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There’s been a ton of controversy over the Colin Kaepernick Nike deal, and understandably so. A lot of of people think it was a bad choice, while others believe he is the second coming of Martin Luther King Jr. Both sides however are missing out on perhaps the biggest snub in the history of wokeness:
How do you not give this award to Maude the Fraud? She’s overcome more than Kaepernick could ever dream. She survived a 4 way gang rape, beat cancer, got moved around from school to school because everyone was so mean to her, dropped out of high school, broke 4 world records in the ultra marathon, then went on to win beauty pageants before resigning after bravely standing up to a #MeToo joke that literally gave me AIDS.
Is there anything she can’t do?
The reality is that Maude and Kaepernick are basically the same exact thing:
- Both of them were successful in their ventures at a young age (football, pageants)
- As both of them got older they became less relevant and pulled a stunt to attempt to remain relevant
- Both of them feigned outrage and raged against establishment with a meaningless protest
- Both of them were devoid of facts and knowledge about the causes they were pretending to care about
- Both of them tended to avoid speaking publicly about the causes they claimed to care so much about, and stuck to hashtags in order to get likes and retweets for their wokeness
- Both of them got pats on the back from CNN and other SJWs who were using them as pawns
- Both of them benefitted financially for their faux outrage
We hereby demand that Nike immediately appoint Maude the Fraud to be their new co-face of the Just Do It movement.