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As a UMass man, Turtleboy is a huge fan of Antonio’s Pizza. The fact that it’s not only in Worcester, but also serves booze and calzones on top of their world famous pizza by the slice, is almost too good to be true. That’s why this tweet offended us so much:

When you steal a half tray of pizza from Antonio's last night #whosemans pic.twitter.com/bE9z0D7a7C

— Lil Pho (@SBRubey) September 9, 2016

What a moron. Not only is he an assbag for stealing food and thus driving up the price that everyone else has to pay, he was dumb enough to post it on social media for the world to see. Smart move. Sure he could’ve just eaten his stolen pizza, which he clearly has had enough of over the years, but instead he had to gloat about it and now he’s busted on Turtleboy. And just in case he smartens up (which I highly doubt he will) we screenshotted it for the archives:

According to whoever runs the Antonio’s Facebook page they have identified the perp and his name is “Rubey.” They’ve offered to call it even if he brings back the tray.

I dunno if he’s gonna be able to, because according to the Twitter machine he is very busy looking fresh out the coke house:

Looking fresh every day because really really fresh out the coke house

— Lil Pho (@SBRubey) September 9, 2016

Not sure what that means, but it sounds important.

He also may not be able bring the tray back because he’s busy taking a “trap nap”

Just woke up from a trap nap

— Lil Pho (@SBRubey) September 8, 2016

Which may or may not be a nap with a trap queen.

Or he might not make it in because he’s got a very productive day planned:

What a beautiful day to watch tv and do nothing all day because you're a hungover scumbag with no life smfh

— Lil Pho (@SBRubey) September 5, 2016

And I literally have no clue what this means either:

My g where that trash at I need a come up. Sorry your brother is a bitch ass nigga though https://t.co/QzWyBEqPPL

— Lil Pho (@SBRubey) September 8, 2016

But he might’ve thrown the tray in the trash? I dunno. Not sure. Turtleboy does not speak ratchet.

Anyway, from the looks of it he responded after Antonio’s outed him, and he’s agreed to return the tray:

See, this is why a Turtleboy would fail within weeks. We’d be so bad at customer service. It’s just not what we’re good at. Being able to laugh something like this off and call some guy who stole half a pizza and a tray a “great customer” is just not something we are capable of doing. This is why Antonio’s is gonna survive for a long time. Because when you steal from them they compliment you. It’s got a very “what would Jesus do” ring to it.

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