New Jersey Parents Arrested For Threatening Son’s Coach For Not Giving Their Crappy Son Playing Time

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Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook A Cresskill man who is a founder of a New York-based investment firm and the president of the Alpine Country Club and his wife have been charged with stalking for allegedly sending anonymous emails in an attempt to force a Cresskill High School basketball coach from his job, according to court papers.

David and Nanci Kushner, both 49, allegedly sent harassing emails to the varsity basketball coach, Michael Doto, and his employers over the course of two years, Cresskill police said in a criminal complaint.

And on Friday, the Tenafly police issued a news release saying that the Kushners had been charged with harassment related to “anonymous email correspondence” sent late last year.

In an interview on Friday, Doto said he had been forwarded emails sent to Cresskill school administrators and had received another email sent to his home account in March. He said that four letters “similar to the emails” were sent to his Cresskill house in March.

“It has been a scary experience for my family and I,” Doto said, declining to comment further.

Cresskill police said in the stalking complaint that the Kushners, who have a son who plays basketball for Cresskill High, allegedly used a “fake name” and the email address to communicate with school officials on four occasions from February 2013 to January this year “in an attempt to have him dismissed” from his position as a coach and a health teacher. They allegedly sent emails to Doto using another fake name and the email address, “with the purpose to annoy and create emotional distress,” according to the complaint.

David Kushner co-founded the Manhattan-based Paradigm Capital Group, a real estate investment and finance company, according to the company website.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, every single person who ever lived in New Jersey, ever:


They’re like the evil couple from every lifetime movie ever. Professional dooshnozzle investment banker husband. Trophy senior smokeshow wife. And there is a 99.9% chance their kid is the biggest asshole you’ve ever met. Most likely this kid just wanted to do what every kid from Bergen County wants to do when they turn 14 – get a blowout and start smoking blunts.

But Mom and Dad couldn’t let go of the dream so they made him play basketball. Then the poor coach gets stuck with this loser kid who can’t play and spends more time putting in hair gel than he does running suicides. So he benches him.

Next thing you know – boom – death threats.

This is why you’re insane if you wanna coach high school basketball or baseball or lacrosse or soccer in the burbs. You should never coach any sport that involves playing time at this level, because you can’t win. Everyone’s kid is the best at everything in these small towns. It’s unimaginable that another kid could possibly start over Junior.

At least coaching in college you don’t have to deal with the psychopaths known as “parents.” Picture someone calling up John Calipari and complaining that his kid is getting too much pine. LOL. That’d go over well.


But in a rich suburban town like Cresskill? These are the parents that are probably up their teachers’ ass every time their idiot son gets a C+ on a progress report. They became successful in life by working hard, but instead of raising their kid like they were raised, they just threw a bunch of money and a big screen TV at him and he turned into a junior dooshnozzle.

If you’re gonna coach high school sports it’s gotta be in the city. You can yell at them and swear all you want with no consequence. Because city kids aren’t raised to be delicate naniburgers. They grow up tough. Getting called a “fat piece of shit” doesn’t hurt their feelings because when they go home they play a game called “try not to get killed.”

You think parents in Patterson or Newark or Jersey City give a shit enough about their kids to care about how much playing time they’re getting? Nope. And even if they were mad they’re too lazy to make up a fake email address and start a campaign of harasment against the coach. More than likely they’d just yell at their stupid kid for being such a disgrace to their family.

I went to South High School, and a certain football coach, who shall go unnamed, once called me a “cunt” repeatedly on the first day of practice. He was also my social studies teacher, so class was interesting from that point forward. But no one complained to their Mommy and Daddy, because Mommy and Daddy probably would’ve told you to stop being such a little bitch about it. They understood what these suburban, everyone-gets-a-trophy parents don’t realize – the coach is always right.

It does bring up one question I’ve long pondered. I got Turtleboy Jr. over here and he’s two and half. When he goes to high school, do I want him to go to an inner-city school or a suburban school? I feel like if he goes to Burncoat or Doherty or South (North High is out of the question so long as Lisa Dyer is there), it’ll teach him about the world. He can learn how to interact with people who are diverse and he won’t grow up to be a little bitch.


But at the same time, some of these town schools got it going on. And I kind of want him to have it better than I did. You look at a school like Shrewsbury or Grafton. They’re Goddamn palaces. Everyone’s got an iPad, everything’s clean, the sports teams are all good, the arts programs are well-funded, etc. And the kids have way better parties in these towns because their dumbass parents leave them home alone while they go on business trips. Meanwhile we’re pounding Keystones at the Rez.

Then you look at my high school experience. We didn’t even have any Goddamn walls. Ya got that? No walls. Everything smelt like piss. Dumping during the school day was out of the question. The trenchcoat mafia were the only kids who did school play. There was no chorus. We sucked at every sport. Everything about my high school experience was ghetto-fied.

But I feel like it toughened me and all my friends up. We learned how to not be awkward around people of varying ethnicities. I had friends from every inhabited continent, and I busted all of their balls. I could rip on my Asian buddies for being Tiger Society rejects, and they could rip on me for being a cracker. When you grow up in a white-washed society, you don’t learn how to bust people’s balls. I saw it a million times in college. Suburban white kids who were oversensititve about race because they never interacted with anyone who wasn’t white before.

I don’t know if I want Turtleboy Jr to be THAT white boy. What should I do?

P.S. How is this senior smokeshow wife 49 years old, and bad does her husband wanna be Bradley Cooper?

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20 Comment(s)
  • Dinkleberg
    May 16, 2015 at 11:43 am

    you should prob find a nearby sharp object and literally go fuck yourself

  • Ross
    May 16, 2015 at 11:33 am

    for one who talks about douchebag parents and kids you take the cake. You talk about how you were raised in an environment that made you tough and not pampered like these suburban kids. I find this had to believe since your pulling the biggest pussy move there is. You sit on your computer throwing stones at people that can’t get back to you. You are a coward. You are so quick to criticize these people while in fact you are doing the same thing. While you write on this garbage website, that I’m surprised I even found, you are really attacking a teenage and a mother. That’s really tough of you. South high school really must’ve taught you well. Im not standing by anything done in this case but rather commenting on your terrible journalism skills. Furthermore if you want to write an article and talk about how these suburban kids are pussies and “everyone gets a trophy” first get your facts right idiot. This team full of suburban “pussies” won a group state championship while defeating many city teams along the way. FYI this loser kid did play as the sixth man on these team as a three point specialist. By no means was a benchwarmers but I guess to amp up your shitty article you will change around whatever you can.

    • Finnish Goalie
      May 16, 2015 at 11:36 am

      “that I’m surprised I even found”

      yeah, alright.

  • By-Tor
    May 13, 2015 at 9:51 am

    As far as youth sports go, it doesn’t matter. Burbs, or cities like Worcester. It’s all about who you know, what tax bracket you’re in, or who might be able to hand you favors in the future or have done so in the past. Politicians and lawyers are running the majority of youth sports league in this city , and it’s easy to see when decisions are made in concern to certain leagues and in concern to what kids play here or there. Most parents can’t say a thing , mainly because they don’t have the same pull as the people in the tight knit group that control most of what goes on.
    Like Chris said, sticking to the more ” modest income ” towns might help in situations like this. Worcester tax brackets can run from the top of the food chain to the bottom, and it’s exploited and used to an advantage in most cases. Unfortunately, it involves kids just looking to play.

  • Joe
    May 13, 2015 at 8:32 am

    As hot as his trophy wife is, you know he has an apartment hidden away in the city where he pounds a different 20 something every week.

    • Nowyouknow
      May 15, 2015 at 1:02 pm

      Hey joe,
      And I bet she has some better looking hot young 20 something guy on the side giving her the time of her life as well…two can play at that game;)

  • Chris
    May 13, 2015 at 8:22 am


    I don’t think it is a problem of suburban or urban but we just went to school at a diffrent time. I was in school roughly the same time as you, but I was in one of the suburban towns. We had the same hard coaches that mouthed to us the same way. Heck, one of our coaches used to give the team “cup-checks” with a field hockey stick. I assure you, the entire team wore one after the first practice. The guy would be arrested for that these days, even at a dump like North.

    My vote is for the suburbs. As long as you stick to one of the more “modest incomed” (towns like Leicester, Millbury, or Auburn for example), your kids will get a very similar social experience. It is the choice I’ve made for my family, even as I type this I have another window open looking for houses to get us out of the city. I’ve never had much faith in the city’s schools (not meant as an insult to any alumni out there). I know that if my kids keep thier head down and thier nose in the books, they would do just fine in Worcester, but as a father I owe it to them to give them every advantage I can.

  • RJ
    May 12, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    80% of life is getting out of high school without herpes

  • TurtleBoySpurts
    May 12, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    Wow, more hating on the rich. First Clive’s ride, and now this. Your envy is showing, TB. I’m starting to think you’re actually a closet hippie. I don’t know about their son, because half of what was written here is just a fabrication of your imagination, but I’m quite certain there’s a 100% chance that Turtleboy Jr. will be the biggest asshole his classmates meet. It’s just genetics, you know.

  • Woo Best
    May 12, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    Oh, and the burbs schools because, you know, white privledge.

    (Seriously, would you want your kids friend’s dad to be the guy who is Managing Partner of Bain Capital or CEO of Get Down Productions when it’s time to apply tor a job?)

  • Woo Best
    May 12, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    She looks like that at 49 because looking like that is her only real job.

    She works out daily, has the best in facial treatments ( or maybe Botox or surgery) and the finest boobies that money can buy and eats only healthy, non-fattening food. (When she isn’t busy cyber-stalking public servants, that is).
    Not a bad gig.

    • May 12, 2015 at 5:27 pm

      I’ll give her the best in facial treatment.

      • TurtleBoySpurts
        May 12, 2015 at 5:51 pm

        And you wonder why Clive is the one driving a Mercedes.

        • RSoxGuy
          May 12, 2015 at 8:45 pm

          Cuz white privila.. ohh wait.

      • TurtleBoySpurts
        May 12, 2015 at 5:53 pm

        Now Ann Marie Bartlett’s going to feel left out.

      • Devils Mouthpiece
        May 12, 2015 at 10:18 pm

        Hell yeah, I’d hit that every which way to sunday!!!

        • BobnMic
          May 13, 2015 at 2:41 pm

          What’s COB’s infamous line?

          • BobnMic
            May 14, 2015 at 5:50 pm

            Oh I think I remember: “COB – I tongue punch her fart box!” Fucking love it.

    • Butt Head
      May 12, 2015 at 8:41 pm

      uhhhhhh eh heh heh , he said “facial treatment” ehhhh heh heh heh

  • GuidCouns
    May 12, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    My vote is for inner city. Both my kids went to Worcester Public Schools (BHS – graduated 2008; WTHS – graduated 2010). It is a great school system. Get your kid into sports; volunteer at school; know his friends & parents; and maneuver to have most sleepovers/hang outs at your house. It’s called good parenting……I bet your kid will do great in the WPS. You parent your kid already. No worries wherever he goes.

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