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We found the most magical redneck you will ever read about in the Tuanton Gazette today. Excerpts are in italics and our rational thoughts follow in bold.

It was late Tuesday afternoon when Edward Filipiak took down his two Confederate flags. One was sharing a pole underneath an American flag in his Myricks Street front yard, and another was flying under the same setup in his backyard. That left another half-dozen flags, among them POW/MIA and Taunton’s Liberty and Union, to flap in the breeze.

But after sleeping on it and giving it plenty of thought, Filipiak reversed his previous conciliatory gesture. Within a day and a half of his taking down those symbols of the long-gone Southern Confederacy, they’d been hoisted back up their respective poles.

“The more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got,” he said.

Filipiak had taken down the Confederate flags after being informed that Taunton City Councilor Sherry Costa Hanlon had expressed outrage that at least a handful of Taunton-area homeowners were flying or displaying an image that many Americans view as synonymous with anti-black, pro-slavery sentiment.

He wasn’t happy about removing them from public view, never mind that there’s been a national backlash against displaying the so-called “Blood-Stained Banner” ever since a white 21-year-old man last week shot to death nine black men and women inside a church in Charleston, South Carolina.

Filipiak insists the easily recognizable Confederate States flag canton — with its blue-saltire, diagonal cross and 13 stars — has never represented anything to him other than what he calls a “Southern attitude” of good manners and fair play.

Oh OK. Well, as long as that’s all that flag represents to him, I guess that’s all that matters right? I’m gonna go hang a Nazi flag in my front yard because to me it represents good German sausage and love of the fatherland. Sure, the confederate flag represents treason and state’s rights to enslave black people. But as long as Ed Filipiak chooses to interpret it in his own delusional way, it doesn’t really matter what it REALLY stands for.

“You hear ‘yes sir and yes ma’am’ more times in a few minutes down there than you do in a year up here,” the 60-year-old Baltimore native said.

Yea, who cares if they participated in the biggest genocide in the Western Hemishpere’s history, started the deadliest war in American history because they didn’t feel like paying for labor costs, and then instituted 100 years of illegal systematic oppression? None of that stuff matters because they end every sentence with “yes ma’am.”

He’s also bothered by the number of flags of other nations that he claims he sees in front of houses nowadays.

Oh sweet Jesus. Yea, waving the flag of the nation of your origin is MUCH worse than waving the flag of a treasonous group of assholes and pussies who surrendered because General Grant shoved his boot up their ass.

And people around here NEVER wave the flags of other countries in government sanctioned celebrations:

Dora Filipiak describes her husband as “the most patriotic man I’ve ever known” and notes that they have a son who is in the Army National Guard.

Patriotic. Right. Because nothing says “patriotism” more than proudly waving the flag of a terrorist group who declared war on the United States and got their asses kicked. 

She said she recently invited a black friend over to the house. When the woman’s boyfriend saw the Confederate flag, Dora said he was somewhat taken aback.

Ahh yes, the “I have a black friend card.” Is that you Old Balls? Yea, that will tend to backfire when you invite him over for dinner and he’s greeted by a confederate flag on the lawn. You know, because of the slavery and all. 

“He says: ‘Does he (my husband) have an issue?’ I told him, ‘Hell no.’”

I believe her. Eddy has no issue with black people. His issue is with mental health, because apparently he thought it would be wise to hang a confederate flag on his front lawn and then invite his token black friend over for dinner. 

Filipiak also claims the Civil War was less about slavery, which he described as “a popular issue,” and more about states’ rights.

LOL. This is my favorite argument from morons who think they understand history. “States rights.” Yes, indeed the Civil War was largely an issue of states rights. Particularly the right of individual states to enslave black people due to a misplaced belief in racial superiority. Besides that you’re spot on. 

In all honesty, I’ve read a lot of people defending the confederate flag in the north, and I just don’t get it. But this guy takes the cake. It’s like, if you live up here, you should HATE that flag. Imagine going around waving the flag of Al-Qaeda after 9/11, except much worse. If you were alive and living in Massachusetts 150 years ago, and you got drafted, which you almost definitely would have been, there’s a really good chance some redneck from Alabama would gut you to pieces to honor that flag. And here you are in Goddamn TAUNTON acting like that flag somehow represents you. 

We get it dude. You’re a Republican. Big deal, lots of normal people are Republicans. But this is just such a stupid, stupid issue to hitch your wagon to. Take a deep breath and let it go, because just like that imaginary country which never existed, that flag is done. 

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