probably lied to baby momma can kick the shyt out of her? If anything comes out she is lying, then so be it. Proof of roaches in Unos? ONLY YESTERDAY there was a picture of a cockroach in the Hennessey’s momma pad, did you call out major questioning with that wall piicutre when that one had a single roach walking across it? NO! lets get some consistency here. And before you retort, suck on this B====D Fxxn, fucking Blow up doll rapist! lol.

    • Finn
      January 3, 2018 at 5:45 am

      Bill Up Dolly,

      “Any experiecned maanger would HAVE NEVER put her in a line shift with this cook”

      If she was telling the truth about the cook then, any *experienced manager* (dolt) would have fired the cook. Dummy. But she’s lying. Show me a police report where this happened. You can’t because it didn’t.

      “I get it, yous want to blast her for being a sky is falling chick. But come on, if those piscutres are sreal, this girl took some serious pounding.”

      Yous? Are yous serious? That’s hardly a “serious pounding”. She has a shiner. I’m guessing if she REALLY got hit by someone, she would have dialed 911 HERSELF instead of taking selfies for Facebook. She had her phone – right? The safest place to be is to lock yourself in car and call 911 – not run back into a “hostile” situation.

      She became bored/displeased/fed-up (welcome to the real world) with her job and wanted some internet drama. However she was a bit hasty about it. She really didn’t think it through logically. That was clear when she couldn’t answer TBS’s simple questions and immediately took down her post.

      “lets get some consistency here” – yes, shall we? You both failed miserably and are “disguising”.

      Get Fucked,
      Finn

      • Married gets fucked when needed
        January 4, 2018 at 10:16 am

        Raise some points to consider. Looked into it. IM asked – she went back in and didnt make a stink, becuase she figured arsehole mamanger would do the right thing, and would not do sometin like put her back in crazy range of the cook. Didnt want to be the bitchy pump. What u think calling cops to work would have done? She wanted to carry on, again, not knowing she would be turned on by her employer. When hours got cut, after having been in the situation, then she call Unos out. Makes sense here. Wasnt a selfie for shyts & giggles, it was for evidence she said. Obvious youll minimize her injury to fit your argument, but no one, let alone a hard working momma, should have to endure an injury like that. Funking kill me, I say again, hard working mom, single mom confirmed, two jobs, full time classes, scholarships, solid arrest-free family. And youre siding with the slim scabie cook and his psycho gravy dumpster? Funking sad. also not reported, slim scabie cook sells rocks, one of the reasons he’s hyped up angry all the time (using own supply) and his baby momma is always at his work, looking for nuggets before he decides to ever go home. Think for self man, Turtle world needs critical analysis not mindless bloated minions in the shell. NExt thing youll be baciong up DiDi to prove a point JRKOFF lol

        • Finn
          January 4, 2018 at 12:23 pm

          Kristen (we all know it’s you),

          This one is going to be an easy. 🙂

          “she went back in and didnt make a stink, becuase she figured arsehole mamanger would do the right thing, and would not do sometin like put her back in crazy range of the cook.” — Failure 1

          Instead of a “hostile” environment, why not go directly to the police?

          “Didnt want to be the bitchy pump.” — Failure 2

          If someone beat me up – I’d be a bitchy pump (whatever that is). If she didn’t want to be a bitchy pump – why did she put out her PSA?

          “What u think calling cops to work would have done? ” Failure 3

          They would have investigated her claims immediately, perhaps even arresting her assailant.

          “Wasnt a selfie for shyts & giggles, it was for evidence she said.” — Failure 4

          The police have cameras for that. It’s kinda their job.

          “And youre siding with the slim scabie cook and his psycho gravy dumpster? Funking sad. also not reported, slim scabie cook sells rocks, one of the reasons he’s hyped up angry all the time (using own supply) and his baby momma is always at his work, looking for nuggets before he decides to ever go home.” – Biggest Failure

          This in a clear example of a false dilemma fallacy and an ad hominem fallacy. That is, if we don’t believe Kristen, then we must be siding with the cook. Sorry – doesn’t work that way. The cook never gave his side – I have ZERO opinion of him. Also, verbally attacking the cook proves nothing about the truth or falsity of Kristen’s claims.

          Lastly, if Kristen makes an accusation, it’s her responsibility to provide proof in support of that assertion. She can’t say something happened until someone can claim it didn’t. Just because there is no evidence presented against something, it doesn’t make it true. Pictures without witnesses, names, etc. is not proof. She got caught lying.

          This was almost too easy, dummy. Go to school.

          Suck It,
          Finn

  • Steven Stover
    January 3, 2018 at 12:25 am

    I see that Early’s office hacked this site. When I tried to comment it would take me to another site. Early and Brett Dillion both need to go.

  • Kevin Lynch
    January 2, 2018 at 11:43 pm

    Your stories are becoming more juvenile. LMAO!!!

    • Finn
      January 3, 2018 at 12:00 am

      Kevin Lynch,

      So are your pickup lines. Wanna “Rock the house?” Dink.

      Fondly,
      Finn

  • Kevin Lynch
    January 2, 2018 at 11:40 pm

    Desperate for stories? My sister n law posted the story about the dog 6 hrs before you did. You STEAL all your stories. Your connect in Auburn police station gets you first dibs on a few wire stories.

    TBS is FAKE NEWS. I know you can read my comments before you delete them; you COWARD.

    • Finn
      January 3, 2018 at 12:03 am

      Kevin “Murderer” Lynch,

      The amount of times TBS goes to your rag : 0

      The amount of times you (the cowardly killer) goes to TBS : >= 100 times a day

      Still Laughing,
      Finn

    • Zach
      January 3, 2018 at 12:35 am

      Yeah..wow.. this is pathetic. Clearly in favor of the offending side. Uno is disgusting. I bet you do love Unos…seeing as cockroaches are morbidly in favor of cannibalism. checking the Public record: Braintree municipal license and inspection dept( health dept) has sited them multiple times in the past. Poor girl was attacked and because shes not giving YOU (you) names.. youre discrediting her? Foul. People like you are the reason this world is the way it is. Good people suffer because of the slanderous slimey mentally ill ones such as yourself.

      • Finn
        January 3, 2018 at 10:14 am

        Suck it Zach,

        “Uno is disgusting. ”

        Don’t work there and don’t eat there. Problem solved.

        “Poor girl was attacked and because shes not giving YOU (you) names.. youre discrediting her? Foul.”

        Poor girl posted her stupid mug for the world to see and made a number of accusations. When asked to back up with proof – she went awol (rather quickly).

        By the way, just because there are roaches at Unos, doesn’t make her story about getting jumped in a parking lot true. God, you’re stupid.

        “Good people suffer because of the slanderous slimey mentally ill ones such as yourself.”

        Only the dumb ones. Like you.

        Bite Me,
        Finn

    • Phil Simms Sucks
      January 4, 2018 at 4:37 pm

      Murdering Kevin Lynch,
      Go back to bouncing on that 9 iron that you’ve got shoved up your ass I hear that sometimes you actually stick the whole bag of clubs up your ass and jump around.
      BTW, go floss, too. You’ve got a pube stuck in your front teeth.

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