Morons Who Saved Stranded Shark In Chatham Deserve To Be Eaten By A Shark

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Yesterday on a random beach in Chatham a 7 foot great white shark was stranded, and for some reason was rescued by some local do-gooders:

OK first things first. Whoever started off filming this vertically should’ve been immediately fed to the sharks. Human existence has no use for people who haven’t figured out that you’re supposed to film horizontally. Plus, it’s only matter of time until they get eaten by a wild animal anyway.

Secondly, why is it always Chatham? There are 16 towns on the Cape, and the one that seems to be infested with these beasts year in and year out, is Chatham. You have all these geniuses sitting there cheering on this man killer, and presumably they plan to go BACK INTO the water at some point during their vacation. That is insane.

Screen Shot 2015-07-14 at 1.55.32 PM chatham-white-shark Stranded-Shark CJ0sxN0WsAAj-K1

Which brings us to our next point – why the hell are we saving dumbass man killers? Do you think if a shark saw you struggling against the current 50 feet from land, that they’d come together and say, “better help this guy, he might drown!!” No, they would eat you for second lunch and fight for the bones.

I’m sorry but that shark was simply not meant to live. Why do you think he was by himself? Because he’s a moron with no friends who was abandoned by his family. There was only so much food to go around and they had to ditch someone. So one of them said, “Hey is that Brittany Spears?”, and the dumb shark looked in the direction they were pointing, only to find out when he turned around that he was all alone. Because he’s a moron. And in the animal kingdom, morons are supposed to die. We can’t be fucking with nature like that. You have to let it take it’s natural course. And natural selection has clearly chosen this particular shark for an early death.

Imagine if we decided to release Aaron Hernandez from prison because we felt bad for him. The first thing he would do is find a gun and kill you. This is what transpired in Chatham yesterday – they took a dangerous killer and put him back in his habitat so he can kill again.

The least they could’ve done was slap him around a little bit. Have some old Italian guy pull up a beach chair, blow cigarette smoke in his face, and tell him to get the message out to all the other sharks – if you come near the land, we’re gonna fuck you up.


And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – it’s time to start hunting the seals. This is why sharks are here. Because women think seals are cute. Granted they are, as this video of a bunch of seal pups being playful while their mom gets them food illustrates:

But the fact of the matter is that those things are shark bait. I just hope the next person who gets eaten by a shark is one of these geniuses who kept this killer alive and has a “save the seals” bumper sticker.

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32 Comment(s)
  • simko
    October 1, 2016 at 8:19 pm

    Why dont u piece of shit just shoot yourself fukkn idiot?! I will do it next time when i see you, and why not?! Moral is irrelevant, cause i act on the base of darwinism just like you piece a shit.

  • jeffrey Neal is a Giant Pussy and a Dangerous Person
    July 16, 2015 at 12:29 am

    Turtleboy it s time for Jeffrey Neal to go away. Can that be done from your end?

  • jeffrey Neal is a Giant Pussy and a Dangerous Person
    July 16, 2015 at 12:26 am

    I will not threaten you but as sure as shit I would love to. I am way more smarter than you to do that you fucking loser imbecile. I got you so bad fucktard and you still want to dance you idiot mother fucker? All I got to say is wow. And Gonewest if you back this fool, then by all means fuck you too.

  • Jeffrey Neal is a Giant Pussy and a Dangerous Person
    July 15, 2015 at 7:23 pm

    Hey there Gonewest. Read his post to me on the Red Sox pink hats post and you tell me if I am out of line. The asshole threatened my life and all I did was call him as much of a dick wad at best that he truly is. I actually doubt that he is a lawyer that was previously posted because a real lawyer would not put so much to risk to be such an asshole on this blog.

    • TurtleBoySpurts
      July 15, 2015 at 9:41 pm

      Yes, Gonewest, he’s a girly man, for sure. What a fucking pussy! He’s probably afraid of his own pecker. He’s really an embarrassment to the rest of you Turtles. You guys should flush him.

  • Shit on Sharks!
    July 15, 2015 at 11:04 am

    Jeffery Neal is a total pussy! I’d love to meet up with him behind whitco!

  • Shit on Sharks!
    July 15, 2015 at 10:43 am

    All the people bitching and moaning about this blog need to get a life! Bunch of whining pussies! STFU and complain about something with complaining about! Like how fucked up the county is and how politicians are bending you over daily. Get a life!!!

  • Frogshit
    July 15, 2015 at 6:03 am

    I’m not swimming in that ocean…. Fish fuck in it!

  • HeatherLyn
    July 14, 2015 at 11:29 pm

    now if we just threw some of them smelly hippies out there, there’d be no problem now would there?

  • Wabbitt
    July 14, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    Calm down folks. He was just delivering a candygram.

  • The Philistine
    July 14, 2015 at 9:37 pm

    White Shark will barely ever bother with man. A Bull or Tiger Shark? You are done.

  • Coco
    July 14, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    The fact of the matter is the seal population on the outer cape is exploding! Seals are a protected species that eat 150 -200lbs of fish per day, subsequently decimating the commercial as well as sport fishing industry in the area, not to mention shitting and pissing all over the place. With that being said, White Sharks love eating baby seals and travel to the Cape for the annual buffet. The Feds protect both animals but the sharks are the only defense that the fisherman have against the seal population. Kill all the seals and the sharks will find someplace else dine…. Just a thought

  • oneopinion
    July 14, 2015 at 8:46 pm

    If I were there I would have tried to put it back in the water too. Although I,think i could have done it in less time than this group. Sharks breathe by moving, not getting spritzed. Good effort all

  • John
    July 14, 2015 at 8:18 pm

    How is it that some grizzled local didn’t carve this thing up for shark steaks and bait before the summer people came along and let their hearts bleed all over the stranded predator on the beach?

  • TMnT DEK
    July 14, 2015 at 5:18 pm

    Unbelievable, but two kids shot in Worcester goes under the virtual rug. Has it really gotten to the point that we appreciate animal (fierce man-eating fucking fish) lives over humans?

    You 60 some percent are sad! But we can agree to disagree. I’m having his cousin fir lunch just because of this. Shark steaks anyone?

  • Clive's not racist, just ask him.
    July 14, 2015 at 5:03 pm

    If it wasn’t Shark Week last week, then no one would have given a shit enough to save the damn thing. Everyone’s a fuckin marine biologist after shark week… Reminds me of Costanza when he saved the whale.

  • Frogshit
    July 14, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    WTF! Has the world gone mad???? IT’S A FUCKING FISH! Have any of you fucking tree-huggers ever been on a fucking fishing boat? STOP watching the fucking do-gooders on the Discovery channel! These fucking fish are man-eating predators! They prey on human flesh! They love to eat little fucking kids at the beach during the summer! It’s like going to a fucking picnic for them! Wake the fuck up!

    • Lighten Up Francis
      July 14, 2015 at 5:37 pm

      Good lord, man, get hold of yourself. Conservatives clearly do live in a constant state of panic and fear. It must be terrifying to live your life terrified. It’s unquestionably rooted in their biology, because nobody would possibly choose to be that way. The good news is, Science will someday find the Conservative gene, and with that, renewed hope for a cure.

      • Jefrrey Neal is a Giant pussy and a Dangerous Person
        July 14, 2015 at 9:57 pm

        Nice try Jiffy. We all know your rants. Keep it up.

        • Jeffrey Neal is a Giant pussy and a Dangerous Person
          July 14, 2015 at 10:03 pm

          Hey Jiffy. I’ve already talked to the police about your threat. I found out all of your info so if you want to continue to fuck with us on this blog then you are finished.

          • Jeffrey Neal is a Giant Pussy and a Dangerous Person
            July 14, 2015 at 10:09 pm

            I will back off as long as you will.

          • TurtleBoySpurts
            July 15, 2015 at 7:13 am

            Well, I’m not going to back off, fuckhead, so I guess you’re just going to have to finish me. Of course, I’m pretty sure that the “one phone call” you made was to your mommy. No doubt the rest of the Turtles are waiting with bated breath to see just how powerful you are. I’m betting you come up LOSER. Let’s dance.

          • GoneWest
            July 15, 2015 at 8:09 am

            I’m definitely not on Jeffrey’s side, but really? You already talked to the police about his threat? He doesn’t even know who the fuck you are. You seem to be the giant pussy.

      • Wabbitt
        July 14, 2015 at 10:02 pm

        You know, just because someone doesn’t want to get eaten by sharks, doesn’t mean they’re a conservative.

        But, of course, the easy solution to the issue is to not go in the ocean. Ain’t no sharks in Dead Hooker Pond.

        • mousy
          July 15, 2015 at 8:26 am

          Are you sure about that????

    • StellaJ
      July 14, 2015 at 9:49 pm

      Do any of these people eat seafood? Shellfish? Beef? Pork? Lamb? Put the shark down, cut it up and grill it.

  • TB
    July 14, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    Are you on drugs or something? Whats the point of this post?
    The longer I read your BS, the more I see you as a local wackjob, no better than your GF Eaton..
    Write about sports, seems its the only thing you know.

    • GoneWest
      July 14, 2015 at 3:51 pm

      You’re saltier than the Chatham waters

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    July 14, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    Can we toss in a few greasy seal like hippies to feed the great white “privilege” sharks? All purely symbolic of course.

  • Hoov
    July 14, 2015 at 2:15 pm

    Great Whites in MA typically leave you alone unless you give them a reason to bug you. They also hang out off the tip of Chatham because there are more grey seals there than anywhere else in New England. That’s why Chatham.

  • Rena
    July 14, 2015 at 1:50 pm

    Aw man, I totally disagree with you on this one TB. I don’t feel like going into the long-winded, factual-based rant of why we need sharks and the preservation of species, blah blah blah; so I’m just going to sum it up in two words: Because ecosystem, and science.

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