Mainstream Media Fails

Old Balls Tells Black People Who To Vote For Because White Guys From Sutton Know Best

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So we haven’t written about our boy Carlo “Old Balls” Baldino in a while, because we’re pretty sure he pleasures himself to Turtleboy when his wife Jocye isn’t looking. And by pleasure himself I mean clean out his ear wax and enjoy some tapioca pudding. Anyway, we couldn’t resist because Carlo actually went to the million man march down in Washington DC last weekend to see his hero the Minister Louis Farrakhan rail on about white devils. The best part about that is that according to Old Balls he was riding down there with some of his imaginary black motorcycle friends. I guess his imaginary friend Pasqualle couldn’t make it. I wish that were a true story because the thought of Old Balls holding onto a grizzled African-American biker for 500 miles sounds like the greatest thing I’ve ever heard.

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Anyway, he unleashed a real gem today in the Telegram in which he explicitly tells people of color who to vote for. Because no one is better suited to tell people of color who to vote for than a geriatric white guy from Sutton. His marching orders were clear – you will vote for people of color and only ONLY people of color. His reasoning for doing so was even more priceless:

It has come to my attention that some people of color feel they can only vote for one non-white person when they enter the voting booth. 

Ya got that people of color? Old Balls thinks you’re too dumb to figure out that you’re allowed to vote for more than one person who is darker than white. He thinks you walk into a polling place, grab a ballot, and think that you have to decide which black person you’re gonna vote alongside your slate of crackers. Luckily that is where Old Balls comes in. He is much smarter than you, and knows what is best for you. So you better listen up or he’s gonna call you a racist too!!!

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People of color need to vote for candidates of color. In the school committee election, the only person who fits this description is the incumbent Hilda Ramirez. In order to facilitate Ms. Ramirez’s re-election, it would be a good idea to cast a ‘bullet’ vote. That means voters don’t give other candidates a chance to garner more votes than the candidate they want elected. They cast one vote and one vote only, in this case for Hilda Ramirez. 

Wow. Tracy Novick and Jack Foley must be reading that and saying “What the hell Old Balls!!!??” They’ve had Melinda Boone’s back since day one. They’ve been kissing the Circlejerk’s ass since protesting became all the rage 10 months ago. And now they don’t get the Old Balls endorsement because at the end of the day they’re just a couple of honkies?? 

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In the at-large council race there are four candidates of color: William Coleman, Juan Gomez, Khrystian King, and Linda Parham. There are two running in district races: Sarai Rivera, Jennithan Cortes, and Cindy Nguyen. Voters of color could and should vote ONLY for these four candidates, with one caveat.

I love watching Old Balls tell people of color who to vote for. Nothing racist about a white land owner from a farming community telling urban minorities who they can and cannot vote for. Oh, you think Kate Toomey’s doing a good job and you wanna vote for her? Too bad she’s white. (P.S. Don’t tell Old Balls that Cindy Nguyen is on the Turtleboy ticket). 

What he doesn’t realize is that he just fucked over the hippies with this endorsement. All five incumbents on the City Council are gonna win. That leaves one spot for four people – Rob Sargent, Juan Gomez, Khrystian King, and Matt Wally. We’d endorse them in that order. Obviously we want Sargent, but a Wally win would be the most epic disaster of them all. He’s the choice of the urban hippie. After all, this is a guy who said this about the abortion that was the Department of Justice race discussions:

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Anyone who thinks those were productive is a moron. But according to Old Balls you shouldn’t vote for this hippie because he’s white. Nice going Old Balls. 

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The best was this part:

They should not waste a vote on Mr. Coleman, who’s also running for mayor, since he has no chance of winning that seat. They should vote for current Mayor Joe Petty, since the challenger, Michael Gaffney, would be Worcester’s version of Bull Connor.

LOL. Yea, don’t vote for the black guy because he can’t win. People of color should listen to the white guy from Sutton who is telling them to vote for the white entrenched machine politician because the black guy can’t win. Nothing racist about that Old Balls!!! LOL. What are you even talking about Old Balls?

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Keep in mind, Joe Petty, the only white guy he is telling you to vote for over a black guy, just had a $500 suggested donation breakfast with 46 dignitaries, none of which were black and 40 of which had penises:

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You’ll also notice that Joe Petty supporters are an extremely diverse bunch. LOL. I’m just kidding, they’re all white too:

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Anyone, it goes without saying that Old Balls is clearly off his meds and Joyce has taken him off his leash for election season. Because obviously if you are a person of color in Worcester you should vote for whoever you feel like will best serve you as an elected official. Voting for someone simply because of their racial makeup is a dumb thing to do. Hilda Ramirez is beyond incompetent and was on of Booneghazi’s biggest supporters. Since we all agree that Boone was the worst, voting for one of her enablers just because they’re not white seems like a really bad way to reform politics in Worcester. Don’t be like Old Balls. Vote the Turtleboy Ticket on November 3:

Mayor – Michael Gaffney

City Council – Michael Gaffney, Rob Sargent, Konnie Lukes

School Committee – Donna Colorio, Nick D’Andrea, Brian O’Connell

District 1 – Cindy Nguyen

District 4 – Jackie Kostas

District 5 – Gary Rosen

Everything else – Turtleboy

We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible: Wormtown BreweryUnion TavernScavone PlumbingMichael GaffneyBennie’s CafeCraftech RestorationJJM InsuranceSmokestack Urban BarbecueAttorney Michael ErlichH-S Trading FirearmsSmitty’s TavernJulio’s LiquorsHomeWarrantyReports.comThe Gun Parlor Range3B AutoPepe’s RestaurantFiresafe Chimney ServicesAttorney Anthony SalernoNorth End Motor SalesMass Fury

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15 Comment(s)
  • Larry Mondello
    October 20, 2015 at 8:31 pm

    Old Balls we hardly know ye. Move over bearded beer guy and nominate Old Balls as the new “Most interesting man in the world.” Here are some other facts and accomplishments of our beloved cultural warrior: Art aficionado. ACLU stalwart. Unsung hero of 1913 trolley car strike. Coined the famous saying “Once you go black you never go back.” Went six rounds with Stanley Ketchel in the Blackstone Barge Brawl of 1909 before losing by decision. When Ty Cobb came to Worcester for an exhibition Old Balls volunteered to sharper the Georgia Peaches’ spikes. Donned blackface and landed a part as an extra in “Glory.” Volunteered as a bow tie attendant for Louis Farrakhan during the 1967 summer of love. Honorary Scottish Highlander. Again, we are so lucky to have this guy. God bless Old Balls. God bless America.

  • Skeptical
    October 20, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    Turtleboy, this is an ad hominem fallacy. Simply because of who he is, does not disqualify what he says regarding whether or not white political leaders can serve any ethnicity other than Caucasians well.

    What would disqualify what he says is solid evidence that despite a leader being of an ethnicity other than Caucasian, that people of non-Caucasian descent are not served adequately well by said leader’s actions.

    Mind you, I am not defending this man, he also does not provide proof as to his claim that only people of color can lead other people of color. The burden of proof of any claim lies upon the claimant.

    That means both of you, equally.

  • RSoxGuy
    October 20, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    LOL looks like Old Balls got a bunch of his comments nuked off of his own clog! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. being such a high and mighty authority on the English language, you would think he could use some words that aren’t out of bounds or pure infantile insults when he claims to be soooo much better and more educated than everyone else in his all (W)hite town.

    Advice to Cowardly Carlo – Stop saying stupid hypocritical shit and people will stop calling you out on it. That way you wont get all in a tizzy when people embarrass the shit out of you.

  • TurtleBoySpurts
    October 19, 2015 at 10:59 am

    On the other hand, by logical extension of the premise of the article, Turtle Boy is eminently qualified to tell the ignorant, racist, white-trash Turtle victims how to vote.

    • Skeptical
      October 20, 2015 at 3:16 pm

      Actually, the extension would be Turtleboy is equally *unqualified* to do so.

      But you were on the right track. Sadly, you are once again not as clever or intelligent as you believe yourself to be.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      October 20, 2015 at 4:13 pm

      Except that TB is endorsing candidates and encouraging his readers to vote for them.

      Old Balls is flat out telling black people that they have to vote for minority candidates.

  • Haha
    October 19, 2015 at 10:29 am

    “People of color should listen to the white guy from Sutton who is telling them to vote for the white entrenched machine politician because the black guy can’t win.”

    You keep talking about how people from outside of the city shouldn’t be telling people how to run the city. However, there is zero proof you (or any that use the TBS name) live in the city. So, what is the proof you are a resident? If you can’t prove it then you have just as much of a right to talk about Worcester politics as Old Balls (hint – that would be none).

  • colleen
    October 18, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    This is not unusual behavior for a racist leftie….they scream discrimination at any turn but treat blacks like they are too stupid to get their own employment or get admitted to a college on their own (affirmative action) …and they believe they are too dumb to be able to get their own form of ID to vote. Old balls is also too stupid to realize that Jackie Kostas is a Peruvian immigrant who obtained citizenship in 2008….I guess you have to be the “right” color, as well.

  • Frogshit
    October 18, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    I’m the “Biker” that was bustin’ his balls and I played with him a bit. He thought we were buddies. Then, when I zinged his balls about Mosaic payin’for him and his old lady to take the jaunt to D.C., his fucking head exploded! Now I’m on his shit list and he’s gonna’ teach me a lesson! It’s like pokin’ a stick at a half-dead possum on the side of the road…. So much fun….. hehehehehehehe

    • TurtleBoySpurts
      October 19, 2015 at 10:52 am

      Haha, you’re not biker, Dougie, you’re a motorcycle rider. You’re exactly the kind of putz the HAMC boys sit and laugh at as your cruise through Laconia on a weekend excursion.

  • RSoxGuy
    October 18, 2015 at 11:22 am

    Who would have thunk it? The White guy who spews hate speech and cowardly lies about White people controlling minorities, is telling minorities how to vote from his %99.9 white, upper class, suburbanite home in Sutton.

    Much like his (losing) bet of “Mitt Romney’s $10,000” that he would win WoMag’s #1 blogger, he failed miserably and now claims that WIN is nothing to brag about.

    Typical Cowardly Carlo.

  • Coffee Turtle
    October 17, 2015 at 8:53 pm

    And now you wonder why I moved out of sutton.

  • Larry Mondello
    October 17, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    Old Balls is smarter than the average bear. A hard yet compassionate fellow with a rapier wit. Master of satire. Friend of the downtroden. Sutton’s venerable writer in residence. Democratic guru. All hail Old Balls for he leads us to our better selves. God bless Old Balls. God bless America.

  • ItsAllABadDream
    October 17, 2015 at 7:01 pm

    How does Old Balls not see how he’s exactly like the “hicks” he constantly criticizes. He claims we hicks act a certain way toward people because of their race and yet here he is telling people of color to vote for certain people specifically because of their race.

    His white guilt has caused his senility to take a caustic yet somewhat amusing turn. He’d be dangerous if he weren’t so transparent, but even those poor dumb black people who he feels need him to help them survive see how pathetic he is. No doubt they laugh their asses off at him when he’s not there. And probably when he is too, although he likely doesn’t see it. Too busy feeling great about how he’s supporting the stupid underprivileged who can’t do for themselves.

  • Maggie the Cat
    October 17, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    Old Balls is married to a black woman. Does he tell her how to vote? Or is she allowed to make up her mind on her own?

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