This is Nick Torresi from Methuen.

Nick is yet another in a long line of Internet creeps who sexually harasses strange women via Facebook. Usually how this works is one woman comes forward and posts the screenshots of him trying and failing to lay the pipe, and it turns into a #MeToo rodeo where women come out of the woodworks to share their creepy screenshots. It began with this one.

If “come over” doesn’t get on a complete stranger to come to your house and slobber on spam javelin then surely saying, “you’re a queen” will get her to give in.

Right on cue dozens of chicks started coming forward with screenshots of their own.

This dude’s got tons of game and no shortage of effective lines in his bag of tricks. Lines like “good morning muffin”

“Let me buy you dinner”

“Dope as fuck”

I want you to meet met at bar and maybe suck this dick, I promise I’m huge”

Ya know, she was probably on the fence about meeting up with this total stranger at a bar and promptly going to town on his bologna baton like a melting ice cream cone on a hot summer day, but then he mentioned how large his womb broom was and figured that would get her panties too wet to resist.

“Ur cute so lets be friends”

“You’re sexy I want to date you once”

And he cares not that you have a boyfriend because he makes pancakes and waffles and thought you were single now even after being told explicitly that the woman he’s sexually harassing has a boyfriend.

Pictures of pot and money that he found on Google.

“I told u I got inheritance right?” never fails either.

All you gotta do is just blow him until his parents croak and the investment pays for itself.

“Leave your door unlocked and I’ll massage your ass and then fuck it while you watch stranger things” is a classic.

But shockingly none of them ever seem to work, which is why he has to photoshop women into his vacation pics on Instagram.

Seeing as he is a psychopath and a pathological liar I have a hard time believing he’s some high end realtor, but that’s what he’s going for on social media.

But as it turns out he’s actually listed as a realtor on Homes North’s website.

He also claims to be a MMA fighter with a record of 0-0.

I too am a MMA fighter with a record of 0-0.

Sadly he also appears to have a son who’s featured all over his Facebook and IG pages, including vacation pics in Disney World.

It was also soon discovered that Nick is a recurring candidate for political office, and recently ran for Governor’s Council in 2018.

But that wasn’t his first run. In 2016 he ran for state rep against incumbent Linda Dean Campbell as an independent.

However, his campaign was derailed by a factual reporting of his criminal past by the Eagle Tribune.

A candidate for state representative has a criminal record that includes assaulting his pregnant ex-girlfriend, serving two months in a New Hampshire jail in 2012, and planting a fake bomb at Methuen High School while he was a student there. Nicholas Torresi, 26, of Methuen and an amateur mixed martial arts fighter, is running as an independent candidate for the 15th Essex District state House seat held by Democratic state Rep. Linda Dean Campbell. The district includes most of Methuen and parts of Haverhill. In an interview Thursday, Torresi said he is a very different person than he was when those incidents occurred. And he asked voters for a second chance.

“I understand I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my past, but I think I’m a better candidate than Linda Dean is for the district,” he said.

Sure, he’s been arrested for planting a fake bomb, and served time for beating his pregnant ex-girlfriend, but he’s a far better candidate than Linda Dean Campbell.

When it comes to the issue of abortion he’s neither pro-life nor pro-choice. He’s “pro-abort that fucking kid or I will punch you in the ovaries.”

Torresi served two months in Rockingham County Jail in 2012, and was on probation for two years after he was found guilty of three counts of simple assault and one count of criminal threatening. The charges stemmed from his assault on a pregnant girlfriend who had refused to have an abortion, according to court documents. Three other assault charges and one count of criminal threatening were continued without a finding. In late 2011 after a breakup with his then-girlfriend, a Derry resident, Torresi was arrested in New Hampshire on three separate occasions, according to police and court records. 

Torresi and the woman, who was pregnant with his child, got into an altercation in a car while driving to Parkland Medical Center in Derry on Nov. 14, 2011. Torresi was driving the woman to the medical center for an ultrasound when they got into an argument about her refusal to have an abortion. According to the report, Torresi threatened to kill her if she had the baby and punched her in the stomach. When they arrived at Parkland, he grabbed her and pulled her out of the car. The altercation continued until a medical center security guard arrived and told Torresi he had called the police. Torresi left, hitting the woman with his car door multiple times before driving off.

The woman filed a report with police on Dec. 17, 2011, a few weeks after Torresi turned himself in, saying he had left an obscenity-laden message on her voice mail and posted messages about her on Facebook. She thought those actions violated a no-contact order that was a condition of his release on bail from the assault arrest. He turned himself in to Derry police again on Jan. 30, 2012, on a warrant for stalking. That charge was continued without a finding.

I for one am shocked that this guy has a past history of stalking and using social media to smear his victims. Although I think the real mystery here is how any woman has ever slept with him ever. How the fuck does someone with his game actually succeed on more than one occasion?

He’s also been arrested for DUI pot.

He also was arrested on Nov. 8, 2011, in Londonderry outside a 7-Eleven for driving under the influence of marijuana, possession of marijuana and reckless operation of a vehicle. Torresi pleaded guilty to reckless operation, and the drug charges were dropped, according to court documents.

Do you understand how stupid and high you have to be to get a DUI for pot? It’s the easiest thing to hide and it really shouldn’t impair your ability to drive too much. Then again, this is the human we are dealing with.

Nuff said.

He has a perfectly reasonable explanation for the bomb hoax though.

In 2007, Torresi said he was responsible for a bomb hoax at Methuen High School, and according to a Derry District Court document, Torresi left high school because of the bomb incident. Methuen High students had weathered numerous bomb threats and calls during the 2006-2007 school year, including the fake bomb left at the high school on March 16, 2007. 

“It was a fake object,” Torresi said Thursday. “I put no one at risk. It was very stupid.”

It was fake. Linda Dean Campbell would’ve left a real bomg.

Somehow he got 36% of the vote despite all that.

Two year later he made the run for Governor’s Council, which is the most important elected position you’ve never heard of before. The 8 members are responsible for confirming lifetime appointment to all judges in Massachusetts. They alone can remove judges as well, which never happens. All 8 members are currently democrats, and if you win the democratic primary in your district you are pretty much a shoe-in to get on. So he ran as a democrat against incumbent Elieen Duff, and accused her of being hostile towards catholic judges, because a man who tries to force a woman into having an abortion and punches her until the baby dies, is in a position to judge the morality of someone else.

He had a lot of really convincing reasons to vote for him though, such as “no one else is doing it”

“I just believe there should be a new person in office and no one is willing to run against her,” Torresi said. “I think I need to stand up for those who are democratic who do not support her.”

He’s big into “supreme fairness” and other meaningless cliches.

Torresi said he considers his political views “in the middle” but said they align more closely with the left, which is why he decided to run as a Democrat in this race.  The candidate said he was the right choice for voters because he “will do all I can to ask every question possible” and will exercise “supreme fairness.”

“I will leave no rock unturned,” he said. “I will be above and beyond for this job.”

And he assured the general public that his days of beating pregnant women and planting fake bombs were sooooo 2012.

When the crimes were first reported, Torresi said he was a very different person than when they had occurred. On Tuesday, Torresi said the days of “getting in trouble are long gone.”

“I have nothing to hide from anybody,” he said. “I’m not going to generically win everybody over with one smooth sentence in the paper.”

He also says he’ll sit down and talk with anyone in the district.

Torresi added that he was happy to “sit down and talk personally” with “anybody in the district.”

Preferably he’d like to talk to you in your house while making pancakes and rubbing your ass.

Eileen Duff didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

Duff said her opponent “hasn’t been at any of the events” and said she doesn’t “know what he stands for.”

“I know he’s had his own personal run-ins with the law and that’s basically all I know about him,” she said. “But I know he’s not out there working hard but I am, and hard work is something I’m not afraid of.”

Not sure where he stands on the issues, but I do know he has a gargantuan sized cervix scraper.

Somehow over 20,000 people voted for this individual in the democratic primary.

Mandy was right.

This was a good story for Turtleboy.

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