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Long before Busgate, back when Turtleboy Sports was just your average Worcester blog with a dream, we wrote a blog that got a lot of attention in Boston. The Boston Bruins had just lost a playoff game to the Montreal Canadiens on a P.K. Subban overtime goal. The next day it was front page new in the Boston Globe that 17,000 tweets contained the words “PK Subban” and “nigger” in them, largely because of this idiot from Montreal who said so on Twitter:

The Bruins were forced to give an apology the next day and Turtleboy was bullshit about it. First of all, there was no fucking way 17,000 tweets individual tweets contained those words. Wasn’t possible. And even if it was, what the hell does that have to do with the Bruins? Since when do teams have to apologize because of what people say on Twitter? How do we know these weren’t Montreal plants trying to make Boston fans look racist? That’s a move straight out of the Old Balls sabotage playbook 101.

So we did some research and we found out that there were exactly SEVEN people who tweeted those words. That’s it. Just seven. Only one of them was from Massachusetts, and he was the only Bruins fan. The rest were just your average social media racists. And everyone with a brain knows that you can’t control racist ding-dongs on social media. It’s like 12 year old kids who make viruses on all your favorite porn sites. Nothing you can do about it.

But the media got the 17,000 number because SOOO many people tried to publicly humiliate these people by retweeting them. We figured that’s what happened, but that’s because Turtleboy is a normal group of people who understand how the Internet works. But in a city that had busing riots 40 years ago, this lie became the truth.

Anyway, everyone knows the Globe is a joke. It’s like the Telegram on steroids. So we had to do research for them and we found out that these were the seven original racist tweets:

To prove our point we researched all seven of these poopsmooches. All of them were jokes. One of them was nicknamed “killer” and worshipped Donald Sterling. Another one was a Boston Marathon bombing truther. Some REAL winners in that group. Many of them have since deleted their Twitter accounts, but when you search for them on Twitter, their tweets still come up since they were retweeted so many times. One of them is Ryan Touchette, some Phillip Markov look-alike from Vermont:

Here’s a retweet of what this genius wrote:

Well, that’s not very nice. As you know, TBS is an anti-racist blog, so we frown upon language like this.

Anyway, since we were literally the ONLY site that reported this, we got a shitload of attention for it. Gerry Callahan and John Dennis got a hold of it and had a field day on their morning show on WEEI. They reached out to Turtleboy after that and we started giving them blogs as part of their “Prodcuer’s Blog” on WEEI.com. Then we did a podcast in the studio with Rob Bradford about how we got to the bottom of this.

A lot of you reading this are post-Busgate readers. This was pre-Busgate, so you might not be familiar. Because we were technically considered employees of WEEI by 98.5 The Sports Hub, their cross-street competitor, we were permanently banned from going on the Felger and Mazz show, which is why we use the name “Mitch from the Cape” when we call up now.

Anyway, this blog was long since forgotten until today when we received a magical email from Ryan Touchette, the Craig’s List Killer lookalike. As you know we get threatened with imaginary lawsuits on the regular, but this one was spectacular:

You know what we do around here now whenever we get an imaginary lawsuit don’t you?

I never get sick of these. This one was awesome for so many reasons. First of all his tweet was published in the Boston Globe, but somehow he thinks his racist tweet being on Turtleboy is his biggest problem.

And ummmm…you should probably just stop writing racist shit on the Internet brotha. The Internet is forever. Probably should go hide in a hole until 2023. Also, you probably should’ve thought about the wiseness or lack thereof of writing “Fuck you Subban you fucking lucky ass nigger” on one of the most trafficked websites in the world.

The best part is when he says, “I have teamed with 3 other people in which you also posted on this website. We have agreed and come to the conclusion that if you do not remove this post within the next 48 hours, we will be taking you to federal court, no questions asked.”

Where do we start with that one? How about the fact that him and his three racist buddies have “agreed and come to the conclusion” that they can tell Turtleboy what we can and cannot publish. Because obviously when four racist morons come together and reach a conclusion, it’s pretty much the new Ten Commandments.

Can I just say that I personally LOVE the timetable. Because 24 hours is rushing it, but 72 hours is way too long. He couldn’t let us off the hook too easy, but at the same time he wanted us to see his gentler side. Oh yea, and they won’t be taking Turtleboy to district or superior court – we’re talking FEDERAL court. Like, Tsarnaev shit. This is serious fucking business, but we should’ve realized that when we got an email from GLORiOUS BEATS.

I’m really looking forward to meeting this high powered team of lawyers, hired by a kid who was born in 1995, lives in Vermont, and works for some property maintenance company:

God I hope he hires Ted Wells. I can’t wait to give that fucker a piece of my mind. Like he said, he can even “email the list of lawyers” so that we realize he means business!! Because I’m sure his priced attorneys advised him to give us a warning email before the big lawsuit. And we’ll definitely know he means business after he emails us the names of four lawyers that he found on the Internet.

Lastly, how about that ending? They have Turtleboy on “invasion of privacy” and “cyber-harassment.” Ya got that? Because when we put a copy of his tweet that he voluntarily shared with the world onto our blog, that constituted harassment. And it DEFINITELY was an invasion of privacy, because everyone knows when you write something on Twitter, that’s pretty much as private as you get. LOL. And kids think old people like Turtleboy don’t understand how the Internet works.

So seriously Turtleboy Nation – on a scale of 1-10, just how fucked is Turtleboy Sports? Is this the end? Should we just settle out of court to avoid the inevitable?

Want to have your business advert seen by over 500,000 people per month? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

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