Methuen Meat Maestro Who Ran For State Rep And Governor’s Council Attempts To Bang Dozens Of Strange Women By Sexually Harassing Them With Tall Tales About Girth, Gets Called Out For Criminal Past


This is Nick Torresi from Methuen.

Nick is yet another in a long line of Internet creeps who sexually harasses strange women via Facebook. Usually how this works is one woman comes forward and posts the screenshots of him trying and failing to lay the pipe, and it turns into a #MeToo rodeo where women come out of the woodworks to share their creepy screenshots. It began with this one.

If “come over” doesn’t get on a complete stranger to come to your house and slobber on spam javelin then surely saying, “you’re a queen” will get her to give in.

Right on cue dozens of chicks started coming forward with screenshots of their own.

This dude’s got tons of game and no shortage of effective lines in his bag of tricks. Lines like “good morning muffin”

“Let me buy you dinner”

“Dope as fuck”

I want you to meet met at bar and maybe suck this dick, I promise I’m huge”

Ya know, she was probably on the fence about meeting up with this total stranger at a bar and promptly going to town on his bologna baton like a melting ice cream cone on a hot summer day, but then he mentioned how large his womb broom was and figured that would get her panties too wet to resist.

“Ur cute so lets be friends”

“You’re sexy I want to date you once”

And he cares not that you have a boyfriend because he makes pancakes and waffles and thought you were single now even after being told explicitly that the woman he’s sexually harassing has a boyfriend.

Pictures of pot and money that he found on Google.

“I told u I got inheritance right?” never fails either.

All you gotta do is just blow him until his parents croak and the investment pays for itself.

“Leave your door unlocked and I’ll massage your ass and then fuck it while you watch stranger things” is a classic.

But shockingly none of them ever seem to work, which is why he has to photoshop women into his vacation pics on Instagram.

Seeing as he is a psychopath and a pathological liar I have a hard time believing he’s some high end realtor, but that’s what he’s going for on social media.

But as it turns out he’s actually listed as a realtor on Homes North’s website.

He also claims to be a MMA fighter with a record of 0-0.

I too am a MMA fighter with a record of 0-0.

Sadly he also appears to have a son who’s featured all over his Facebook and IG pages, including vacation pics in Disney World.

It was also soon discovered that Nick is a recurring candidate for political office, and recently ran for Governor’s Council in 2018.

But that wasn’t his first run. In 2016 he ran for state rep against incumbent Linda Dean Campbell as an independent.

However, his campaign was derailed by a factual reporting of his criminal past by the Eagle Tribune.

A candidate for state representative has a criminal record that includes assaulting his pregnant ex-girlfriend, serving two months in a New Hampshire jail in 2012, and planting a fake bomb at Methuen High School while he was a student there. Nicholas Torresi, 26, of Methuen and an amateur mixed martial arts fighter, is running as an independent candidate for the 15th Essex District state House seat held by Democratic state Rep. Linda Dean Campbell. The district includes most of Methuen and parts of Haverhill. In an interview Thursday, Torresi said he is a very different person than he was when those incidents occurred. And he asked voters for a second chance.

“I understand I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my past, but I think I’m a better candidate than Linda Dean is for the district,” he said.

Sure, he’s been arrested for planting a fake bomb, and served time for beating his pregnant ex-girlfriend, but he’s a far better candidate than Linda Dean Campbell.

When it comes to the issue of abortion he’s neither pro-life nor pro-choice. He’s “pro-abort that fucking kid or I will punch you in the ovaries.”

Torresi served two months in Rockingham County Jail in 2012, and was on probation for two years after he was found guilty of three counts of simple assault and one count of criminal threatening. The charges stemmed from his assault on a pregnant girlfriend who had refused to have an abortion, according to court documents. Three other assault charges and one count of criminal threatening were continued without a finding. In late 2011 after a breakup with his then-girlfriend, a Derry resident, Torresi was arrested in New Hampshire on three separate occasions, according to police and court records. 

Torresi and the woman, who was pregnant with his child, got into an altercation in a car while driving to Parkland Medical Center in Derry on Nov. 14, 2011. Torresi was driving the woman to the medical center for an ultrasound when they got into an argument about her refusal to have an abortion. According to the report, Torresi threatened to kill her if she had the baby and punched her in the stomach. When they arrived at Parkland, he grabbed her and pulled her out of the car. The altercation continued until a medical center security guard arrived and told Torresi he had called the police. Torresi left, hitting the woman with his car door multiple times before driving off.

The woman filed a report with police on Dec. 17, 2011, a few weeks after Torresi turned himself in, saying he had left an obscenity-laden message on her voice mail and posted messages about her on Facebook. She thought those actions violated a no-contact order that was a condition of his release on bail from the assault arrest. He turned himself in to Derry police again on Jan. 30, 2012, on a warrant for stalking. That charge was continued without a finding.

I for one am shocked that this guy has a past history of stalking and using social media to smear his victims. Although I think the real mystery here is how any woman has ever slept with him ever. How the fuck does someone with his game actually succeed on more than one occasion?

He’s also been arrested for DUI pot.

He also was arrested on Nov. 8, 2011, in Londonderry outside a 7-Eleven for driving under the influence of marijuana, possession of marijuana and reckless operation of a vehicle. Torresi pleaded guilty to reckless operation, and the drug charges were dropped, according to court documents.

Do you understand how stupid and high you have to be to get a DUI for pot? It’s the easiest thing to hide and it really shouldn’t impair your ability to drive too much. Then again, this is the human we are dealing with.

Nuff said.

He has a perfectly reasonable explanation for the bomb hoax though.

In 2007, Torresi said he was responsible for a bomb hoax at Methuen High School, and according to a Derry District Court document, Torresi left high school because of the bomb incident. Methuen High students had weathered numerous bomb threats and calls during the 2006-2007 school year, including the fake bomb left at the high school on March 16, 2007. 

“It was a fake object,” Torresi said Thursday. “I put no one at risk. It was very stupid.”

It was fake. Linda Dean Campbell would’ve left a real bomg.

Somehow he got 36% of the vote despite all that.

Two year later he made the run for Governor’s Council, which is the most important elected position you’ve never heard of before. The 8 members are responsible for confirming lifetime appointment to all judges in Massachusetts. They alone can remove judges as well, which never happens. All 8 members are currently democrats, and if you win the democratic primary in your district you are pretty much a shoe-in to get on. So he ran as a democrat against incumbent Elieen Duff, and accused her of being hostile towards catholic judges, because a man who tries to force a woman into having an abortion and punches her until the baby dies, is in a position to judge the morality of someone else.

He had a lot of really convincing reasons to vote for him though, such as “no one else is doing it”

“I just believe there should be a new person in office and no one is willing to run against her,” Torresi said. “I think I need to stand up for those who are democratic who do not support her.”

He’s big into “supreme fairness” and other meaningless cliches.

Torresi said he considers his political views “in the middle” but said they align more closely with the left, which is why he decided to run as a Democrat in this race.  The candidate said he was the right choice for voters because he “will do all I can to ask every question possible” and will exercise “supreme fairness.”

“I will leave no rock unturned,” he said. “I will be above and beyond for this job.”

And he assured the general public that his days of beating pregnant women and planting fake bombs were sooooo 2012.

When the crimes were first reported, Torresi said he was a very different person than when they had occurred. On Tuesday, Torresi said the days of “getting in trouble are long gone.”

“I have nothing to hide from anybody,” he said. “I’m not going to generically win everybody over with one smooth sentence in the paper.”

He also says he’ll sit down and talk with anyone in the district.

Torresi added that he was happy to “sit down and talk personally” with “anybody in the district.”

Preferably he’d like to talk to you in your house while making pancakes and rubbing your ass.

Eileen Duff didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

Duff said her opponent “hasn’t been at any of the events” and said she doesn’t “know what he stands for.”

“I know he’s had his own personal run-ins with the law and that’s basically all I know about him,” she said. “But I know he’s not out there working hard but I am, and hard work is something I’m not afraid of.”

Not sure where he stands on the issues, but I do know he has a gargantuan sized cervix scraper.

Somehow over 20,000 people voted for this individual in the democratic primary.

Mandy was right.

This was a good story for Turtleboy.


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35 Comment(s)
  • Ovary Puncher
    January 28, 2021 at 2:30 pm

    Kid was a psycho when we were younger. None of what he has done shocked me

  • Bill Belichick
    January 18, 2021 at 10:46 pm

    He just Not a Big Game Player.
    Can’t close the deal for a win.
    It was a personnel decision.
    This guy couldn’t make the Taxi Squad.
    We had to let him go.
    There is nothing more to add
    We are moving on to Cincinnati

  • Nick Torresi
    January 16, 2021 at 4:12 pm

    My cock is 2 inches. From the ground!!! Jealous???

  • The Background Heckler
    January 15, 2021 at 10:54 pm

    Does he have a tiny forehead, or a really weird hairline, or both?

  • Where did my Facebook account go?
    January 15, 2021 at 10:49 pm

    This tool got 20k votes because he was running against a Democrat. No one who knew anything about him voted for him, and he still got 20k. Every vote only because he was not the Dem. Trump won huge.

    • Julia McDermott
      January 18, 2021 at 1:54 pm

      Um…huh? He ran Dem, what are you talking about?

  • photoshop
    January 15, 2021 at 8:57 pm

    He’s not photoshopping women into his vacation pics, he’s photoshopping his head onto other peoples’ pictures. I wonder if the Oxford dictionary considers photoshop as a verb. I’m not checking either.

  • XavierParas
    January 15, 2021 at 8:24 pm

    This guy couldn’t get laid in a whorehouse with a fist full of $50’s.

  • Brett Kavanaugh
    January 15, 2021 at 6:35 pm

    My best bud!

  • Guinea Geisha
    January 15, 2021 at 5:07 pm

    If this guy sees pussy ever again… it’ll be in the mirror.

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      January 15, 2021 at 5:24 pm

      And you my dear win the internet today….brava!

      • Guinea Geisha
        January 15, 2021 at 9:06 pm

        Awwwe… thanks luv. Your kind words have cheered me up immensely. Today I was rear ended by a man with no penis. He came out of nowhere 🙁

  • Margaret Sanger
    January 15, 2021 at 5:06 pm

    I usually tell mostly black mothers about my clinic. I should have let this mans mother about my clinic as well…

    • The good old days
      January 15, 2021 at 5:09 pm

      Hitlers was better for the human race.

  • WOP
    January 15, 2021 at 5:04 pm

    WOP – With Out Penis. Those who brag about size usually are lacking.

  • Antonio Maserati Jr
    January 15, 2021 at 5:03 pm

    I’ve partied with Nick he gets more sss than a toilet seat

    The only problem is all the ass he gets are black men

    He’s a queer he only trolls for women to try to fool himself into thinking that he’s Bi

    The only woman he ever fucked was his sister

  • Bobo Olsen
    January 15, 2021 at 4:58 pm

    It reinforces the stereotype Italian men no matter how hideous they are and this asshole looks like he climbed out of a dumpster think they are gods gift to women

    And methuen is the asshole of Ma.

  • Sluts have standards too
    January 15, 2021 at 4:56 pm

    I have serious doubts that this guy has ever had consensual sex without money involved. Sluts have standards too.

  • Gunny
    January 15, 2021 at 4:51 pm

    Nick is obviously a real greaseball

    However gunnery sargeant Hartman would not have looked down on him

    Because there was no bigotry in his beloved Corp

    He did not look down on n!ggers spics kikes wops or greasers

  • Man who talks about dick size
    January 15, 2021 at 4:51 pm

    Man who talks about dick size. Usually not always fits into two categories.

    1 – Gay. Pillow biter.

    2 – Virgin. Last pussy they were in was their momma when they were born.

    • Julia McDermott
      January 18, 2021 at 1:58 pm

      You forgot the #1 rule. Men with big dicks almost NEVER mention their dick/dick size.

  • 20,000 votes
    January 15, 2021 at 4:47 pm

    20,000 votes doesn’t surprise me in this liberal shit hole full of dumb fuck voters in Massachusetts.
    What surprises me is that this dick head didn’t win.
    Massachusetts elected Charlie Faker, twice. Think about that for a moment.

  • Height is 0 0
    January 15, 2021 at 4:45 pm

    Height is 0 0 ? Height of dick? 0 feet 0 inches. Slick.

    • Dean Wormer
      January 15, 2021 at 9:14 pm

      You have misquoted me. It’s Mr. Blutarsky. Zero POINT zero.

    • Nick Torresi
      January 16, 2021 at 6:40 pm


  • Pubic hair or Photoshopped Girth?
    January 15, 2021 at 4:43 pm

    Girth? Does he photoshop that too? Who knows. Nor do we want to know. Could be that he thought he had a pubic hair until he started pissing out of it.

  • Luke Skywalker
    January 15, 2021 at 4:31 pm

    Thanks for making the rest of us look real good, asshole.

  • capone181
    Ted Kennedy
    January 15, 2021 at 4:08 pm

    This is what happens to people who jerk off with a mask on.

    • JFK Jr.
      January 15, 2021 at 4:54 pm

      I have an open seat on my airplane. It’s a one way trip if this woman harasser is interested in joining my mile high club. Unlike viagra, my airliner doesn’t stay up for longer than 4 hours.

  • Frankie Junior Roast Beef Salemi
    January 15, 2021 at 3:20 pm

    Bitch slap dis fugazi

    • Francis S
      January 15, 2021 at 8:13 pm

      Figure out how to spell his name right you stunard. Cadillac Frankie was a stand up man. read up on him. When Connoli arested him in NYC he didnt rat……I am going to send him a few bucks to his canteen. YOU should too….

      • Frankie
        January 15, 2021 at 8:30 pm

        Worst thing to happen to him was to meet Flemmi growing up in Roxbury. Flemmi bought that Southie Rat Bulger into the mix. The southie scum, the ones who are political, suck. All RATS. Dont believe me? read the history. Only an idiot got stuck in southie, in the projects. Pieces of chit. Frankies family all ended in Weymouth where they prospered.

  • Lou Skuntz
    January 15, 2021 at 2:42 pm

    Fuckin greaseball

  • Cock Gobbler
    January 15, 2021 at 2:36 pm

    “I want you to meet me at bar and grab sometimes and maybe suck this dick”

    LMAO best pickup line ever

    • Cat couldn’t scratch it
      January 15, 2021 at 8:27 pm

      He must be the guy who writes the spam ema8ls I get for ED drugs.

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